first of all I'am not suicidal, i just find that topic interesting..... i
mean, everyone has had a few sucidal thoughts here and there, it's quite
normal....people need to question the things around them, not to
extensively though.... what I would like to know is that why people (in
general) would try and commit suicide. some people think it's for
attention, but attention for who? for the person who is trying to commit
suicide? do they want to focus more on themselves, but they can't, so they
do that(try & commit suicide), to force themselves to face reality. to
actaully feel something? to experience a revelation;aphifany...?
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 7/12/2002 at 06:55 PM
This topic also tends to stir some controversy and angered feelings so
let’s keep the strong words to a minimum (if anyone is angered by what is
said in this thread).
For some people, it’s a matter of honor. Others, it is a sacrifice for
their own cause. For me, it was a escape. When I was younger, I tried to
escape from my own feelings, from the abuse at home and from school. As I
grew my situation changed. I then tried to escape from life, from my own
feelings, I tried to find a permanent fix from the pain rather than numbing
it with drugs, (legal/illegal) or self-mutilation (that sounds like a
oxymoron, numbing pain with pain but it worked and i won’t go into details
now). Times and situations change and if I ever do go out now, it’ll still
be as a escape from feelings and my current situations.
I find it ironic that someone would try to kill themselves for attention in
life but succeed in finding death.
Suicide has a number of reasons.
Escape, the person just really really really doesn't want to be alive or
sees no other alternative way to help themselves....this is the one that is
the saddest to me.
There are other reasons, of course, but the one that makes me angry is
attempts at suicide to get attention...and yes, it does happen. Usually
they are stupid or purposely failed attempts...and sometimes the person
really DOES think they wanna do it, thinking "they'll miss me when I'm
DEAD".
And yes, the purpose of doing it for attention is to bring sympathy on the
person...they want the outpour of sympathy, the attention to THEM and
nobody else, and sometimes they want the anger that most feel when someone
they love tries or succeeds in suicide.
I dont' understand it, really, but from the times I"ve seen this happen
(way too often) that's most often the case. Sometimes it is a cry for
help...a horribly misguided cry for help. Sometimes it's due to an
unchecked chemical imbalance brought on by depression or another mental
illness. Sometimes its for attention, and soemtimes the person just simply
doesn't want to be alive anymore for whatever reasons.
One of my coworkers attempted suicide once....and I could understand why.
His life was hopeless, his situation was hopeless, and his girlfriend had
JUST dumped him (and this is the nicest fucking kid in the world and he
just gets stepped on and stepped on and stepped on...it's sad) and since he
thought she wouldn't be coming back to find him he loaded up on pills and
booze and almost succeeded in doing himself in. When he came back to work
two weeks later after a stay in the hospital and then "the hospital"...I
gave him a huge hug, told him how much everyone at work missed him and was
hoping that he got better...
then smacked him on the back of the head.
I used to think about doing it a lot too when I was way younger...then
realised that doing that would cut out several satisfying years of cold
hard revenge and decided otherwise
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Starlight
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 9/12/2002 at 06:08 AM
In high school, I had a boyfriend who's brother committed suicide by
hanging himself from a rope on a tree in his backyard. My boyfriend had
come home and found him there himself. It was horrible. He was a really
nice young man, who'd just had his girlfriend break up with him, and then
on the same day he'd wrecked his motorcycle. It was too much for him, he
didn't say anything to anyone. He just quietly did it and the reasons were
discovered after the fact. There wasn't even a chance to even try to talk
him out of it.
I've gone through some really tough times in my life, and I've toyed with
the idea a lot when I was younger. I thought of it in a rather casual sense
at times even. I viewed it simply as this: if it ever got to be too
much...I'd just simply check out. This really disturbed a lot of people
because it didn't seem to frighten me. Really thinking back on it all, it
actually didn't frighten me at all I don't believe.
Through a really bad previous marraige, I'd managed to convince myself that
I didn't want to ever kill myself. The reason for this was that my ex
actually suggested that I kill myself, even though I had not told him that
it ever crossed my mind. It was more of a stubborn point, that the more he
would say "Why don't you just kill yourself and do me a favor?", then the
more I didn't ever want to kill myself.
After moving on from that situation eventually(another story for another
time), I got engaged to another man, and he never told me those horrible
things that some people tell people when they say they want to kill
themselves (ienly a coward would do it...and they are wrong to say that...as
killing oneself is actually a hard thing to do and takes a lot of courage
to actually do...I'm not glorifying it trust me...I'm only saying that
telling someone who is not doing it for attention, but because they are
genuinely not seeing another way out...well that's not helping them to call
them a coward as well...it's better to tell them why not to do it, then to
tell them how stupid they would be if they did...give them a reason not
to...not more of a reason to do it.) Anyways, he showed me that I wasn't
this horrible worthless bitch and that I was loved and that no one and
nothing is worth killing yourself over. If someone or something makes you
want to kill yourself, then that person or thing is not worth thinking
about it the first place let alone give them a gift as precious as your
life.
Hopefully I've said something meaningful to someone. If not, then thanks
for at least hearing me out.
____________________ "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
Domkitten
Fanatic
Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 9/12/2002 at 07:58 AM
I look on suicide as a juvenile response to taking responsibility for ones
actions. More often than not, as adults, at least, people come to the
decision in an “I can’t take it any more” fashion. Part of growing up is
taking control of your actions on yourself and your surroundings. Death is
a permanent fix for responsibility.
This is not to say that I haven’t though about it myself on more than one
occasions. As a teenager it was mostly the angst, the early childhood
abuse, and coming to terms with being an adult. As an adult, more often
than not, I feel suicidal about my job, my responsibility to people, and my
lack of love for myself. It’s an uncomfortable topic.
A few years ago a person at my college committed suicide by hanging himself
from a tree on mother’s day. He was very quite about it; no one realized
that he was even considering it. I think that date he chose was more
profound than the act himself. Regardless of his wish to live, the slap in
the face to his mother was cold, and decisive, making his wish for death
hard to ignore and perhaps easy to sympathize with.
____________________ It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 9/12/2002 at 10:21 AM
...hmmm...I've had my run-in, and still, it isn't something I can take
lightly...well, not VERY lightly.
For me it was just, I don't know...too much pain, being trapped,
bound...desperation and all that. It's not something I'll ever poke fun
about, not seriously at least. Sometimes Suicide is retarded, especially
when you have those people who run around saying they'll kill themselves
every five freaking minutes. The attention thing is irksome too...but fuck,
if it means that much to some people...
Sometimes though, it's an instinctive response I think, as strange as it
may sound...animals die in captivity, Humans do too sometimes...there are
some types of stimuli certain people can't hold up too...I have a few.
To tell you the truth, my true thoughts on suicide are still blurred, even
to me. However, I am admant in the belief of staying alive (strangely
enough I was just as admant a week before...urgh)...if someone is seriously
contemplating suicide, you don't neccesarily need to run off and sic a
shrink on 'em, but you definately need to talk 'em down.
I dunno...if I figure anything else out, I'll post it...bleagh. Suicide is
Goth as Duck...
____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
Sardonic-Pain
Fanatic
Posts: 248 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 9/12/2002 at 10:34 AM
Suiside is something i no longer take lightly....I tryed to numb my pain
many ways.....Drugs self mutilation so on an so forth until my eyes were
opened and I saw exactly how short life is....My Freshman year of High
school I had a friend who had tried all the drugs..Didn't make really good
friends with people in our clique. only a few of us were close to him or
associated with him at all...I admit He can get annoying sometimes but dont
we all...Anywho he couldn't take his parents crap and his g/f of 2 years
broke it off with him and stuff and he shot himself up through the roof of
his mouth.....I remember going to the hospital to go see him because
roumors spread like fire around the high skool.....It wasnt as bad as
everyone said he was still alive bullett just missed his brain but lodged
in his skull.....and then this summer My god Father hung himself in cell
with the sheets not being able to take everything he had done
Then I kinda chilled out with my suisidal tendencies.....Can't say
that I dont sttill do drugs or inflict pain on myself anymore but I think
twice about suiside after seeing everything hi s parents went through and
all the greif and sorrow it caused a lot of people.....All the time he
spent in the looney bin.....I used to have to smuggle in cigs for him but
yea.....life is too short
____________________ My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 26/12/2002 at 10:37 AM
AloneSoul, I don't think it's strange that people practice self-mutilation.
I never have myself, but I think I see why. Pain is such a powerful,
overwhelming thing. Sometimes the emotional pain someone is experiencing
is so big, that the only thing strong enough to drown it out is physical
pain.
In my case, my past temptations to suicide were driven by hopelessness.
When the negative situation that someone is trapped in seems bigger than
that person's ability to overcome it, often that person feels they have no
choice but to end themselves before their pain ends them.
Usually, or at least in my experience, a person at this point doesn't
really WANT to die, they just want to escape the misery, and they don't
know how else to do it.
Luckily, my one suicide attempt was unsuccessful, and all other times I
lacked the resolve to actually do myself in. And time ended up healing the
wounds. Other people aren't as lucky.
It's easy to say, just hang in there. It's harder to do it.
angelofdarkness
Occasional Poster
Posts: 19 Registered: 2/9/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 17/2/2003 at 07:50 PM
*shrugs* I've had suicidal thoughts before. I don't think I've been that
serious. Usually it's more of a fanstasy, the thought of not having to deal
with something, or a way to get out of having to do something that seems
impossible. Suicide just seems like a sane answer sometimes, even though it
isn't.
gothicmorman
Fanatic
Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 20/2/2003 at 10:47 PM
well, i have a pretty different veiw of suicide as a whole, my suicide
experience was on the bus one day, we were crossing a bridge and i crossed
the line and i thoght, just for a moment, how great it would be to be
flying off the side, sure i prolly wouldent live to remember it but it
would be a beautiful moment, because theres one type of suicide that
happens when you are perfectly happy, when you can just look at the rest of
the world and laugh because nobody knows what the hell there doing here,
its all just no big deal, this kind of suicide is not the feeling of 'i
cant take it anymore' its more like 'i dont need anymore' its like being
enlightened, caresless, and free of earthly ties, where you can laugh your
way out of this life and into the next, its a really nice feeling and it
was only there for a second but ill never forget it....
then there is the hopeless suicide which has already been gone over very
well, then thers the angry kind of suicide where one tends to take others
with them before they do that and quite often dont end up killing
themselves... i like to think of this more as self-homocide.
far as fear of death goes, im more afraid of life, i do self mutilation
which is such a bad habit, but its addictive, almost like smoking (which is
really gross), thinking of death and nething else classified "dark" is
calming, thinking "happy thoghts" is annoying, frustrating, and
overlystimulating, but thats just me...