When You Find You're Falling, Dive Date Thursday, April 25, 2024 - 06:33 AM PST Topic Beauty Alright, I blurted it out earlier in a forum, but here goes a full report on what's probably one of the stranger events in my life, all twenty-one long years of it (ha-ha). I, Dolorosa, have gone off and fallen in love...and what makes it strange, is that I've had it returned to me in kind. Alright, a couple weeks ago, we got a large influx of new people on the island. More personnel and all that, it just so happens that I ran into these two girls. One of them was a dark eyed brunette with a sweet demeanor and friendly mannerisms, the other was a younger blonde girl with a wickedly barbed sense of humor, and these endless brown eyes that seemed so much older than her years. I do my usual thing, take 'em out, show them the island...and immediatly, we hit out on a really great friendship. I feel like I've known these two for freaking ever. I'm sure something like this has happened to a lot of you, maybe past lives or something. Anyhow, it struck me weird the first night we went out and got wasted at a local bar. As fun as they were, as cute as I thought the blonde was...I didn't really set out to get in their pants...which is standard operating procedure for me. I deviated, and instead of trying to charm and woo my way into their bedroom, I instead, just relaxed (finally) cut loos and had an unadultrated good time. We got to know eachother better, particularly me and the blonde girl (for reason of privacy lets just call her...ah...crud, I suck at this, the "blonde girl" is gonna' have to do.) We start spending a lot more time together, not flirting really...just sitting outside, under the sky, talking about things. She isn't goth, and she isn't punk, she's sort of her own little mix of different counter-cultures. We talked about our families, what we had lived through, and what we had suffered through in our younger years. She had had a hard life, same as me, but what really got me was the way she took it. She doesn't look at her past as something to cry about, or a crutch...I've never heard her use her past as a defense. Instead, she shrugged it off and continued on, stating that "Survive is really the only thing I've always been able to do." I think thats when I started to crush a little. Here was this girl, a few years my younger, but so much more mature than myself, although, don't get me wrong...she goofs off just as bad...she just does it for the same reasons I do. Some more time passes, and pretty much, when I'm not working, I'm with her...just talking, playing around and having fun. The crush begins to bite a bit deeper...I still don't want to get under her skirt (I wouldn't have minded though) but in all honesty, I simply enjoyed being around her...she made me happy, she didn't need to say or do anything, she just did. Then finally I find out she's familiar with one of my old favs, Vampire the Masquerade. Wheee! We dish out some characters for a Dark Ages game with a couple of friends, and I bust out a story, My buddy Morte Ascendo (Who I incidentally invited to the site...) grouped up with us, and one night, after a couple shots of capn' morgan and coke, we get down to the story. I doubt I've told a better story in my life. I had only planned to play for about four hours, but they kept me going until we'd past the eight or nine hour mark. After that I think she started looking at me a little differently. I keep a lot of emotional crap buried pretty fucking deep inside me, I don't talk about my problems, and if asked about my feelings, I generally do something nuts, to divert attention...in my stories, I sort of let everything out. Well, a couple more sessions go by, and we finally start camping out in their room. By a strange quirk of fate, all floor space was taken up, so she said it would be alright if I crashed in her bed. We slept in our clothes, she was under the blankets, I was to the far other side. I didn't sleep to well, my heart was pounding the shit out of my chest. From what I found out later, she didn't sleep much either. Then...maybe, two days later...we crash out like usual, and we're laying there. She tells me she's been having a lot of nightmares, this place can do that to you. So I tell her, in all honesty, I may not be able to do anything, but I can try and help. So she asks me to hold her hand while she sleeps. (You know, I should have probably gotten' the hint by then...but god help me, I'm really really dumb when it comes to actual emotions.) I comply of course...and she falls asleep. So I lay there, watching her sleep fitfully. Making those little sounds grrls make when they dream. And I just sort of completely fall head over heels in fucking love right then and there. And to tell you the truth, it scared the shit out of me. I started trembling a little right there, and I didn't stop until morning. At almost three in the morning she starts turning a lot...and it freaks me out, because she keeps inadvertantly pulling me closer to her, and I don't want her to wake up with me all over her and get creeped out. I do not want to make my friend uncomfortable at all, particularly regarding myself. But she won't let go of my hand. Then, without warning, she flips onto her side and pulls my arms across her...in something breathtakingly reminescent of a lover's cradle, you know, where you just lay on your side close together, the guy type holding the grrl. And I just sort of freaking crumble right there. I'm used to chasing, I'm used to actively hunting out my next partner...but I had the distinct feeling I was the prey. After what seemed like several tense hours, which was probably closer to half a minute...she sighs...and pulls my fingers up to her mouth, eyes still closed, and brushes them across her lips. Dink, game over for Dolo. I just let impulse guide me through the rest. I kissed her neck, she turned...opened those endless brown eyes of hers and stared at me directly in the heart. The little huntress had snared me totally. A couple things flickered through my mind as we just sort of got lost in one another. She had had the same problems with people as I always have, terrified to ever make a long lasting relationship, because of military life, life in general, and how easy it was to get truly and deeply hurt. She had said it as had I, "Sometimes you let something good slip away because your too blinded by fear of what it might be, instead of realizing what it is." We both took a chance, although she initiated. We both threw away our old war wounds of the heart and just gave in to what might have began as a simple attraction. I won't go into the details of that night any further. I'm a barbarian, but I'd like to pretend to be a gentleman every so often. In any case...suddenly everything has changed. I don't run around after grrls anymore, I just run around her. I still laugh and dance and play the merry fool. But now I can really laugh, I can truly have fun...instead of just pretending. Fuck...everything's so different, it's like I'm on some really awesome peyote or something. We're still a little shy about expressing our affections in front of other people...no making out like high schoolers at the smoke deck. But we don't really have to either. I have her, and she so totally has me. And you guys are my witness to this, I may not be anyone's night in shining armor...but I'd slay a dragon or six for her any day. And I will not, ever allow myself to hurt her, like the two of us have been so many times before. Even if it doesn't last forever...well, lets get poetic huh? It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all yah? By the way, this morning I shot a commie in my pajamas...how he got in my pajamas, I'll never know. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=324