Schizo
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/10/2005 at 02:41 AM |
Yes, once again I feel the need to vent and ask for advice on this
subject.
After nearly a year of relative calmness on this front, the destructive
force known as my husband's ex has reared her ugly head to make sure things
really, really suck for both us and the kids.
The trigger this time - she finally got herself a job. A part time job.
OK, so far so good. It's about time, you know. Of course I'm not horribly
impressed, but a step in the right direction, considering her
landlord/friend is selling her building out from under her, and whoever
buys it isn't going to be too happy with a tenant keeping 3 children of
both sexes in one room.
The job is also a good thing, because this may slow down her requests for
more money from us, which was happening at the tune of about 12 times in
two months.
However, this is a bad thing, because she now expects US to rearrange our
schedule to watch the kids for her everytime she has to work and they
aren't in school.
Let's do a little schedule work here. My husband works from 3:30PM to 2:00
AM. I work from 7:00 AM to 3:30 PM. Michael stays up a little later, and
I get up a little earlier, so we can see each other from about 4:30AM to
5:00, instead of just the 20 min. I can be home on my lunch break, the 5 or
so min. we hand our daughter off in the parking lot at work, and the 15
minutes when I pick him up at his break at work so he can have the car.
That means Michael goes to bed around 5, gets up around 11 to take care of
our daughter who spends the morning playing in her room (I try to keep her
up late so she sleeps late, but I can only push it so far so I can get up
at 4:30.) At 3:30 he goes to work, and works a 10 hour workday.
What his ex is demanding that he do is get up before 9AM to watch the kids
for her so she won't have to get a babysitter, and switch our day with them
from Sunday to Saturday. (The one day we did it, she came and picked them
up after only 3 or 4 hours, after her work got out, although our visits
usually run 6 hours.)
Obviously, he refused. She didn't listen, and laid down his schedule for
him, telling him when he would have the kids on Friday and Monday, when
they had a long weekend. He wrote her and told her bluntly that it would
not happen, and that this sort of thing was making him almost feel like not
having the kids at all.
We haven't seen them since. Earlier this week I wrote her an undeservingly
polite letter explaining the difference between visits (and how we want to
do them) and babysitting (and how it's just not going to happen). I tried
to reinstate our visit schedule.
This was her response:
"There is no misunderstanding.
The two of you are a parent and step parent to [the kids].
There is NO babysitting when it comes to your own children or family. I
dont have to look for a babysitter for them while I am working. They dont
go with a Babysitter. They spend the day with a part of their family, which
they enjoy. I yes, thought a bit too much of you and Michael as parents to
them. Silly me, why would you want to spend more time with them?
Michael is the one that wrote ( I am thinking about not taking them at all
)
I left it as that and handled it myself, as their parent."
So, to put it shortly, Michael is no longer allowed to see his kids because
he is not a devoted enough father to watch them for her while working a 10
hour day and surviving on less than 4 hours of sleep. God, what a
deadbeat!
We have them for 6 hours every weekend that she does not interfere with. We
have them extra every time we go on vacation, even on our honeymoon! (A
whole other story!) We pay her child support every week. We paid for the
kids to go to the county fair this summer because she said she couldn't
afford it. We gave her an extra $160 to help buy school clothes for them.
We even agreed to pay for my step-daughter to have Karate lessons.
The only reason we didn't take her to court this time last year was because
I was so stressed. I was having health problems that the stress was making
worse, and money was so tight I had to work overtime every week, so I did
not have any time or energy left over to push a court battle through. We
managed to work it out with her fairly well, so we left it at that.
But this is ridiculous, and our patience is far beyond worn out. At this
point, I think it's take her to court, or stop seeing the children at all.
Which is a horrible thing to say. Obviously we don't want to do that.
So does anyone know anything about what is involved in acheiving
court-appointed visitation rights? I'm clueless about where to start.
*sighs* I knew it was all about to blow up. Things were going WAY too
well - and she can never let things be. It was time to make us the bad
parents again. ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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gothicmorman
Fanatic   Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/10/2005 at 05:53 PM |
I am not sure about the court system where you live but as far as I know
you can just walk into the local courthouse and there is a "Family
Services" department that deals with child support and visitation rights
when people have split up. It would not be a big court case or anything
just a hearing and you tell the judge both of your sides and the judge
decides based on whatever evidence what he or she thinks would be best for
the children. Going through the courts you and Michael would end up paying
a fixed child support rate to them every month (I think it is usually about
200$ per child) and you would be given visitation rights most likely to see
them every weekend. There could be an inspection of your living areas and
maybe they will look at your bank books or something to see how much you
make and what kind of place you live in - like to help them decide who to
give what kind of custody. Like some people have joint custody where the
child lives with one parent for a week and the other for the next week.
That is about what I know/have experienced/have seen. I hope it was
somewhat helpful.
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/10/2005 at 07:11 PM |
For now, their mother has, by default, physical custody of the children.
We can't take them, much as we would like, because we only have a 2-bedroom
apartment. Child support is already officially dealt with, and is payed by
automatic deduction so there is no possible way to miss a payment.
Visitation is the battle here. So far, it has been at the mercy and whim
of a woman who has convinced herself that being a good father involves
being so desperate to have one's children that one is willing to take them
whenever their mother feels like it, and paying extra money whenever she
wants it. Refuse to do that, and you are a bad parent, no matter how
faithfully you keep agreed visit schedules, or how good a time the kids
have with you. And, of course, visits can and will be cancelled with
little or no warning.
I've been doing some reading, and some research. I feel we have a
rock-solid case, at least as far as obtaining a regular and enforceable
visitation schedule.
I'm dreading having to play phone tag. I'm dreading the schedule
interruptions that this will doubtless bring. I'm dreading the long time
this is almost certain to take.
But most of all, I am hoping to god that I can get away without having to
pay through the nose for a lawyer. I have no doubt of my ability to win a
case, representing myself, versus her, representing herself.
God, this is going to suck big time! But hopefully it will mean years of
peace and quiet, and finally the ability to enjoy the children to the
fullest on OUR terms, not hers! ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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gothicmorman
Fanatic Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/10/2005 at 09:10 AM |
Ah, I see. Well I hope the best for you then and if nothing else... maybe
you could make a good country song out of it, or something.
It makes life interesting?
~~~~~~~~~sends good karma waves in your direction~~~~~~~~~~ <-there are
karma waves you see... or voodoo waves depending on how you use them.
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/10/2005 at 05:04 AM |
Actually, her tone changed 180 degrees last weekend. One message, she was
telling us that the child support paperwork said we weren't allowed to take
her to court (?!) and that we had already shown we couldn't handle a set
schedule with the kids (??!!) Less than 6 hours later, she started getting
cooperative - drastically cooperative. Downright sweet and subserviant,
actually. Hell, I know the woman is prone to mood swings, but those moods
NEVER include just giving up and letting other people have their way. I
kind of think she was just given a severe reality check by someone she
assumed would be on her side, like maybe her boyfriend. She hasn't given
us an inch of trouble since.
Doesn't matter - we're still going to court. But I'm not going to stress
out over it too badly. It will happen when it happens. And I've found out
some very interesting legal stuff that will come in very handy without
costing us a fortune, but I won't say it here, because she's been known in
the past to come and spy on me on Shmeng. So I'll be cautious! ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic  Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/10/2005 at 11:41 PM |
| Well, I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and your
family. ____________________
Okay, dazzle me.
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Starlight
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 31/10/2005 at 02:54 AM |
| Good luck and I hope it goes well for you. ____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
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gothicmorman
Fanatic Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 4/11/2005 at 06:10 AM |
yay! the karma waves must be working! or she was just given a nice reality
check. either way much more good fortune on you are your families!
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 7/11/2005 at 05:46 AM |
| Best wishes sweetheart, and the soundest advice I can muster, watch your
back. When the going gets really crappy, always remember there are
complete strangers out here who give a solid damn about ya. ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/11/2005 at 03:11 AM |
Yeah, I will say that one thing this woman has taught me is to watch my
back! Never knew how to do it before, but damn it if she didn't make it
necessary. So I guess I can say that, in a twisted way, knowing her has
benefitted me. But enough is enough already.
I'm mostly concerned for my daughter. That's one main reason why we shut
Michael's ex out of our home last year. I was sick to death of all the
fights that would end up happening in front of her - I don't want her to
grow up like that. And now it's not fair for her to have her heart set on
seeing her brother and sister every week, but end up disappointed and
missing them when this woman throws her fits. I don't like watching her
get emotional whiplash at the hands of this control freak. Something has
to be done.
And thankyou, Dolo. I DO remember my friends that I have never met, and it
comforts me and gives me courage. I know I have the goodwill of many
strong and amazing people behind me - I feel it in an almost physical way.
And I thank you all. ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the
carefullest
/>
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/11/2005 at 01:30 PM |
| i have a solution... fly me out, and I will just cook her up and eat her ____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/11/2005 at 02:47 PM |
Sounds good to me, Feral! Just a word of caution - cook her thoroughly.
You don't want her making you sick.
She's been quiet since the last fiasco. It's been a blessed relief. ____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the
carefullest
/>
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/11/2005 at 10:38 AM |
chuckles* I lived on the streets in New orleans... I have eaten NUTRIA...
lemm just say... not much worse than that
____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist
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pale-face
Fanatic  Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/11/2005 at 01:33 PM |
| well. i haven’t been around here in a long time, but i thought i would make
a brief return to express my sympathy for schizo. i know the situation you
are is is most definitely a tough one and i wish you all the best. good
luck ____________________
fucking classy.
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 08:41 AM |
Not only has she resurfaced...I think I smell her sluggy presense on
shmeng...
no..that was a lie... I KNOW i smell it here ____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 02:30 PM |
Yeah, but what does it matter. Let her look if looking makes her happy. I
don't know - kind of makes me feel important - what I say matters... I'm
worth seeking out... whatever... blah...
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daria_4
Member   Posts: 96 Registered: 29/7/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 04:00 PM |
quote:
Yeah, but what does it
matter. Let her look if looking makes her happy. I don't know - kind of
makes me feel important - what I say matters... I'm worth seeking out...
whatever... blah...
Can I seek you out? I'm totally not psycho.  ____________________
"I've told you before, I don't comprehend religion, although
conviction is a concept I'm beginning to get. In any case, a person
with a real religious conviction is, I propose, a religious convict,
and deserves locking up."
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 04:17 PM |
You are welcome to seek me out at any time, Daria! *hugs*
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Domkitten
Fanatic  Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 05:45 PM |
| She is sort of shmeng for shmengs sake. If you want to feel important Schiz
just remember we all love you! ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/12/2006 at 05:53 PM |
I know that, darling, I don't know, it just amuses me how desperately
interesting I am to her - the only thought I've felt the need to give her
anytime recently was whatever was needed to keep visits going and keep
giving her the boot out of my life... *yawn* I guess I'm just that
fascinating...
*giggles*
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