Overpopulation: Problem
Date Friday, March 29, 2024 - 05:22 AM PST
Topic Rant


The Earth's population growth is equivalent to around three babies per second. Frankly, there are too many people here already for us to be popping out any more. Starvation, homelessness, and overcrowding are standard occurrences for humans. I can't walk down the street during the day without someone bumping into me, and it's not always because of their stupidity: there just isn't enough room for every person to live comfortably. People need to stop having babies.
My mother came from an Irish Catholic family with seven brothers and sisters; her parents before her had more than five siblings each. I have, on my maternal side, over twenty cousins in my family. If each of my aunts and uncles had saved their genes and had not produced their last child, we would save hundred of dollars on Christmas presents and dinners during the holidays. There would be fewer relatives' birthdays to remember, fewer flowery baby announcements, fewer screaming children during family gatherings.

It seems that all exceptionally large families share this same characteristic: they're Irish. And if the family is Irish, it probably is Catholic as well. Therefore, any family that is Irish Catholic consists of at least five children, with the two parents married since high school. The cause of overpopulation on the Earth is the Irish. Look at any ordinary French, German, Canadian, etc. family, and you can be sure that they will have at the very most three children. Ask these families why they decided to stop having kids, and their answer will be simple and immediate: they know how many they can handle. This statement may make it seem as if these non-Irish families are weak and unable to control the responsibility of a large family, but it is quite the opposite. It is the Irish who are weak. The Celts do not know when to stop having babies; the mere thought of another cute infant face looking up at them from the crib turns their brains to mush, making them pop out baby after baby consistently.

Back in the nineteenth century, overpopulation of the Irish was cured by a huge famine; whole masses of people dropped dead, and eventually everything got back to normal and they weren't starving anymore. Why Darwinism hasn't struck again and fixed this more modern problem is beyond me, but one of these days there will be more Irish in the world than any other nationality, which means increased beer production. More specifically, Guinness will outweigh any other alcoholic beverage on the market, and if you've ever tasted the stuff you'll know how horrendous a prospect that is. Thick, foamy, syrupy brew sticking itself to your palate without any other means of respite is definitely the worst form of torture. Why the Irish love this drink is beyond me, and I'm one of them.

With Guinness flowing everywhere, little red-haired babies screaming and running around, and lilting folk music reverberating through the skulls of the populace, Hell has arisen to the surface of the Earth and claimed domination over humans. It will be a world in which the Irish have multiplied to colossal proportions, a world where bar brawls break out even in church. The prospect of such a society brings tears to my eyes. Tears that spill forth all the sorrows of the next generation, filled with hatred for all the fools who procreated over and over, only to add to the filthy destruction of our society. The Irish are a virus even more dangerous than Aproaerema modicella NPV, able to infect the very core of the earth.

If our fiery-haired Celtic cousins are allowed to reproduce and flourish, then the entire human race is doomed to an eternity of Sinéad O'Connor songs and potato dishes. Overpopulation isn't just a small problem that can be overlooked; it is an issue that affects each and every person on the planet.

Even our law enforcers are Irish. Every single cop in New York City is Catholic and Celtic, with five brothers that are also policemen in the same area. When 5 o'clock hits downtown, the bars are swarmed to their fullest capacity with redheads, all cops who forego their civic duty in favor of the Irish tradition of happy hour. A world filled with drunken Irish cops rampaging through the streets fills my mind with terror.

What is the state of our world right now, you ask? The population of the earth is roughly 6,259,551,600, equivalent to…a lot. Our growth per year is 76 million, and within each year, at least 27,000 plant and animal species die out completely. As humans increase in number, the natural order of life becomes increasingly unbalanced. Eventually, everything will topple down and collapse, leaving nothing but desolate, barren land-and the Irish.

Not only will the world be filled with drunken Irishmen if they're allowed to continue to procreate, it will be filled with drunken, poor Irishmen. Grimy downtown sidewalks will be littered with rag-covered women and children, groping passers-by at every opportunity with their grubby, greedy hands. It will be worse, though less boring, than Les Misérables. Homelessness in America right now is up to 3 million people, 35% of which are white. I can guarantee you that the entirety of that percentage is made up of people of Irish descent; more than any other nationality, they spend the most money on alcohol, which leads me back into the issue of an overabundance of Guinness and Murphy's when the Irish claim control of the Earth through excessive breeding. In Ireland, I believe that even the children drink ale throughout the day; it would explain their running around without any shoes or socks on in the middle of winter. Where in most cultures a mother will breastfeed her infant to nourish it, the Celtic shove a bottle of beer into the babies' mouths, teaching them at a young age the importance of a good brew.

Most likely, as the children become older, they move up to stouter ale, building up their tolerance until adulthood. The average 200 lb. male can handle about five beers before he becomes incomprehensibly drunk. The average Irish man can drink until his ears bleed, and he'll only feel a bit tipsy. The main cause of bar brawls it intense levels of testosterone in an enclosed area, not because of drunkenness, as most people believe. While increased fighting due to a higher ratio of Irish people would seem to diminish the number of the living, thereby solving the overpopulation problem, the amount of brawl-related deaths in relation to the number of births per year is hardly enough to keep the population in check. So wherein lies the solution to the Irish controlling the Earth?

In fifty years from now, the world's population is expected to top at 9 billion. That would mean about 8 billion Celtic pop bands, 20 billion potato farms, and over 50 billion pubs. Ireland, with its rolling green hills, vast moors, and misty coastlines, is a recipe for disaster. If the Irish are permitted to continue their frivolous drinking and breeding, the end of the world as we know it will soon come to pass.


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