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Geist
Member Posts: 127 Registered: 5/11/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 9/4/2003 at 04:18 PM |
Today's Story:
How To Change Your Entire Life In Three Easy Steps
Right then. I do so love this. Everyone should share the troubles and
tribulations of their lives with anyone who might come across it. Strangely
enough, it's pretty therapeutic. But, back to the subject at hand...
Step One:
do something really stupid. This can be anything from telling every person
you see exactly what you think of them (preferably something negative) to
kicking kittens and small children in a crowded public street. Personally,
I chose destroying the lives of some of my friends. Very bad plan on my
part.
Step Two:
complain to everyone about how step one wasn't really your fault. My
favorite way to do this is to blame it on the voices in your head. However,
you can also try things such as claiming it was your evil twin, blaming it
on your big toe, blaming society, or saying the government has instructed
you not to explain it.
S
tep Three:
pretend nothing happened. Whenever anyone mentions the incident to you, act
as if you have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. It also helps
if you look at them as if they're completely mad.
Repeat these steps often enough, and you too can have a changed life! You
can join the ranks of the emotionally-repressed, bitter, cynical, jaded,
and generally hate-filled morons that make up the wealth of this society;
those people for whom throwing empty beer bottles at their spouses makes up
their weekend entertainment, those who find joy in the simple things, such
as beating up their kids, or abusing their pets. Yes, you too can be like
this someday. These are indeed the joys of repressing everything, and
learning to hate everyone. And should you somehow manage to escape that,
well, then you'll probably end up like Charles Manson anyway.
____________________ Chasity - the most unnatural of all sexual perversions... |
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KatB
Fanatic Posts: 241 Registered: 16/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 9/4/2003 at 04:38 PM |
So THAT's how it's done! Thank you for that very educational piece, Geist,
I'll try it immediately ____________________ All stressed out and no one to choke...
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 9/4/2003 at 06:08 PM |
Maybe I'm just accustomed to old-fashioned disasters, but I've found that
it's hard to go wrong by just throwing equal parts ignorance and hardship
into a pot with a pinch of self righteousness. Let it simmer and you can
serve an army. Incidentally, keep the ground compassion out of the kitchen
for this recipe; it just makes a mess.
"I'm growing skeptical of cynicism."
~M. |
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/4/2003 at 12:16 AM |
I've had alot of success with this method...
Step One
Deliberatly be horribly rude, selfish, offensive, of some combination of
the above in such a way that makes yoo a collosal asshole but isn't
technicly illegal or anything (for example, going diectly to the front of
the line at the store, and interupt the current transaction by casually
putting yor items on the counter).
Step Two
When someone brings up the fact that yor being a gigantic prick act as
though yor offended and that it's THEIR problem and get extremely
billigerant in such a way that provokes them without mentioning fighting or
threatening them physicly. Childish name-calling, insulting the appearance
and intellectual capabilities of their offspring, sarcasticly refering to
them as "yor royal majesty," and repeating the words they say in a whiney
voice are all excellent little frills to add to step two.
Step Three
When they become physically offensive towards yoo, push other people in
their way (especially their children and the elderly), spit at them, throw
their personal belongings at them, etc. while simaltaniusly threatening
them with attrocities far beyond yor capability (for example calling their
bos and having them blacklisted so that their children will have to
cannibalize one another to survive or throwing their soul on a gang of
demons' poker table). ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl |
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MystryssRavynDarque
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 648 Registered: 24/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/4/2003 at 09:24 AM |
Actually, I have often thought of doing these things, but then I think
about how I would not like to have them done to me. Why do I have to be
such a nice person? ____________________ "People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell |
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 10/4/2003 at 03:02 PM |
Squiddo, her royal majesty is highly amused. ____________________ Okay, dazzle me. |
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