Zero
Fanatic   Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/2/2004 at 10:53 PM |
I'm not sure this is the right place to whine about my "love problems", but
here goes.
To make this story short.....boy meets girl, girl and boy fall in
love......girl dumps boy.
I've had so much time to think about the two of us and I realize that i
want her back. So what should I do? Should i try to get back with her or do
I move on???......and i don't even know how to move on or even what to do
to get her back. How do you get over someone you love? We broke up over 3
months ago and I'm still in love with her. Is that normal?? Is there
something wrong with me? Don't get me wrong I'm not obssessed or anything,
I'm just carrying a huge (planet size) torch for her. Maybe I don't need to
be with her, maybe I just need to try harder to forget about her and move
on. Hell, even if we got back together there's no guarantee that we'll
stick together. I mean we still have to get passed old issues like RACE and
the parents that don't like MY RACE and the rest of her family that don't
like MY RACE...there's more reasons she dumped me I guess(i don't really
know), I just seem to be stuck on that one...and i was tying to be a little
funny. 
Anybody with any advice on getting over someone....or getting them
back...or anything.....please help.....I'm all ears and willing to try
(just about) anything.
your frendly neighborhood
~Zero~
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic  Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 12:08 AM |
If she dumped you because of racial issues in her family...well...it's
probably best not to be in that relationship. It's perfectly normal to keep
caring for someone for months, even years after the relationship is over.
You shouldn't forget about her; not only is it impossible, but in doing
something like that, you would also forget about all the things you learned
in your relationship.
There is no such thing as "moving on." Just keep moving. You'll probably
always have a place for her in your heart. But that doesn't mean there
isn't room for other people, too. ____________________
Okay, dazzle me.
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 02:52 AM |
if she felt powerfully enough for you... you would not be in this
situation... she is not worth the waste of your effort... move on,... That
being said... I know how hard that can be, and you have my sympathy...
____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 09:33 AM |
I think the girl's situation was very hard. I personally wouldn't see her
as worth the effort if race was such a big issue, but I would understand
why it was hard to keep the relationship with parents that're bigots. In
either case, it's probably best that you two are not together...not until
the girl at least gets a backbone and out of the chains that the parents
have on her.
Just keep moving, as everyone else here says. It will be impossible to
forget about her, but it will not be impossible to consider the experiences
you two had together.
You have my sympathies on the racial issue. I would like to think that we
are over the racism and hate that follows it, but unfortunately, it's
making a come back. There's still your racist areas in the South and in
turn, a lot of quotas and minority heart-bleeders. In matter of fact, I
know of someone who lives in Virginia that gets a lot of crap at school
just because she's white. It's sickening.
Hopefully this isn't too personal to ask, but may I inquire to your race?
I just want to figure out why they would be so racist...apart from the hate
loop.
[Edited on 2/28/2004 by Anya]
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Sticupus
Fanatic  Posts: 254 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 11:04 AM |
You don't get people back. It's also a bad idea as who's to say that drama
will be a reoccuring theme in your relationship i.e.
breakupgetbacktogetherbreakupgetbacktogether..... etc.
As simple as it sounds she doesn't want you for whatever reason she did or
didn't give you. The feelings you have for her were and are valid, they are
just not recipocated. Why put forth the effort to love something or someone
that doesn't or won't love you back? It becomes very painful and tiresome
after a while.
You may always feel a little like this towards her but it will fade and you
will find more intense and keen feelings of love from people who actually
want you.
Why do people date other people when they don't want them? Who knows. Maybe
they are sadistic and power hungry and try to get it in every cheap way
possible. Maybe they are children and don't understand what they really
want in life in a thoughtful grown-up way (like more than what they want
for dinner for example).
Also everything ends- accept that. You may have the most amasing
relationship with someone: then they move away, or die, or lose the same
feelings and the ability to recipocate, or realize they don't like boys, or
want to join a convent...
You don't have to grow old and die with someone, because it's not always
possible to do so or kind to pressure some people to do that with you.
It's not fun when you learn people don't want you when you want them. Then
again there are lots of people that don't want you and you don't want them
right back. Look out for someone that wants you and you'll never need post
something like this again.
[Edited on 2/28/2004 by Sticupus] ____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.
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Zero
Fanatic Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 12:08 PM |
I just want to thank everyone that put the time in to giving me
advice.
ANYA: No it's not too personal to ask. I'm black.....I live in the south
(NC) and for everyone who doesn't know what the south is like...watch the
Springer show (i keed i keed). Just so you know that i'm not screaming
"Race" for my own health....After her graduation from highschool she(and
her brother, he was nice) invited me to her dinner party with her
family(virginians, not that that matters). I was a bit naive at that time
so i didn't bother to think about it. Everyone exept her uncle (which is a
really nice and rich guy who couldn't care less about my race) pretended
that i didn't exist and they wouldn't talk either....her brother had to
keep creating conversation. On the way out of the resturaunt her
grandmother starts crying...and saying things like "what did they do to
her" and "don't invite him to my funeral" and my favorite "is she on
drugs". They dissowned her after that and stopped talking to her after
that. So yeah it was definately hard for her not having the support of her
family...and i new that i couldn't ever replace that.
It's true that I need to move on.....Stic: you're right it does get better
even though she was my best freind....at the time before we dated and
during. Feral: that's what i kept telling myself.
I'll try to keep moving and try to let other people in.
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/2/2004 at 01:02 PM |
Ahhh. So some parts of North Carolina still cannot get over the crap that
happened years ago. I think it's ridiculous that people still think it's
the early twentieth century and further back. Heh, even some small towns in
Kansas cannot get over the stuff (I was always picked on for having Asian
blood). We should be over this crap...can't anyone let this country heal
those past scars?
Stic is right, though. You're going to have to accept that things were not
meant to be and get through the sadness and acceptance stages. If you two
are allowed to be friends, I would personally set a good example to her
family and [hopefully] prove to them how much in the wrong they were. 
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Zero
Fanatic Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 29/2/2004 at 11:41 AM |
I agree, it sucks that there are still people like that. Before all of
this I didn't think about things like race. I had no idea that I would run
into something like that. I was so surprised, in fact, that I couldn't get
angry...it was just shocking and strange....all I could do was just sit
back and watch the train wreck, like it was happening to someone else. I'm
sorry you had to go through being picked on for that. I hope it hasn't
happened since then.
I'm really not allowed to see her anymore so freinds and everything else
are out....can't even talk to her really.....and I don't think I will. I
also wasn't allowed in there house so making them see how wrong they are
was out. They thought i was a bad influence. On the other hand when she was
dating me she started making straight A's and kept them up. (i helped her
study...alot)
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