The Issues
Date Thursday, March 28, 2024 - 11:36 AM PST
Topic Theories


The girl looked shocked when I had finished speaking. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

This is the story of my life. HONESTLY. Most of you have come to understand me... A little bit over the last few years. A couple of you have understood me from day one, but they knew me in real time before that. They knew the difficulties I had, but they never knew why. They just knew that I was damaged goods.

Long ago, when I had first stumbled onto the Shmeng scene, I stated that I had a reason for being like I was. At that time, most people assumed that I was just emotionally mangled and left it at that. That is not the case. You see, I have Asperger's Syndrome. Asperger's syndrome falls into what the modern psychological society calls the autism spectrum. The autistic spectrum includes Autism (of course), Asperger's Syndrome, Rett's Disorder, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Semantic Pragmatic Communication Disorder, Hyperlexia and shows many relationships to ADHD.

There is no single feature that AS (Asperger's Syndrome) people share. Yet, social interactions are almost universally difficult for all of us, and is considered one of earmarks in diagnostics. When you walk up to a person – typically, you can, within a few moments assess their emotional state. When you talk to them, you can sense wit, humor and irony simply through cadence, body language and their eyes. People with AS lack this ability. The subtext of social interaction is something that is lost to us. Further, it is exceptionally difficult for AS to express our own emotional state. As a result of this, I cannot count the times that I have made a comment based in positive and “good” intent, but ended up upsetting or offending someone else. One example is the article about seeing spirits. My commentary there, was interpreted as being pissy, when this was simply not the case. Since very few know about my condition, no one ever explains WHY they react like they do, I am eternally mystified by their reactions.

It is also exceptionally difficult for the AS to understand what is “acceptable” when dealing with other humans. There are these currents of social interaction that rely on a series of unwritten rules. These currents ebb and flow, and from one moment to the next, may be radically different, even if the people and place have not changed. This is impossible for the AS to grasp. What you do naturally, we cannot even begin to fathom. It is so pervasively disturbing, that the community of support for AS calls it “the hidden curriculum.”

Some of the more subtle social behaviors that you engage in are purely instinctual. Every human when meeting someone new will, within an instant, look at the new person's eyes, set of the shoulders and hips, and if the new one is male, you will look at their crotch. Don't deny it, now that I have pointed it out, you will catch yourself doing it when it happens. Looking at the eyes will tell you if they are focused on you, whether or not they view you as worthy of true interaction. The position of hips and shoulders will tell you, as any martial artist are trained to recognize, whether their intent is violent, tense, or relaxed. Lastly, looking at the crotch for women is to verify breeding potential, and for men it to asses threats to his breeding pool.

As you grow and interact, you simply absorb the social interactive standards of your society. In the western world, you maintain a certain distance when communicating, you look each other in the eyes, but don't stare. In Asian cultures, the concept of personal space is truncated, so they tend to stand closer. Making eye contact with anyone outside of your social level in many neolithic societies can be considered a challenge or a threat. No matter where you grew up, you know how do do this without thinking about it.

For AS, it is a completely different issue entirely. We have to learn these unwritten rules. We have to have someone teach them to us. That is right, we have to have someone teach them to us. There is no absorbing it naturally. As a result, our social skills, even when proper, don't sit right with most people. Some think we are fake or contrived. And frankly, I can see why. It is not intuitive or based in emotional interaction, it is a logical response, math-like in execution. If person A does this, and person B reacts like this, then the best response would be C or maybe D.

Most people cannot even begin to comprehend how this is possible. I will admit that I take a certain sense of satisfaction when normal people are as mystified by me as I am by them. Alien interaction should be like that, you know. I believe being mystified and confused by another person can re-introduce wonder to your life.

Non-autistics understand another's cognitive and emotional state almost instinctively through a process called empathy. Logically speaking, you gather this information from the environment, their facial expression, and body language. Other nonverbal clues such as cadence, word choice and timing of speech play a major factor as well. AS are severely impaired in this area. Sometimes it is referred to as mind blindness. We do not have the ability to intuitively understand or recognize the thoughts and feelings of others. Without this insight, things get rough. We cannot interpret the desires or intentions of others. Without that information, it is difficult to predict what to expect of others, and what others expect of us. This often leads to social calamity, and inappropriate response to given social stimuli. Simply put, since we cannot predict it, our social math is deprived of an equation to work with – the result of which is guessing at the correct answer on the multiple choice list – often the wrong one.

Many people feel that the AS is pedantic, or worse, stubborn. That is simply not true. Being exceptionally literal in a world of metaphor, we find it hard to make ourselves understood. The average human being wears masks, different ones for different occasions. They use nuances in communication and word choice that are context sensitive. Since they wear the masks, the same as everyone else, they are used to looking for motive and “true meaning” in what others say. This is not possible for AS and when a normal person comes in contact with one of us, they find it hard to believe that there is no motive beyond what we say. We mean what we say, and due to our thought processes and literal nature, we say exactly what we mean. This is baffling to both parties.

Communication is impossible without a common frame of reference. That reference is language. If you and I speak completely disparate languages and have no training in each other's language it is difficult to make each other understand the other. For example, I hold up a white ceramic coffee cup filled with a steaming amber liquid that smells faintly of cloves and apples and say “svanke.” What concept am I trying to convey. Is it cup? Is it steam? Is it hot? Is it spiced cider, clove, white, ceramic? Or is my language so concise that we have a word for “a white ceramic coffee cup filled with mulled, spiced and cloven cider at precisely 145 degrees Fahrenheit on a tuesday morning on the palm of my hand”?

The literal nature of the AS mind makes communication hard for all involved. Within the framework of language, we have to go with the dictionary definitions unless someone tells us differently. I'll admit it, growing up, I read the dictionary and encyclopedia. My vocabulary is enormous. Because of that, I encounter many people mis-using words all the time. In their conversations, I don't care.

In an intellectual debate, I have witnessed many AS defining words. We don't do it to annoy you, we do it to align the framework of language to our interests so we CAN communicate. As an example: I was in a Russian Civilization course in college. During the introductory lecture, the professor said that the most important and defining aspect of a culture and more specifically a community was language; communication. I raised my hand and asked a question. “For the purposes of our class and discussion, what is the definition of communication?” The teacher blinked at me and asked “What do you mean?” The class snickered at me and I continued, “Many neolithic societies demonstrate behaviors that are identical to our primate cousins. Studies have shown that primates that use tools will teach others of their kind to do the same. These two behaviors indicate communication of some sort. So, what is our definition of communication?” The professor said, “The definition is not important.” This answer vexed me, but before I could raise my hand, another student did. “But sir? If it is the defining aspect of a culture, and that is the most important aspect of this class, shouldn't we define it to be certain we are all on the same page?” It turns out that Casey was also AS.

Since we are so literal in our definitions of words and communication, when we say or write something, and the response does not have certain clues or earmarks that logically should follow our commentary, we assume (often wrongly, but more often rightly) that we did not succeed in communicating the thought that we were attempting to convey. So, we try again, rewording the concept and thought. It is not stubbornness or an inability or unwillingness to change our position. My views on most topics change very rapidly as people bring up good points, introduce information I was not aware of, or do more research on the subject.

The true issue most of us experience is that we are so often misunderstood emotionally, that we assume that intellectually, we will be just as misunderstood. On some level, I am certain that this is a true and accurate statement. The reason I feel this is so is simple. Everything that most people do is tainted with emotion. That is why normal people find it so hard to write a truly objective report or article. Their opinion colors it. The average person has so many shades of each of emotion. We don't. I either love it or hate it or don't give a shit. There is no middle ground. When you read something, you expect certain emotions to be attached at some level to certain words.

So, when I write a piece, I say exactly what I mean without the emotional undercurrents most people associate with the words I choose. Therefore, assumptions are made as to my intent. Frustrating for both. For you because I didn't meant what you think I mean, and me because I cannot seem to find the frame of reference for our conversation - a double whammy. So, your reactions indicate that you are interpreting what I say through a lens of your emotional response and expectation which is not the same as what I say.

As a result, I repeat myself. Well, not exactly. I repeat the thought, worded in a different way. Hopefully, this will help you understand exactly what I say. I listen to or read the response, hoping to see or hear those clues that tell me I succeeded. If not I try again. You see, the burden of understanding lies with the communicator. That is not an excuse for misunderstanding, that is a statement of responsibility on my part. This is often misinterpreted as stubbornness, clinging to my thoughts. This is not the case, I am simply trying to make myself completely understood within the framework of our language.

That is it in a nutshell. Wikipedia has a series of points that are necessary to remember when dealing with AS.

1.Difficulty reading the social and emotional messages in the eyes - People with AS don't look at eyes often, and when they do, they can't read them.

2.Making literal interpretation - AS individuals have trouble interpreting colloquialisms, sarcasm, and metaphors.

3.Being considered disrespectful and rude - Prone to egocentric behavior, individuals with Asperger's miss cues and warning signs that this behavior is inappropriate.

4.Honesty and deception - Children with Asperger's are often considered "too honest" and have difficulty being deceptive, even at the expense of hurting someone's feelings.

5.Becoming aware of making social errors - As children with Asperger's mature, and become aware of their inability to connect, their fear of making a social mistake, and their self-criticism when they do so, can lead to social phobia.

6.A sense of paranoia - Because of their inability to connect, persons with Asperger's have trouble distinguishing the difference between the deliberate or accidental actions of others, which can in turn lead to a feeling of paranoia.

7.Managing conflict - Being unable to understand other points of view can lead to inflexibility and an inability to negotiate conflict resolution. Once the conflict is resolved, remorse may not be evident.

8.Awareness of hurting the feelings of others - A lack of empathy often leads to unintentionally offensive or insensitive behaviors.

9.Repairing someone's feelings - Lacking intuition about the feelings of others, people with AS have little understanding of how to console someone or how to make them feel better.

10.Recognizing signs of boredom - Inability to understand other people's interests can lead AS persons to be inattentive to others. Conversely, people with AS often fail to notice when others are uninterested.

11.Introspection and self-consciousness - Individuals with AS have difficulty understanding their own feelings or their impact on the feelings of other people.

12.Clothing and personal hygiene - People with AS tend to be less affected by peer pressure than others. As a result, they often do what is comfortable and are unconcerned about their impact on others.

13.Reciprocal love and grief - Since people with AS have difficulty emotionally, their expressions of affection and grief are often short and weak.

14.Understanding of embarrassment and faux pas - Although persons with AS have an intellectual understanding of embarrassment and faux pas, they are unable to grasp concepts on an emotional level.

15.Coping with criticism - People with AS are compelled to correct mistakes, even when they are made by someone in
a position of authority, such as a teacher. For this reason, they can be unwittingly offensive.

16.Speed and quality of social processing - Because they respond through reasoning and not intuition, AS individuals tend to process social information more slowly than the norm, leading to uncomfortable pauses or delays in response. This means that although the AS individual will tend to make a more reasoned and balanced understanding and/or decision, it can lead to the AS individual being told to use their 'common sense' to solve problems, a concept they cannot understand or use in the way a neurotypical person can.

17.Exhaustion - As people with AS begin to understand theory of mind, they must make a deliberate effort to process social information. This often leads to mental exhaustion.

I always have a problem closing articles, I don't want them to just die, but I can never find an emotionally satisfying conclusion. I guess that is the root of the whole thing really. So I will say, simply, the end.

This article comes from Shmeng
http://www.shmeng.com/

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