LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 26/12/2003 at 03:20 AM |
I was curious to see what I looked like when I was pissed, so I set up my
webcam to detect motion and began a triade against all of the people who
are currently pissing me off.
The results, frankly, scared the piss out of me. Not only did I get a good
look at what I look like angry, I also got a peek at my aura. I don't know
how I know--I just know. The pics looked like absolute evil. It looked
like there was something else inside of me--something really ugly and
evil--and it was trying to come out...especially when I looked directly
into the camera during my tirade. I hated what I saw there.
I guess I have issues with anger. But what was visible to me scared me in
ways I wasn't expecting. I deleted the pics, of course--I'm creeped out
just having them on the computer.
I just wonder if this is normal. Do people get freaked out if they get to
see their anger replayed? Why does this bother me so much? Why am I
scared pf something that is an ugly part of everyone? How does this tie to
the past? Why do I feel like that part of my soul is going to come off of
the screen and kill me?
God, I feel like Dr. Jekyll...
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 26/12/2003 at 12:47 PM |
welcome to the human condition... this is the reason that I wear mine on
the outside... ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/12/2003 at 01:06 AM |
Dude I never even thought of doing that. I'm almost curious to try it out,
but then again I may use you as an example and rather not see. But then
perhaps it's cathartic, maybe it'd do me some good to get a good hard look
at myself.
I think most people if they had to look at themselves as they really REALLY
are would be frightened, or at least disgusted, because as humans it's in
our nature to be..well...horrid, as feral pointed out. ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/12/2003 at 02:24 AM |
What I saw isn't how I want to be.
If nothing else, it is helping me to contain my anger. Every time i feel
anger coming on, I think about the glint of teeth, the hate-hardened dark
eyes, and the crimson-streaked aura...and it makes my blood freeze.
I'm beginning to wish I saved them, perhaps to educate myself, perhaps to
desitise myself and get used to my own ugliness...but I opted not to...for
the moment.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/12/2003 at 06:27 AM |
As long as you werent hatching something seperate a la Segourney Weaver's
alien from your aura, then well I kinda fail to see the fear factor.
Isnt it NICE to know tha tyou can harness your own energy to a focus? Isnt
it nice to know that you can be mad that completely and well? Isnt it
wonderful to know that you human?
Now yah if, when pissed, one was spawning something shaped and independant
out of one's aura, then yah that is a worrisome. But seeing that in fact
you are angry when you thought you were angry, well how is that screy and
how can that be someone you dont want to be? Who else are you going to be? ____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away. |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/12/2003 at 02:37 PM |
cygnet: to fight what you are is a losing battle... to take it and mold it
to your will usse it, as you would any other tool, that is true mastery....
you are a primate... and we are violent angry creatures by nature...
Betty... I find that by not restraining it at all, I have none build up...
most things - literally- just roll off my back because nothing is left over
from earlier... it also allows you to see the world fresh every time you
get angry...
Feral ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/12/2003 at 01:45 AM |
LadyC: What a wonderful idea to critically examine oneself! Many of us
allow our fellows to turn us into people that we wouldn't like, but there
is almost never a mirror around when it happens. Now that you've
pinpointed who does it and what they make you into, you have the potential
to decide whether or not you will allow that to happen. It sounds like a
very, very positive exercise. More people should take a good long look at
themselves and not cop out about what is in their power to change. Good
show!
~M. |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/12/2003 at 02:54 PM |
Put it on "motion" again and write about bunnies. Get both sides of the
picture. ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/12/2003 at 03:44 PM |
Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. It's given me a lot to
ponder. I was on the road for about 18 hours or so this weekend for that
wedding (I think I may have fodder for an article there), so it gave me a
lot of time to think about a lot of stuff.
I think what scared me the most was seeing demonic aspects that resembled
my father in those pics...especially the ones where my teeth were showing.
I don't know why, but seeing teeth makes me very, very nervous...even when
someone is smiling. I personally looking something like a rabid chipmunk
when I grin, which is why I seldom do it.
Seeing what I look like angry has given me a firmer grip on my temper, that
much I know. I feel like my anger is a very powerful force, and I have a
lot of it...but I want to direct it in a positive way. My father's anger
was unbearable and frightening, and not just because of what he did to me
and my siblings (not to mention walls and animals) when he was raging. I
cannot and will not subject anyone to that if I can help it, if my anger is
so much like his.
I'm not saying anger is a bad emotion; however, what really unsettled me
was the own hatred I saw in my own eyes, burning back at me. I try really
hard to like everyone, and I can count on one hand the number of people I
genuinely hate...though that number has grown here of late.
What do you all with your anger? How do you express it without harming
others?
I would appreciate any ideas. ____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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daria_4
Member Posts: 96 Registered: 29/7/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/12/2003 at 04:25 PM |
I know the whole punching a pillow thing can be a bit cliche, but I have
found that doing something equivalent to that has helped me in the past. I
too have come to the scary realization that I am my father's daughter, and
as such, I have the same potential for destructive, angry behavior that he
does. It still worries me from time to time, and the instances in which I
was angry enough to do the kind of damage I've seen my father do, all I
could do was at least get myself away from people. One time, I lucked out
and happened to find an empty soda bottle near me, and I threw it at my
door--repeatedly. It kept rolling back to me, so I kept throwing it,
causing no harm to myself, others, or the door. Eventually, I got
tired...
It's not necessarily something that will help with long term management or
anything, but it is good in a bind; for when the management stuff just
hasn't helped and you've gotten anrgy anyway. ____________________ "I've told you before, I don't comprehend religion, although
conviction is a concept I'm beginning to get. In any case, a person
with a real religious conviction is, I propose, a religious convict,
and deserves locking up." |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/12/2003 at 08:39 PM |
Bettie: I don't see where that would provide much balance unless bunnies
don't piss her off as much as they do me.
LadyC: How do I manage my anger...? I crush my enemies, see them driven
before me and listen to the lamentation of their women. These are a few of
my favourite things.
If anyone needs me, just look for the river flowing red with the blood of
my enemies and head upstream.
~M. |
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jester
Coward Posts: 3 Registered: 29/12/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 29/12/2003 at 01:17 AM |
lady c
a few otions for you
1. Write down the sources of your anger it may lead to understanding.
2. Store the anger until it can be released in a usefull/safe manner
3. Beat the crap outta someone small and helpless (probably the worst
option)
4. Run an hide never face the real you again
5. realise we are all the same what ever facade we present
6. Convert the energy of anger and use it to achieve rather than destroy
J. ____________________ nobodys fool but my own |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 29/12/2003 at 11:28 AM |
Lady c:
1) I vent... either in art, music or writing...
2) provided that it was a person that angered me ( and that is a fact 90%
of the time), I TELL THEM
3) I spar
4) scream at the world...
5) play with my rats...
6) I run...
____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 29/12/2003 at 09:58 PM |
Fine mono, you bunny hater, all your bunnies are belonging to me. Nyah. ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/12/2003 at 09:23 PM |
Bettie: You can have my bunnies. I hate to shatter your misconceptions
here, but bunnies are actually conniving little bastards who regularly
fudge their golf scores. Don't let the cute pink noses and whiskers fool
you, I'd never let a bunny do my taxes.
LadyC: I've been thinking about it, and I've no idea what to tell you about
this whole anger management business. Have you tried sublimating your
anger in a hobby? There's needlepoint, painting, playing a musical
instrument or plotting the grisly and untimely demise of the son of a bitch
who coaches those god damned, court-ordered anger management classes. I
hate that son of a bitch! I hate him so much!
~M.
~M. |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/12/2003 at 11:30 PM |
but mono that's why they're so GRAND. Besides, they are cute and fuzzy
with sharp fucking claws and sharper teeth. What's not to love?! ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 31/12/2003 at 12:46 AM |
Does anyone remember that evil white rabbit from Monty Python and the
Holy Grail? I don't bother bunnies if they don't bother me. Darn
rodents.
As for the anger management thing, I've already painted a lot of stuff (my
speciality are postcard-sized pieces), done some drawing, and I'm usually
too exhausted to write.
Ironically enough, I'm looking into getting a heavy bag, as my hobbies are
too sedate for channeling anger, I need more exercise, and punching walls
is just plain destructive....not to mention hard on the knuckles.
Funny thing is, I was not this shrewish before I got married/divorced. I
was just depressed a lot. Maybe it's another step towars becoming a
better, more assertive person...maybe.
Right now, I would just like to get nine sheets to the wind and pass out in
my own vomit. I hate it when the dam bursts.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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BlueLinn
Fanatic Posts: 246 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/1/2004 at 09:36 AM |
there was once a mystic store in my town that had an aura reading machine
in it, but that was awhile ago and now I think they have a telemarketing
place there. But anyway, I always wanted to go and get my aura read, but it
was 20 bucks and I was too cheap. Then one day it wasn't there anymore and
I had missed my chance. Also, I am still too cheap and I do not own a web
cam. So about the closest I can get is to go out, buy a couple of books and
hope they work. Or let someone else try reading me.. But usually your
friends in a middle sized town in the middle of missouri, will not know how
to accurately read auras... ah, well, que serra serra... ____________________ When the world is over, will we wonder how it began? |
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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/1/2004 at 11:38 PM |
BlueLinn: I'm in a moderate-sized town in NE MO. *grin* There are some
groups that are a bit more open-minded up here.
Everybody: Thanks for the suggestions! ____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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