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Disillusion: The end |
Posted by
feralucce on Sunday, March 06, 2005 - 04:11 AM PST
NOTE: What you are about to read is accurate, and it is real. No names have been changed... This is disturbing... you have been warned.
Her name was Autumn. She was married to a man named Zach. Zach and Autumn owned an after hours club called “Nitro.” Nitro was a den of iniquity, plain and simple. Zach and Autumn owned a building in the county, making it easy to run a club. They didn't sell liquor so they could get away with being open later than all the bars. It was posted that the club was for people 18 and above, but they didn't card. Marijuana is illegal in missouri, but anyone who REALLY wants it can get it. Zach and Autumn turned a blind eye to pot smoke in the club. Having worked there I think there were two reasons for it. 1) The smokers were suave and subtle about it, and 2) they were intimidated by the clientelle.
This atmosphere leads to a specific type of clientelle. Gangster, thug wannabes. Every other week, there was a gun drawn, the sheriff called, and the customers run off. These people were a nuisance... Some people have said that my opinion of the clients of Nitro makes me racist.
After being threatened, hit by 3 cars, had rocks thrown at me and having a gun drawn on me – I say that my bias was intelligence, not racism. Most Caucasians will say “but I have black friends” - a phrase that raises my ire. Unlike most, I do have black friends. Unlike most, I have stepped between a racist fuckwit and one of my friends. Unlike most, I have been in a fight to defend someone's life from a racist dirtbag.
In spite of this, the behavior of the people that frequented Nitro sickened me.
Late in February, due to the atmosphere of Nitro, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms raided Nitro. A great deal of marijuana was confiscated, and a large number of underage drinkers were arrested. The Sheriff was there... the ATF was there... police, paddy wagons, the whole nine yards of law enforcement was at this relatively small building in the county. And by sunrise, Nitro was no more. Zach and Autumn had no business license.
As long as I have known them, the only thing that really matters was the club. And now, it is gone.
So is Autumn. The next day, her jeep pulled to a stop sign, and stayed there for a minute longer than it had to be. According to witnesses, there was a fire in the jeep. A man ran up and tried to help her. She pulled away, rolled up the windows, and locked the doors. The can of gasoline she had set fire to quickly engulfed the jeep, and herself. Eventually, the vehicle exploded.
I find the human psyche an infinitely confusing maze of contradictory information. I didn't know that I even considered Autumn a friend until I heard of her death. Her death has made a void inside of me... and I hurt, badly from this incident. More than that, it has confused me and destroyed my mental and emotional equilibrium. My best friend said that my intrinsic understanding of the way the universe is supposed to work is why this threw my balance so far off. I sense a void in the world, and everyone I know is involved. At least one person on this site, all of the security people I used to work with there, and my friends on the Boone county fire department.
It seems fitting that a violent death, even self afflicted, should cause a disturbance of immense proportions in the fabric of the universe – if only by the psychic havoc it reeks. It also seems fitting that the lack of completion of a life, when written down, should end as abruptly.
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Average Rating : 4.0
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The end | Login/Create an account | 7 Comments |
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Re: The end
by callei on Mar 07, 2005 - 07:20 AM
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Iam sorry for your loss and for having to have yet one more strange and awful death around you.
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Re: The end
by EyeCandyRayce on Mar 09, 2005 - 01:31 AM
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I'm sorry to sound cold but I've been around the block a few times so allow me to input my 2 cents.
"2) they were intimidated by the clientelle."
I have no respect for anyone who is intimidated by anyone. 1. Anyone who wants to successful at any business has got to be a hard ass. Either they run their business the way they want it to be or they let random people run it for them. I don't know about you but if I started a business I would it my way even if my friends didn't like it. If they didn't understand it was a business and my dream of how that business should be.. then fuck em because I would have made my dream clear from the start. And 2. I am afraid of no one. That is just me. Hell, ask Devin and MRD who know me personally.
I also have no sympathy for suicide. Yes... I cry when my friends end their life because it is a great lose to haminity but when you look at humanity as a whole... that loss is not so great.
I had a highschool friend who had just received word that she had been excepted to Harvard walk out in front of a car in front of the highschool. We all thought it was an accident until the suicide letter was found on her bedroom desk. She was upset because her boyfriend dumped her and she felt lost without him.
At that point I lost all sympathy. I've been there, even rencently which is more than 10 years later, but the truth is that either you are strong or you are not. The fabrics of the universe are not made by people who freak out because they can't control their life. The fabrics of the universe are made by people who can and fight life to the death!!
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Re: The end by EyeCandyRayce on Mar 09, 2005 - 10:13 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.raycedesign.com/eyecandy/ | This came off a little harsh. That happens when I have little sleep. All work and no play makes Rayce a bitch.
Lose of a good person is always hard to take. I may not find sympathy for people who kill themselves but their lose is still felt. That is originally what I had meant to say but it didn't come that way at all.
I shouldn't post on 3 hours sleep a night working two jobs. |
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Re: The end
by Maranda (maranda@somewhere.com)
on Mar 09, 2005 - 06:42 PM
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There are places that hold people together, for good or bad. Regardless of what kind of people frequent them or how they behave, there are places that are nexuses (nexi?) of human interaction. They provide small havens from the isolation that our culture does a good job of forcing on us. We are a very disconnected people, and yet there are some people who seem tasked with creating spaces where people can connect. What happens in those spaces may not always be positive, but those who try to give people somewhere to find each other are doing admirable work.
That might be why this death was so disturbing. This woman had a job to do, and she won't be doing it anymore, and there aren't enough people who even try. Hopefully something positive will rise out of the ashes.
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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Re: The end
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Mar 12, 2005 - 03:20 AM
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I think that perhaps what shakes up the fabric is the absolute selfishness of the act. Most people have at least some small part of them the recognizes the feelings of others, call it empathy, sympathy, or just downright humanity. When someone is capable of something as unhuman as suicide, so selfish und utterly unexplainable, it makes the whole world feel topsy turvy.
The same is true of homicide, which is perhaps why every day seems so unbalanced. There are always the dying and the dead, and those of use who haven't made up our minds yet, we have to deal with it.
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