A secret of my own accord. Date Wednesday, April 24, 2024 - 03:02 PM PST Topic Beauty Well, I realized that have only posted Rants on here, and being that my life is not comprimised of completely bad things, I figured I would share something GOOD with you guys! If you don't want to hear about the following topics, then stop reading now: Love, Admiration, Secret Admirer, Valentines Day, Old Flame, Beauty, Poetry, and of course - E-mail. My valentines days usually suck, so this year, I decided to hole myself up, and spend some quality time online, doing homework, and venting about how much V-Day sucks. Well, when I was at work, I thought of something that blew my mind. I had been having these dreams involving someone from my past. I had always had feelings for this certain lady, but as life always works out badly, I knew I didn't have a chance. Well, I thought I didn't. As the years went by, I'd grown affectionate of her, caring about her in a way I'd dare not name, not until right before Valentines Day, about three weeks ago. I was talking to this person online, pleading with her not to go back to her ex, because he is an ucky person, and she told me she did have her eye on someone else. When I asked her who, her answer led me to believe that it could be me. Well, I'm always fluxuating form Optomism to Pessimism, and the latter had reared it's head, so I just didn't believe it could be me. That's when the dreams started. Since then, about 15 minutes before I wake up every day, I dream I am laying in my bed.... with her.... naked.... holding her, caressing her hair, telling her something that I cannot hear, and she says the same thing back ("I love you" I think?) and she pulls me tighter, her head laying on my chest. For that moment I feel complete and utter bliss.... and then I wake up squeezing my pillow.... Each morning since has been the happiest and most miserable morning of my life, all in once. I believe the correct term is "Bittersweet". Well, On Valentines Day, I decided to write her poetry, as I am a poet (wink). I sent it to her, under a random e-mail account unlinkable to me, and signed it "Your Admirer". I did it for One majro reason: Her life has been so shitty because of her ex making her miserable when she was with him AND when she wasn't. She was miserable all the time, and I wanted to do somthing to show her that A. She is a very beautiful person, and B. There are people out there that love her, and care abotu her, and she needn't waste her time on him. Well, I got an e-mail back, saying that if it was heartfelt that I had broken her dissonance, and that it did make her happy. When I saw her later, I found out from my friend that she was almost ecstatic about having a secret admirer, and she didn't know it was me. Well, since the first one worked so good, I wanted to keep her happy, (that's all that matters to me), and since I have written various other poetry about her/for her/to her, I decided to send 2 more in the next two weeks. Well, I guess the last e-mail hinted too much about me, because just this morning, I got a second e-mail from her, asking if it was me. My name specifically. First feeling was "Oh shit! I'm fucked!!!", because I could already see her knowing it was me, feeling really wierd, and just not being my friend any more. Which is NOT what I want. It means so much to me to have her in my life, even if just as a friend. So I sent something back saying that I won't answer Yes, because I would likely forfeit any hope of her in my life again, and lose someone so special to me, but I won't answer NO because I would be lying to her, and myself. I also sent this link: http://uwakimono.keenspace.com/mllty1.html because it pretty much hits right in my heart. And now, I sit, waiting for life to bring what dreams may come.... and what perils may be..... Thank you for listening to my babbling. Phalkon13 This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=279