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Author: Subject: annoying church signs

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/1/2003 at 10:02 PM
Some of those signs border on condemning and judging people and other religions, which of course the bible tells you not to do. I saw sign in Gainesville (which has a very backwoods, Deliverance attitude) and it said something along the lines of "Believing Jesus isn't the son of god is like believing your better than god" or something really stupid like that. I was talking to my friend about this site and how we where discussing the signs and bumper stickers and it ended up evolving into and argument (well not really an argument, we both agreed) that the catholic church's attitude towards interpreting the bible is sort of like what they where doing around Martin Luthers time, but instead of keeping people from interpreting the words themselves by keeping the bible in Latin, the church is just sort of forcing there views down on people nowadays. Now I'm pretty well versed on the Catholic church's actions with Martin Luther, and his subsequent translation of the bible into German and mass production of it. But I'm not to sure about how there acting right now, (in fact I know about as much christian and catholic dogma as I know nuclear physics) but I'd like to post it as a topic under the religion section. If somebody could correct me or back me up so I know what I'm doing, I'd apreciate the help.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything.”
Faulkner

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 12:27 AM
I was reading the bruce campbell book , and the WWJD thing sparked a memory from that book of a bunch of gulf war soldiers hiding in a hole.

"there we were, the five of us in a godforsaken place, in a hole in the sand, missles going off overhead, scared to DEATH...until a tired voice in the back of our platoon questioned aloud 'I wonder what bruce campbell would do?'"

When I see WWJD I think (pronounced in the mexican HEYSOOS, of course) "take a fucking siesta, that's what"

Seeming how none of the bible was written with jesus as the narrator, you wouldn't know what he'd REALLY do, just what the apostles would IMAGINE he'd do.
He seems to be a pretty laid back, if misguided guy, if you ask me. What would he do? Kick up his sandals on that nice table he made when he was 10, spark up some of that fine middle eastern marijuana that I've heard my brother rave about, and say "can't we all just get along?"
It's a fine idea, this WWJD, mind you, but horridly horridly flawed.
I REALLY REALLY hate those jesus fish's with TRUTH written inside eating a darwin fish....truth...uh huh, if you say so. Whatever helps you get up in the morning.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 12:51 AM
I'll tell you what bruce campbell would do, he'd grab an S mart double-barelled shotgun, put some 2-stroke fuel in his chainsaw and bust some fucking Iraq ass. It would be all like, "Saddam, there is someone here to see you" and Capbell would bust out from a closet or some shit and kick Saddam in the ass and he'd be all "Swallow this you son of a bitch!" and pow mutha-fucka! Then he'd get covered in black goo, and Ted Raimi would show up for no reason. The end.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”

“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”

Faulkner

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 12:56 AM
Now that of course depends on what campbell youve got. If (this ones for the Bruce Campbell afiicianato) you got him during Brisco County Jr. then he'd have Bowler shoot his ass with that little blunder bust shotgun, and Bruce would go and steal Saddam's Orb, er um, Nuclear weapons.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”


“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. />
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat

anything.”


Faulkner

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 12:59 AM
By the way the last two posts where shameless grabs for attention from one Campbell fan to another, but If I've said it once, I've said a million timen I'm sad, lonely, and very, um, sad. I'll go now.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”

/>
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a
buzzard.
/>

Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat />

anything.”



Faulkner

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 01:46 AM
*Just strolls in and takes a big black marker and scralls all over the walls*
BRUCE CAMPBELL FUCKING ROCKS!!!

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Member




Posts: 79
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 01:53 PM
Well well, Schizo: If there is someone here who could turn into a fine Catholic that's you. I say so because you are ready to READ all that there is to be read to become a serious cath.
I have always thought the real problem with the hierarchy of my church is that our faith is so "universal", it has to encompass so many different people, that many times it seems contradictory. The Catholic church must have answers for the clever and the silly, the intelligent and the dumb, the unrest and the restful, the individualist and the gregarious and, why not to say so, the sheep and the shepard.
The real problem is there are SO MANY sheep, so many people who just want to be told what to do so they can follow those instructions and go to heaven, and so very little shepards that it seems that all Catholics do is follow orders when, in truth, it has one of the most advanced theologies of all Christianity (being modest). You just have to read the small writing in the documents, in the Cathecism, and specially remember the Straight Conscience thing (from Trent). Then you get to be what I consider a real Christian: one who thinks for himself AND hears the words of others who spend their lives trying to unveil God's will
I have read some things from pentecostal churches. They are biblically debatable, to say the least, but then again everything is.
As for the Mass in Latin, I am afraid we don't do that anymore since Vatican II but in special occasions and special churches. The closest thing I could offer you, and which I believe you would like almost the same, is the Taizé community (that's not a Catholic idea, of course). Take a look at www.taize.fr, believe you can download some music from there. If you are lucky and you go talk to the people in the Taize Welcome closer to you, you might even manage a free trip to France (if so get Easter so we can meet!!)

 

Member




Posts: 79
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 01:56 PM
Hey, Monolycus , actually Orthodox Catholics beat Roman Catholics by far when it comes to pomp and circumstance. My, I just love their ceremonies, they are so good to get a mystic mood!
 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/1/2003 at 09:31 PM
Of course if we are talking about the Bruce Campbell Xena period Bruce would have to pop off a whitty phrase while trying to steal Sadamms Nukes, but than have trouble with it, and suddenly be taken over by the spirit of Xena at which point he would do a Xena yell in a high squeaky voice, do a double back super high jump and then kick Sadamms as and take the nukes, all in time to get Xena's body back and safe from the evil gods....and Ted Rami would show up for no reason....

I spent a year teaching music in a catholic school. It was kinda fun to walk into school everyday with my pentacle ducked out of sight and teach music. I was surprised when in my fifth grade music class we were discusing the music of Hildegard of Bingen (The Hymns for the 11,000 Virigins of St. Ursula). While talking about St. Ursula and her martyerdom, one of my students raised his hand and asked "What is a martyer?"

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 9/1/2003 at 03:48 AM
Damn it Arthegarn! Why do you always have to tempt me with ways I can go to Europe! I know if I go I will never come back - I've had a love affair with Western Europe my entire life! But alas, I am a family woman, and while having a family brings a lot of richness to my life, it DOES restrict travel to the point that it's almost impossible.

*sigh* France...

I guess I kind of knew that Catholics don't really do Latin masses anymore. It's a bummer. Latin's so beautiful. And then I wouldn't have to listen to someone else preaching, just sit there and soak up the beauty and worship God according to my own conscience.

But I would never go to the Catholic church here in town. It's beautiful - all built of fieldstone, but 2 priests in the past, I don't know, 20 years or so, have been caught up in this whole sex-abuse scandal, and it kind of makes you feel creepy. Besides, it's such a small town that, if I once went to that church, the whole town would be gossiping about it for half of forever. Stupid small-town mentality.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 9/1/2003 at 04:09 PM
Not too long ago, I saw a sign that said "Knock it off -God"
A few things bothered me about it, though I did truly appreciate the creativity and tongue in cheek aspect of it. Was that sign telling us to knock it off or telling him?
The other thing that bothered me was, if it was "from him" the first time he told people to knock it off, he drowned 'em, I think he started burning them right around there...if this god guy wasn't such a dick, me and him would prolly get along pretty well.
In any case it took me almost three days of night-time ops to knock it down and burn it.

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/1/2003 at 04:08 AM
When I was a teenager, my church almost decided to paint on their sign, "Come as you are, go as He is." I was intensely relieved when they decided not to. Nothing like a trite and catchy oversimplification to blind the poor worldling's eyes to the vast complexities of near cultism lurking within.

It should have read, "Come as you are, go thinking you are as He is, and on the way, try to remember that our founder was a prophet and we should interpret the Bible exactly the way he said we should, even when it makes absolutely no sense."

Hey! That gives me an idea! We should get a law passed that makes churches post signs that ACTUALLY describe what they're going to be trying to teach you!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/1/2003 at 11:03 PM
Then wouldn't all the signs read, "Take the miss-translated words of a Roman family, alow a third party to preach it the way he thinks it should be interpreted, and hold these silly things as the utmost truth."

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”

/>
/>

“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a

buzzard.

/>


Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat />
/>


anything.”




Faulkner

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/1/2003 at 06:46 AM
Something along those lines, but a little more specifically tailored for each specific church. They all have their own weird twist.
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/1/2003 at 06:50 AM
Hooray!!! I'm a "fanatic" again! They changed the system while I was gone, and demoted me to mere "member", but I've regained my position! And how appropriate to become a "fanatic" in the religious forums!
 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/1/2003 at 01:30 PM
Anyone here seen the episode in which Homer thought God was a waffle stuck to the ceiling?

Homer wouldn't stop talking to the waffle and Marge walkings in saying "Homer, that's not god, that's a waffle Bart threw up there" and knocks down the sticky, disgusting, crust infested waffle with a broom into Homers hands.

She walks away and Homer looks at the waffle saying "I know I shouldn't eat thee but...", takes a bite from the waffle and says "mmmm, sacrilicious."

This thread reminded me of the episode.

 

____________________
but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
 

Fanatic




Posts: 344
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/1/2003 at 08:26 PM
just a random quote form Eddie Izzard "aww Catholicism the from the teachings of Cathol." (ok, now im just posting to see my count. Yes I remember Alone_Soul.)

 

____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 01:47 AM
Squire, you wanna talk pathetic, my idea of a good time is getting loaded and watching evil dead, evil dead II, and army of darkness all night...and i've done it too many times to count *lol* For real. Michael's concerned about me and my evil dead fixation....

"WE WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!"
*KABOOM*
"lady, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store"
"Who the fuck are you?!"
"name's ash. Houeswares."

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 02:19 AM
I'm not a smart man. I've never written the great American novel. I can't figure out the unified theory of physics. I have no idea what makes a toaster spring up, or how it knows when the toast is done. But there is one thing I know: Getting wasted and watching the finest movie trilogy ever created is not pathetic! Ignoring Bruce's natural good looks, those movies pack more fun, comedy, romance, inventive camera angles, and "hey, how many times has he shot that double barreled shotgun and not reloaded? like five" moments than any other films my puny mind can recall. I say super glue his eyes open and force him to watch the trilogy back to back, uncut, with the second AOD ending, for 7 weeks straight. Eventually he will either fall in love with Campbell and Raimi's masterpiece, or die of starvation and T.V. radiation poisoning. But thus is the sacrifices of the Evil Dead. Rock on, and remeber the right words!

P.S. Ted Raimi just showed up out of no where!

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
/>
/>

/>


“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a


buzzard.


/>



Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can
eat
/>

/>



anything.”





Faulkner

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 02:25 AM
And on the subject of pathetic lives, check my evenings: Go home, play GTA 3, pick one of Evil Dead movies and watch it (this of course can't be done with a friend, they will hit you for saying all the lines befores their spoken in the film), then log onto the internet and listen to the theme song to Cheers and try and find 8mm cameras on Ebay. Of course I go here for about 3 hours and write trite little comments to things I don't understand, and fall asleep with my cloths on. Sometimes I clean my guns. He he, just fooling guys, I clean them very rarely....

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”

/>

/>


/>



“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a
/>

buzzard.



/>




Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can

eat

/>


/>




anything.”






Faulkner

 
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