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Board Index > Other > Whine here about the LOVE you are getting, not in Tough Love | |
Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/7/2004 at 04:01 PM |
Another thing I want to say before shutting my mouth...
Devin brought up something else that I had a vibe of. The "oh but she's so
nice" thing actually made me glare. The fact that I'm "nice" or "fragile"
shouldn't stop someone from telling me my faults. In fact, I'd rather not
be pitied. Again, it's another thing that I had a gut feeling was
happening, but I brushed it off because I was aware of my paranoia flaw (on
top of some others). Even the sweetest singing bird doesn't feel sorry for
itself when its freezing in the cold, so why should I?
Those who showed their self-asserted nature, I give my respect to you
(Shade, Squid, etc). I'm not feeling sorry for myself for my flaws, so I
do get a bit ticked off when someone does pity me just because of
that...forgive me if I sound too blunt. Not as much toward the person, but
the sheer fact that I don't like thick sugar-coats.
Long story cut short, I do like it when people point things out to me so
that I can learn to perfect myself...at least to the best ability that I
can, I'm human - just like everyone else. I'll change from time to time
mainly because it is required to be strong and/or required for perfection.
So I thank you all for the "Tough Love" forum.
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/7/2004 at 05:39 PM |
It's Ok, Shade. I'm a little hurt, a little mad, but I think I know what
you were aiming at. We haven't just been silent to the flotsam and jetsam,
we have been afraid to confront the serious issues of those who have
established themselves here.
And with 24 hours or so to think things over some more, I wonder. Maybe
it's not the fact that I gave up Christianity that bothers you about me.
Why on earth would you want me to cling to something that I really didn't
believe anymore? I think maybe you see that I've given up something
valuable inadvertantly while dropping my old religion, kind of like
throwing a diamond ring away with the garbage. I would like to know what
others think on this line. Honestly. Please. I'm trying very hard to
find my way all by myself, and I actually WANT some constructive critisism
now and then so I can see how well I'm doing.
Besides, I've recently been on a "rediscovering the old me" kick. I've
concentrated so much on discovering new things, that I've neglected the old
things that I used to love. So now I'm picking them up and seeing if
there's still something in it for me. Buying old CD's I used to own,
reviving old styles of dress, etc. Perhaps revitalizing an old way of
doing things or looking at things might be in order.
So please, people. Honesty. Brutal honesty. I know Shade senses
something, or he wouldn't have written what he did. But does anyone else
see it? ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/7/2004 at 07:21 PM |
quote:
Maybe it's not the fact that I gave up Christianity that bothers you about
me. Why on earth would you want me to cling to something that I really
didn't believe anymore?
Lol, that is so far from what I was trying to say I am becoming convinced
that I really poorly worded my words to you. The party line I heard you
quoting was not some Shmeng party line, it was the hard right wing party
line. You never came right out and said it, but I kept seeing you almost
saying things like "Oh thank God someone else sees that monogamy is better
than anything else." Not 'It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who
likes monogamy' which is the kind of thing I knew you to say before. I know
how much it sucks to be an outsider, not here necessarily, Squid was right,
it does rock to be sleeping with one of the admins, but in general, I do
know. And I know you've found yourself on the outside of a large number of
groups due to your beliefs and the way you structured your life.
I never ever wanted to give the impression that I was faulting you for
calling your faith by the name Christianity, neither did i want to give you
a hard time for giving that up. It was the unconscious following of a dogma
for which you had clearly and succinctly stated your dislike that upset me.
You were showing all thee signs of being led like the sheep for whom even
you had expressed severe distaste. And it's never a happy moment when I see
a friend being led without their consent.
In terms of giving up Christianity, by all means slam dunk it. I've never
kept my distaste of the religion a secret. It has always been your
adherence to your own beliefs that I have admired. You had a lifestyle that
resembled the original idyllic beliefs of the early followers of the
teachings of a little known philosopher named Jesus (probably alDavid or
something like that); not the power hungry teachings of kings hell bent on
seducing the masses with a dogmatic approach to obedience. ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me |
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/7/2004 at 07:37 PM |
Wow. I really had no idea that I was coming across that way, because there
could be nothing further from my thoughts on that particular example. In
fact, I've been wishing for some time now that there was some way I could
be monogamous and polyamourous all at once. Because I really fucking enjoy
being monogamous. It works for me. But polyamoury sounds really fun, too,
and I think I could handle it pretty well. But I am so fucking pissed that
the two are mutually exclusive. Damn it. So I choose monogamy, because
the other choice would end up hurting people I care for.
How the hell did I come across as otherwise? I'm beginning to think that
my statements in the past have been as poorly worded as yours!
Although it could be true that there are still some clinging bits of the
nastier parts of Christianity sticking to me here and there. It's hard to
break thought patterns that have been pounded into your head for 20 years.
If I have inflicted this on the good people of Shmeng, please forgive me,
and please, PLEASE let me know immediately next time, so I can either clear
up your misconception of my intents, or clear off another shmeng-filled
piece of my past. ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
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Alugarde
Member Posts: 185 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 6/7/2004 at 07:54 PM |
quote: Alugarde, your posts
seemed slightly more intelligent than Gothicmorman's, but not so much so
that you are in any place to judge whether angel of death's apology was
enough to give him/her/it any chance of making it here. In my so humble
Pantheonic opinion, that apology sucked ass. Yes, please, make a fucking
bid for pity. We feel soooo sorry that the idiocy of your posts earned you
a flame in the official flaming forum. Yeah, and we're soooooooo sorry that
you're going to shut up now. *weep weep* See, real tears! Sorry that you
didn't bother to find out that your accuser wasn't to many steps removed
from you, or bother to discover that this forum was officially delared off
limits for retaliation or apology. And Alugarde, don't you ever again dare
speak on behalf of Shmeng, because you don't fucking know a decent apology
from a whine. Did you post your complaint because you can't stand Angel, or
because you wanted to be seen on the "good" side?
That was a collousal miswording on my part. I was not trying to speak on
behalf of Shmeng, and it never even occured to me that it sounded like I
was. I'll be the first to admit that there's tons of stuff on Shmeng I
don't understand. I said that Angel's post convinced me to give her
another chance. Wether you agree with my decision or not, "me" by no
stretch of the imagination means "Shmeng". And yea, it could have been a
bullshit apolagy from her, but then again, I'm a gullible person.
[Edited on 7/7/2004 by Alugarde] ____________________ l33t is the bastard cousin of contractions. |
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 7/7/2004 at 04:02 AM |
(The following is written for my own benefit... skip ahead to the another
post for something that isn't entirely self indulgent.)
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh yeah, fuck.
Why do I keep hearing this same shit from everybody? The real bitchslap
here is that a week before this the regulars at my favourite bar threw an
intervention for me and told me the same god damned things. "We'd like to
help you, Wolf, but we aren't qualified. You won't let anyone in. You are
unbelievably angry all the time. You come across as unapproachable to
strangers and unavailable to friends. You need to let things go and stop
dwelling and worrying all the time. Why can't you just relax with your
friends and get drunk and have a good time like everyone else?"
Well, except for Slobodan. He was calling me a racist because I said that
all penguins look the same to me.
I was actually peeved when I first read the tough love thing. Mostly
because I was trying to mind my own business and stay out of the way when
Shade ambushed me. I peeked at the boards right before I started my day of
classes and then got irritated. Funny story there (for me, anyway). All
week long I have been trying to get the kids to settle down so I had them
all sit in a circle. I cupped my hands and told them I was holding the
"angry bird" and that the "happy bird" couldn't come until you let the
angry bird fly away. Then I pretended to blow the angry bird away and made
all the kids do the same. What the hell, it wasted ten minutes. When the
kids came into class at the beginning of the day I read Shade's post, they
looked at my face and walked up to me with cupped hands and let me "blow
away the angry bird". Stupid, but it really moved me and I decided it
wasn't worth being pissed off about.
But I'm not kidding. I keep hearing this same shit over and over. I'm not
fucking perfect and never claimed to be. I'm working on it. Really. If
you are somebody I would call a friend, I beg your patience. If your are
not somebody I would call a friend, you can fellate me.
But as far as the way I write... it is exactly the same as the way
I talk (including obnoxious quotations!) If reading from me pisses anyone
off, nobody is holding a gun to their heads to keep doing it. Lord knows
there are people I selectively tune out. If I am being a problem for
people in general, then they need to give me the boot because I don't have
enough shame or self-awareness to take a hint.
And just to be pissy, I should toss out an obnoxious quote.
"A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself to keep his
friends in countenance." ~Benjamin Franklin.
~M. ____________________ "I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again." |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 7/7/2004 at 10:13 AM |
Schizo: my life... fell apart for a while... and while this happened... I
was too flummoxed to actually care about the world around me... I was
annoyed, but it was a feeling of general dismay as opposed to someting
focused... and without focus... it is just silly...
as for the story... you won't see any more of it... there will be a
DIFFERENT, BETTER story... but between heaven and earth was becoming heavy
with lack of inspiration and formulaic forshadowing... and I am not sure
that I can come up with anythig more on that storyline and be satisfied
with my own work... which saddens me... ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 7/7/2004 at 10:18 AM |
Anya :
"On the "flip-flopping" part *maybe I misread*, I sometimes act like I am
supporting another issue just for the sake of controversy. "
Not what I meant at least... I meant that you say the lesser of two evils
in this coming election... I say be idealistic or be cynical... if you are
idealistic... vote for who you support...
you canna be an idealist AND a cynic... I know, I tried... and I looked
like a fuckin moron...LOL ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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Schizo
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 03:09 AM |
For fear of misusing Tough Love space, I'll write this here.
Bettie, damn. What can I say except I love you girl, and I wish I could
give you back your faith in your ability to affect things by standing up
and speaking. I wish I could clean up all that shit in your life. It
saddens me that your fire has had to reduce itself to embers, but I am glad
that it still remains in some form. Embers can still flame out, if they
are fanned and fed. Do what you need to do and be who you need to be, and
although we'll miss Bettie Troll-Scorcher, we still love Bettie in whatever
form she takes. Just don't disappear entirely on us, please!
For me, it's a bit of the opposite. Life has robbed me of the belief that,
with most people, if you're nice to them, they'll be nice to you. I had to
get royally screwed to find out that just wasn't the case. Now I've found
out that life is full of people who will take every bit of joy out of my
life, just for their own pleasure, if I let them. And then the lesser
brand, who just waste my time for no particular reason, no benefit to them
or to me. And I am raw and angry, and tired of being a doormat.
Rayce, I know what you're saying. And I admire your courage to speak out
at a time like this.
Yes, sometimes I enjoy being mean. There's a part of me that loves the
feel of a well-placed verbal punch. But it is also very difficult for me
to do. I hate it as much as I love it, and so I generally only indulge
when I feel it's absolutely necessary. Should I feel guilty for getting
pleasure from the act? I don't think so. When dealing with people who are
robbing me of pleasure, I give myself the right to extract some pleasure
out of the way I deal with them.
Did I like tearing into FOD? Yes, very much. That girl has deliberately
ignored everything that has been said to her since she got here, and if she
won't listen to a whisper or a normal voice level, then she better not get
her panties in a wad over getting the truth shouted in her ear.
Did I like tearing into Anya? Not at all. I swear that one probably hurt
me as much as it hurt her. Maybe more. It hurt because I knew she thought
she was just one of us. Although she has been told what she's been doing
before, she has also been greatly defended. She's recieved a mixed
message. But it is no favor to her or to anyone else here to let her
continue in her little delusion of acceptance. Her behavior is not
acceptable, and needs to change if she wants to stay around.
The thing is, sometimes it comes down to a choice. I could be harsh, and
drive away the people that are irritants, or I could wait until the
irritants drive away people that I care about. I have to decide, not
whether to be nice, but who to be nice to. Unfortunately, to keep the
friends, I have to remove the irritants. I could do this, forcing myself
to hate it, or I could do it, and find enjoyment in it while I can. It is
a pity that some poor, clueless people are going to get hurt in the
process. Unfortunately, there seems no way around it. Is it really kinder
to just leave them to karma, where they wonder why it is that they can't
post anymore? If a person tells them to their face what their problem is,
then they can fix it if they care enough, and if they don't care enough,
then telling them what we think isn't going to do more to them than make
them a little huffy for a while.
And as for the general list of members, we are kind of in the mode for
giving and receiving constructive criticism. It was meant to encourage
people to keep contributing in the ways they have, and to also encourage
them in ways to keep from sabotaging that contribution.
About Devin as God. Who was it who posted that? VampCourt? The problem
with that is that too many people don't know the history. They don't know
how waaaaaaaaay back in the day, some of the early members started joking
around about starting a cult. Devin, as webmaster, was dubbed god, and the
rest of us picked up our own titles, resulting in the Titles and Duties
page that you can see today. It was not hero worship, it was just a bunch
of friends hanging out and being silly. I'm pretty sure you were around in
those days, weren't you? To call Devin, God, for us, is like calling me
the Mother Confessor or Callei the Mistress of Orgies. And it's a good
analogy for him - he created this "world", he is in charge, and if he wants
to take it all away at any time, that's entirely up to him.
The problem was when a bunch of starry-eyed newbies came along, and started
mushing all over Devin. They saw some of us going off on our "cult" talk,
and picked up on the words, but not the spirit of it. I swear, some of
them really think Devin IS god. But they have absolutely no clue of why,
or what it means. And yes, it IS irritating as hell, and kind of takes the
fun out of it for those of us who know what the Devinity is all about.
I think, Squid, that this stage of the battle is winding down. The most
important bases have been covered, and any more would just be sheer
repetition. The thing left is this - will we continue to do our duty to
make sure that new members no longer get false ideas of the nature of their
behavior? Will the old members be able to take this constructive
criticism, and at least be able to move on, or at best grow and learn from
it? I don't think that a long, drawn out continuation of the Tough Love
forum is necessary. This kind of thing is a potent spice that, while nice
in small quantities, can give indigestion if it is ingested in large
quantities for very long. We've stretched our muscles to prepare for the
long haul, we've pulled our big guns out of the mothballs, and done a
little practice. Now, let's get out on the field, and do what needs to be
done, WHEN it needs to be done. There's no need to blow this out of
proportion. Troll and twit hunting is a necessary part of Shmeng, but
let's not forget that's not all there is. ____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and
the
/>
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest
of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism" |
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VampCourt
Fanatic Posts: 293 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 05:17 AM |
heh, okay see ive been on this site since it basically started, however, i
guess i missed the whole thing about the devinity when it was going on. No
skin off my back there, whatever, you guys havin a good time, however, for
someone who wasnt aware of all that and then seeing all the little
worshippers.. i just wanted to projectile vomit.
No hard feelings really. ____________________ "Thou shalt not be afraid of the dark, nor of graveyards nor ghosts nor the
devil, for thou art scarey and mean." -The Goth commandments
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 05:21 AM |
Yoo know Schizo, I find myself in the center of all kinds of gossip.
Gossip about how X is scerwing Y over, and what's the fuck is the matter
with Z. Well I fucking hate gossip and drama.
And in all the BS there was a common thread, that we all came here and felt
at home for a long time and then shit started falling apart yet nobody
confronts anybody else about it and I keep everything said to mee in strict
confidence. When recent events came about I realized that everybody was
thinking the same thing and here was the oppertunity for everyone to
compare notes.
I think perhaps we may have found a point we can all relax and since we're
all friends, can forgive eachother but hopefully the dynamic has changed.
If I'm being an ass, dont fear my tentacly wrath, just say "Hey, Squid, yor
being a fucking ass!" and sure, I'm going to reply "Bugger-off yoo baby
born from felch," but damnit I'm going to take my behavior into
consideration. And if we can't get along knowing the truth about one
another, fuckit, let's not draw all the drama out so this place can
becoming shmengier and shmengier.
None of us are perfect. We dont all get along. So what's the big deal? I
say confront it rather than sweep it under the carpet. ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl |
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Closetgothbabe
Member Posts: 189 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 05:53 AM |
*sighs* ____________________ Guns are good, Guns are great...Kill the people that you hate! |
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 06:12 AM |
Vamp, i think you were on vacation or moving when the cult thing started. I
could be wrong but i think you got slapped with "holy ghost" since you
werent there to "defend" yourself. and by the way, thanks again for making
so many of the graphics for the site thru the years. they have rocked.
Personally i want to beat thier little heads together when they refuse to
some make belive person call the devinity. I figure it shows that they are
determined to believe that they are powerless and want a capricious God to
do all the thinking for them.
Squid, if you dont like drama, then quit trying to stir things up. the
stuff that is said here on shmeng about how people are here on shmeng has
little or nothing to do with who they are in the rest of thier lives. YOU
are the best example of this. So dont try to get people to bitch about
thier personal relationships with people that happen to also come to
shmeng. ____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away. |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 08:26 AM |
Betty
I cannot express how happy it makes me to know you haven't gone
alcoholic or wife beaten or something like that. I didn't really think
Michael was a bad guy, but I never really got to knw him so you never know.
Or at least I didn't. And sadly I can understand what you mean about losing
your drive.
All
It looks like I owe a bit of an apology. It's not really possible to see
this many friends and acquaintances saying 'expose yourself' without
realizing you are all quite right. I know it's true, callei almost left me
for it years ago and it still comes up every once in a while. In many of
the ways that matter, I am still the introverted little skate rat that I
was when I first ventured out of the world of the prepubescent and into the
world of the sexually obsessed. I can spin a good line and that seems to
work for the most part, with the people who aren't looking for it, but to
the people who matter, it's just not fair.
So special thanks go to Rayce who gave me a nice clear heads up for how
this whole thing works (~post in the forums~) and truly, I would very much
like to show you who I am.
____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness
with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of
religion.
/>
-Me |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 09:19 AM |
quote:
Rayce: Wow.. that did feel good to get off my chest but boy I hate writing
stuff like that. I'm feel all guilty now like I've done something wrong and
it is a fight to keep myself from removing the post entirely.
It's rough isn't it? It's cathartic sure, but mostly you get to spend the
next few hours wondering if someone is going to decide they hate you for
what you have said. If it helps any, everyone seems to be handling
everything pretty well. ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for
an
/>
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness
with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of
religion.
/>
-Me |
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 09:40 AM |
Hmmm... I see yor point although I dont think I was stirring-up drama as
much as I was bringing it to the surface.
Yoo are entirely right about what takes place in people's personal lives
not being relivant to the situation at large however and I was mistaken to
bring that up. That was completely out of line. My apologies go out to
all for that. ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 10:47 AM |
Shade as long as it took me to finally come out and say what was wrong, I'm
glad you asked me to do it, or honestly I never would, and I would have
just kept sliding out of sight. Tho I've rather melted into oblivion here,
you still know what type of girl I am, and honestly, think....I can see
maybe becoming alcoholic (except for the fact my stomach couldn't handle it
even if I tried really really hard...and believe me, I have) but
wifebeaten?! HAAAHAHA! I know you don't know michael very well, and it
was an exageration, but come on...*snicker* god that makes me laugh just
to THINK about it.
I know you were grasping at straws, and I'm not offended at all, but shit
that made me laugh pretty damn hard when I tried to imagine it (ie: the
actual hair vs hair, hell in a cell, "I quit" match between me and
michael). Rest assured, he's a pussycat
But now you know the uglier truth that my transmission has split a gear,
and that I'm deciding whether a rebuild is possible or to sell myself off
as scrap parts. We'll see ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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feralucce
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1810 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 10:53 AM |
shade*winks* so the fact that I never say anything that I don't have proof
of didna make it true? ____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 11:01 AM |
(I know this metaphor is going to get messy but what the hell) I'm relly
glad to hear that all is well in X land. If you need any help with the
overhaul, I think you know that we are here standing by with all the fun
tools. And if you decide to sell off for parts, I have got to know what you
rebuilt under the hood, so you still can't escape us! ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for
an
/>
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness
with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of
religion.
/>
-Me |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/7/2004 at 11:13 AM |
Heh, Feral, it made it very true when you said it, but at that point it was
still at the 'yep, he's right, and he'd know, *pause to think about it*'
stage. Once it came in from a bunch of people including one who admitted to
crushing on me (These always get me the most I will never know why. It must
be a big part of why I listen to callei so much). It's sad to say, but from
close friends like you and callei and Devin I can sit back and think about
it and come back to you in a few days and say something, but when it's
people who I count as an acquaintance, but haven't really made more contact
with than that, it makes me want to come out and say something sooner.
That's probably bad in some way isn't it? ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for
an
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all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness
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with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of
religion.
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-Me |
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