PA Madness Date Thursday, April 18, 2024 - 01:07 PM PST Topic Icky People Hello people! It's good to be back. I just spent the weekend in sunny PA meeting relatives I haven't seen in years. I wish I had stayed home. The only bright points were the trip out and the trip back, since it was my first time flying. That was exhilarating. I saw several relatives who I haven't seen for about 3 years, and I must say I was horrified to note emptiness and hollowness in some of my favorites. And a favorite little cousin grown up to be a little brat. It was good seeing Grandpa, because, in spite of his illness, his personality is essentially unchanged. And I also saw my cousin Luke, who is the other freak in the family. He sort of paved the way and gave me the courage to step out. He's younger than me, just 20, and devastatingly handsome. Got into trouble, but starting to take responsibility for himself, and I am so proud of him. That was a bright point, too, I guess! But then, of course, were my parents. I had forgotten what empty shells they both were. My father, the paranoid schizophrenic, personality drowned in medication, fat, disgusting, dogmatic. My mother, with an intensely brilliant mind, but emotions tucked away so violently that all she can muster is a kind of vapid cheerfulness that pretends she has a good life. But if you push her enough she will break down into violent tears. I didn't push her. And of course, the morning I left, and let me inform you, this is 5 o'clock in the morning, Mom felt "led" to start sermonizing me. She knows I am living with my boyfriend. I have convinced her (without ever really telling a lie, just telling the truth selectively) that we are not sleeping together. She is naive enough to buy that. Although some sort of inner common sense keeps bothering her. But that morning she decided to break out with a vehement paragraph or two on how I needed to do things God's way. Then, of course, Dad had to chime in with his 2 cents worth. "Read your Bible and be led!" he shouted from the livingroom. Like you have, sir? So you were led to beat and abuse your wife and shoot at imaginary people? So you are led to sit around the house and live off of her hard work? So you were led to nearly ruin my life, and leave me so broken that I tried to commit suicide when I was 19? Like hell I'm going to take one bit of advice you give me! And Mom knows the crazy bent of my personality that makes me LONG to do just the opposite of anything she tells me. Even if I hadn't been sleeping with him already, I might just do it on the strength of her lecture, and she knows it! Yet she feels it is somehow her duty to force some part of this diatribe down my throat every time we talk. I am seriously almost ready to just disappear from the family. Why put myself through this? Why should I be the target of all of her insecurities? I can only just barely manage to brush her advice enough aside so that I can actually do some of the things she says that I really wanted to do! Mom and Dad are coming up here next week. I'm going to have to introduce my boyfriend to them. I am dreading it. I never want to see them again. There's no point. All Mom and I ever end up doing is fighting, and I never speak to Dad if I can help it, and I'm just miserable when they're around. I wish I could just forget about them. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=45