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Sticupus
Fanatic Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/12/2002 at 07:13 PM |
Recently, I came out to myself. I'm 18, and I am now accepting that I am
gay. Reasons being, I don't want to be gay- because my parents wouldn't
like it (I'm discovering that is not so simple), I will face ridicule, I
will be lonelier than ever, and I have lost control of myself (my
sexuality).
I have sexual and emotional attraction towards boys. I have some sexual
attraction towards girls. I have hundreds of personal reasons to be gay,
and I am happy with myself, and glad I can see/accept it. However, I have
only one reason to be heterosexual; It is socially accepted/expected.
For the last three years in high school, I have neglected my feelings and
my sexuality completely. I didn't have a sexuality, I didn't have an
orientation. I didn't date, and I didn't think about other people. I even
didn't think about myself.
I started to come around 6 months ago when I was at a summer program at
Savannah College of Art and Design, where I met my first boyfriend. The
first time I saw him, I was deeply attracted to him (he is very cute). (And
lucky for me) He was gay and very attracted back.
Oh well, it was short and intense, and I still talk to him. But this
unearthing of my dormant sexuality, set me in a new spin. I went from my
not being attracted to practically no one, to learning I am attracted to
guys.. Now I have thought about this deeply and read many articles about
the subject, and have came to the conclusion, that I am in fact gay
(regardless of some attraction towards girls), there are simply many more
reasons to be and a much stronger attraction towards guys.
Now how am I dealing with this? Badly. I myself am enthusiastic and content
with who I am, I have a better understanding about who I am as a person...
And have gotten over it and moved on. However, My family is still in my
life. I have a good feeling, even though I think they suspect, that they
will flip out in this discovery. They love drama- my mother will probably
cry and start calling relatives, then be bitter towards me for months. My
father may insist on throwing me out. One of my brothers probably won’t
care, the other one may get physically violent, possibly kill me in all
seriousness.
As of now, I am depressed and miserable, that I cannot share my emotions
and possible boyfriends with my family. At this moment I can’t bring some
one home and say “I would like you to meet ‘_____’, I care about this
person. “
I don’t know what causes homosexuality, as no one truly does, but I hope my
parents see it as a normal thing, not just a mistake on their part. In fact
I am the only child in this family that had kept up decently in school,
never drank alcohol, never smoked cigarettes, and never did any drugs. In
fact I have never had sex before! (all of those years of sexual neglect).
I’m a good person and a good son, I’m just afraid they will forget all of
that and see only sexual deviancy. See a faggot in their house, not their
child.
I’m tired. This is making me age through depression, anxiety, and even
thoughts of harming myself.
I don’t want to be alone, isolated, and miserable anymore. I have accepted
who I am, and I am a little happier because of that. But when will my
family accept me? What do I do with myself?
I have socially withdrawn from people at my school, mainly because of
shame., and my grades are dropping dramatically. This is ruining my life, I
need it all to just go away. I need to some how face it.
-fucking teen angst, Oh kill me... (this was posted on a gay teen angst web
site previosly, I thought I would share- and beacuse it took a while to
write, why not get the points?) ____________________ The OBOLISK is Divine. |
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Devin
Administrator Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 13/3/2003 at 12:20 AM |
This Thread is closed due to excessive shmeng flinging
Be nicer guys...
-Devin-
____________________ So Sayeth Me |
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Closetgothbabe
Member Posts: 189 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 10:50 PM |
Well for one we werent the only people that said something.......and if I
am to give him the respect of a private message with my problem with him
then maybe you should take your own advice and send me one if you have a
problem with me. I like him and did send him a message before I ever posted
anything. We still talk now on AIM, but I still stand firm in my beliefs.
Maybe what she said wasnt nice but I dont think she really meant it to hurt
him. I didnt see you saying anything to him when he was in the wrong in
other forums. I dont know and dont really care anymore Im over
it.......moving on now! ____________________ Guns are good, Guns are great...Kill the people that you hate! |
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 10:36 PM |
This isn't fun, nor easy. I need to reflect and sort myself out. Now is the
time; I am a teenager. Better now then when I'm 30, wouldn't you think so,
Mono?
The problem here is, little one, that you are not actually trying to sort
yourself out. You are trying to sort everyone else out in relation to you.
You think, “Oh, god, I’m gay, I can’t stand it” one
day. The next you’re “Oh, god, I have a hot boyfriend, you can
all kiss my ass.” Petty whining, or self-aggrandizement, with very
little self-reflection in between is all I ever see from you.
I think it would be far better to reflect on all of this when you are
thirty once you have some life experience and have perhaps gained
perspective.
What would be best now is to stop trying to make everyone accept you. Guess
what, the world will not accept you. Your wrong, everything about you is
wrong, you’re a queer, and a faggot, and a drama queen, so in the
world you will find few friends.
And before you launch on and on and one about how I don’t understand
you and how you have so many fucking problems with you sexuality, fuck off,
I’m queer with experience, and not only does it not get any easier,
you either learn to live in the world, or accept that fact that you will be
constantly fucked over, pissed off, and pissed on.
You need to learn to live with others, outside your own head.
You need to learn to accept advice, without spitting on those giving it.
When you post something like that, guess what, people will suddenly find
out who you are and hate you for it. Oh, and believe me I know, when I was
your age I made a decision to come out in a national newspaper, which got
me more than a little scary hate mail. And you know what, I look back on
that now and think, jeez how silly, what was I thinking. I also think,
maybe, just maybe I helped someone, but more often then not I just feel
embarrassed. Because I realized that inflating one aspect of my life
labeled me as that aspect. I don’t want to be remembered as Gay-girl.
And hopefully as you grow up you will find yourself more interested in
being a person than in being a flamboyant issue.
If what you want is self reflection than you need to start asking yourself
if there is more to you Stic then dick-craving. I mean really, I’d
love to think that behind all your angst, there is actually a serious issue
other than the desire to love men. Do you have anything, come on.
Parent’s hating you is commonplace, even if you aren’t queer.
Having people think you are worthless is commonplace, even if you
aren’t queer.
Having people think you are ugly is commonplace, even if you aren’t
queer.
Having angst is commonplace, even if you aren’t queer.
However, having people think you are an egotistical bitchy ass is usually
brought on by being an egotistical in your face bitch, even if you
aren’t queer. (Sin, for example).
That said I think you need to examine why you posted this in a public
forum. I think perhaps, rather than being upset about the response you need
to realize that you are provoking a response, and that sort of thing will
generally get things good or ill. And yes, saying you gay will always
provoke a response that is why you do it. It’s always why one does
it. Trust me.
And, really, Mono, Schizo, and Alterial made some excellent points. Perhaps
you should stop whining, bitching, and attacking, and take some of your
omnipotent time to listen and reflect, which is what you claim to want to
be doing.
____________________ It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus |
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Sticupus
Fanatic Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 09:31 PM |
I created this forum about myself. I am gay, and comming to terms with
that.
" And the most irritating part of all of this (and the reason that I have
bitten my tongue for as long as I have) is that no matter what is said, for
good or ill, Stic will be pleased because people are talking about his
favourite subject... himself."
This isn't fun, nor easy. I need to reflect and sort myself out. Now is the
time; I am a teenager. Better now then when I'm 30, wouldn't you think so,
Mono?
I understand that teen agnst is not a popular topic amoung this group.
Hence why the title of this forum is a big warning sign for everyone.
"Enter at your own risk" if you will.
I am not used to saying "I'm gay" out loud. Thinking of it bothers me. This
isn't healthy or productive and the problem isn't in my head or all made up
by me. People hate gays, my parents included.
"It is listening to the same self-absorbed whining that has been going on
and on and on at the expense of everyone and everything around him."
Why are you subjecting yourself to my whining? You have been biting your
toungue, so go either stop reading my self absorbed, narrisistic, god
complex, hitler-escue drivel and go occupy your time with what's importaint
in your life. Right now this is what is importaint to me. I need to do this
because I don't have many safe or comforting places to express how I feel
and say what I think. Unfortunately this place isn't working out either.
"Like all real people, I've had to go through my share of trauma and had to
develop a coping skill or two."
Then share one or two. Stop contributing to my own mess so you can complain
about it later. ____________________ The OBOLISK is Divine. |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 09:29 PM |
Callei, if I thought for a second that this was attacking someone for
freaking out, it would be an entirely different story. That is not what
this is about. And I repeat, it is not about a "journey of discovery",
either. This has been nothing but self-indulgence from the start. "Poor
me, I'm gay, nobody can understand me, I'm so deep, et cetera, ad nauseum".
It does not do him the first bit of good to pretend that those attitudes
are going to fly in the world, it only encourages him to become more
self-involved than he already is which will cost him plenty of happiness in
the long run. I have known scores of gays, teenagers, and crisis-mongers
and Stic has made a very nice niche for himself in the latter category.
You are right, however, about how I can tune it out as it irritates the
hell out of me. As I stated already, any response (good or ill) only
encourages his already inflated feeling of self-importance and that does
nobody any good at all. If he needs to struggle with his molehills, he can
look to someone else to help him make mountains out of them. Once he has
driven away everyone who tries to offer him any advice or insight (the way
he did to Altariel and even to Schizo) maybe he will wake up and realise
that the rest of the world is not the source of his angst. Although I
doubt it.
I've already said my piece... now back to the Sticupus Show.
~M. |
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 09:05 PM |
sorry for the annon there, hadnt realized that i got logged out at some
point. but my point stands that stic started this to have a safe place to
freak about being gay. not the sex of it but the siocial weirdness and
danger of it. and to be told that he is a genetic freak that might as well
not be alive is sorta mean.
the issues of being a bi girl are QUIET different from being a gay male,
radically and diametrically different. and when someone other teen trys to
hop in and steal some other angsty teens attention, its even sadder than
the first teen begging for that attention.
AltarielOfTheUnderworld if you want praise for your sexual experimentation
make a forum about being a bi-girl teen. but dont try to tell a gay boy
anything about his sexuality or social issues.
Mono if you dont want to hear him whine about it, dont read the forum. its
that simple.
Closet if it pisses you off that much message him in private to talk about
it. or let it go, it wasnt your "fight" in the first place. you dont need
the blood pressure problems protecting teen girls that dont need/want
it.
Let him whine and freak. if you have something constructive to say that
seems like general good advice or is actaully funny, or something like that
post it. if you have something personal to share email or message. a drama
queen cant function in a vacuum. Otherwise ignore it.
Attacking someone for freaking out doesnt make them calm down, does it? |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 08:11 PM |
And the most irritating part of all of this (and the reason that I have
bitten my tongue for as long as I have) is that no matter what is said, for
good or ill, Stic will be pleased because people are talking about his
favourite subject... himself.
~M. |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 07:52 PM |
No, my dear Anonymous Coward, this is not about one boy's voyage into
anything. It is listening to the same self-absorbed whining that has been
going on and on and on at the expense of everyone and everything around
him. This is not about examination, it is all about Stic... because
EVERYTHING that anyone says in any public forum anytime is all about Stic.
All the flowery prose in the world does not make a whiny, narcissistic
teenager any less irritating to the rest of us. He will not become any
better integrated until he realises that he is not the only person in the
world and his "problems" are brought on himself. The only thing he is
blossoming into is an intolerable drama queen.
And Stic, make any observations you want to. I've never felt threatened by
a teenaged narcissisus, so I'm pretty sure that I'll be fine. Like all real
people, I've had to go through my share of trauma and had to develop a
coping skill or two. Just bear in mind that when you've had enough, you've
already pulled the "I was only joking" and "I'm going through a tweek"
cards. It might be a lot easier for everybody if you just went ahead and
got over yourself, but I can't make you grow up if you are determined to
wallow in your arrested self-pity.
~M. |
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Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 07:12 PM |
wow did this go catty. after all this is one MAN's voyage into self
worth/discovery. I can see why he got so angry. I would too if i was told
that i was a genetic dead end and could never hope to have kids "because i
was made that way". that isnt a very nice thing to say if you dont know
thier feelings about having kids.
also, just for the record adn all, science has more recently disproved that
idea about homosexuality being from population pressure in mammals. that
false information got about from limited observation of lions. with more
observation done on the unattached males, it was found that homosexuality
was the norm, even in low population areas. the "new" conclusion is that
makelions have sex with each other for fun, and a few have sex with females
out of biological imparative.
And no one said anyone here has to play nice with others. we arent here to
"Accept" everyone. attacking bad logic is not something to yell at someone
for, rather it is to be lauded. It shows that SOMEONE (other than mono) is
living the examined life. |
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Sticupus
Fanatic Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 05:40 PM |
It isn't a hissy fit, it is an opinion as I have stated previously.
Altariel- do you want a cookie?
Mono- you know perfectly well that observations do not improve situations
or attitudes. I could make a few observations as well, but I am respecting
your feelings and I want this to be a safe place for you.
The god comment was just to be funny, and a little cocky. ____________________ The OBOLISK is Divine. |
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 02:24 PM |
Whine whine...bitch bitch bitch, sniffle, whine whine, boo...sniff, whine
whine, grouse grouse...bitch bitch bitch. snarl, hiss, whine whine,
sniff...whine whine bitch. ____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King |
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 01:22 PM |
Mono, I want you like I've never wanted anyone before...
And so Stic, as one of those socially and emotionally under developed
teens, why don't you tell us again why you feel you are justified in this
latest hissy fit? ____________________ Okay, dazzle me. |
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AltarielOfTheUnderworld
Occasional Poster Posts: 22 Registered: 2/2/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2003 at 07:27 AM |
I bang my hands in applause to you Monolycus.
And by the way: do you know that I am one year younger than you, Sticupus? |
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Mara
Member Posts: 161 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 09:38 PM |
*hugs* Mono I love you ____________________ Alot of people have good stories that take place at a lake with friends and
boats and noodle salad just not anyone here |
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Starlight
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 07:08 PM |
Well said Mono.
God?...I heard God was dead though. ____________________ "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
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Closetgothbabe
Member Posts: 189 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 06:49 PM |
DAMN!! Did I tell you Mono how much I love you lately?????? hehe ____________________ Guns are good, Guns are great...Kill the people that you hate! |
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Sticupus
Fanatic Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 06:48 PM |
But I'm God. ____________________ The OBOLISK is Divine. |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 06:16 PM |
I've been biting my tongue... but, until a few very short months ago when
you decided that you were entirely gay, you claimed that you were a
bisexual. A few short months ago and into the present you were and are a
teenager. Now you've decided that it is uncool (or in your words
"average") to call yourself bisexual and you denigrate other people who do
call themselves that... because, as you keep reminding everyone, you are
more special than anyone else.
If someone brings up gothitude, you pounce on them and tell them how they
should worship you because you passed the goth test. If someone mentions
how hot someone is, you assert to anyone who will listen how pretty you
are. Finally, if someone has any kind of problem, you can trump them
because you, after all, are gay.
Maybe I'm running the risk of being a heretic, but I'm not under the
impression that you are all that damned special after all. I don't think
that it makes you special to be gay; I think it is particularly ugly to go
on how about how pretty you are; and I think that the lion's share of your
self-described teenaged angst is entirely self-induced. I've seen you
scratch at other people's eyes (including mine when I didn't call you a
genius) and then go storming off in a big, melodramatic pout so that you
can feel sorry for yourself.
You're right, you don't need sympathy... you have more than enough
self-pity to keep you going for years. What you need, in my humble
opinion, is to get over yourself.
~M.
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Sticupus
Fanatic Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2003 at 04:53 PM |
Agreed Schizo. Exactly my point, in my opinion bisexuality is a little more
than beer and touching. In fact I think it takes a very sensitive and
intelligent, well rounded person (with experience, over time) to be a true
bisexual. Senseless fucking of both sexes makes you an animal, not a
bisexual. I am tired of 13- 15 year old little girls claiming bisexuality.
50% of boys have a sexual experience at some time or another with other
boys. Does that make them bisexual? No, it makes them average. Having the
capacity to deal with, understand, love. have sex with, and tolerate both
sexes interchangeably takes a strong, intelligent person. I
can't/won't/shouldn't do it, hence why I don't. I think it's just a new
trend, and it probably won't die off, so I will just state my opinion and
let things work themselves out. Taste and thought is all I ask for. And the
reason why I don’t personally believe in teenage bisexuality is because all
teenagers are so under developed in emotion, personality, social
interaction abilities, sexuality and their personal identity that I do not
think it is quite possible for them to truly exist as one. Just like all
fetuses are “female” before hormonal interaction, I think all teenagers are
“bisexual” before hormonal and social interaction. A true bisexual is a
beautiful thing, but in my opinion quite rare especially at a young age.
I do not need sympathy, I need places to vent. ____________________ The OBOLISK is Divine. |
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