I've learned so much
Date Friday, March 29, 2024 - 12:29 AM PST
Topic Experiences


Being new to Shmeng, young, and arrogant I took everything to heart. I took a lot of things the wrong way, I didn't want to listen to anyone else because I thought I was right. But now I realize that I was wrong and I have learned a lot from all of you.
Out of my own ignorance I've made an ass of myself. I know that probably all of you can agree. I know I'm probably still very ignorant toward things but I try to be open minded. Of the forum I made on the girls, Shade opened my mind. I was just thinking like the school thought, like my mom thought, as I was taught to think. Now I realize that independant thought is something I've been lacking but also something that I emulated through experience here. I've also realized that most of the things girls get in trouble for at school are petty.

For example, a girl was wearing one of those rugby shirts and she leaned across the lunch table because someone (jokingly) stole her fork. Her shirt went up as she leaned revealing a little of her back and one of the ladies who monitored the cafeteria yelled at her to either pull her shirt down or pull her pants up. I think they're getting a little too technical since nothing was revealed in that moment.

I've learned from the people here that things DO need to be looked at from all different perspectives. I've learned that it isn't smart to say things from one point of view when I haven't tried looking at it a different way. Ignorance is taught and it's hard to break past it.

I've learned that I can't be so judgmental towards people because I judge too quickly, therefore wrongly. I have been trying hard not to judge anybody I don't REALLY know and not to judge things that I haven't tried. That doesn't include drugs or the obvious.

Another example is this beautiful new girl. She moved here from California and has a great personality. I asked somebody if they knew her and all I got was, "she's a snobby slut." They said she's a slut because the clothes she wore to volleyball practice; shorts and a tank top. They said she's snobby because she's pretty and they reject anyone who has true beauty.

I realized that most of my ignorance wasn't taught by my parents but by my peers. Now I surround myself with people who judge wisely or don't judge at all. I don't like to be judged so what gives me the right to judge someone else. I just don't know why it took some words and a lot of thinking to figure all this out. Of course, my eyes were shut.

I am still judged. I tried changing myself last year so I could have more friends. I wore light colors instead of dark colors, pink instead of blood red. It didn't sit well with me emotionally because I never ever wore light colors. I didn't care, I had “friends”. I realized at the end of the summer that those friends weren't worth the change so I changed back and it's been hard. They make you and you loose yourself. I'm still regaining what I lost and it's a very hard time for me.

Whoever says clothes don't affect your personality is wrong. I was cruel to people. I was very cruel and it was because I walked and talked, dressed like these girls. I used the stupid phrases, looked down on people who were "scrubby" but I never felt good, thankfully it didn't make me feel good. I felt like a poseur and I was. I didn't fit in right away because they had to "test" me. I knew I was different but I didn't want to be. I always used to take pride in being different. But then I started thinking that their group was the only group to belong to.

I still sit at one end of their lunch table. What isn't realized is that their gossip can be heard at our end. We can hear what they say. When they talk straight to me they don't call me the names they call me when they think I'm not listening.

They smile at me and talk to me and they don't make a comment about my being different, not to my face. When my friends talk about those girls I don't talk with them. It doesn't make me feel good and it always gets back to the person.

Shmeng has been my wake up call. So I want to thank everybody for helping me to become a better person. The gratitude I feel cannot be expressed in words. I am more careful with what I say thanks to all of you, and I'm more careful about who I say it to. I don't care what other people think about me, a strong trait. Because once you start caring it's hard to stop. The hardest thing to do is to be yourself.

Believe it or not you all gave me courage to stand up for what I believe in, not give in to what other people say. Thanks to all of you I'm not such an elitist bitch anymore.

I know I still have much to learn but thank you, all of you, for everything, whether it was intended or not.

The moral of the story kiddies: You're not goth if you hate preps - you're goth if you convert them.
This article comes from Shmeng
http://www.shmeng.com/

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