Rats, Bats, Flats Date Thursday, April 25, 2024 - 06:38 AM PST Topic Experiences Preamble: Ok, first I need to give a little scenery, then I'll get to the story and the ramblings and the questions. This is really amusing, and I have no idea what to do. Scenery I need to give a short description of my house, it will be clear in a minute be patient. (Click for Description). Now that we've got that over with, you'll notice where the posts meet the roof, there's some space there for critters to hang out. That's the backdrop for this story. History: A while back i noticed at the bottom of one of the posts, some rat shit. Not what any homeowner wants to deal with, but it could be worse. So I set some rat traps. When I didn't catch anything, I figured they had gone, so I busted out the power sprayer and hosed the shit away and forgot about it. It was one of the posts that's far away from the doors and I never go over there anyway. Story: Yesterday, I was out on my deck when I noticed next to the post closest to where I chill and smoke - you guessed it. Rat shit. Bleh - the little fuckers didn't leave. So I grumped over to the power sprayer and sprayed the shit off my deck. Grrrrrr. I looked up but didn't see any signs of rats. There's space where the posts connect to the roof for a rat to get into the 8 inch space between the top and bottom layers of the roof. I was thinking fuck, how am I going to get them out of there if they don't like cheese. Conflict: I stood there all pissy with the power sprayer in my hands and I have no idea why it took any thought at all, but it finally dawned on me and with an evil chuckle I directed the power sprayer at the spot where the fuckers would get in there. I knew it wouldn't get rid of them, but it would piss them off and they'd be wet and miserable. This is not the Hilton fuckers... Twist: So I spray for a little while - enuf to get them good and pissed. And sure enuf i see a furry body jumping out thru the spray. My eyes jump to the ground where it will land since I can't see thru the water. Then I was confused. I expected to see a little furry bastard skittering off begging to be drenched again. Nope. No rodent. So I sit there a minute with the confused look of someone who's just been flamed by callei - when something flys out of the roof and over to the trees. OH! I get it. Birds. Of course, there's birds nesting in my roof. Then another one flys out. That's a fucking ugly bird. So I'm thinking why are birds shitting rat shit? Then another one flys out. Damm that bird is ugly. This one circles around, and finally I start getting a clue. Epiphany: BATS!!! There's fucking bats in my roof! I should have fucking known. So I stand there in nothing but a trenchcoat, power sprayer in hand - contemplating my utter uber gothness as about 20 (yes twenty) more wet unhappy bats fly out one at a time. Random Tangent: When I first started my current job, this (east) indian guy with an unhealthy lack of fear - who really reminds me of Brat Pitt in 12 monkeys (finger in his bosses face and all) except he's short, bald and brown, was giving me typical new guy testing shit. He was looking at me and was like "you're not a goth". I asked him why. He said "your shoes - they have brown - goths only wear black". I sad "you forgot to ask where the shoes came from". He said "who cares they came from some stupid store". I said maybe, but you didn't ask where I got them." He plays along and asks. So I tell him, my ex girlfriend's brother was a junkie. He died. His clothes didn't fit anyone in his family except me so I got them all. I've been walking in a dead junkie's shoes for 5 years. Where'd you get your shoes?" He sat there in stunned silence for a minute. Then he says, "It seems I've been shut down. I know better than to question you again". He's been one of my best friends there ever since. Random Tie in for Random Tangent: There's this phenomenon in Seattle which I realize is everywhere, but if you've been here you'll remember it's extra prevalent here. It's called "Gother Than Thou". It's similar to the way snotty bitches look other snotty bitches up and down and whisper to their friends "oh... Mygod... LOOK.... at her disGUSTing boobs". Except the snotty bitches have more makeup and might be men but you'll never know. Anyway the next time one of them looks me up and down and whispers to their friend, I'm going to get the best irony rush. I betcha BATS don't feel compelled to congregate around their houses. Conclusion: And they lived happily ever after Questions: 1) So now, what do i do? 2) How do I get rid of bats? 3) Do they have bat traps? 4) Do I want to get rid of them? 5) Is it sanitary to have bats in one's belfry? 6) Will they just leave in the winter? 7) Can you think of anyone on earth gother than me at this moment? (For anyone who didn't catch it, this story doubles as a tutorial on how to write a shmeng post. The posts are getting a little too short, and I'd like to start getting a little more content in them) This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=111