It’s possibly the most trivial affair which haunts everyone’s life, yet how
come it hurts the most?
The foolish man makes the same mistake twice, but this is one, I’m sure
everyone’s done more than two times. Strange how it always ends up the same
way.
Word.
But ya´ gotta´ keep trying anyway right? I mean, we are by definition an
oddly romantic sort of person...and what sort of romantic would give up
completely?
I´ll be looking for that damned white hart till the day I die...and if I
can figure a way past that, woohoo...
:D
____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 30/7/2002 at 05:49 PM
I don´t know...
Love is just a emotion, a chemical reaction in the brain. It´s natures
cruel trick to ensure that we will reproduce and further our own pathetic
species for the soul purpose of dominance and increased numbers.
cynical....love....ha!! I laugh at love. When you get hurt and you stay
with the person who hurt you its because they took something from you and
you want it back, therefore confusing it with love, thinking its love.
Like in an abusive relationship they say "Sorry" and bull shit and you
stay, maybe forever, maybe until the person kills you, maybe until you just
can´t take it anymore. So, really love is yes, reproduction as well as
pain. Like when you´re "first love" dumps you. Ah, ouch! hm..thats
painful. ah well get over it, it´ll happen many more times.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
Love is chemical, but it´s also deeply psychological, which is why it can
be so fucked up.
Your brain says one thing, your heart says another, and your chemicals are
telling you to forget it and get on with the rumpy bumpy.
I´m lucky. I´m VERY lucky. I married my first love...I have no past
baggage. I am an anomaly, and I really really feel for those that aren´t
as fortunate. I don´t feel for people who put themselves in dangerous
situations and make excuses (especially when children are involved)...or
intentionally set themselves up for failure and heartbreak.
I really feel that my husband and I were really really "meant" to be
together....we had a real struggle and fight of it in the first two years,
but we´ve gone past that. Aries (me) help to kick gemini´s (my husband)
into shape WHEN they need it, and Gemini´s give the overactive Aries
something to do. We keep each other busy, and remind ourselves daily what
it was that made us fall in love....EACH OTHER. I know that everyone says
this, but I really really don´t see us ever separating. We don´t expect
each other to change OR stay the same. We dont´ expect more from the other
than they are able to give. We respect each other...it´s as simple as that
:)
Love them or not, if you don´t respect the person you´re with, or they
dont´ respect you, then it´s NOT love...it´s obsession, it´s addiction,
it´s masochism...and it tends to drive your friends bonkers.
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Comedian
Fanatic
Posts: 213 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 12:31 AM
Love hurts. Shit happens. Living is cancer.
Wear a hat.
____________________ Make way for the bad guy!
KatB
Fanatic
Posts: 241 Registered: 16/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 05:41 AM
In my language we have three different words for love. (That I can think of
at the moment...) One that you may express for a close friend or family
member, one for your significant other(s) and one that means something
like a serious crush...
I think I read somewhere that the latter kind of love is the chemical one,
that lasts appr. 2 years. Might be a coincidence, but that´s how long most
of my relationships have lasted...
Looking forward to the big one, though :-)
____________________ All stressed out and no one to choke...
Meranda_Jade
Fanatic
Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 07:10 AM
TRUE LOVE
You look into someone´s eyes, and feel an electrical pulse slide through
your entire body. The same happens for the other party... it´s an
irrresistible force. You are drawn to one another on a level that´s above
and beyond this plane of existance, nothing else exists except the two of
you gazing into one another´s eyes. You have made a *connection*. You talk
and find that you have a lot in common. You like much the same things, you
hate the same things, you feel the bond grow stronger. You act silly around
each other, as if you were children again. You are floating in a world of
your own making, and you never want to touch the earth again. You spend
every available moment together, getting so wrapped up in each other you
don´t know where one of you ends and the other begins. When you make love,
it is at once a fierce and tender thing, your souls mesh infinitely during
these moments. This love has a desperate intensity, it´s all-consuming and
very powerful. It seems as if it will never end, that you will live in this
dream-world forever, in such purity and light that reality can never darken
what you have found in each other.
And then, one day you wake up. Suddenly, little things about your lover
begin to irritate you on a small level, you begin to grow suspicious about
his/her whereabouts when he/she is not with you... You doubt the love that
he/she feels for you... Your love becomes a contest to see who gives or
recieves more. Your lover is either uncaring or too controlling. (this
seemed like intense love when the rose-colored glasses were on) You begin
to pick small fights with each other, not even thinking about why.
Eventually, one of you sees something greener on the other side of the
fence, and jumps over, leaving the other wondering what happened, what went
wrong?
Relationship #2
You meet someone through a friend and you begin to talk. You find each
other very interesting on an intellectual level, and enjoy each other´s
company. There are no fireworks, no deep, intense emotional attraction, but
you like each other and want to spend more and more time together. You
listen to each other, and have respect for what the other says. You begin
to grow more fond of each other. You laugh and have fun together, you´re
like best friends. When you make love, it´s playful and giving, it´s about
sharing and comfort. One day you wake up, look at your lover, and realize
you can see the two of you growing old together, that life with this
prescious person is perfection. The warm glow of love flows over you, and
you know you´re happy. You help each other with the little irritations of
life, and you talk about how you feel, even if you´re grouchy. You
understand each other, and forgive each other for accidental hurt feelings.
You trust each other absolutely, you know this person would never do
anything to hurt you. Reality cannot take this happiness away, the whole
thing has been grounded in reality fron the start. There are no rude
awakenings, where your fantasy dream lover becomes a paltry human being,
your lover has always been very human. Life goes on, day in and day out,
and you never become bored with each other, for every day is a new one, and
you are living it together. Now that´s real love.
____________________
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 07:28 AM
#1 on Meranda´s post happens a lot but i usually end it fairly soon because
something is screaming at me inside to stop NOW. I find all the signs i´m
not compatable with, I´m an Aries.
#2 I´m young anyway, and of course I haven´t found that yet.
I watched this one thing, or tried to watch it, on Discovery Health
Channel. I´m a hypochondriac these things worry me and I watch them
anyway. Many funny stories..thats beside the point. It was the science of
kissing. The way a person smells attracts another person. No, not perfume
cologne, hair wash, body wash, the natural smell. When you kiss someone
you "know" right away whether it will last or if it wont. When you kiss
someone you take in their scent. Thats why babies are so huggable and
kissable. They have a certain smell and you just want to play with them,
hug them, kiss them. Which is healthy for the baby anyway. Then they got
into kissing diseases like mono and i had to change the channel because I
know myself.
It was interesting.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
Meranda_Jade
Fanatic
Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 08:54 AM
#1 is what people want love to be, before the crash. This kind of love is
what really really hurts, because you have all of yourself wrapped up in
it, and when the fall comes, you are left with total devastation. That
person has such a large part of you, that when he/she leaves, it´s like
your soul has been ripped out and taken away. A lot of people think that #2
can´t be true love, because it lacks the intensity of #1, and #1 is what
people constantly search for. They get the idea that it isn´t love unless
it HURTS. That´s part of why the divorce rate is so high. You get married
while under the influence of TRUE LOVE, and when the fantasy is ended...
you wake up one day, and you´re left with someone you don´t really know...
TRUE LOVE is like a sickness, your brain goes on vacation, and it feels so
good while you´re into it. It burns hot and bright, and burns itself out.
If more people looked at love with #2 in mind, there would be a lot more
happy people. #2 can also be had with more than one person... there´s no
limit to how many people you can love. It´s harder to have #1 with more
than one person, because you´re so wrapped up in that one person that you
can´t give to anyone else, not even yourself. and if you have #1 with more
than one person, there´s a lot of misunderstanding, your partner doesn´t
feel "special" anymore, because the general understanding is that #1 is a
rare and special thing, to be given to one other person only. Feelings get
hurt very easily with #1, because feeling is what it´s all about. The thing
is, #1 isn´t special and rare, you go through that a dozen or more times,
especially in high school. The special and rare one is #2, and it´s very
difficult to find it with one person, nevermind two or three. It´s the one
that lasts forever.
____________________
Comedian
Fanatic
Posts: 213 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 09:50 AM
Yeah, and all of that is why I´d rather sit down, insert some chemicals
into my body, and watch a few good movies and then go take a long walk and
watch the sunset. Cause for that kind of shit, you don´t need another
person talking to have a deep and fulfulling experience.
Actual Singles ad I saw once--
"SBF, Leo, 5´2", 240 plbs, smoker, two children, IN SHAPE, seeks loving
man"
h0 h0 h0.
____________________ Make way for the bad guy!
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 10:14 AM
To DarkMistress, I agree, I do, except for the part of just “getting over
it.”
Love is trivial, a common trait in our lives which will cause us all to do
the most uncommon things. It is for just insurance of reproduction. It is
not that easy, not for me atleast, to get over it...not from the things in
my life. Not when you lose a friend to suicide, a family member to gang
violence, people that you love to these things and more. It’s not easy to
get over the loss of a burden so great that it feels as though the moon is
a nail and it’s slowly pressing down upon your back.
Even if it doesn´t seem like it, we all are attached to someone or
something. When we lose that, we´ll know how much it truly ment.
I guess I have too much excess baggage to check at the door. I tried
letting that go but, heh, it’s simpler said than done. So, I don’t talk
about it. You could just say that “it’s all fucked up, lets cry and forget”
but when that time comes, you can’t throw away something which has a tight
grip in your head. Especially that which seems to reoccur in your life too
many times.
Love...I hate it.
Ack, I’m ranting again.
I just found out today that someone I care deeply for tried to kill
herself. *sighs* It just seems life is one big spiral of suicide. There’s
nothing I can do to help.
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 11:27 AM
AloneSoul~yes I know, I don´t get over things easily myself..even if I make
it seem like I do. In fact I´ve been holding onto something for years and
trying to forget it doesn´t help. I just try to deal. I just lost my best
friend and gained an enemy a couple of days ago and that makes everything
harder. I don´t know real love, family love. Someone tries to hug me and
I cringe and shy away. Theres more but I don´t think sharing it with the
whole world will make anything better, if not worse. Love sucks, and for
those who feel that way, what can you really do? I just take each day in
stride and know that the only real friends I have are cats. I´m sorry
about your friend, I lost my cousin to suicide.
I totally know the whole "baby" thing. I found children repulsive until my
nephew was born, and I simply cannot get enough of him.
I have family love...it´s a wierd sort of thing, not the typical
disfunctional family that pretends everything is alright, not the typical
nuclear family that has dinner every evening and hugs and kisses both their
parents and their siblings are the best of friends.
We all love each other...and our wierd sort of family love I wouldn´t trade
for the world. We always know dad loves us, he just isnt´ good at showing
it. I remember when my sister was in the hospital after having my
nephew...my dad HUGGED her. Dad doesn´t hug. The last time I was hugged
by my dad was when I was 16 and my grandma died. Dads are funny
creatures.
My sisters and I love each other...I´ve always been sort of a third wheel
to them two, but when I was in trouble they were the FIRST to come to my
aid with a fury you´ve never seen.
Chemical love is a scary thing because it´s so unpredictable and sooooo
uncontrollable and can be sooooo painful.
Emotional love is something that can turn into chemical love..enter
scenario of "mutual friend" that you hang out with a lot. Emotional love
is like a round about way of turning knobs and levers over time to
instigate chemical love. Personally I think it´s a lot SAFER...because
it´s based on something other than chemicals messing up your brain and
clouding your judgement.
Love is tricky sticky icky..but it doesn´t have to be :)
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 01:38 PM
I didnt like children either until my nephew was born, I have a niece whose
6 and a snot. But she´s related through marriage, we have the same name.
My nephew is adorable though.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 31/7/2002 at 09:50 PM
Again to DarkMistress, we share more things in common than I personally
thought...
Except the cats thing.
I have a dog...Who’s also dying... God damn it.
About family love...
My mother tried to hold this family together, she failed. The farther we
are apart, the better. My parents , however, are still together * which is
a surprise*. I swore they were going to get a divorce...didn’t really care
that much either.
I don’t really know how to talk to a person, I’m more inside my own world.
I was raised this way...I don’t want to discuss the details of my life for
two reasons.
1) They’re not something I so easily tell people.
2) I don’t remember much of my life, it’s mainly a blank slate with some
memories.
Hugs and human contact in general is still a foreign thing to this day for
me. The way we’ve been raised is this. Life sucks, get used to it. My
family, we don’t have that bond which any normal family would, we don’t say
“I love you!” None of that crap, the one time my father did ever say that
to me I just looked at him with this “what are you smoking” expression on
my face.
*shivers* It’s just wrong to hear that. That’s the way I’ve been raised.
Here’s a example of how we operate.
I had to go to the dentist today. As I was pulling into a parking spot I
saw a ambulance loading a person and drive away quickly. I didn’t know what
happened exactly but I did see that it was parked infront of the dentist
place I was going to. I walked inside and all hell was breaking lose
between the dentists and nurses. They were talking and looking worried that
they were going to be sued.
I finally get called for my crown and when I’m walking back with one of the
nurses I asked “what was all that commotion about?”
She replied hesitantly.
“Uhhhh, a panic attack.”
As I sat down in the chair I thought to myself “a panic attack? She
bullshitted me rather quickly.”
I went back to the front desk to schedule another appointment till one of
the nurses looked at me and asked...
“Are you David Garcia?”
“Yes.”
“Is your father Mike Garcia?”
“Yes.”
“Is your mother Mrta Garcia?”
“Yes but it’s pronounced Myrta.”
“Oh, well, she was taken out to the hospital.”
“What happened, I was just parking while they were loading a person onto
the ambulance” I asked with a confused look on my face.
“She had a panic attack, she started screaming ‘I gotta get out of here, I
gotta get out of here’ in the lobby.”
I was embraced, putting my hand on my face.
“Oh don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”
“I’m not worried, I just need to schedule another appointment.”
I hate the hospital, bad feelings and memories rush in my head when I step
inside one.
I got directions to the hospital and eventually found my way to her room.
My father was in there with her. She was almost as pale as me. That’s not
right because she’s very tanned. We talked like we would any other rare
conversation we had. I found out that she nearly asphyxiated from her own
throat closing in on her as she fell into a wild seizer from a overdoes of
anaesthesia which she was allergic too...and she didn’t even need the med’s
for the procedure done. She refused them at first.
I’m sure your wondering what my point is to this story.
It’s this. I didn’t worry, bitch or cry when I found out she was sent to
the hospital nor when I saw her. I didn’t hug her, kneel by her bed side or
any of that. Nor did my father. It’s like any other hospital visit for any
other of my friends. I was numb to the whole situation, except for
embarrassment when the nurses at the dentists office told me she merely had
a panic attack.
We don’t really have that bond which other families would. We don’t really
“love” each other. It’s more of a forced compassion because we are a
family. That compassion took nearly 18 years to grow to the point where we
can sit in the same room for five minutes without being at each others
throats..
f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
callei
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 1/8/2002 at 10:10 AM
The hard part of love is figuring out what emotions that word is masking.
habit, need, compassion, projection, fear, lust, loneliness, ambition,
acceptance, compliance, revenge, fulfulment, desire, shared history, social
pressures, greed, self love, chemical imballance, covetting, jealousy,
being used to something, interest, friendship, awe, comfort, arousal,
adoration, laziness, fear of the unknown, confusion, pity, apithy, self
hate, ego, control, lack of control, and a zillion others.
People use the word "love" for all of these other emotions, usually when
they mean three or four of them at once.
Love itself is easy, a confusion of some of the above is hard.
____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away.
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/8/2002 at 10:12 AM
My family´s not quite that distant. My mom says I love you a lot, actually
she throws those three words around at everyone. My dog is dying as well,
I´ve had her since I was two.
The dentist story makes me not want to go and get my wisdom teeth
out..just from what happend to your mother. I hate dentists and hospitals,
especially hospitals. They lack the feeling of hope to me, actually. It´s
more like the reminder that death is coming for us all and it can be very,
very painful. A dentist invented the electric chair...enough said.
when I look at my mom I don´t see a mother, I see a care-taker. When I
look at my dad I don´t see a dad I see some guy I don´t know who lives with
us. My mom is trying to keep our family together; the only person I really
love is my brother. I can´t talk to my mother about anything and I used to
get angry when I watched my sister and her talk about everything. Now I
just don´t care.
AloneSoul~yes, you´re right we do have more in common than one would think.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/8/2002 at 08:55 PM
About children, I don´t want to have any. A old g/f of mine wanted to have
children about a year into our releashionship. I honestly don´t that
motivation, even to this day...
Bringing a child into this world would be a cruel thing.
Also, don´t worry ´bout the dentist, they use gass and not the needle. It
would take too many needles to put you out and that would, well, kill you.
heh, so don´t worry ´bout it. I got my wisdom teeth out and it didn´t hurt
that much.