AloneSoul
Fanatic   Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 30/7/2002 at 11:56 AM |
It’s possibly the most trivial affair which haunts everyone’s life, yet how
come it hurts the most?
The foolish man makes the same mistake twice, but this is one, I’m sure
everyone’s done more than two times. Strange how it always ends up the same
way. ____________________
 but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
| |
IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 9/8/2002 at 02:53 AM |
| Love is deciding impending disaster is worth it. But what the hell do I
know? ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 8/8/2002 at 08:34 PM |
| I forgot to log in! Damn it. ____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
Anonymous
 Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 8/8/2002 at 08:27 PM |
heh, we all get burned by one thing or another...
My keyboard´s t and y buttons won´t work propperly anymore. They stick down
and aren´t as jumpy as they used to be.
*takes out brick*
Warped Tour tommarrow. Woo.
heh, I know, I need more sleep. ____________________
|
| |
DarkMistress
Member   Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 8/8/2002 at 07:27 PM |
| I like when people defy that logic and then a couple days later get
burned... ____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 8/8/2002 at 05:11 PM |
| Well said. ____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
Abbadon
Fanatic  Posts: 499 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 8/8/2002 at 10:59 AM |
| Love is the same road for all of us. The journey is longer for some people
and we all notice different things along the way. But in the end it has
lead us to the ravine of grief we all try to jump, but none succeed in
crossing. ____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 4/8/2002 at 03:55 PM |
Talk about your teeth...
Like in those Orbit commercials. ____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 3/8/2002 at 12:46 AM |
| The only thing I have to say on the subject is that I wish I had something
to say on the subject. ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
|
| |
bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 3/8/2002 at 12:06 AM |
I got high the first and only time in my life in the dentist´s
chair...wisdom teeth...nitrus. I remember telling the technician that I
was glad I didn´t do "this sort of thing" recreationally, because I"d never
stop. Then tried to remind myself not to make elephant noises at her (hey,
the mask and tube were big and grey and I"d been on the gas a while...).
Love can be a mask for many things...Some people don´t actually love
others, they are just in love with being in love. It´s no less painful
than the loss of actual love, but it is often much more freqent and leaves
the person who misleads themselves asking "why? Why ME?!" ____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
|
| |
DarkMistress
Member Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 2/8/2002 at 04:43 PM |
| I don´t want to have children either. If anything I´d adopt since there
are already so many children that need homes. About dentists..I don´t like
them. People sticking their fingers in my mouth..eh, I hate it. ____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 1/8/2002 at 08:55 PM |
About children, I don´t want to have any. A old g/f of mine wanted to have
children about a year into our releashionship. I honestly don´t that
motivation, even to this day...
Bringing a child into this world would be a cruel thing.
Also, don´t worry ´bout the dentist, they use gass and not the needle. It
would take too many needles to put you out and that would, well, kill you.
heh, so don´t worry ´bout it. I got my wisdom teeth out and it didn´t hurt
that much. ____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>
/>
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
DarkMistress
Member Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 1/8/2002 at 10:12 AM |
My family´s not quite that distant. My mom says I love you a lot, actually
she throws those three words around at everyone. My dog is dying as well,
I´ve had her since I was two.
The dentist story makes me not want to go and get my wisdom teeth
out..just from what happend to your mother. I hate dentists and hospitals,
especially hospitals. They lack the feeling of hope to me, actually. It´s
more like the reminder that death is coming for us all and it can be very,
very painful. A dentist invented the electric chair...enough said.
when I look at my mom I don´t see a mother, I see a care-taker. When I
look at my dad I don´t see a dad I see some guy I don´t know who lives with
us. My mom is trying to keep our family together; the only person I really
love is my brother. I can´t talk to my mother about anything and I used to
get angry when I watched my sister and her talk about everything. Now I
just don´t care.
AloneSoul~yes, you´re right we do have more in common than one would think. ____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
|
| |
callei
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 1/8/2002 at 10:10 AM |
The hard part of love is figuring out what emotions that word is masking.
habit, need, compassion, projection, fear, lust, loneliness, ambition,
acceptance, compliance, revenge, fulfulment, desire, shared history, social
pressures, greed, self love, chemical imballance, covetting, jealousy,
being used to something, interest, friendship, awe, comfort, arousal,
adoration, laziness, fear of the unknown, confusion, pity, apithy, self
hate, ego, control, lack of control, and a zillion others.
People use the word "love" for all of these other emotions, usually when
they mean three or four of them at once.
Love itself is easy, a confusion of some of the above is hard. ____________________
Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away.
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 09:57 PM |
*points above*
That post is by me...
Forgot to log in.
____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>
/>
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 09:50 PM |
Again to DarkMistress, we share more things in common than I personally
thought...
Except the cats thing.
I have a dog...Who’s also dying... God damn it.
About family love...
My mother tried to hold this family together, she failed. The farther we
are apart, the better. My parents , however, are still together * which is
a surprise*. I swore they were going to get a divorce...didn’t really care
that much either.
I don’t really know how to talk to a person, I’m more inside my own world.
I was raised this way...I don’t want to discuss the details of my life for
two reasons.
1) They’re not something I so easily tell people.
2) I don’t remember much of my life, it’s mainly a blank slate with some
memories.
Hugs and human contact in general is still a foreign thing to this day for
me. The way we’ve been raised is this. Life sucks, get used to it. My
family, we don’t have that bond which any normal family would, we don’t say
“I love you!” None of that crap, the one time my father did ever say that
to me I just looked at him with this “what are you smoking” expression on
my face.
*shivers* It’s just wrong to hear that. That’s the way I’ve been raised.
Here’s a example of how we operate.
I had to go to the dentist today. As I was pulling into a parking spot I
saw a ambulance loading a person and drive away quickly. I didn’t know what
happened exactly but I did see that it was parked infront of the dentist
place I was going to. I walked inside and all hell was breaking lose
between the dentists and nurses. They were talking and looking worried that
they were going to be sued.
I finally get called for my crown and when I’m walking back with one of the
nurses I asked “what was all that commotion about?”
She replied hesitantly.
“Uhhhh, a panic attack.”
As I sat down in the chair I thought to myself “a panic attack? She
bullshitted me rather quickly.”
I went back to the front desk to schedule another appointment till one of
the nurses looked at me and asked...
“Are you David Garcia?”
“Yes.”
“Is your father Mike Garcia?”
“Yes.”
“Is your mother Mrta Garcia?”
“Yes but it’s pronounced Myrta.”
“Oh, well, she was taken out to the hospital.”
“What happened, I was just parking while they were loading a person onto
the ambulance” I asked with a confused look on my face.
“She had a panic attack, she started screaming ‘I gotta get out of here, I
gotta get out of here’ in the lobby.”
I was embraced, putting my hand on my face.
“Oh don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”
“I’m not worried, I just need to schedule another appointment.”
I hate the hospital, bad feelings and memories rush in my head when I step
inside one.
I got directions to the hospital and eventually found my way to her room.
My father was in there with her. She was almost as pale as me. That’s not
right because she’s very tanned. We talked like we would any other rare
conversation we had. I found out that she nearly asphyxiated from her own
throat closing in on her as she fell into a wild seizer from a overdoes of
anaesthesia which she was allergic too...and she didn’t even need the med’s
for the procedure done. She refused them at first.
I’m sure your wondering what my point is to this story.
It’s this. I didn’t worry, bitch or cry when I found out she was sent to
the hospital nor when I saw her. I didn’t hug her, kneel by her bed side or
any of that. Nor did my father. It’s like any other hospital visit for any
other of my friends. I was numb to the whole situation, except for
embarrassment when the nurses at the dentists office told me she merely had
a panic attack.
We don’t really have that bond which other families would. We don’t really
“love” each other. It’s more of a forced compassion because we are a
family. That compassion took nearly 18 years to grow to the point where we
can sit in the same room for five minutes without being at each others
throats..
So, that’s another day and rant by me.
I hope I didn’t bore or confuse you too much. ____________________
|
| |
DarkMistress
Member Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 01:38 PM |
| I didnt like children either until my nephew was born, I have a niece whose
6 and a snot. But she´s related through marriage, we have the same name.
My nephew is adorable though. ____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
|
| |
bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 11:45 AM |
I totally know the whole "baby" thing. I found children repulsive until my
nephew was born, and I simply cannot get enough of him.
I have family love...it´s a wierd sort of thing, not the typical
disfunctional family that pretends everything is alright, not the typical
nuclear family that has dinner every evening and hugs and kisses both their
parents and their siblings are the best of friends.
We all love each other...and our wierd sort of family love I wouldn´t trade
for the world. We always know dad loves us, he just isnt´ good at showing
it. I remember when my sister was in the hospital after having my
nephew...my dad HUGGED her. Dad doesn´t hug. The last time I was hugged
by my dad was when I was 16 and my grandma died. Dads are funny
creatures.
My sisters and I love each other...I´ve always been sort of a third wheel
to them two, but when I was in trouble they were the FIRST to come to my
aid with a fury you´ve never seen.
Chemical love is a scary thing because it´s so unpredictable and sooooo
uncontrollable and can be sooooo painful.
Emotional love is something that can turn into chemical love..enter
scenario of "mutual friend" that you hang out with a lot. Emotional love
is like a round about way of turning knobs and levers over time to
instigate chemical love. Personally I think it´s a lot SAFER...because
it´s based on something other than chemicals messing up your brain and
clouding your judgement.
Love is tricky sticky icky..but it doesn´t have to be :) ____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
|
| |
DarkMistress
Member Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 11:27 AM |
| AloneSoul~yes I know, I don´t get over things easily myself..even if I make
it seem like I do. In fact I´ve been holding onto something for years and
trying to forget it doesn´t help. I just try to deal. I just lost my best
friend and gained an enemy a couple of days ago and that makes everything
harder. I don´t know real love, family love. Someone tries to hug me and
I cringe and shy away. Theres more but I don´t think sharing it with the
whole world will make anything better, if not worse. Love sucks, and for
those who feel that way, what can you really do? I just take each day in
stride and know that the only real friends I have are cats. I´m sorry
about your friend, I lost my cousin to suicide. ____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
|
| |
AloneSoul
Fanatic Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 31/7/2002 at 10:14 AM |
To DarkMistress, I agree, I do, except for the part of just “getting over
it.”
Love is trivial, a common trait in our lives which will cause us all to do
the most uncommon things. It is for just insurance of reproduction. It is
not that easy, not for me atleast, to get over it...not from the things in
my life. Not when you lose a friend to suicide, a family member to gang
violence, people that you love to these things and more. It’s not easy to
get over the loss of a burden so great that it feels as though the moon is
a nail and it’s slowly pressing down upon your back.
Even if it doesn´t seem like it, we all are attached to someone or
something. When we lose that, we´ll know how much it truly ment.
I guess I have too much excess baggage to check at the door. I tried
letting that go but, heh, it’s simpler said than done. So, I don’t talk
about it. You could just say that “it’s all fucked up, lets cry and forget”
but when that time comes, you can’t throw away something which has a tight
grip in your head. Especially that which seems to reoccur in your life too
many times.
Love...I hate it.
Ack, I’m ranting again.
I just found out today that someone I care deeply for tried to kill
herself. *sighs* It just seems life is one big spiral of suicide. There’s
nothing I can do to help.
Life is the cruelest jester of them all. ____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>
/>
/>
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
|
| |
