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Author: Subject: please help






Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 06:22 AM
...i dont really know what im doing...i want to stay anonymous for my own reasons; im 13 and im not sure anyone here can take a 13 yr old seriously. i just wanted advice if anyone's willing...um..from the beginning, i just made a new friend, i dont have many friends because im shy and quiet and too goth/punk for anyone my age to like (i hang out with an older crowd). i also just found out my new friend hears voices, shes terrified of them and it makes her shake and cry, but i dont know what to do to help, she the funniest. nicest. most beautiful person and i want to help more then anything ive ever wanted. anyone have any advice?

-ella

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 07:09 AM
Ella.. I'll stay anonymous too,since I don't have a username.

You should know that 99% of all "helping" is bogus.

How did you find out she hears voices? Did she tell you so? Or did you see her shaking and crying?

Also, how often does she hear these voices?
Might sound like a stupid question.. But does she hear them when she's hungry?

Im sure, if nothing else, medication will help her. If she gets help, be patient with her.

What do these voices say to her?

Meanwhile, lend her your cd player or walkman. Perhaps music can offer her some distraction.
But no death metal!!
And nothing that gets her low and depressed.. No curt cobain etc..
How about outcasts new record. ? You know the band with the song "Hey ya!" .
I had that record, and I gave it to a friend who says he saw figures in the sky :-D .. hahaha.. .........

Tell her to be brave.. And tell her she can take complete control of the voices if she just believes and she wants to. With time,practising taking control of them might even stop the voices.
Tell her that all people are unique. And that she hears voices doesnt necessarily mean that she is mentally ill and will be put in an institution.

Is she paranoid? If she is, then maybe she should tell her parents.

What you can do is encourage her to eat well - so that she'll keep her bloodsugar up. And to sleep well. You could go running with her a few hours before bedtime, to make her tired.
My intuition says.. That puberty is hitting her head. Do you understand? Maybe she has things happening at home.. or something that makes her feel uncomfortable. And puberty and things have gotten her all delerious.

Lend her a pillow. .. a real soft one.
And if she doesnt want to be alone.. Maybe you can have sleepovers.. and stay up and eat sweets AFTER YOU HAVE BRUSHED YOUR TEETH! HAHA! - it won't kill you.
And rent comedies.. Like big mommas house..or whateva.. .. Fingerpaint.. :-)

Just get her going with fun stuff.. So she can forget about the voices.
My guess is that it will pass.

Best wishes.

Jameel.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 08:07 AM
And now for the cynical reply, the flip side of the coin:

How do you know she does actually hear voices?

I'm sorry if it seems a little cold, but I've had first hand experience with people who've said they had voices in their head. I actually dated the person, and he claimed his voice was a demon that was possessing him.

I'm inclined to take it all with a pinch of salt and say it's for attention. Don't play up to her voices. If she's fun, and interesting and great to be around then play up to those things - the things which are actually there and grounded in reality. Give her attention for the positive aspects of her personality which you know are true, and not just put on for show.

If she can see that people genuinely like her for the person she is, then maybe you'll find that she has no need to hear the voices any more.

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 01:10 PM
That about sums it up.....Ella, I just wanted to let you know that a 13 year old can easily be taken seriously here. Trust me, it's about who you are not how old you are. We've dealt with people twice your age, but since they acted like they were about 5, we preffered to just ignore them, since they were being trolls. You obviously give a shit about things, enough to go somehwere for help, and you asked the right questions. This is a wonderful place to learn, and grow, and have a hell of a lot of fun. It's quite badass here, and for all intensive purposes, I think it would be cool to have you register yourself here. Trust me, few people take the time to actually sit down, think about soemthing, and put it down on the pc, instead of jumping in, signing up here, and going retarded in all the forum rooms on day 1. Either way, I hope you can work things out with your friend.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything.”
Faulkner

 

Fanatic




Posts: 499
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 01:33 PM
You really should find out what the voices say. Sometimes its important to follow what they say, and sometimes its defintely not.

BB.

Abbadon

 

____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 05:26 PM
i thought for a while that she might just be doing it for attention....but...well...i dont know why, but i believe her.
she told me that the voices sound like her own in her head, but she has no control over what they say, she said at one point it sounded like there were 50 people in her head some of them telling her to kill herself and take the easy way out "c'mon lucy, youve been doing things the hard way all your life, it only fair that you should take it easy, do it you know you want to" (or something to that affect) and the rest of them telling her to keep goin, things can only get better...i had no idea what to say to her, except that she cant kill herself, ive never heard voices or anything, but i tried to kill myself a few months ago (yeh, it didnt work) so i thought maybe i could help her with that....
the thing about lucy is, at my school shes always been one of the 'popular' chicks, so ive always assumed she was a dolt like the rest of them and not bothered with more then polite conversation with her. i still had that assumtion until about 14 hours ago.
she said there are so few people in her life that she gives a damn what they think, but she still acts like a dickhead around all her other 'popular' friend, i dont think she understands that if all the 'popular' people dont like her, its not the end of the world. i dont blame her for it, i went through the same thing a few years back, but it annoys me how she'll pour her heart out to me, and then go back to being an annoying freakin cheerleader when her 'friends' are around....
...yeh...

-ella

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/6/2004 at 10:35 PM
Everyone does that sort of thing in highschool. Why it is so shitty is because it's not just book education, it's social education, finding out who you are and what you are. It's common for people with different friends to ACT differently around them, because it's ALL an act in gradeschool. It's hard to understand when you're in the middle of it.
You also have to understand your own biases, thinking she was a "dolt" like the rest of her "cheerleaders" before you really knew her, just because she is "popular". It's the same concept when "cheerleaders" think the wierd kids in school are "spazes" for acting how THEY do. YOU may act differently around your friends just as she does with hers, and not even realise it. I"m not picking, but I'm the devil's advocate, something everyone needs.

Now about her "voices". Actual true blue full blown schitzopherenia is rare. Not rare like it never happens, but most people who tell people they "hear voices" aren't schitzopherenic. Few schitzopherenic people KNOW or BELIEVE they're schitzopherenic, and have other disorders that go with it outside of voices.
It IS common for kids your age hitting hormone-ville and dealing with new stresses and anxieties to start hearing/seeing things or having anxiety problems, depression, paranoia, fear, mood swings etc. Things eventually mellow out. Sometimes they don't.
If your friend is coming to you with a problem, you should tell her to seek help. It sounds like either hormones or attention wanting to me, but telling her to talk to someone who knows what he or she is doing never hurts. If she says she doesn't need help, then tell her to stop talking about it because if it's not enough to get REAL help then it's not a problem.

ANd DO play up her good qualities, and ignore the attention angst whoring. That usually works, good call.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Member




Posts: 185
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/6/2004 at 12:43 AM
Ella, this is just a guess, but your friend's problem sounds like one I have, and I've recently become more and more aware of how disturibingly common this problem is.

If this is what I think it is, your friend isn't really hearing voices per se, that's just a convenient way of putting it into words. It's more like she has two seperate personalities, one that embodies her good side, one that embodies her dark side. Unlike multiple personality disorder, though, no side is ever really, completely dominant. There isn't a line between one side and the other. Rather, the two constantly fight each other back and forth, with one side usually shoved into a corner of the mind somewhere, yelling out at the other side whenever it has something to yell about, and sometimes when it doesn't.

If this is what I think it is, that fighting is what your friend is hearing. Her good side is mostly dominant, but she hears the things her dark side has to say. They're very ugly things, I'm sure. No doubt she's been made more beautiful for it.

It's a blessing and a curse, really. I think if I didn't have this problem I wouldn't have nearly the backbone, willpower, or sense of morals that I do today. I responsded to my own voices by rejecting them, and striving to keep them in their place at all times. It's been a constant stuggle, but I've grown quite a number of times because of that struggle.

My suggestion would be to tell your friend what I've said here, see if she thinks I'm right. If I am right, then help her with her struggle. Try to get her to tell you when the voices are particularly strong, and what they talk about when they are strong. Then, help her to be strong back. Help her keep them quiet.

Also, if this is what I think it is, there will be times when she falls. There will be times when her good side takes it's turn in the corner, pleading with her dark side to not do the things it's doing. Usually it's very brief, lasting no more than a day. But a more long term shift is possible. I've only had a long term shift once, but it was long because it happend so slowly I didn't notice it happening. When I finally got snapped out of it, I had ruined so much. Try to watch for that, in case it ever happens. Don't let her do that to herself.

Take all this with a grain of salt, though. It's entirely self-diagnosed, but I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about it. No matter what happens, though, no matter what she thinks, support her, and be there for her.

Hopefully this has helped.

[Edited on 6/6/2004 by Alugarde]

[Edited on 6/6/2004 by Alugarde]

 

____________________
l33t is the bastard cousin of contractions.

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 11
Registered: 5/5/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/6/2004 at 04:37 AM
she might be suffering from depression...i went through the same sorta thing when i was depressed.it's hard,and it may not seem like it at the time, but things will get better.
point out everything thats going right in her life and all the things she's good at, and eventually her 'good side' will stick around, cause it sounds to me like thats the strongest part of her.

if you or her ever want anyone to talk to,about anything,not just this, PM me and i'll give you my email address.

 

____________________
when we look into the mirror,weonly see what we hate most about ourselves,
never whet others love about us

 

Coward




Posts: 3
Registered: 24/3/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/6/2004 at 06:35 AM
Alugarde - Holler at me. I have a book for you. It's about how to control your brain at will. I think you're interested.

 

____________________
Shosholoza
Work, work, working in the sun
We will work as one
Shosholoza
Work, work, working in the rain
\\\'Til there\\\'s sun again

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 19
Registered: 2/5/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/6/2004 at 11:29 AM
I would just like to confirm what darkrose said,she had quite a bad time of it with depression,she went through some very dark times,but she DID come through them and lived to tell the tale.I think that in some ways it made her a stronger person,not neccessarily nicer to live with,but maybe a bit more understanding of other people's problems,and a bit more mature.She does actually have quite a wise head on her shoulders,it might help you or your friend to talk to her,and it couldn't hurt!
(Of course,that's just my opinion,you're free to ignore me completely if that's what you feel like doing!)

 

____________________
Between the intent and the act falls the shadow.

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 11
Registered: 5/5/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/6/2004 at 04:37 AM
nice how you'll not praise me to my face isn't it mommy dearest!!

offer's still open if you want it anon

 

____________________
when we look into the mirror,weonly see what we hate most about
ourselves,

never whet others love about us


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/6/2004 at 09:53 PM
The good news is, chances are slim to none that theres anything metaphysical going on...I'd throw my own two cents in, but in all honesty I'd just be repeating what others have said, theres some good advice in here.

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/6/2004 at 12:55 AM
like Dolo said, id would give advice but it would jus be repetition. i think the only thing left is a little off topic but on the subject of stereotypes. 13, grade eight, your first year of high school, it's all new and big and yes a lot of people get into the whole popularity contest of high school life and some people actually are the stereotype images they project but mostly, as you will learn through interaction, you cannot judge a person before you really meet them and talk to them. high school can have some really mean years, let me tell you this if nothing else, some girls can be extremely mean but give every single person at least one chance and if they break you heart then you dont have to give them another but trust each person at least once before judging them. also, people do change - this year, two friends that i have had since grade nine started hating the whole rest of the group and now one is moved to another town with her mom and the other stopped associating with us. it hurts but people are just part of life, you will come up with your own way of dealing with high school but from what i have read of your posts you are one that is not swept up with the rest, try to stay that way. it's all about endurance, high school is very hard on endurance but it gets better as people get older. all the same i am very happy to be graduating next year, although who knows what post secondary could bring...

the ruthless

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/6/2004 at 11:02 AM
hey... I gotta say... a) if she hears voices... it is NOT because of depression...
b)IF she hears voices... she needs to get the chemical balance rectified
c)I really doubt that she does... the chemical balances that cause that kind of thing are EXCEEDINGLY rare before age 35... enough that I believe she is looking for attention...
d) if she claims a metaphsical reason... then she is full of shit... the craft DOES not work like that
d-2) the corallary: those that claim satanism or the necronomicon are, likewise, stunningly full of shit. 1-There was no necronicon until Lovecraft coined the term and 2-TRUE satanists would not do this. and 3-demons are fallen angels... every text says they are infintely powerful... why would 3-a) they do wha we wanted? 3-b)fuck with the mind of some little girl for fun? and 3-c) IF they wanted to screw her... why not just destroy her?

Now... I find the intro to this topic annoying cause there are some inconsistencies... If you were afraid that a 13 year old would not be listened to, why did you reveal that? It just seems an attention tactic, or a sign worthy move... now... if I am wrong in this last... tell me so... but don't go screaming into space "fuck off, you don't understand."

Wnna test your friend? ask her if she's seen any images. if she says yes... ask her if it was a man with long white blonde hair standing well over six feet tall wearin beaten and scuffed, black leather armor with a pair of rapiers at his side. If she answers yes... giver her my e-mail address and tell her she is full of shit... that is my fair outfit and she shouldna be lookin at me when I dunno about it

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/6/2004 at 01:38 AM
yeh..um...i wasnt doing anything for attention y'know...i really really wasnt...nyah....
i feel like a dick cos i worried about my mate so much, you were right, she was faking it, sorta...she wasnt exactly faking it so much, but it was more like, y'know when your really pissed of you'll be sort of talking to yourself in your head? well i think thats what she was doing, but she thought it was someting weird and not normal...

you might all hate me for this, but i want some more help with another friend. she keeps trying to kill herself. dont tell me shes doing it for attention, because she isnt. last week she took 37 paracetamol and just got out of hospital, the week before that she tried to hang herself, but her mum found her, and a few days later she slit open all her veins and squeezed the top of her forearm to make it bleed more. i know none of you can cure her for me or anything, and im not asking you to, but some of you have probably been in a similar situation and i just wanna know things like, should i be there for her?or do you reckon that will piss her off?should i spend heeps more time with her? should i leave her alone so she can think or something?...anything would really be of some help.
me and her have only recently been hangin out more so we're not that close, but shes a great girl. according to my brother, whos better mates with her then i am, something really really bad happened to her. a little while ago her girlfriend broke up with her, but i know thats not why she's so fucked, though it really really didnt help.
sorry for...i forget...but yeh, sorry anyways.

-ella

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/6/2004 at 02:37 AM
that one is simple... help her by offering to slit her wrists... if she agrees... take her to an institute... if she balks.. tell her to stop the attention whoring...

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.



Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/6/2004 at 03:16 AM
i dont want my mate to go to an institute though
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/6/2004 at 07:27 AM
no offense... either you help or you don't ... if she wants to kill herself... either help her to get better.... or let her... In your situation... I would test her... and if she wanted to discuss with her why... then if it was valid, let her... if it was not... discuss with her why... but overall... it sounds like attention getting... those who want to die... FIND A WAY

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/7/2004 at 03:08 AM
yo. my mate was put into an institute two weeks ago, hopefully she can 'get better' and yeah....thank you heeps for your help, it means heaps to me.
in like a year or something i think i might register up to this place, im gonna learn more about it and grow more myself first.
see you.

-ella

 
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