Meranda_Jade
Fanatic Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 25/4/2007 at 09:56 PM |
Okay, I cry foul.
Why is it that Feral can speak like this whenever he feels very strongly
about something? He phrases things like this all the time! If these are
the rules that work for him they should work for everyone else!
I understand him just fine, Schizo. I believe he understands me as well.
I was truly shocked at his first post to a person who, by all appearances,
was in a great deal of pain. My mouth actually dropped when I read that.
Because it looked very insensitive and cruel.
Then he said there was a difference between pain and cowardice.
(paraphrasing) Okay, taken literally, there is. But in the CONTEXT of the
discussion, I came away with the implication that the original poster was
being called a coward simply for yelling for help. Or for wanting to die.
I'm not entirely sure which, as it WASN'T clear. But I responded the best
I could to what was there to work with.
And you are not reading MY words as they are intended.
You know what? Fuck this. Feral's great, he's perfect. You won't see me
trying to express any opposing statements anymore.
Peace out.
____________________
|
|
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 26/4/2007 at 02:46 AM |
quote: I understand him just
fine, Schizo. I believe he understands me as well.
Unfortunately, no you don't, and no he doesn't. And at this point, I am no
longer understanding you, I think, nor are you understanding me. One big
mix-up all around.
Feral speaks the way he does because he knows no other way - he doesn't
choose it for its blunt effect - that's just the inevitable feel people get
from the unpolished literality of his speech patterns. In other words,
speaking this way does Feral no favors, and it's not going to do anyone
else any favors to emulate it. The only rules he has are the rules of the
A.S. mind. You and I are lucky enough that we have more flexibility of
pattern - why would we choose his, since it is bound to be
misunderstood?
quote: You know what? Fuck
this. Feral's great, he's perfect. You won't see me trying to express any
opposing statements anymore.
Yes, I think Feral is great, but as for him being perfect? Bah. Far from
it. He is, however, not understood. I happen to have wrapped my mind
around his pattern - mainly because I've had a close friend with A.S.
before, so I'm familiar with how the mind works, and because I have enough
personal knowledge of this man to be able to read between the lines in ways
that most of the rest of you can't. I am not trying to defend him - merely
to translate... even more than translate - to teach A.S. like a language -
a foreign, even alien language that uses English words so no one realizes
that he is not actually speaking English. When I see that Feral's family
(because that's what we are here - family - even the ones of us who can't
seem to get along) is understanding him unaided, then I won't have to stand
beside him anymore. But to say I fight his battles for him - well, that's
like saying a French debater has someone to fight his battles if he uses a
French-to-English translator to try to communicate.
By the way - I 100% endorse disagreeing with Feral. So does he.
I don't know why I keep trying - both Feral and I seem to be getting more
negativity from this approach to trying to get him understood than the old
way of him just blundering along trying to pretend to be normal. I try to
help a friend, and now everyone just thinks he's a baby who needs me to
hold his hand. God I wish people would set aside all the hostility, and
just let me help here - just trust me... I'm not taking sides, deeply as I
care for Feral. I just want to get everyone on the same page.
On top of this - let me add something. Feral has an instinct for bullshit.
It is not empathy - he does not know why he knows it, but he knows when
someone is full of it. His buddies playing X-Box Live used to protest what
they saw as seemingly random attacks against people they encountered on the
game, until they realized that every one that Feral raised his hackles
against turned out to be trouble. Now they automatically block anyone that
Feral feels that instant antipathy for. And the game goes a lot
smoother.
I'm not making this up. Yes, it is strange. I understand if you don't
believe me. But when Feral makes a snap judgment like this, he is not
trying to pretend he understands others - he knows he can't. It's just
that instinct kicking in. And as you see, he was right, this time.
Forgive me for trying to create a place for Feral where he can be
surrounded by friends who both understand and trust him. If you really
would rather we both shut up, that can be arranged. And that's not just
trying to create drama. It's just sense - if this is a place that wants to
take the time to understand a fucked up person like Feral, then we are
happy to continue to work with you all until we can come to a full
understanding. But if not, then, why waste the time and the energy trying
to force things?
Sometimes I feel like I am speaking Asperger's too... I seem to come across
all wrong no matter what I say here. Funny thing is, when I described the
syndrome to my mom, she seemed to think that was a distinct possibility.
But probably not. It's more likely that I'm just a terribly, terriibly
obstinant person who has got a bee in her bonnet about accomplishing
something and can't give up even though she is pissing off her friends in
the process. Please forgive me where I have been wrong. And please
explain it to me gently and without sarcasm, because the sarcasm will
confuse me.
I'm honestly a little upset about this, and I only got a couple of hours
sleep all told last night. But I can't seem to let it go. Because I've
seen the inside of someone - it's flawed, but it's beautiful, and I want
everyone else to get past the barriers and see it too... please, everyone,
I'm not trying to attack anyone - I'm just trying to beat down the
barriers.
Yeah, I'm obsessive. I'll be the first to admit that. But this means a
lot to me. So please bear with me, and don't just brush me off if you can
find it in your heart. Please. ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
|
feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 26/4/2007 at 10:34 AM |
Okay... *speaking softly without any anger*
Schiz... it's alright... I see what you are trying to do.. to help people
understand me... understand what I say and why I say it... I am a big
boy... while you feel a need to facilitate... it is not necessary and in
many cases... undesirable... because it ends up being interpreted as an
attack, or total defense... when that is not the case... you are doing what
you feel is right, but you are annoyed and that is read in your words.
</b>I honestly don't see why it is so hard to understand the man. I
don't think he could have stated things more calmly or
clearly.</b>
This is, obviously, not the case. Were they stated clearly, there would be
no miscommunication.
<b>to be able to read between the lines in ways that most of the rest
of you can't</a>
Which is why the point above... you have some experience with someone
similar to me and you have been directly exposed to the way I think... most
people do not. When we communicate, people associate meaning and emotional
overtones with words... Since I, with some exceptions, don't use words with
their overtones, simply their meanings, most people will make assumptions
about intent based on word choice... which results in
misunderstanding...
<b>Forgive me for trying to create a place for Feral where he can be
surrounded by friends who both understand and trust him.</b>
It's not necessary to strive beyond the everyday to do this. as opposed to
a global understanding... Like with a pack of wolves, there are
disagreements and moments of frenetic, frantic struggle. On the whole
though, harmony is abundant... It is hard for most because my thought
patterns are truly alien
MJ: It's alright... "Why is it that Feral can speak like this whenever he
feels very strongly about something?" No where do I see a reprimand for
your mode of speech... she's simply attempting to facilitate communication.
Which, to be honest, is because I don't think you do understand me most
times...
you asked "Can neither of you see what I actually said?" There are key
phrases that stuck out, that are indicative of a misunderstanding of my
intent and of my words. I am citing them, not as an attack, but to explain
why these are equated with misunderstanding... I may be wrong about it...
and if I am, perhaps we need to start a new dictionary with a common frame
of reference.
<b>"If you don't know what a person is thinking, don't presume to
insert your own interpretation of the events in place of what is
unknown."</b>
In my original post, there was no interpretation... yes I was harsh... my
statement about use english was refering, not to typoes but use of things
such as "ne1"... then, please note, I told them to go to the ER... Federal
law indicates that an individual that is a danger to themselves is to be
committed and given psychiaric treatment. If he is too poor to afford a
stay in a mental hospital, the ER, by law, has to admit him and get him
help - regardless of finances since this is a life threatening situation.
The last statement is a judgement...plain and simple... but let's look at
it... there, in my mind and experience are three possibilities. 1) Person
wants to do it. If this is the case... THEY WILL DO IT. 2) person, deep
down, is approaching others to be stopped and wants help... In which
case... they do that... 3) they are a LAM (look at me) and have no
intention of doing it. If there are other options, please let me know...
for the record... had one of my friends taken the knife and headed for the
bathroom.. I would have intervened and taken them to the ER myself. When
you hear about suicides... unless they have tried before... they are almost
always a surprise... meaning, those that truly want to end it... don't talk
to people about it... My suggestion to a person in that situation is a
shock and emotionally galvanizing... when emotionally shocked, thinking
switches from the emotional to the areas of the brain that govern instinct
and logical thought...
<b>"You are the LAST person to be involved in a forum such as
this."</b> not going to address this... but it is an example
<b>"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO DECIDE WHO IS GENUINELY IN PAIN AND WHO
IS A COWARD???" </b>
"I came away with the implication that the original poster was being called
a coward simply for yelling for help. Or for wanting to die. I'm not
entirely sure which, as it WASN'T clear."
I have been in pain... soul crushing pain... physically, and emotionally. I
cannot claim to know what anyone is going through... love, death,
disappointment... and no matter how you look at it... to commit suicide is
fleeing from your problems... Anyone who commits suicide is a coward...
Schiz tried it... and she agreed, at least partially... I tried it 15 years
ago... I was a coward... my friend charles tried it... He told me that he
felt it was cowardly... I was sent to a support group after my attempt...
and all but one in the group shared the opinion... so.. I decide based on
my experience and that of those who have shared theirs that committing
suicide is an act of cowardice... but... that was not the issue... I never
said that he was not in pain... I said that it was cowardly to flee the
pain of life...
<b>"So, basically, you're saying that you don't want YOUR time wasted
with this bullshit."</b>
I said nothing of the sort... either he wants to do it... and he will...
or he wants help... and will get it... or ... just talking about it... the
issue is not people who want to commit suicide are full of bullshit...it
was if he doesn't want to do it or get help... then he is full of shit...
and I don't want my time wasted with LAM behavior (Look-At-Me)
<b>"based on your flippant response?"</b>
There was nothing flippant about my response... I make it a point to be
very specific and state that I am joking or making light of a situation.
<b>"No, you just went ahead with a self-righteous rant."</b>
self-righteous: adjective - excessively or hypocritically pious. I claimed
no piety... I claimed no morality... and with the rest of what I have
explained... I hope you can see the logical progrssion...
I state things simply...because everyone claims to understand... I take
them at their word... If I start out with the long posts explaining every
step of the thought process, everyone tells me I am talking down to them...
but the conclusions drawn (or at least expressed) collide with the intent
and what was originally expressed...
<b>misunderstanding: to take (words, statements, etc.) in a wrong
sense; understand wrongly.</b>
*smiles slightly* "What we have here is a failure to communicate." ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
|
Rogue
Member Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 26/4/2007 at 04:18 PM |
Meanwhile, back in the topic...
In a way I hope this person was just yanking our collective chains, because
that can be a scary place. On the other hand, I don't think it's funny or
appropriate to yank chains like that just for attention.
Not many know this, but when I was seventeen a friend of mine that I had
known since grade school committed suicide. With gasoline. And a match.
It was ugly, his brother found him. This guy had been sort of a
brother/nemesis to me for years and suddenly he was gone. We could have
been lovers if I had only been able to talk to him that day.
Or if I had found the body while it was still warm. ____________________ Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. |
|
Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 26/4/2007 at 05:11 PM |
Man, I" never going to get that coffee out of the keyboard on my laptop.
Damn you Rogue. ____________________ It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus |
|
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 26/4/2007 at 05:29 PM |
Rogue... that was evil... EEEEE-VIIIILLL! *giggles* ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
|
Sardonic-Pain
Fanatic Posts: 248 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 27/4/2007 at 09:32 AM |
Lol that was a bit wrong but funny as hell. Definately broke up all the
arguing that I couldn't read all the way through.
Obviously this kid or whatever didn't come back so either he offed himself
off was infact crying for attention. Oooh A mystery which no one knows. Now
I am sure at some point in our lives...we will deal with suiside in one way
or another whether its knowing someone who commited suiside or attempted it
or if it was you yourself. I have dealt with it on many different
levels....and in all honesty if I was gonna kill myself I would have left a
better letter....and does suiside hurt..which was the original question. I
say well it depends on how you want to do it.
In a way I agree with both Meranda and Feral- Polar opposites with their
compassion. I don't think either one of you is wrong but I can see how
heads bump. Does this kid need help...in some way shape or form I would
say yes. Maybe he just needs a friend who knows...he didn't come back and
if he/she/it does I guess you'll know the answers then.
I just hate reading through the pointless squabbling...for one because I
like comming here and posting and its just ridiculous..and I didn't have a
point for number 2. I probably would have responded a bit callously to the
post too with its bad writing and what to me seem stupid questions. I mean
its one thing to be on here for a while and post something and another
thing to just kinda find this place out of the blue and write that. I mean
if the kid was desperate enough there is a possibility that the post could
be legit....There is always more than one way to look at situations like
this. Who's to say which way is right and which is wrong? ____________________ My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music |
|
Starlight
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 27/4/2007 at 11:47 AM |
quote: does ne1 hear know about
suicide, whetehr it is painless, wethehr it hurts or is scarey or anything
like that, or any reason sombody should not do it wehn theyr all the ones
that care about them? i mena, some people say tehy care but tehy eithre
dont really or tehy dont know you really and so tehy cant say tehy do or
dont cuz tehy dont have all teh infomration. im lost hear, i want help
from sombody who cares, but i dont know who that is if naybody. plz hlp, i
dunno nebody that cares. kthxbye.
My take on what was going on with the original poster when he... (I'm using
"he", as with no other basis, it's the first pronoun that came to mind on
reading the post) ...posted this is that they were feeling very alone at
the time. A one time or first time post on a message board, that is not
specifically set up as a suicide help-line board, tends to be to find
someone to talk to. Sort of along the lines of fishing to see if anyone is
around who is able to talk to them for a bit.
They were probably in a very depressed state of mind, not necessarily truly
suicidal, but very lonely and low nonetheless. They probably couldn't find
someone to speak to on a messenger or a chatroom or another messageboard.
This was probably a call out to see if anyone was around to talk with them
for a bit. Then again, it could have been that just the act of them
expressing themselves in type and knowing that someone might read their
words...was, perhaps, therapy enough to get them in a different state of
mind.
It's possible they found someone to talk to eventually to get them in a
better mood, but without them making a repeat appearance very quickly, it's
hard to be sure. If they do decide to come back and post again, they may
choose to start differently and with a different identity even. It's just
the impression I get from it, and from things I've seen on boards, in rooms
and on messengers from time to time through the years.
I don't have any hard and fast rules for myself as to reacting one way or
another to a person who is crying out for help or threatening to off
themselves...I try to take each situation as it comes...as each situation
is unique. I've known someone who did it unexpectedly and I've known people
who have attempted it...and each situation is unique in itself.
____________________ "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
|
|
EyeCandyRayce
Fanatic Posts: 247 Registered: 19/1/2004 Status: Offline
|
posted on 28/4/2007 at 09:38 PM |
I met this 60 something year old man who was in AA (I havn't announced to
anyone yet but I've stopped drinking and have nearly 90 days without a
drink but that is off topic).
He told the following story:
"There are those of us who can beat this. Who can stop living a distructive
life and heal. There are also those of us who are not strong enough. I've
met lots of both. I've been on the phone with a man who had four months in
AA. He told me on the phone he wanted to kill himself and I said, "Then do
it". Guess what... he did. Not a heart beat after I said that he pulled the
trigger with me on the phone.
And if I was in that situation again, I would say the same thing. Not
because I hate them. Not because I'm a mean evil man or I just don't care.
I'd say it because either you are strong enough to live or you are not.
Nothing I say can change that. He pulled the trigger without even a
hesitation. It wouldn't have matter what I said to him, he would have done
it the minute I got off the phone or would have just waited until I said
something he didn't like to do it. He just wanted a witness to his
pain."
When people make posts like the one above I tend to go along the same line
as Feral. This poster has two options. Either do it or, instead of talking
about suicide, talk about what is making them want to kill themselves and
let others try and help them.
[Edited on 4/29/07 by EyeCandyRayce] ____________________ Suicide Hotline - Please Hold |
|
Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 28/4/2007 at 11:18 PM |
quote: Not many know this, but
when I was seventeen a friend of mine that I had known since grade school
committed suicide. With gasoline. And a match. It was ugly, his brother
found him. This guy had been sort of a brother/nemesis to me for years and
suddenly he was gone. We could have been lovers if I had only been able to
talk to him that day.
Or if I had found the body while it was still warm.
I remember that guy. He was hot. ____________________ "I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again." |
|
Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 29/4/2007 at 09:20 PM |
And now I will never get that kim-bop out of my computer. ____________________ It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus |
|
littlegothgirlthatcould
Member Posts: 100 Registered: 13/2/2007 Status: Offline
|
posted on 30/4/2007 at 09:35 AM |
quote: does ne1 hear know about
suicide, whetehr it is painless, wethehr it hurts or is scarey or anything
like that, or any reason sombody should not do it wehn theyr all the ones
that care about them? i mena, some people say tehy care but tehy eithre
dont really or tehy dont know you really and so tehy cant say tehy do or
dont cuz tehy dont have all teh infomration. im lost hear, i want help
from sombody who cares, but i dont know who that is if naybody. plz hlp, i
dunno nebody that cares. kthxbye.
um... I think I got like... half of that.
Does sucide hurt?
if you actually succeed in it, you will be dead, no pain.
but while you are doing it, yeah, it may hurt
and the pain factor depends on how you do it.
not helping by giving examples...
so yeah. ____________________ [[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up and
learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]] |
|
Rogue
Member Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 2/5/2007 at 02:02 AM |
It hurts no matter what, I did it with a slow irreversible poison and it
still hurt as things shut down one by one. You should not do it because
of anyone else, period. Whatever anyone else thinks is probably only in
your head and whatever you think is definitely in your head and all these
things will seem silly once you actually cross the threshold, so save
yourself the regret and embarrassment and just not consider suicide as an
option no matter what else is happening in your life. Dig? ____________________ Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. |
|
Sardonic-Pain
Fanatic Posts: 248 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 2/5/2007 at 06:03 AM |
With one word Rouge, you have made my day....Dig. That is like the best
phrase ever. ya dig? (Sorry I am easily amused) ____________________ My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music |
|
Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 2/5/2007 at 06:39 AM |
Shenanigans. ____________________ "I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again." |
|
MystryssRavynDarque
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 648 Registered: 24/9/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 22/5/2007 at 02:12 AM |
Macadamia. ____________________ "People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell |
|
Merry_Widow
Fanatic Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 23/5/2007 at 05:18 PM |
Cunnilingus. ____________________ Okay, dazzle me. |
|
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 24/5/2007 at 01:48 AM |
Ragamuffin. ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
|
Starlight
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
|
posted on 24/5/2007 at 01:59 AM |
Persimmons. ____________________ "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've
never
tried before." ~Mae West
|
|
Sardonic-Pain
Fanatic Posts: 248 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
|
posted on 25/5/2007 at 05:50 AM |
ruffians ____________________ My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music |
|