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Articles: Growing Up |
Posted by
SindelChaos on Tuesday, January 07, 2003 - 04:10 AM PST
You know, I just turned sixteen and I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I was made the person I am today. The flaws in my life and the changes I could have made is just the beginning. I really have been thinking about the last couple of years and the way I have lived through my experiences. I remember the first day I came to school wearing all black beginning my change phase(too early I later realized) *walks into time machine and the world blurs*
8th grade
I walked down the halls in black make up, black fingernail polish, black clothes, and dyed black hair. People gawked at me. They started with the devil worshipper comments.
Me: "NO, I'M GOTHIC"
What the hell was I "The Prodigy"? Apparently because they got to see the usual 'babygoth' high school goth that most see and most stereotype. What we like to call the metalhead child. Yeah, I was pissed at the world and I listened to angry, angry music. I wore my black duster with the little holes made in it for summer and winter wear over almost all my clothes. 7 months of that, and I was sick of it. I just wasn't all that angry. Sure, all these people liked to flock in their own herds and make fun of little people and stuff like that. Either they were getting over it or I was accepting it.
9th grade
Multicolored lipstick, black eyeliner, black fingernail polish, black hair, and semi colored clothing. I stopped wearing my duster as often. By winter of that year, dusters were the "in" thing at my school. I got rid of most the angry music. I opened up to real gothic music and went back to my elementary love, classical. My happiness or I thought at the time came to my town but, it turned out being my biggest enemy......HOT TOPIC.
At first, it was cool. Then, I came to my school and I saw something so horrific. I thought I'd rather die than stay. To my left, girl wearing black lipstick and fingernail polish, to my right, cheap renaissance clothes, to my front all the little metal heads thriving in their new Ozzy clothes talking about how gothic they were. I almost fainted. They had become what I had just gotten over. A plague had hit my school. I then learned a very important lesson. I wasn't being me. Well, I was in a way but, I let myself go to the point that I wasn't doing some things I really enjoyed doing anymore. I had to become the Sarah I am, instead of Sarah the cold-hearted "goth." From then on, labels meant shit to me. I still use the terms but, they don't mean the same to me as some do. I mean, every soup can has a label or you wouldn't know what tin can was which flavor.
10th grade
Mostly red lipstick multicolored going with certain outfits, multicolored eyeliner and shadows, multicolored fingernail polish, black hair, and multicolored clothes. I am pissed again at the world but, then again, its sort of my fault. I didn’t do all my homework and this is what it got me. Raving idiots. I walked down the hall one day wearing orange lipstick and a neon dress with black polyester pants under it. Some people liked it but, as for the "serious hot topic shoppers" I had become a 'poseur'. I didn't care of course. The next month, I see all these popular girls running around with pants under their dresses. Double take on that one. I guess I have become a trendsetter and it annoys the fuck out of me. People treat me like shit and then steal what I wear...
I wonder what 11th grade is going to be like?
Which brings me to this conclusion. We can't really be different. We are ALL the same there is no hiding it. We are white, brown, black, red, yellow or a mix. We either have long, short, medium, wavy, curly, straight, frizzy, or fried hair and if not those we are buzz cut or shaved. We are female, male, or hermaphrodite. We breathe oxygen, we shit, we piss, we may do this in different ways but we do it all the same. We are either dead or alive. The only way someone is truly different is if they have three eyes, four legs, and one tit or something to that effect and even then, those people are known as freaks or cripples. You can't have an original thought because no thought is truly original. There have been so many people living on this planet and have thought so many things, everything was thought of 12 centuries ago. Now whether those thoughts were carried out, is a different story. No thought is original. It makes me wish I was living back in the caveman era. Hell yeah, that would be cool to have a thought back then.
So in closing, people suck, no thought is original, so be happy you are human.
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Growing Up | Login/Create an account | 25 Comments |
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Re: Growing Up
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom)
on Jan 07, 2003 - 09:22 AM
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You pretty much hit the nail on the head. Growing up sucks, people suck, hot topic sucks.
My first year at college, some of the metal heads in my class asked me if I liked Cradle of Filth, when I said that I never listened to them, one said that they were the most gothic metal band around, they also couldn't believe that I had never been in a Hot Topic. Well, a few years later, I still never listened to Cradle of Filth, and I still haven't bought anything in a hot topic.
And you'll find that no matter what you do, if you are the first to do it, they'll hate you for it, then they'll start doing it, of course by then, you'll have moved on to different things, which in turn they'll hate you for. Best I can say, is just do what you want to do, have fun, and make the most of the time you spend there.
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Re: Growing Up by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 07, 2003 - 10:32 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | You know, for a company that started on the back of a motorcycle and out of a garage it's not friggin bad. I remember when hot topic was still cool, and then it became COOLER to hate it...simply because "THOSE people" (ie: preppies, trendies, "normal" people as they are so affectionately called) started shopping there.
I think it got started because some retards called it a "goth store", and when the discovered that they didn't sell EXCLUSIVELY "goth" stuff they got undies in a wad and decided that it sucked simply because they didn't have their own little club to dress from. I see more people bitching and moaning about how stupid hot topic is, when I can pick out half their outfit as being from said "stupid store" and that cracks me up. These same people are the ones that skirt to the goth stuff at the back of the store, don't talk, don't make eye contact, rifle through the stuff as quickly as possibly, pay and leave all to be sure none of their friends see them THERE.
It's like heroine....everyone's doing it, but NOBODY'll admit to it *lol*
I used to have the same misconceptions about it too...that OMG they're SO trendy and only LOSERS shop there and it's SUCH a rippoff blah blah blah...until I realised that they pick up small time artists that they believe in and MAKE them big time artists (amy brown, brian fraud) and that if they hear a band that is AMAZING, but struggling and has no label, they will PUT that band on a label so they can get their music out there, and let them take their career from there. They did that for Kittie, and several other bands that I can't think of right now.
By the way, they treat their employees like friggin GOLD :)
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Hot Topic by Arthegarn on Jan 07, 2003 - 05:01 PM (User info | Send a Message) | Ammm... What on earth is a Hot Topic? Remember the onesies problem? |
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Re: Growing Up by Closetgothbabe on Jan 07, 2003 - 05:10 PM (User info | Send a Message) | I shop at Hot Topic...they have kick ass fishnets for only like 6 to 8 bucks!! If you go to fucking any other store your gonna pay a ridiculous amount of money for them. In fact I buy all my hose from there. I also love there makeup, I mean how can you go wrong with latex eyeliner...hehehe |
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Re: Growing Up by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 08, 2003 - 01:57 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Well depends on your choice of pants. MOST of the men's dickies are $24-28 and the slacks are NEVER over $35 (find some of those same brands at the bon marche and you'll realise how cheap they ARE!).
But if your choice of pants are the giant strappy buckley glowing black light plastic flappy zippy multi pocketed deals, you have to remember....SOMEONE has to put all that crap on them, then sell them to hot topic, then THEY have to sell it and still make a profit.
Dickies I've found a couple bucks cheaper, but WAY cheaper at this scary ghetto shopping center in downtown tacoma called the B&I (like $10 cheaper) but it's dirty and it's scary and its in a scary place and out of the way *eep*
Wait for the $10 off pants sales and save up one of those punch cards for 15%. Save ya a bundle there boy, I tell ya. Or clearance....clearance ANYTHING rocks my world. |
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Re: Growing Up by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 08, 2003 - 02:00 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | TOTALLY...and they have some seriously cute ass stuff! Little stretchy red pinstripe jackets and pants, skull shit...I mean hell yeah you'd look like a goon if you TRIED to dress TOTALLY out of that store, but picking up choice items here and there make some pretty slammin outfits! |
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Re: Growing Up by Schizo on Jan 08, 2003 - 05:54 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | Exactly, Bettie! I know that a little spider-web and skull necklace was the absolutely perfect touch to my little black maternity dress with the pink roses from Motherhood!
I don't shop there often, cuz we have stores around here with better selection (lucky me!), and besides, it's a pain in the ass to try to navigate the mall when Headlines is right on the way to Hootenanny's, which is right across from Newbury Comics!
Now, if I only had some spending money... |
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Re: Growing Up by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 08, 2003 - 11:06 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | I know, a long time ago they got in these ADORABLE little purple ragdoll sundress', and I tried it on thinking "man I look pregnant in this" and then thought if I ever get knocked up, I'm heading to the LipService site and SOO buying one. |
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Re: Growing Up by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom) on Jan 07, 2003 - 08:08 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | My only problem with Hot Topic is the price. One of the few times I was in one, I saw some shorts that I liked, right up until I saw the price tag.
Everything there was just too expensive, yeah I know, welcome to the real world where things cost money. I still like my fantasy world where I can buy nice things for $20. |
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Being special
by Arthegarn on Jan 07, 2003 - 05:32 PM
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I try to imagine what would I have done if I had had someone like you as my classmate 14 or 12 years ago. Well I'd probably have found you intriguing, tried to talk to you and then left for my books as all nerds are cursed to do, and I was as nerd as they come.
It's curious, sometimes I wonder if I'm growing up at all. I am an enfant terrible and always will be. When I was 18 I went to the university wearing a tie and a jacket and carrying a suitcase just because I was supposed to do anything other than that. I was supposed to be rebel and non-conformist. Well, eat my shorts. Now I am a lawyer and teach college students and now I take every excuse to dress as a goth in public (even on court once, I really should post that pic). Perhaps I misguided my career, I should have been a clown...
But I don't share your conclussion. We are NOT all the same. This fine site is a proof of it. The point is that if we try to copy those who are different from us by their appareance we'll just look different but not be different.
Ortega y Gasset (my favourite philosopher) said almost a century ago that differences are desirable as long as they make a person better. He called these people who had a characteristic that made them different (in the better sense of the word) elite. "Sometimes we hear an idea so finelly expressed, a feeling so purely felt, a gesture so properly made that it grows within us the desire to make ours that idea, to feel that feeling, to own that gesture. not just to imitate it, but to make it ours, to be the person able to make such a thing that caused such an impression on us". The idea behind that paragraph is that mimicking what others do is a primitive way to try to improve ourselves and, as it's primitive and relies in the surface, it fails. And with that failure comes a subjective impression that, just because one was mimicking and posing. the other was also posing.
Perhaps as I grew up I started seeing what was in reality that I admired in the people I admired and tried to make that, and only that, mine. When you don't try to be someone else and just try to be yourself, a little more polished, then you are starting to be special.
Because really special people are always themselves.
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Re: Growing Up
by feralucce on Jan 07, 2003 - 05:55 PM
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you make a classic blunder in your first paragraph...your life is not flawed... it just is... not perfect... not flawed... iut just exists....
I've never called a babybat a metalhead child... WE all evolve differently... reading what you have written... I am corious... why do you have to be different.. it horrified you that they all liked it? Screw trying to be different... just be yourself...
-also-
I take offense at being called human...
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Re: Growing Up by Anonymous-Coward on Jan 08, 2003 - 12:19 AM | i strongly belive in what feralucce said, dont try to be different just be yourself, thats what i strive to be is no1 but myself and if oneself happens to be queer in the head and looks funny then so be it. no offense to any persons here but i take offense at being called a goth because its not something that i am, same with punk, metalhead ill go with but why do we have to have labels anyway, whats wrong with just being a chunk of matter who has a brain and suposedly a soul???
i have just recently moved from BC to Alberta to get better dance training and i would not be allowed to have come if i didnt go to a special day program for people to go Vimy Ridge Acadamy and dance in the day so that we get off at five and its supposedly to give us more time in the evening, the only thing it does is make the lessons cheaper, but the academic part of it (for an individual) is as close to torture as anyone can get, for one thing they have a dress code/uniform, a very strict one at that, the first semester isent even over and ive gotten in trouble for blue lipstick (its not a natural color) striped red lipstick(they WERE a natrual color) cutting the coller out of a tshirt and again when i wore it sewed up, cutting off my sweatpants and again when sewed up, pins, dark eye makeup, hat (many times), green arm tights, blue arm tights, black arm tights (twice) wearing streetclothes under my hoodie, not have dress shirt tucked in, black tights with lots of runs, etc. would you belive that they can get you for drawing on yourself too. -cannot wait to get out, cannot wait to get out- *counts the days untill it all ends*
last year and the year before althogh i went to a very free high school in BC where i was as much myself as wanted to be, hell i even wore fairy wings to school once! they were cool i had to.....
ok and to the point of all that, be yourself and no-one else and dont let anybody stop you cus boy they will try...
the ruthless |
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Re: Growing Up by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com) on Jan 08, 2003 - 12:27 AM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | that was not an anonymous coward that was me and i refuse to be called that cus im not, dunno why it didnt post right though...
the ruthless |
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Re: Growing Up by Schizo on Jan 08, 2003 - 05:47 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | I'm confused - if you're offended by being called a goth, why do you call yourself gothicmorman? |
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Re: Growing Up by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com) on Jan 11, 2003 - 02:15 AM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | actually schizo was rite but in not actually offended persay by being called a goth its just something i have to correct becuase im not... its not me if i called myself that it would be weird...
and i call myself gothicmorman becuase its an equilizer, goths are intellectual types and mormans are corrupt cult worshipers.... well almost... and so by having both in one word neutrilizes the meaning to be something in between witch i consider to be, just me...
the ruthless |
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Re: Growing Up by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 11, 2003 - 10:03 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | No, mormons are just very very very religious. I've known quite a few of them that were really great (even offered to show me their mandatory sacred underpants *snicker*) and a few that were quite crazy. No different than xians, just a zillion times more organized and prepared. I tell ya brother, if the shit hit the fan and we faced a major catastrophe, you better believe I wanna be next door to a typical large mormon family, because they are prepared 24/7 to take care of themselves AND their neighbors in a crisis. A pillar of their faith is to be prepared to care for your community, neighbors, and family at all costs.
But yeah, sometimes it can be very very wierd *lol* |
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Re: Growing Up by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com) on Jan 11, 2003 - 11:25 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://devin.vibechild.com/ | Actually, I used to hang out with a bunch of mormons in hawaii. They were the early 20's mormons that were escaping from their parents. Most of the girls were strippers. The boys were raver types that did way too much E - either that or gay drama queens. One nice thing you can say about mormons is they got the rest of us beat 10 times over when it comes to rebelling. Definately more fun than rebellious suburban kids. |
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mmmm....donut cult...mmmmm by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jan 11, 2003 - 11:59 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | LOL they were probably all yelling at the guy that sends the on their mission "HAWAII IS THE NEXUS OF EVIL! WE MUST SAVE HAWAII! And we're JUST the fine young lads to DO IT, I SWEAR!"
Mormonism is THE ultimate place to come from to rebel against, true DAT. I mean it's one of the most STRICT religions, and for some wonky genetic reason (has to be) they're WAY better at rebelling than catholic girls *snicker*
There was one that worked at a mall I worked at, and he was actually FIGHTING his church's demand that he prepare for his mission. He went on "vacation" for a week or so and came back and said "how the good fight, buddy?" and he said "I'm gong to guam."
"really, gave up did ya?"
"No, I just realised how important it is."
(enter SERIOUSLY monotone 'prerecorded' voice when he talks now)
"Guam?! You have to go to GUAM?!"
"I thought it over with the pastor and it's a good idea for me to go."
"Listen, last week you were even more against being forced on a "mission" than ever before. You just changed your mind like that?"
"It's a good idea for me to go."
"Huh. Really."
"It's a good idea for me to go."
I was FREAKED OUT! He turned all robot on the MENTION of his mission!
This was the SAME kid that helped me understand mormonism via description of an eclair. EVERYONE goes to the big fat sticky eclair when they die. EVERYONE. Some are the chocolate frosting, some are the nummy crusty donut part, but to getting to the pudding in the middle was the whole idea of mormonism.
Seeming how I prolly have no chance in hell of getting pudding, I can handle swimming in chocolate frosting for the rest of my afterlife *snicker*
All in all mormons a'int bad....cept for the ones I had the "jesus vs. satan" door picture posting battle with (ie: "THIS IS WAR") and the other group of them I saw holding up and infant cooing "who's gonna be a soldier for god? Who is? YOU are, yes you are gonna be a little soldier for god, yes you are!"
I like the eclair version better. Can't lose if you ask me :P |
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Re: Growing Up by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com) on Jan 17, 2003 - 03:32 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com | Doing your own thing, whether others are doing it at the time or not is a sign of individuality. Doing it well (such as spelling out words rather than using cheesy leet speak) is a sign of maturity. |
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Re: Growing Up
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jan 09, 2003 - 02:20 AM
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happy birthday sindel :)
Lots of truth to what you've said, yes dear yes.
"growing up" is one of the bloodiest, messiest, terrifying, and confusing things on this earth. It's not supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be in essence a school of Hard Knocks to prepare you for the pummeling of life after public education. They are not the best years of your life, but can be the most interesting.
You couldn't PAY me to do it again, even if I could make it however I wanted. Never in a million years. Nope, no way.
It's hard to grasp those around you and their actions and behaviors, because like each of us, they live in their own perception of the world and how it works. They, like we do, find like minded individuals (or people they WANT to be like-minded with for whatever reasons) and go from there. It's the best you can do...learn to survive on your own, or survive in a small herd.
I can look back in my highschool anual (oh cripes it's bad, believe me) and not even recognize myself, who I was, nor do I even KNOW what made me like the people I hung out with (I think I figured saftey in numbers...more decoys so as I could make an easier escape). I haven't spoken to a single one of them after leaving school early and heading to college. I left and well, that was that.
Even tho the years between school age and "adulthood" are rather short, they are huge, and in two years you won't even recognize who you were back then. Four years and ugh....you don't stop growing when you think you've finally got it figured out. It does a loopdeeloo and you start from point 0 again, but with a few more notches in your lipstick case and some knowhow to make it less traumatic.
As for everyone being the same, yes and no.
Yes, we all are human, have thumbs, thinking capacity, strive for some sort of satisfaction with ourselves and our lives, iron out our personal identities, have goals and dreams of our very own.
But very different because those goals and dreams and personal identies and such are our own, nobody else's, personal. Our ways of thinking on certain items, our likes and dislikes, all are individual from our individual experiences, and yes, even the members of the "herd", tho not always obvious, all have their own personal dreams and identies whether they are strong enough to voice them or follow them.
I've run into SEVERAL of my old classmates from years ago, and some are the same and always will be, and some have changed, "grown up", or finally just "got it". Some I never spoke to, or never wanted to speak to me, but running into me, for them, was like running into an old friend, someone to remember "the days" with, even tho I was rarely a part of it. Eager to talk, eager to listen, and eager to meet and do it again sometime, maybe over coffee, or a drink, whenever is good for you, here's my number, we should get together and catch up.
I think my turning point in "growing up" came from meeting these people, the very banes of my existence from years ago....and realizing that I'm not the only one that changed. Realizing that they had experiences of their own, tragedies and triumphs and exploits, and that they've gotten over old social barriers and bullshit, and just want to share them with a familiar face.
There's a lot more to growing up than realising that you "have"...it's realising and accepting that others have too. It's realising that others have dropped the bullshit, and that perhaps we have our own bullshit to drop too.
It's a tall order.
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Re: Growing Up
by Anya on Jan 19, 2003 - 12:49 AM
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We all have our "original" qualities that separate us from everyone else, but I do agree - nothing is completely original.
An artist can become the next Picasso, but something must have inspired his works. No matter how creative or different some of us try to pose as, it all comes down to that no one is 100% original, 100% perfect, or 100% good or evil (not to say there is no good or evil, but that black and white term sometimes tampers with my patience).
I use to be a poseur myself. During my childhood (not sure if it's a typical trait or not among people) I use to try to fit in. I'd try to act hyperactive (but not to say I cannot do that being myself) and myself when depressed and tried to go with the typical trends, but when I hit...say...13 or so, I didn't feel right and accepted the fact that I have flaws myself. It somewhat added to my sociopathic side for I wasn't conforming to the "common trend", but I am who I am despite what other people say or think. There's likely some people out there walking in my shoes...*shrugs*
One thing some people fail to understand is it's "who" and not "what." When I see people making comments like "Damn Muslims and ragheads - they should all die!", it makes me frown. If I was anymore blunt, I would have said, "I hate to break it up to you, buddy, but there's just as much Americans committing atrocity as there are Arabians."
So en conclucion, no one is the same as everyone else, but at the same time, no one is totally different from everyone else. Even if the "most accurate" tests define you as one of the 1% of the world population, there's still those who are on the same boat...if that test is correct at all.
(Forgive me if I made this comment a tad long-winded, but I thought Sindel brought up a good point.)
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