Fried Witch Fritters
Date Friday, March 29, 2024 - 06:07 AM PST
Topic Icky People


I consider myself a friendly person, although a little easily given to violence, I generally don't fly off the handle all that much ( *cough cough, bullshit, cough*). I did find out my pet peeve though, I found it, experienced it, and burned it to the fucking ground.
First off all...I like witches, honest ones ya' know. I think Buddhists are neat, I think Catholics are fascinating, I find Spiritualists and Druidics all to be yummy things with many different flavors to experiance...I respect their ways, and respective roads ('specially since my own weaves through all of 'em in some way shape or form) and I tend to view 'em all as sort of a spiritual all-you-can eat buffet. Boy did I find some rotten apples.

It happened just a coupla' days ago really...I went to a "counterculture bar" in the little town I know live in, Portersville...ya' know, the town with the one horse? Well, I was bored, itchy for some action and alltogether fed-up with the lame ersatz stuff goin' on around me...so I check out the place.

It wasn't so great, limp music that sounded a lil' canned, weird redneck goths, that really did defy any further explanation and a healthy dash of punks, ravers, fetishist and the sort...normally a place I'd feel perfectly comfortable in, 'cept it just didn't sit right.

I had a few drinks, danced with a few girls, made the requisite small talk...and before long, I started attracting attention. Mostly me just being loud and laughing...but a few people approached me, started up a conversation and then I found the maggots.

Like I said, I like witches...these kids said they were witches, so initially I took a liking to 'em, we traded some stories, got to knowin' eachother.

They didn't click right though, apparently they worshipped Ba'al and a thingie named Menno (or however it's spelled) they talked about power, and rituals and magic and stuff. Right around there I just sorta' clicked off my end of the conversation and listened. (And yeah, I remembered Menno being the guy from The Craft).

They started getting a bit more off right around there...one of 'em claimed to be a "Blood Druid" and wore black during his midnight rituals (consisting of sacrificing hamsters, mice, and rats he'd buy at the local pet store). A girl, who was actually kinda' pretty explained that she was possessed by a succubus and had power over men. A poor mixed up kid claimed to be an ancient Wiccan spirit that was born in the dark ages some time ago (Isn't Wiccan a modern adaptation of an old way? I don't think the old girls called themselves Wiccan...). I was starting to get bored, and insulted by these guys, but there was one last kid who was real quiet over in the corner...so I asked him what his deal was. Yup,

"Vampire"

Apparently I had the dubious honor of sitting next to a three hundred year old Vampire lord...of clan "such and such"

I asked him "Really?" he said "yes"

I asked him two more times...he replied affirmitive each time.

I don't like liars...but curiosity was nippin' at my nay-nays so I chatted 'em up a bit and learned some more.

Apparently a few weeks ago they had tried to summon a great spirit by sacrificing a wild animal (they caught it when it was half-alive on the side of a road).

I asked 'em what sort a critter they went and killed...they said it was a Coyote.

I happen to like Coyotes...

I might have been rash, and maybe even an instant narrow-minded witch-hunter right about then, but I figured it was time to go to war and teach these kids a lesson.
I stood up, and told them I was going to show them what I was, in all my glory...if they'd follow me out into the alley in the back.

Morons.

Once I got 'em out there I told them they had all of three seconds to do their absolute damndest to kill me or I was sure as hell going to break them all in half. They just sorta' looked at me incredulously for awhile...which burned up their three seconds.

Vampire boy went down crying, Blood Druid kid was pale and gasping and the Ancient Wiccan Coyote-killer was either unconcious or playing dead. Not much to describe really...I think the Vampire kid tried to bite me, so I punched him in the mouth. The rest of it was just ass-beating.

I don't like hitting girls, so I didn't hit the succubus...but she went off and tried to use her "powers of seduction" on me.

Needless to say, the poor dear really wasn't that enticing, just sort of silly and sad looking, standing there trying to tap into my deeper urges...I've seen better. I told her so...she cried and ran off.

Right about then I just got sorta' sick to my stomach.

I know there has to have been an easier and nicer way to have done that, I could have just walked away...but...shit.
Honesty I prize, Liars I universally loathe...and liars who have convinced themselves, I tend to just pity.

I honestly don't know what I would have done if I had to replay that event...but I am sorta' glad I didn't seriously hurt any of them...just knocked some sense into 'em.

I think people like that are an insult to people who actually practice those beliefs, who treasure those dreams.

Hopefully they learned something...

Hopefully I'm not as much of an ass as I think I may have been....maybe I was just spoilin' for a fight ya' know?

ah, fuck it...

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