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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/12/2003 at 09:45 PM |
*takes out a shovel* Yeah, I know, I post a lot of topics here. But hey,
it's shiny, new, and needs abuse.
Time to dig a hole for the screaming chamber, since ranting about personal
stuff was so popular under the original thread.
I'll probably need a backhoe, the way I'm feeling.
******************************************************************
Fuck. Fuck. Did I mention fuck? It's my own fault, really; if you fuck
like a man, you have to expect a lot of one-night stands. Fuck me for
being too emotional. Every fucking time. It never fails. I fuck a guy,
think there's no attachment there. Then, when he tells me a week later
that he's in love with someone else, I get upset. Why the HELL do I give a
damn. In the case of my close friend, I udnerstand; I loved him once, and
I still love him as a friend who goes beyond the bonds of family.
But still, damn.
No one ever said life is fair, but, damn it, I'm tired. If I'm meant to
just be someone people play games with, I guess I need to have "Nintendo"
tattooed on my ass,
At this point, I'm actually considering it.
Why do I care about people when they obviously don't give a shit for me?
Maybe I shouldn't expect people to care; God knows I don't deserve to be
cared about--I've had that drilled into my head from time out of mind.
Yes, I was a mistake; the load my mother should have swallowed, if she
wasn't still too afraid of men to fellate my father.
I feel like a rest stop for guys on their way to lover's lane. One last
romp before "true love" or "love of a lifetime." *sigh* Maybe it's no so
much that I'm jealous as I'm annoyed that I have to find a new fucktoy, and
go through the whole "are youo clean?" testing spiel again. Maybe I'm just
too motherly; they ask me for advice, and I give it to them. Hell, maybe
it's the breasts. Or maybe I really am Coyote Ugly.`
Yeah, who am I kidding? I like the pain. I love feeling like a slut and
basing my self-worth on whether or not a man (or woman) comes back for me.
Maybe I enjoy feeling like the world hates me and would be happier if I
were dead. Maybe those abandoment issues and memories of being raped and
abused by people I trusted are holding me back.
I hate drama, and I hate my own the most. I jsut want an ordinary life, a
bit of success, a good bunch of people to call family, maybe some kids in a
few years. Is that so much to ask? Must it always be one fucking crisis
after another? Why can't I just ignore the shit around me and focus on the
good? Why do I absorb all of the shit that's flung at me until I cry tears
of blood? Why do I have to endure all of this? Am I the only one who
can?
******************************************************************
Why am I putting this here? Well, it's the fucking Karma Free Zone, and
I'm damned well going to use it. It's not as if anyone really gives a
shit. No one here knows me except for Feral, and he'll keep my secrets as
well as I've kept his.
I hope I'm not the only one who isn't afraid to scream.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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Shmooth
Member Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/2/2004 at 03:08 PM |
FUCKING
HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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!!!
I just needed to say that.
Thanx for listening. ____________________ Jameel |
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Shmooth
Member Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/1/2004 at 08:53 AM |
Lady C..Remember to breathe.
Breathe deeply. And relax.
Screaming is great..
Yes, life can be hard.
You know what? You are smart. Really, you are.
:-) And if I was older 'n' rich..I'd send you some money. And maybe sleep
with you.
Ya kno what I think? hahaha.. you're going "what?what do you think?"
I think Im 17 years old, and don't know too much about life. You're
thinking "great..just great..advice from a 17 year old".
However, my life is hard at times. But Im blessed with my surroundings for
the time being. This is advice I would give myself.
This isnt advice..just suggestions. So dont bite me and call me a little
shit.
1. Get Dr Atkins age defying diet revolution. Don't just read it. Do it!
Knowing is not enough. The section on boosting your brainpower is great.
(Im not implying anything..As I've already said..You're smart.)
2.Skip rope for 10 minutes before you go to work.
3.No more coffee.
4.No more coffee.
5.Do 1 daily affirmation, such as "I shall not kill".
6.Learn Jet Kun Do.
Also..you could print this story http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/weird/nurse/inde
x_1.html
and change the name of the nurse to some1 you know.. ..and put it
somewhere.
Also.. Expect people to respect you. Dont just bitch about it when they
dont. It's not your responsibility to run the world. You know what's
right. Trust what you know.
Lady..I really feel for you.
Remember...ultimately..you get what you expect. Whether it's consciously or
not.
*kisses you on the hand* Have a nice day. ____________________ Jameel |
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/1/2004 at 02:52 PM |
Alright...I hate people, fucking hate them. I'd like to scrape their eyes
out, spit in the sockets and skull fuck them till I douse their brain with
my never-born children. I hate the fact the the world Dark has been so
mauled by overuse and ubiquity. I hate stuck up little brats that have the
audacity to look shocked when I shoot them down for being a moron.
And I hate, hate...fucking hate...old people.
Mall Walkers, Geri bags. What happened to all the cool old grandfolks? Did
they just turn into nasty fucking soon-to-be-deaders? Every day I get
sneered at by some disapproving old wench.
I don't like children.
I'm trapped and I friggin hate it.
All I want is a single decent fist fight...thats all, just one...
you think it'd be easier to find.
rrrgh.... ____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King |
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tallidaho
Member Posts: 50 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 4/1/2004 at 10:53 PM |
LadyCig: I wish I could do something more to help out. Perhaps if you're
ever in Montana we should get together for some wine... or something. At
least one person from work appreciates your work... and that's how it
starts. You'll survive. And if nothing else, initiate a hostlie takeover
;-)
As far as what pull this individual has on my group of friends... far too
much. Most of my friends are also very very good friends with her, to the
point it's basically an emotional threesome (in the most possibly
screwed-up sense) Oh well.
Hang in there. And IM me sometime ;-) ____________________ Being Passionate is the only way to survive |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 4/1/2004 at 04:42 PM |
tallidaho: thanks, hon. It's been a very, very shitty day.
Incidentally, what kind of pull does this particular nutcase have over your
circle of friends? Some of my closest friends are friends with people I
can't stand, but it doesn't affect the friendship.
Here's a thought to relieve the tension a little: picture burying her up to
her knees in sand--.upside down. Imagine getting one of those little flag
toothpicks and slifing it between her toes. Instant sand castle! *evil
grin*
Work, work work. Some assholes seem to think that, because I sit at a
damned desk all day, I don't actually do anything. I'm still not feeling
too swift, but I came in anyway. time and a half for coming in on call is
a VERY, very good thing.
Now watch the fuckers screw me out of it.
I bust my ass for these people, and for what? I get treated like I'm less
than everyone else just because I'm not licensed. So I don't like to play
in other people's shit--that doesn't make my job any less integral to the
welfare of the patients. I'm there as a facilitator--not your personal
bitch. If you can do something yourself and you see that I'm swamped,
you'd damned well better do it. I was put on thiis job to be a helper, nto
a slave. Everyone else got their breaks on time, but not me. When my
blood sugar gets low, I get more than a little psycho. I was baring my
fangs for the last couple of hours of my shift.
I don't mind working; Lord knows I need the money. What I do
mind, however, is being called in before I'm even on call, and being
called in because the poor little rich preggo daughter of a floor director
was too chicken to come in. It's okay for her to skip but I, who have been
sick as a dog the last couple of days, still have to come in. I also take
offense about being disrespected and taken for granted. My job consists of
a lot of bogus shit, ncluding answering the phone at least once every five
fucking seconds.
I did get thanked by one of the nurses at the end of the shift, though, but
I was too tired to really appreciate it.
Time to drop dead, so to speak.
*sigh*
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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tallidaho
Member Posts: 50 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 4/1/2004 at 08:15 AM |
LadyCig, I hope things work out. We're all pulling for you.
Seeing as how this is a ranting chamber however, here I go
So I get back into Helena yesterday, after being up for almost 72 hours,
and am about to go to bed at 7pm when I get a call from the Girl. The girl
who apparently thinks that my life revolves around her. She says it's fine
that I'm tired, that I want to sleep and will hang out with her tommorrow.
Great. So I go to bed, wake up 13 hours later, and her screenname (yeah, I
know, but she uses it all the time to make little jabs at whoever) says
"back in town and still being ignored"
WHAT THE FUCK!!?????!?!?!??!
She is a good friend. THat is IT. And yet, for some unknown reason, this
girl thinks that I should treat her like a princess. She takes it
personally when I go out with other people. She apparently gets mad when I
don't rush to her arms, and her bed, the instant I get back into town.
Hell, we made out ONCE. That was it. And it was a mistake on my fucking
part. I know she's attracted to me, but I have told her-- we are just
FRIENDS. That is it! And yet, it's always "why haven't you called me" "why
don't you care" "Why do you treat me like this"
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG
If I could, I would just drop her as a friend, totally, but she is one of
the intergral parts of the "inner circle" I've developed here and dropping
her means dropping every meaningful friendship I've got within 300 miles.
It means that once again I have to play the fucking politician.
WHY IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER BEEN HOLY? WHY?
____________________ Being Passionate is the only way to survive |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 4/1/2004 at 06:36 AM |
Oh, for the love of ass-fucking space monkeys...shit!
Gee whiz, I wish my mommy was a floor director so that I could call in
whenever the hell I felt like it. Gee, and wouldn't be nice if I could get
knocked up and have my mommu dearest support me all through life? *snort*
Pathetic.
I wasn't even supposed to be on fucking call until 8 fucking am! But no!
I get called at 6:50 in the fucking morning because princess preggers can't
make it in. She jsut doesn't want to brave the snow. Fucking cowardly
spoiled bitch. *sigh*
Anyway, they're getting me at 8, and no earlier. The fucking morons should
be out in full fucking force today. every punk wtih half a brain will
probably be admitted by the money-hungry motherfuckers. I'm sorry; if you
have a headache, go fucking home and take some fucking motrin. DOn't take
up a fucking hospital bed jsut because you have fucking medicaid.
I don't hate single moms or chicas that have kids as single moms--I just
don't like spoiled bitches who can call in whenever they damned well
please, leaving hte rest of us working stiffs to clean up after them.
And I'm still fucking sick.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 3/1/2004 at 10:57 PM |
On behalf of Wolf and all of the other poor bastards who have to use PC
bongs and the people who care about them: KOREAN COMPUTERS SUCK!
There, now. *sigh*
Fucking pieces of shit.
*sigh*
Kind of like my computer.
I, however, have the advantage of being able to chat naked. =p~
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/12/2003 at 02:58 AM |
So fucking numb...
Why do I feel the way I do? Why do I still love him? Why does just seeing
so happy, and feeling happy for him, why does it hurt so much?
Why can't I just let go? He didn't love me, didn't wnat me. He still
remembers my birthday, he still responds to me, even as I struggle to move
beyond.
I loved you, so very much. I see so much of your kindness and goodness in
all the faces around me. I remember your moments of wisdom and grace, how
you took in so many people. Your heart had room for them all.
I was your constant companion. There was very little I hid from you. You
invited me in, let me become as close as a sister.
But then the kiss...and then I knew how little you thought of me in that
way. I was a mother, sister, confidante. You played me with the skill of
a consummate musician. When we danced to "All My Life" and "Nights in
White Satin," you made me feel like the most beautiful creature...like you
really loved me.
A lot of people thought I was more than your first CMC charity case,
following you around like a stray puppy being fed tidbits of steak. Quite
a few people would have liked to see the two of us at that altar, sharing
that moment you shared with her.
She a lovely woman, but bossy and rude in ways you never toelrated before.
I guess love changes a person's true desires. Was her virginity worth your
freedom? Is that the real reason you pushed me away?
Every relationship I ever had was fucked up because of you. Nothing can
comapre to Adonis, I suppose. I thought maybe I had found my one perfect
love...that all the years of abuse and pain had finally led me to a great
reward.
And it did... I wouldn't trade your friendship for all the money I could
ever possibly want or need. You helped me excel in ways I never would have
on my own. You encouraged me to paint and sing and write...you tried to
understand me as no one else had...you reached me.....
Maybe I loved you because you understood me better than everyone else...you
saw through every facade and broke through every wall I ever set up. I was
vulnerable to you in ways that I never let anyone else feel. While men
took my body, you took my soul. Every kiss I gave was to forget you, and
every caress from another man was to erase your embrace from my memory.
Even my marriage was an attempt to forget you, to repay you for rejecting
me. I deserved all that I suffered at his hand, and I cannot bear him any
malice.
So I'll focus on the here and now, leaving behind the past, and focusing on
an uncertain future. I am numb, and I have no more tears to shed.
It was a really fucking bad day. Hell, it's been a fucking bad week.
Sorry for being maudlin.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 16/12/2003 at 02:20 AM |
AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh! Dammit!
Fuck you guys. Why can't you just go home? Can't you suck up taxpayer
money at home, with family, you little crackhoes? You make working mothers
on Medicaid look bad, you shitbag slackers. And what the fuck is up with
you and your "disabled" status? You look more fit to work than most
people. What the hell are you doing here? Does this look like a fucking
hotel to you? We need the room for people who are really sick, not morons
who want us to wait on them hand and foot.
And fuck you nursing homes and caregivers who just abandon your charges at
the ER before running away to God-knows-where. You are fucking cowards,
and your incosiderate, hateful behavior takes away hospital beds from
patients who really need to be here.
God, I hate the fucking winter. I slave away at the fucking desk, and it's
very rare that I get any help. The nurses get a handful of patients, but I
have to deal with them all, plus the patients at the other nurses station.
Seven fucking admits. One at a fucking time would have been nice. One set
of orders would have been nice. But SEVEN fucking patients, most of them
here for bullshit reasons, with in excess of three pages of orders
apiece.
God, I wish I'd called in when I fell down the fucking stairs. But no,
LC's gotta do her job. It's not fucking fair for me to let everyone else
down.
So, I'm probably in trouble because I cursed in pain when I had to move a
heavy object. It fucking hurts, you fuckers. Haven't you ever fallen down
the fucking stairs before?
Ugh. These are the days I hate my job. The vibe's a little better, though
strained, it being the holiday season and all. Still, it's time to move
on. But where to? Where in the hell am I going? What am I running
from?
What in the hell was I thinking?
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 15/12/2003 at 12:20 AM |
bettie_X: Anything goes in the screaming chamber. The walls are even
padded for those who wish to bang their heads against the wall.
tallidaho: Maybe we emit some sort of pheremone that helps people to their
love destinies...*shrugs* I guess just helping people to their happiness
isn't such a bad thing, but damn...*grin* I wouldn't mind hanging onto a
lover for a bit longer than that.
That being said,
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
It's for all sorts of screaming...lol...
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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tallidaho
Member Posts: 50 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/12/2003 at 11:35 PM |
LadyCyg, I understand. My current count is something like 7 people coming
out as gay, 3 or 4 engaged/married, and one turning to a celibate
priesthood. ____________________ Being Passionate is the only way to survive |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/12/2003 at 11:27 PM |
Is this a general screaming chamber? I'm prepared to delve ahead anyway,
and if it's not I'll get back on topic.
COCKSMOKERS! IT'S FUCKING HOLIDAY SHOPPING SEASON DON'T CALL ME AND EXPECT
ME TO SHOP FOR YOUR LAZY COCKSMOKING ASS OVER THE GODDAMN TELEPHONE
*EEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRR* I FUCKING HATE YOU COME TO THE MALL
LIKE THE REST OF THE RETARDS ASSHOLE AND PICK SHIT OUT YOURSELF! I HATE
YOU!
thx. ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/12/2003 at 07:48 PM |
Want to have true love fall in your lap?
Take me on a date, then wait a week.
It's happened more than once. ____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/12/2003 at 11:11 PM |
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck...*ponders on that word and contemplates on a
song...then fails miserably* AH fuck...
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