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Author: Subject: i dont know if this is intelligent but...

Member





Posts: 100
Registered: 13/2/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/2/2007 at 02:20 PM
I am a little lost...
I was put in Foster care about 3 weeks ago, because of my dad's physical abuse and Marijuana issues. (stating right now i have no problem with people smoking marijuana as I have done it myself a few times)
But it is a little bad when your whole life revolves around what kind your parents can get, how much they can get, if your dad decides to beat you because someone cheated him out of the ounce he was supposed to get...

Anyways, when I lived at home, my dad acted like he never wanted me, beating me and my sister whenever he thought it would be fun...
you know "normal" stuff, like tripping you when you walked by or smashing your face in to a wall that kind of stuff...

But my worry is that Health and Welfare may place us back in our fathers care, (my parents are not divorced) Even after everything that has happpend...

Court is on the 12 of March, and Im sorry if this post sounds whiney, I was just...
Stressed and needed somewhere to talk about it...

Thanks for reading it if you did...

 

____________________
[[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up and learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]]

 
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Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/2/2007 at 03:09 PM
How old are you? It's possible that you could apply for emancipation. I take it that you would rather stay in the foster system than go back home? Have you spoken to a social worker about this? Chances are, if you don't want to go back, they won't make you. Those people love any excuse to take kids from their parents anyway, I can't imagine that they would make someone with a legitimate problem stay in an abusive situation.

ANd it didn't sound whiney at all... and I thoroughly sympathize. Been there, myself.

Good luck.

*hug*

 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/2/2007 at 02:08 PM
if they know everything about the situation i dont see how they would put you back in the care of your father. and mj has a good point, if you tell them you dont want to go back they consider that strongly.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Member




Posts: 100
Registered: 13/2/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/2/2007 at 02:54 PM
well, there is no emancipation law in idaho and the only loophole is to get married, and im only 15 so im not planning on getting married anytime soon

 

____________________
[[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up and
learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]]

 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/2/2007 at 04:59 PM
why not get involved in a marrage. i mean there are people getting married to stay in the country. there are people marrying for money and wealth. hell your arrage would be more meaningful that alot of others.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Member




Posts: 100
Registered: 13/2/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/2/2007 at 08:17 PM
ughh, but who to get married too... so many choices... not

i think your parents have to give you permission to get married anyways...well at 15

 

____________________
[[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up
and

learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]]

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/2/2007 at 12:14 AM
Do NOT complicate your life further by making a stupid move like getting married just to get away from your parents. It will make things worse.

You have three years left. I know that it's hell, but you have the comfort of knowing that it will all get better as soon as you're a legal adult. Hang in there. Three years is not such a long time. Do what you can to stay in the foster system, and if that isn't an option, my best advice to you is stay out of his way as much as possible, do all you can to survive. Once you are legally an adult, you can go live with friends and figure out where you will go from there.

If you're not living with your parents, it's easier to get student loans for college. There are trade schools or you could just try to find a job that will support you. Things that will get you out of the house right now are school and a part time job. Save your money and get a car, because without wheels, it will be harder to get away. Make an escape plan now and the next three years will fly by because you will be busy preparing for your future. It's rough as all hell, and it sounds like you won't have much in the way of parental support when you start your new life as a grownup, but if you are strong and sensible, you will make it.

And DO NOT get married for stupid reasons.

 

____________________

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/2/2007 at 08:59 AM
DO NOT GET MARRIED...

tell the courts what you have said to us

tell them that you are afraid to go back... tell the judge... if I go back... I will just leave...

then tell him you would rather marry yourself off than go back

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/2/2007 at 09:41 AM
ditto to what Meranda and Feral told you...

Also... you are fifteen... you are in a hell of a situation without much to fall back on... one thing you do have is yourself. Become your own best friend. MAKE A PLAN. In three years, whether you are sent back home, and finally have the chance to escape, or if you stay in foster care and get spit out of the system... in three years you will have to make your own way in the world. Fifteen is pretty damn young to learn this kind of responsibility, but honestly, your future depends on it, and those three years will pass quicker than you know. Make a plan, so you can land on your feet. Get a job... get a car... save some money... don't be a dumb-ass kid like some of the ones out there... you aren't going to have anyone to catch you when you fall, like they do.

And best wishes... *hugs* I really appreciate how quickly you responded to our little verbal spankings there... not many your age have that kind of sense... I feel for you in your situation... I hope all goes well for you... keep us updated... you'd be surprised how many of us were once fifteen-year-olds trapped in really nasty situations, much like you... we'd like to see you come through this with flying colors...

 

____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"

 

Member




Posts: 100
Registered: 13/2/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/2/2007 at 12:51 PM
well, thank you guys!
you are one of the few people i had to turn to right now, i dont know the next time i may be on because they are switching me houses again, 2nd one this weekend, but we will see...

*hugs* thank you guys!

 

____________________
[[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up />
and


learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]]

 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/2/2007 at 02:46 PM
best of luck.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 10:33 PM
Damned right. What Schizo said. When I was 15, I'd gone through: Abusive stepfather (You don't even want to know, but it involved throwing knives at me at times, and whipping me with electrical cords. It was BAD.) A house fire that destroyed everything I owned. Stepfather divorcing my mother. Living with a JUNKIE... for more on this, read "Tales from a Teenage Wasteland" http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News& amp;file=article&sid=604 Mother going insane and trying to kill herself and getting commited to a mental hospital. Getting sent off to another state to live with a man who'd abused me before (my mom's twin sister's husband). They were going to put us into foster care then, but sent us to them instead. Personally, I think I would rather have had the foster care. Pissing him off and getting sent back to find that my mother was HOMELESS... making me homeless, too. Living in a one room apartment with my grandmother and mother and sleeping under the kitchen table while working a full time job and going to high school and supporting my mother and buying her a car so she could get a decent job and go back to being a parent again. ALL this before I was 16.

I got through it by being smart and being industrious. If I hadn't been willing to put effort into my own existence, I wouldn't have survived all of that. I knew when to duck and keep out of the way, and I knew when to take action. And that's something you will have to learn. Sometimes, we don't get a fair shake out of life and it's up to us to make our lives worth something. If you can be smart and not spaz at the people who are in control and can lay low until you CAN do something about it... you will be fine. Be careful. know that there are some things you just can't do anything about until you are older and be patient and wait while making a plan. Make sure it is a good plan. Keep your own self- interest in mind. It is NOT in your self interest to engage in self destructive behavior. It won't get you attention. be kind to yourself, for yourself is all that you have. If you want any more advice from someone who's been there, message me. I'll do what I can to help.

 

____________________

 

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Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 10:45 PM
wow mj... thats... incredible...

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 10:48 PM
Personally, I think that Little goth girl that could has it worse than I had it, and that's really saying something. She needs to be really strong right now, and that's difficult for the most well-adjusted people. I just hope she can handle what life is throwing at her.

 

____________________

 

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Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
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  posted on 26/2/2007 at 10:51 PM
this may sound very god-ish of me but i believe there are some people put on the earth to test us. and i believe with all my heart that with a helping hand when nessisary we can all get thrugh our times or perril.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 11:01 PM
What? You belive that by being tested , we are supposed to be going through this shit for a PURPOSE? That we're just going to be forged into something great by going through hardship? If my uncle was put here to test me.. that's a test I could have done without. Really. Ditto with the stepfather. I don't think I really needed the lessons of fear and pain and shame. The fact is, this shit happens FOR NO REASON. It's just extra stupidity that life tosses at you, and if you're capable, you handle it, and if you're not capable, you don't. It's RANDOM. I happened to be born into shit, and other people happened to be born into golden bedsheets. What I made of my life was MY OWN RESPONSIBILITY. As it is for everyone. If you're born into shit, you do what you can to get out of it. Period. If you're born with a priveleged life, it's just as easy to lose that through irresponsibility as it is to keep it through doing what your should.

I do not belive in preordained destiny. I believe that your life is what you make of it.

 

____________________

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 11:01 PM
There is one thing that I can pass on that might seem small, but in reality plays a large part in why some people can survive horrendous circumstances and others end up unable to find a way out. That one thing is keeping your "will" hidden and intact.

Sometimes you've got to hold on to that tiny glimmer of that inner bit of yourself. Call it "will"...call it "ego"...call it "self", but it's that one thing that holds a light that gives you just enough to rebuild and restart once you've made it through all the wickedness. No matter how battered and broken everything is...physically, emotionally, spiritually or any other way a person can be broken, if you've kept that little part of yourself safe and hidden, then you've done well.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

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Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 11:07 PM
Starlight... I agree with you.. up to a point. Yes, I survived mostly by keeping that bit of myself for myself. It kept me sane. Thing is, you have to let it go to someone at some point, or you've lost. You have to make yourself vulnerable to really live. It's the greatest risk of all.. and it's the only one that really makes you feel alive. Emotional risk is the scariest thing in the world to an abused soul... and it's the most important fear to ever get over. Few ever fix this part of themselves after being forced to hide for survival. It's very sad... how lost someone can get. The real trick is to keep it hidden and safe, and know when to let it run free and exposed.

 

____________________

 

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Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 11:13 PM
I'ma go with MJ on this one. Shit happens. There isn't anyone pulling the strings but yourself. The important part of it is to realize that no matter what happens, you're stronger than it. It may take a bit to work of the nerve, or the guts, or the will, or whatever you call it, but dammit, stand up and throw down. That line about "That which does not kill you only makes you stronger is bullshit." Tough stuff only shows you how tough you really are.
And Lgg, I think you're plenty strong. Keep living and learning and you'll get through this okay.

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/2/2007 at 11:17 PM
That which does not kill me only pisses me off. Then it wishes it DID kill me.

 

____________________

 
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