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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/2/2007 at 03:00 AM |
I am with Meranda and Merry on this one...
I too had an abusive father... he was a paranoid schizophrenic, and was
violent (mostly towards my mother, but some towards my brother and I)... my
mother was mostly neglectful... she got us out of there when I was twelve,
but then decided that her teaching license was the most important thing to
her, not her battered and confused daughter, and I was left to my own
devices. On top of that, we were cult members - when I was eighteen, I
escaped to the cult-school... where it got firmly beaten into my head that
the best I could do was just plain not up to snuff... got away from that
and straight into a very unhealthy relationship that dragged me through
homelessness and all sorts of lovely shit like that...
I stress the concept of a plan, because I had none... and here I am at age
thirty, with a child and a factory job and a roof over my head and not much
else... I wish I had someone at age fifteen to tell me things.
There is one trick to the trade that I've figured out along the way...
learn to enjoy the act of survival... there can be a certain joy to just
plain beating the odds and keeping your head above water...
And what Meranda says is so true... after years of learning to protect that
sacred bit of yourself deep within some safe, locked-up place inside of
you... someday, you will find someone with safe hands that you can release
yourself into... and it is important, when you lock that part away... that
you do not throw away the key... no matter how strong or independent you
become as a result of these experiences - you still need love. Just be
sure before you give that piece of yourself away... a good rule of thumb -
no matter how deeply you feel you love someone - if they do not make you
feel like a queen, DON'T GIVE YOUR HEART TO THEM... if you feel uneasiness
around them, DON'T GIVE YOUR HEART TO THEM... if they expect you to fix
things for them without helping you back to the same degree, DON'T GIVE
YOUR HEART TO THEM... after the life you have lived, you may get it into
your head that you do not deserve good things, or you just may be used to
shit... trust me... there are wonderful things out there that will blow
your mind away... don't sell yourself short before you get a chance to
experience them...
*big hugs* poor girl... all this advice heaped on you... I hope we're
helping you and not smothering you! LOL ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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pale-face
Fanatic   Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 07:45 PM |
I see where your all coming from but on the opposite end of the story I
think it would be a terrible life if nothing bad happened to me. With out
some lows to contrast my highs to I would constantly be caught in a limbo
of plain and painfully ordinary. I strongly believe that catharsis is an
essential part of life and without it I would be ignorant to people who
have been, and are dragged through hell on a daily basis. Don’t get me
wrong, I’m not talking down to you, I’m amazed by your stories and trials,
and in no way do I wish times like those upon you, but I’m of the opinion
that these periods of out life let us live more fully after we have
defeated them.
I was 14 when I got kicked out of house and home, in no way was that an
easy experience but with out that knowledge I wouldn’t be able to respect
so thoroughly what I have now. I know it’s very little as compared to the
things many of you have experienced, but I hope you get my point. ____________________
fucking classy.
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 07:56 PM |
It's true... there is value in everything... in pain as well as pleasure...
hell, all of life is valuable... but sometime people seem to think there is
extra value, and somehow extra kudos in having gone through pain... and
even seem to seek it out because it makes them feel special... that is
seriously sick...
but yes, what I have been through (and the way I handled it) has enriched
me... but that is just what life dealt me... I personally would have
perhaps chosen a little less contrast in my life, but oh well. It's made
me who I am and I regret none of it. But I sure as hell wouldn't wish that
sort of life on anyone...
but life is just plain enriching, no matter what it brings. ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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pale-face
Fanatic Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 07:59 PM |
| sorry for not properly clarifying the first time, i hope you understand
more what i was trying to say, and my your reply it seems as though you
did. ____________________
fucking classy.
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Rogue
Member   Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2007 at 08:05 PM |
| I second that. Life is just life. There is no good or bad, no testing or
proving. There is only making the most of the moment you have, and RIGHT
NOW is the only moment you can prove, so suck as much pleasure and
experience from it as you can before it is a dry husk and nothing is left
but the swirling dust of regret. Just a thought, trying to plant seeds. ____________________
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
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