Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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 posted on 27/2/2007 at 01:40 PM |
At this very moment before I have to go to work.
Hi, how are you.
On a related note, caught my neighbor stealing my mail the other day. Since
I get nothing that can remotely be used for identity theft (The various
things I get are held under a variety of alias' and psuedonyms) I decided
to have a little fun.
I took a handsaw to his mailbox and buried it in my front yard, my wife and
two of my friends dressed in our blackest blacks and held a funeral
mourning it's passing. Since the poor thing must have obviously died at
some point if he believed his mail was getting mixed in with mine.
Guy actually had the balls to threaten me, which hilarious in and of itself
gave me a chance to vent a little. I explained to him in my most serious
and dour voice (No smiling though god knows I wanted to) that if he dared
ever threaten me again I wouldn't bother with a eulogy for the next funeral
I would hold, nor would I restrain from actually going through all the
troublesome work required to report and prosecute someone for identity
theft.
Never had a man apologize stumble over his own apologies so fast.
I'm currently planning on hiesting a Moses outfit from my mother-in-laws
church and throwing alka seltzer tablets at his door.
Any interesting battles from you lot? ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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Domkitten
Fanatic   Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/2/2007 at 08:53 PM |
Wait. Stop. Hold on and back up.
Wife? What Wife? Was there an announcement I missed at some point?
Otherwise, Dolo-man, that was freaking classic. I wish the mailboxes at my
place were plated to the wall cause there are times I could certainly see
doing something similar. I suppose my own most interesting battle would be
scaring the bejeezuz out of people who think I'm Korean. They tap me on the
shoulder and then try to jump out of their eyeballs when they realize I'm a
waygook. Freaking priceless. ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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KittyGoesMrow
Fanatic  Posts: 218 Registered: 30/4/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/2/2007 at 11:27 PM |
| Haha! Dolo you never fail to make me laugh. Thats just awesome. It's WAY
better than calling the cops any day. ____________________
Anata ga sabishii toki, bokumo sabishii n da yo
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic  Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 12:21 AM |
| Next time...a viking funeral in the pool. Nothing grabs attention like
seeing ones personal property going up in flames and then sinking below
into the murk. ____________________
Okay, dazzle me.
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Starlight
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 03:04 AM |
Wow...you guys actually get regular mail delivery there? I had thought
someone was stealing our mail until I realized the postman doesn't seem to
make an appearance around here every day. I've considered leaving out candy
and hookers near the mailbox to lure him to the area more regularly.
____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 04:32 AM |
One day while training dogs to inseminate Amish children I came across
something rather unnerving: a grey hair. I was less concerned with the
fact that I already was going grey at the ripe old age of 26 as much as I
was confused at just how hair could be growing on a mollusc.
Upon closer examination, I discovered that not only was it not growing from
mee, but it was not in fact a hair. I placed it under a microscope and
found that this was in fact a theoretical string (ala "string theory). To
put it another way, I found a fray in the fabric of the Universe dangling a
short distance above my eye!
I decided to pull on it and as I did so I found that I could cause the
Universe to unravel, causing several stars to collapse under their own
gravity (black holes are actually just stars with poor stitching) and the
occasional supernova.
I am now holding the Universe hostage and I will not hesitate to destroy
the Solar system and all within it if my demands aren't met. A list of my
demands are as follows:
1 - complete and total submission to my every whim without my having to say
anything
2 - one hundred trillian dollars US in the form of gold bricks
3 - the current and former heads of every country in the world bugger
eachother while taunting one another with phrases such as "is that the best
yoo can do?" and "yoo fuck like my mom!" ending with a stampede of starving
armadillos unleashed upon the orgy
4 - brittney spears, n'sync, and whatever other pop singers are currently
enjoying the spotlight (including the entire cast of american idol) having
their legs amputated and their anuses being adopted for the bullseye of
carnival games
5 - the complete line of lego products from 1979 to the present
6 - two giant robots, powered by starving children rom third world nations
running in appropriately sized hamster wheels to be used as giant "rock -em
sock 'em robots" for the amusment of myself and one unlucky chump.
downtown Tokyo will be the playing field
7 - severeal dozen big-breasted asian nymphomaniac opera-singing goth-girl
nuns to keep mee occupied when I dont feel like getting-up
yoo have 24 hours to comply
[Edited on 2/28/2007 by IamSquid] ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 06:16 PM |
Holy crap squid...
YANK ON IT.
Merry's got the right idea, I'm going to have to go with a viking funeral
next time I pull something like that. Just gonna need the hat.
And also yes, I got married.
No I didn't see it coming either, but so far we haven't set eachother on
fire or got matching unicorn tatoos. ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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Rogue
Member   Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 06:21 PM |
| I never get invited to the good funerals. Were you decent enough to have a
wake at some point? ____________________
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 06:24 PM |
Dolo got married? But where were the earthquakes and calamities? I
wouldn't think you could have gotten married without something
earth-shattering and catastrophic, or even apocalyptic, striking the
earth...
Do tell me your ceremony involved the ritual slaughter of a hundred giant
squid, or at least a zombie-slaying... ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 06:32 PM |
| Wait, what? Dolo killed Squid? What in the holy hell has been going on
during my vacation? ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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pale-face
Fanatic  Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 07:49 PM |
dolo, that was extrordinarly briliant.
squid, i had one of those to, it was a pimple man. ____________________
fucking classy.
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 09:11 PM |
I get stared at a lot in Korea because I'm not Korean, go figure.
I have decided to deal with this in the best way possible. Whenever I catch
someone staring at me I walk over and give them a gigantic bear hug. If I
catch them staring and pointing me out to their friends I do the hug and
hump their leg for good measure.
Oddly most of the staring pointing crowd tend to be hot Korean girls in
mini-skirts. I'm so making out on this. ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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pale-face
Fanatic Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 09:24 PM |
| have a buisness card, after you hug them hand the card and say something
like " i do party's to" then just walk away. ____________________
fucking classy.
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 09:45 PM |
| No, no. I'm more your love 'em and leave 'em type. ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 10:27 PM |
| Dom, I'm getting mental images of you running your own corner of Korea like
The Hef runs his mansion. Only yours has fewer bunny tails and more
miniskirts. ____________________
Okay, dazzle me.
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Rogue
Member Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 10:52 PM |
| Less bunny tails and more miniskirts?!?!?!?! Where do I sign?!?!?!?!? ____________________
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/3/2007 at 05:42 AM |
I'm a fully and totally convinced Dom is some sort of rampaging primordial
Godling of some hard to grasp profile, like Spontaneous Sexual
Absurdity/Rationality, in which case I shall now be making frequent
sacrifices to her.
All hail Dom.
May she bless us with uncomfortably warm moments that make me grin like a
cheshire cat in a chainsaw factory.
Also, I can't kill squid...not really. Yoo see he is my nemesis, and
therefor a part of myself, and although I have proven to be perfectly
capable of destroying parts of myself, that part in particular is several
stories larger than the rest of me and is capable of eating a bus full of
exploding teenagers. The best i can do is eternally battle against him in a
futile yet fun back-and-forth of yogurty purportions. ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/3/2007 at 05:52 AM |
| Well, tell me you at least had fried calimari at the reception! Or fired
off a few missles... come on! ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/3/2007 at 05:55 AM |
I understand completely that the battle, while of epic and possibly bukkake
porportions much wage on, I worry for the safety of both you and Squid.
With egos so hairy, manliness so manly, squidliness so tenticly, so many
factors to be weighed, there is much to fear.
And yes, sacrifices in my honor are always appreciated. I tend to enjoy
mostly Asian girls in catholic school uniforms, with miniskirts.
____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/3/2007 at 05:58 AM |
| but I have neither Asian schoolgirls nor catholic school uniforms... what
can I do to please the Godling? ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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