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Author: Subject: Unix Jokes

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/1/2006 at 09:10 PM
Post your unix jokes here (or other computer related jokes):

$ man woman
No manual entry for woman

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 
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Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/1/2006 at 05:45 AM
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.


% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!


$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create





 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/1/2006 at 06:05 AM
UNIX is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.



Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/1/2006 at 06:53 AM
Most people don't even get this one.


 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/1/2006 at 04:44 AM
Thats funnier than I expected it to be
10 Ha
20 Goto 10

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.

And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Administrator




Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Online

  posted on 12/2/2006 at 01:26 AM
http://www.jestsandjokes.com/show.php3?joke=133

http://elvis.rowan.edu/~kilroy/Other/unixjokes.shtml

E Pluribus Unix

 

____________________
So Sayeth Me

 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/2/2006 at 11:46 AM
Here is something that amused me, just because it is such a simple, fun thing. A poem using a selection of symbols used in unix.

' "...a poem we think is about the lowly wahka. Maybe. Well,
perhaps---we're really not sure what the poem actually is
about. Here it goes:"

<>!*''#
^@`$$-
!*'$_
%*<>#4
&../
|{~~SYSTEM HALTED

Transliterated:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret at back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat tick dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka number four,
Ampersand right-paren dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket tilde tilde CRASH.'

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.



And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/2/2006 at 01:00 PM
that is so cool - it sounds like something Dennis Lee would write
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/2/2006 at 12:02 AM
that's denis leary... and it doesn't sound like anything he would write...

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/2/2006 at 01:59 PM
No, its Dennis Lee. and it does sound like sometihng he would write. Though it definitly doesn't sound like something Dennis Leary would write.

This one especially is what that poem reminded me of - he writes fun bouncy type rhyming childrens stuff though he has an amazing and vast serious side.

and he isn't anything like Dennis Leary.
::Edit:: and when i say Dennis Leary, I mean Denis Leary. They arn't even spelled the same way. This is a pretty dumb mistake for you to make Feral. Normally I would have expected at least a tiny bit more research out of you.

[Edited on 2/28/2006 by gothicmorman]

 

Coward




Posts: 3
Registered: 14/2/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 9/3/2006 at 08:02 PM
When in doubt GREP it...

In the UNIX API about creating 'children' is a bit messed up.

Fork() call will make children proccess and there will be a parent.
When the child process is 'idle' it must be removed.
So Fork()ing leads to Children. When they are idle they are killed.
In Windows these are threads.

 

____________________
~ I am who I am~

 

Member




Posts: 199
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 17/3/2006 at 10:10 PM
Okay, not so much a joke I hope. I was preparing for the new production update of http://www.53.com, where I work these days, and I suggested that we back up all previous files to /dev/null (since it has plenty of space) in case we have to roll back the changes. Everybody, including my boss, agreed that was a good idea.

 

____________________
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/3/2006 at 10:35 PM
okayy... well... I REACENTLY heard someone say DENNIS LEE that guy that wrote teh asshole song... sorry for assuming that the same thing had happened here

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/3/2006 at 04:50 PM
Need a little UNIX help?

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code
of a program ?

UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.

Customer: No, what is it ?

UNIX consul: Yes.

Customer: So, which is the one ?

UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.

Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?

UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo'
to get information about yoo'.

Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

UNIX consul: Use 'what'.

Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?

UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.

Customer: Which one ?

UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'

Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program?
How do I find it?

UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'.
Type 'what program' to get the revision code.

Customer: I want to find the revision code.

UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'

Customer: Which command will do what I need?

UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.

UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on
your system.

Customer: Write what?

UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

Customer: Cut that out!

UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'.
Don't forget the options.

Customer: Do you always do this ?

UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.

Customer: HELP!

UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).

Customer: You make me angry.

UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
when I was upset once.

Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'.
Every system has 'more'.

Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!

UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program,
it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not
allowed but 'at now' is. Unless, of course, 'now' is
a file name.

Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'.
Let me get you to the Pascal Compiler team.

 

Administrator




Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Online

  posted on 22/3/2006 at 02:30 PM
MystryssRavynDarque: 5 is 101
Devin: yay - you are now nerdier than 01100011 % of the population
MystryssRavynDarque: 6 is 110
MystryssRavynDarque: 7 is 111
MystryssRavynDarque: 8 is 1000
MystryssRavynDarque: 9 is 1001
MystryssRavynDarque: 10 i 1010
Devin: yep - lookit you - counting on your bits

 

____________________
So Sayeth Me

 
 


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