Spice in the Vanilla Rack Date Friday, April 26, 2024 - 01:56 PM PST Topic Rant Everyone has some kind of vague idea of what kind of relationship would make him or her happy. Some people are even pretty clear on what kind of people they are attracted to. I'm constantly hearing people talking about their soul mate, or saying, "maybe I've found The One". I've found that the best thing to do is to keep my mouth shut and not say a word - but I shouldn't have to. In this overly politically correct world, why is it still so politically incorrect to prefer to be with more than one person? To keep people from being offended, we've changed the English language to accommodate black folks as African Americans, garbage men as Sanitation Engineers, and midgets as Vertically Challenged. Yet I'm still a fucking weirdo. Well, I am a very offended fucking weirdo thank you very much. I am offended daily by the media and by conversations I overhear, and even by conversations that I'm a part of. I was even talking to a gay couple once who thought that they should be able to get married, but I shouldn't be able to marry the 2 girls I was seeing at the time if I'd wanted to. They said I should have to pick one. Watching the latest round of reality TV dating shows has gotten me thinking about this again. The fairy tale ending was obviously designed to appeal to the largest possible audience, but it only succeeded in alienating me. Instead of thinking "Oh how sweet", I was thinking, "Why did they make him pick one, when he obviously would have been happier with both?" I was also thinking "Too bad that could never be me on that show". Nobody would make a show like that where the contestant got to pick 2 people in the end. I personally think it would be fun and amusing as hell, it would put a whole new spin on things - but it would never happen. The politically correct would not allow it for fear of offending someone. This offends me yet again. Another interesting part of this dilemma which I've noticed for years is that there are quite a few people out there who agree with me in principal. They call themselves polyamourous, and there are some surprisingly large communities of them across America. My impression of the Seattle "Scene" is a bunch of fat bored married people, and a bunch of psycho slutty stripper bimbos who need to eat something besides lithium. Although technically I am polyamourous, I rejected the term long ago because these communities have rejected me. It seems the vast majority of polyamourous people don't consider you poly if you're single. Apparently you have to be married, or otherwise romantically involved to have a license to use that label. To me, that's like saying you're not gay unless you're currently sleeping with someone of the same sex. I have had people tell me over and over that committing yourself to just one person is the ultimate in intimacy, so I of course had to try it for myself. I tried repeatedly. In my days of searching for an identity I tried everything. I tried it enough different ways to rule out the possibility that I was doing it wrong. I finally realized that the people who were telling me these things had not tried it my way, and didn't know the difference. (Trying a threesome once with people who don't share well doesn't count). The arguments always seem to come back to tiresome old topics like commitment, loyalty, faithfulness, and cheating. I've pretended to understand, but I never fully have, how these words came to be used to mean monogamous. Commitment is commitment whether it's to one person or 50. Faithfulness and loyalty don't have any different meaning just because they are applied to more than one person. Cheating is cheating, but if you're not lying to anyone or doing something behind his or her back, and you have the permission of everyone involved, it is not cheating by any stretch of the imagination. All of these thoughts are better discussed elsewhere on the net, so I'll stop here. I've also noticed that a lot of people try and connect it to the adolescent fantasy of sleeping with two girls to try and understand it. It really doesn't have much to do with the adolescent fantasy at all. There's nothing quite as erotic as 3 way kisses in the shower, but I'm sure everyone agrees that fun sex does not necessarily make a satisfying relationship. The intimacy comes from sharing everything. Sharing sexual partners and romantic interests is pretty much the ultimate in sharing. It also eliminates most of the bigger things that monogamous couples find themselves lying about. The lack of secrets or, more specifically, the lack of reasons to keep secrets makes for a kind of trust that you just can't get in a vanilla relationship. It's about the conspiratorial whispers and late night giggle sessions where one person is telling the other about a date with a third. It's about hearing details about a date when you know you might get some of the same. It's about the way people listen to your date stories when they know they might get some of the same. It's about having someone to lean on who really does understand and care when a lover leaves. All of these things create intimacy in ways that monogamous people refuse to even contemplate. Knowing what you want is the first step to getting it. I've heard this over and over, but nobody ever seems to mention that knowing what you want eliminates most of your options. There is no longer any point in continuing to date somebody after I know that they will never share well. I'm not opposed to meeting people and finding new friends, but I'm not even sure I need more friends to tell me I'm a weirdo. So if you are one of those people who complains about not being able to find "The One", this article is to let you know that people are quietly laughing at you. I know it seems like a tragedy to you that you can't find your other half, but for those of us looking for our other two thirds or more, I'm sure you can see how it would be amusing. Be grateful that you only have to find someone who fits well with you, and don't have to worry about how they get along with another person. This article was written about a year ago and never posted. I just found it and cleaned it up This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=662