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Author: Subject: Kids say the darndest things.

Fanatic





Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/4/2006 at 04:06 PM
Here is a little story that is proof that we are without a doubt, raising little gothlings.


Dinner conversation at the house of Rogue and Meranda Jade:

Alex (an 8 year old boy): Why don't you use all those glasses up there? (referring to a bunch of glasses on a shelf)

Meranda: Because we don't need to.

Rogue: We drink the blood of Christian babies out of them every Passover.

Meranda: Don't tell him that! You know he's going to repeat it!

Rogue: (to Alex) Don't repeat that.

Alex: Why?

Meranda: Daddy was making a joke. A very sick joke.

(long pause)

Alex: But I am sick!


You had to be there, I guess. It wouldn't have been as funny without the pause. It's as if he were seriously contemplating it. We had a good laugh.


So, any of you who are in charge of kids, what are you doing to warp and twist their impressionable little minds? I know we can't be the only ones who are turning out seriously deranged little people.



 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/4/2006 at 04:22 PM
Oh, it gets better....


Rogue: That was Passover, right? The blood libel?

Meranda: Yeah, that's right.

Krysten (a 12 year old girl) What?

Rogue: (to Krysten) Right?

Krysten: I don't know, I haven't read it yet.

Rogue: What?

Krysten: *shrug* The Blood Bible.


 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/4/2006 at 11:39 PM
I was teaching one of my classes and when the students presented their notebooks I had one kid with the sentence "The penis very big." I stood there and looked at that notebook for a solid three minutes trying to figure out where in the hell she had learned penis. Then I asked her to read the sentence, she seemed confused and said teacher "The pen is very big." It was at the end of a long day in my defense and her words were very close together.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 247
Registered: 19/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/4/2006 at 04:32 AM
When my daughter was in first grade I had a live in subbie. Her name was Kristen (the subbie.. not my daughter) and she was very much involved in our lives. She spent all her time with us 24/7.

I had a box under the bed that had all our toys which included a flogger.

One day my daughter, age 5, walks out of the bedroom with my flogger over her shoulder and says "look mommy! I'm you!".

Lesson learned: Don't assume they are asleep and never assume they won't look "there".

 

____________________
Suicide Hotline - Please Hold

 

Fanatic




Posts: 247
Registered: 19/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/4/2006 at 04:35 AM
Oh.. and around the same time frame..

I'm at my mothers house with my daughter and they have quit smoking but they actually had a "smoking room" for friends who smoke. It was a room in the back of the house with a couch and a tv. So I'm sitting there one day when my daughter comes and says very seriously....

C: "Mommy.. someday I'm going to marry a woman!"

Me: "Really now.. why is that?"

C: "Because boys are icky and girls are yummy."

Me: "1. Don't tell grandma that and 2. why don't you wait until your older to say that."

C: "Your right. Boys may not be so icky by then." *walks out of room*

Me: *blinks*

__________

My daughter is now 13 and still hits on my female friends. Just ask MRD! LOL



[Edited on 4/23/06 by EyeCandyRayce]

 

____________________
Suicide Hotline - Please Hold

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/4/2006 at 05:18 AM
My husband and I were making comments about some woman in a commercial that looked like her face had been stretched back until her ears met in back. I believe we used the word "scary." A couple days later, the commercial came on. My 3 year old daughter pointed to it and said "She's scary. She's really, really scary." Then she shivered and said "I scared!"


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/4/2006 at 08:26 PM
quote:


My daughter is now 13 and still hits on my female friends. Just ask MRD! LOL



[Edited on 4/23/06 by EyeCandyRayce]


Uh huh
The first time I met her she said, "You're pretty." She wanted to sit by me at dinner that night too.

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/4/2006 at 11:42 PM
Man, I am so not setting foot near your daughter till she is closer to legal age, I swear....

In other news some students in class the other day kept saying, "teacher loco" and I thought they were calling me crazy in spanish. I asked them about it, and they looked at me like I'd really gone round the bend. No, teacher notebook, they said. So I ended up teaching them spanish for crazy and very crazy. After that ever kid who came into the class was quickly dubbed "loco boy" I was amused.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 247
Registered: 19/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/4/2006 at 04:20 AM
quote:
Man, I am so not setting foot near your daughter till she is closer to legal age, I swear....

In other news some students in class the other day kept saying, "teacher loco" and I thought they were calling me crazy in spanish. I asked them about it, and they looked at me like I'd really gone round the bend. No, teacher notebook, they said. So I ended up teaching them spanish for crazy and very crazy. After that ever kid who came into the class was quickly dubbed "loco boy" I was amused.




*laughs at your story*

My daughter has crushes on so many of my models. She even does her dambdest to "accidently" walk into nude shoots I'm doing which is I stopped doing nude shoots in the living room late at night at home.

 

____________________
Suicide Hotline - Please Hold

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/4/2006 at 06:40 AM
Doing a vocabulary activity today. Give the kids four words they find one that doesn't fit.

The words are whale, bison, sea otter and crab. I figured it was pretty obvious to me which one did not fit.

So I put the words up and ask the students, which one does not belong. Girl is quick to raise her hand, so I thought it must be really obvious.

Yes, says I.

Whale, says she.

What? says me.

You know, whale teacher.

I think about this for a second and start to argue, but then stop myself and ask her why the whale does not belong on the list.

Because, teacher, a whale doesn't have legs.

Kids can be brilliant.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/4/2006 at 06:52 AM
Teaching English to foreigners is a hoot. I had a class in which I called one of the students "crazy". The class gasped and their eyes got as wide as saucers.

Boy in my class: "Teacher! Don't say bad words!"

Me: "Crazy isn't a bad word."

Boy: "It's not?"

Me: "No."

Boy: "Well, fuck."

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/4/2006 at 02:43 PM
my best friend, Suavo, has a child... and we were at the mall together. there is a play area, and as his boy was entering the play area, this little child ran up and roared at his son... who promptly hid between suavo's legs... after about 30 seconds, at the top of his lungs, little suavo yells, "KICK YOUR ASS!!!"

that is the extent of my children experience

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Coward




Posts: 3
Registered: 3/5/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/5/2006 at 09:27 PM
I giggled whole-heartedly at the flogger story. That would be a fear of mine.

I haven't had much contact with young children lately. I've only recently met my boyfriends cousin, whose the youngest I know. I'll be sure to share anything she comes up with. She's pretty twisted for a two year old.

 

____________________
Thou shalt not whinge about how much goth sucks, or thou canst fucking start thine own subculture & get the fuck out of ours.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/5/2006 at 04:07 AM
A friend of mine has a young daughter, called Phoebe. This particular friend happens to swear quite a bit... and sometimes the words just slip out while Phoebe's listening. One day we were in the car with him - Bob driving, Phoebe in the passenger seat, Stewart and I in the back. Bob was teasing Phoebe - tickling her and stuff and you could see she was getting really wound up, when all of a sudden she blurts out "fuck off daddy!" Instant silence in the car as we're all carefully trying to think when she could have picked that one up!

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/5/2006 at 06:34 PM
So I used to teach Level 1 Roller Skating, at the rink I used to work at about 5 year ago, and Its amazing what kids pick up I guess I dunno, I was shocked to say the least cause this kid couldn't have been more than like 9.

Ms. Sarah I have to take a piss
me> We don't say words like that, say Urinate or I have to go to the toilet
Boy>Urinate?
Me> yes
Boy> Ur-a -eight If you lost about 20 pounds you'd be a 10

*shakes head*

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/5/2006 at 06:49 AM
Conversation between my boss, Trina; her boyfriend, Stewart; her son, Adam and her boyfriend's son, Dan:

*Dan and Adam peeing into the same toilet at the same time*

Adam: Why's Dan got a bigger willy than me? I'm older than him! Mine should be bigger.

Trina: Well, Dan's kinda short and squat, and you're tall and thin, it's just like the rest of your body.

Adam: But I wanna have a bigger willy! *etc...*

Trina, to Stewart: Great, my son is now upset because yours has a bigger willy.

Stewart: Well, it runs in the family...

Both kids: *silence*

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/5/2006 at 05:46 AM
Just remembered when I was little, about 5, I'd been being naughty and my three year old cousin told on me, my argument was infalliable; "Who're you gonna believe? Me, or a three year old?" I think I got away with it an' all.

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/5/2006 at 08:00 AM
The following exchange took place this evening and I am just too sadistic not to share it.

Me: "Use an adjective to describe yourself."

Larry: (sad look)

Me: "Yes, Larry? Are you all right?"

Larry: "My friends say that I look like a potato."

Me (in an uncharacteristically sympathetic mood, I didn't chastise him over the fact that "potato" is a noun): "Now, Larry, that simply isn't true. When have you ever seen a potato that wears glasses?"

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 37
Registered: 27/11/2005
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/5/2006 at 10:37 PM
I have an eight year old sister who seems to get a bit stranger each time I see her.

One time she made me something that seems to resemble a coaster and it is entirely black. As she gave it to me she shouts, "You like black, right, Chi-Chi?!" (She refers to me as Chi-Chi.)
It made me smile.

A couple months after that she begged me to dye her hair pink. Fortunately for my mother she hasn't expressed much interest in piercings, yet.

 
 


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