How to get you and your partner laid Date Friday, April 19, 2024 - 01:51 AM PST Topic Smut This is a whole new level of commitment, acceptance, respect, tenderness, kindness, communication, negotiation, and smut. When getting laid or even well laid, most of what you risk is your illusions. When getting laid by more than one person most of what you risk is your self-image. When you and your partner have group sex you risk your illusions, your self-image and your relationship. There are some really bad reasons to try this like trying to “save” your relationship or because you are bored. Don’t do it because someone else pressures you into it or because it looked fun in some porno you saw. Don’t do it if one of you thinks its wrong, bad, or out of bounds. Don’t do it because it is your partner’s dirty little fantasy, unless its your dirty little fantasy too. Decide what you want, what you don't want, and what is acceptable. First decide if this is really what you want. Think about how it would actually happen, not what you've seen in porno's. It's nothing like how it looks in porn. Think about all the stuff that will be happening when you're not naked and slippery. Think about all the talking you'll have to do. Think about what issues can arise between you and with the new person or people. Think about how you will deal with them before they happen. Make sure you and your hunting partner(s) agree on what you're looking for ahead of time. It's really hard to have those conversations after the hunt has started. Talk to lots of people Not just people you're interested in. Talk to people who do this a lot. They're the ones who can tell you the details of how to make it work. When they tell you that you need to learn to communicate, they're telling you something that you don't know. Yes they are. Really.. If you can be totally out of the closet about this, talk to everybody about it. It will increase your chances immensely. There's really not much bad that can come from people knowing these things. Some people will naturally have issues with it, but nothing they won't get over. Do you really want friends with those kinds of issues anyway? Even if you're talking to somebody who doesn't approve or want to play with you, they probably know people who do. If those people get introduced to you, you have that many more prospects to inspect. Be sure you are both ready If one person (or both) isn't ready for it - it will NOT be fun. It will not be sexy. It will not be anything like what anyone wants it to be. Instead of looking for situations like this, take the time to talk about it. Make sure everyone knows exactly what is expected and wanted, and exactly how the other person will feel about each part. If there are ANY problems between you, anything at all, this will be a very BAD experience. If you are not totally secure with each other, and are not extremely good at talking about negative things the second you think them, playing with other people can easily end your relationship. It will probably end with lots of yelling and throwing things. If there's any tension at all, you need to address it and get rid of it. Polishing yourselves up will not only make you more able to handle any ickyness that comes up, it will also make you much more attractive to the people who might want to play this way. Get yourselves ready enough, and situations will fall in your lap. Hunt together Doing the hunting together ensures that neither party will be disappointed with the choices in playmates. Have signals/signs - sometimes it's not possible to talk to your partner about whether or not something is ok before the opportunity disappears. It also ensures that potential playmates will not be disappointed when they find out there's more than one of you. Don't just hunt together for someone you're interested in. Do it all the time. Flirt with your friends - you may not be able to seduce them, but it'll help you and your partner learn how to play off of each other. It's good practice. This kind of flirting can be intensely fun for the new person, and it lets them know that this is really something you both want. It's very worth practicing. Oh and masturbate a lot, together and separately. Tell each other what you think about so you can help each other do those things later. Hunting together is about conspiring, it doesn't have to be real. Fantasyland can be just as bonding. Have signals/signs Come up with signals and quick ways of approving or rejecting each other's choices. It's a good idea to have some non-verbal signals if you can't read your partners eyes like a book. Sometimes it's not possible to talk to your partner about whether or not something is ok before the opportunity disappears. And for the more subtle things like "well, I'm not totally sure darling, i think i want to think about it a bit more and talk about something else for a while and maybe try that person over there instead" you better be darned sure that you are reading the same book they are writing. Ask the potential early and often if they want to play By asking people early, you save time. If they don't want to play, you probably won't make them change their minds. That doesn't mean they won't change their minds, but once they know you're interested, they can do it on their own. Sometimes after someone has said no, they will get to know you both better and see how you are, and after having time to think about it, they will change their minds and approach you Be clear about the game Be clear with each other about exactly what you're doing. You can't conspire if you're not both on the same page. If one of you is after a one night thing, and one is after a new relationship, things will go very badly for both of you. Tell the people you're going to play with exactly what you want to do. Being straight up about what you want is the first step to getting it. Manipulation only works for sorority girls trying to fuck frat boys. Keep trying Things won't work sometimes. Accept it. Deal with it. Do it again. Don't get so attached to a situation that you can't get out of it the second it starts looking like it's going to be bad. Just escape, lick your each other's wounds, and try again elsewhere. Keep an open mind Just because something isn't what you wanted doesn't mean it won't be good. Practice evaluating situations quickly so you can decide if you can make them work before the opportunity vanishes. If something falls in your lap, don't reject it just because it's not exactly what you've seen in the pornos. Life does mirror porn sometimes, but if you don't hear the music, you're not in one. Don't hog the pillows http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=636&mode=nested&order=1&thold=-1 Use condoms If you haven't been sleeping with the new person for at least 6 months, it's not even reasonable to start talking about not using protection. If your partner wants to not use them, it's your job to smack sense into them. If they are smacking sense into you, listen to them, So now you have faced complicated sex, full of trust issues. You have seen your lover change and know that you too have changed. Your relationship has withstood time, other people, and by now, even a flu or two. Now what? Written by (in alphabetic order) callei, Devin, and Shade This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=651