|
|
1985
MystressRavynDarque's Birthday - Pet her lots
|
|
|
|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 4 guests online !
|
|
|
 |
 |
| Articles: Bring Bring Bring |
Posted by
callei on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 - 04:57 PM PST
As many of you know, Shade and I have been having a really weird time the last few months. Lots of it has been really bad, much of it has been so strange as to be almost unbelievable. Some of it has been down right funny. I have tried to keep my sense of humor in all this, and I want to share part of a conversation Shade and I had one night after a day of flinching every time the phone rang.
“You answer it, I cant take anymore news today.”
“No way. Last time I answered it someone was dead.”
“Yeah but last time I answered it FEMA said WE were dead.”
*pause*
“Ok then you check the voice mail.”
(with fingers in ears and humming) “I cant hear you and we don’t have a phone!”
We then got to talking about the worst things you can hear when you answer the phone. Many of these have happen to us over the last 10 years. The rest have happened to a close friend. They weren’t funny at the time (well not that funny), but after time and therapy (and some cognac) they are funny.
1. Your mother is in intensive care
2. Your father’s lungs collapsed on the phone
3. Your brother just killed someone, accidentally
4. This is the IRS
5. Your father is in emergency
6. Your mother is in emergency
7. hi, um… I have hepatitis
8. oh hey, I want a divorce
9. Your cat is dead
10. Your other cat is dead
11. There is a category 5 hurricane coming straight at you
12. Hi, I’m in jail
13. Hi, I’m out of jail
14. This is Officer Cooper and I want to talk to you about the death of…
15. Hi this is your insurance company
16. I got the test results back.
17. Is Felix there? (after the 15th time it rings after midnight night one night)
18. *pant* *pant* *pant* I think he is dead for real this time *click*
19. Hi, my name is john doe and I am calling from FEMA
20. Good afternoon, my name is agent Foster and I am calling about your friend…
21. your brother is on heroin
22. your uncle is on heroin
23. Hi, I am on heroin right now
24. Hi, its grandpa. I’m dying and I want to you come visit me.
25. I need some money for bail and cigarettes. I promise I won’t spend it on heroin this time.
26. I’m getting a divorce and I want to see you again.
27. Hi, I’m calling from the embassy in Morocco. I need bail money and a ticket home. Please.
28. OH MY GOD!!! They are are beating on the door *click*
29. Your brother is missing have you heard from him? (this is really bad when that brother is out of the country at the time)
30. Hi this is your dad. (you all KNOW how bad this one can be,)
31. HI this is your mommy, can you come bail me out?
32. Hi I can have visitors finally here at jail. Wanna come visit me?
I am sure we have forgotten at least two or three. maybe you guys can think of them? Double dog dare ya'!
|
| |
| |
|
|
Average Rating : 3.7
Total ratings : 3
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Bring Bring Bring | Login/Create an account | 22 Comments |
|
| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Schizo (Aranea@Spidersdance.com)
on Feb 16, 2006 - 02:24 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://
|
My worst, of course, is "Hello, hellooooo, helloooo, hello-hello-hello... Michael, umm, I really need to talk to you. Umm... OK, later." This is usually followed by several phone calls where she hangs up as soon as the answering machine picks up, and then an email telling him he needs to come find her because she needs to TALK to him! Last time this happened the man whose wife made him stop hanging out with her because she got him drinking again ended up dropping dead while drinking the night after Christmas, and she wanted us to take the kids so she could go to the funeral.
Yeah, pretty much all my bad phone calls have to do with Michael's ex.
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by EyeCandyRayce on Feb 16, 2006 - 03:44 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.raycedesign.com/eyecandy/
|
|
You know. I've been on the giving end of this. My sister was hooked on crank or something and sold my mothers pager to someone to get a fix. So we had my ex-boyfriend call and pretend to be a cop asking them if they knew who the pager belonged to because the number had been found on a dead body they suspected was a homicide concerning drugs. Scared the living shit out of these poor guys wife. We found out later that she almost divorced him and because of the call. Then she found out he was actually dealing drugs and did divorce him because they had kids. Crazy shit. I always felt terrible. And yes, I know it was illegal.
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Feb 16, 2006 - 05:23 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
"Hey, you need to come get me and the baby because me and my husband are fighting and I'm afraid he's going to beat me up."
"Your brother is dead."
"Your grandma is dead"
"Your uncle is dead"
"Your ex boyfriend was in an accident and is dying." This was a hoax perpetrated by the ex boyfriend in question to see if I still cared about him.... and the guy got his current girlfriend in on it.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore. Oh yeah, can you give me a ride to work?"
"Hey, I won't be able to see you for a while, I'm about to get arrested." This guy was calling me from the car dealership he'd broken into.
"I'm going to call children's services on you and take your baby if you don't come home and raise your baby MY way." It wasn't exactly in those words, but that's what my mom meant.
I'm pretty sure I have more of these, but I can't think of them right now. Besides, they're all pretty much the same stuff, different circumstances. I've gotten the "Come bail me out." bit before, just never from a parent. (knocking on wood)
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on Feb 16, 2006 - 05:53 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | Oh, one I just remembered...
Bring Bring...
Me: Hello?
Girl: Hey, is this Meranda?
Me: Yes, who are you?
Girl: I'm Amy. I found your phone number in my boyfriend's bedroom.
Me: Oh, reallly? Well, he and I only went on one date, so it's not so serious. I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Girl: Just stay away from him!
Me: Okay, like I said, it wasn't a big deal. Maybe you should talk to him about this.
Girl: If you touch him again, I'll kick your ass! (Hysterical crying)
Me: Okay, look... I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, I didn't know about you, I'm not terribly interested in him anyway.
Girl: Oh, so he's not good enough for you? You bitch!
Me: click
later that day...
Bring Bring....
Me: hello?
Guy: hey baby, what's up?
Me: Not much. I got a call today from Amy.
Guy: Amy? Oh.. yeah... she's like my little sister. What did she say?
Me: Well, she said she was your girlfriend and she threatened me.
Guy: No, I'm only seeing you. I'll talk to her.
(At this point there was about half an hour of him trying to convince me of his innocence and me finally getting talked into believing him. I was very young, so I was very naieve and stupid.)
Guy: So, we're cool?
Me: Yeah, we're cool.
(This next bit is proof that I attract guys who love to fuck with me mentally and emotionally like iron filings to a magnet)
Guy: Oh, by the way?
Me: Yes?
Guy: Amy was right. *click*
I've gotten the irate phone call from the "other girl" a few times... but that one was the most memorable, and looking back... kinda funny in retrospect.
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by MystryssRavynDarque (amanda-at-vibechild-dot-com)
on Feb 16, 2006 - 12:39 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://amanda.users.vibechild.com
|
A crank call I received one evening:
"Hey, this boy at school wants to go out with you. "
Me: "Who is this?"
"You have to come up to the movie theatre because he wants to axe you out."
Me: "Who?"
"He wants to axe you out."
Me: "Sure......"
*hang up*
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Starlight on Feb 17, 2006 - 02:05 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
From my ex (after divorce):
Him: "Who will get me my dates now that you're gone?"
Me: *click*
Him: "You left me because you are thinking with your pussy."
Me: "Then I have a very smart pussy."
Him: *silence*
Me: *click*
Him: "If you come back to me, I will be your love slave."
Me: *loud click*
From my hubby's ex (after divorce):
Her: "I'm getting divorced again."
Me: "Okay."
Her: "I'm getting married again."
Me: "Okay."
Her: "He filmed me at the beach with a wine bottle. Do you think anyone will find out about the tape."
Me: "It's always possible."
Her: "The engagement is off."
Me: "Well that's a shame. What happened?"
Her: "His mother decided to do a check on me at the courthouse and found out that I'd been married four times already, and he said he couldn't handle waiting for the divorce to be final."
Her: "The divorce is final."
Me: "Well that's good."
Her: "Do you know so and so and can you fix me up?"
Me: "No, sorry."
Her: "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that a few months ago I got married."
Me: "Congratulations."
(a few months later)
Her: "I just got divorced again."
Me: "Okay."
(throughout the years)
Her: *various details of her sex life that I tried not to hear as they were told to me*
Me: "Uh huh...really...wow."
Her: I just changed my name again. This time I changed how I spell my first name. (Her last name was changed to have a hyphen of one of her other husbands' last names and my husband's last name. I am assuming her favorite two husband's names.)
Me: "Okay."
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by callei on Feb 21, 2006 - 01:56 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | Didnt you get that call at Kaldi's? Or am i mixing that up wth the one about the kitten, the salami, and the air conditioner? Or the one about the state troopers, the domino set, and the swarm of termites?
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net)
on Feb 21, 2006 - 02:41 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.saradevil.net
|
You sister is pregnant....
For some reason I am horrified about that one to this day....
Your mother called....
This is sometimes just a phone message, or more often then not someone calling to tell that they had received a message and thought I might be interested.....Just hearing those words can send me to damn near hysterics...and last but not least....
We are coming to your graduation....
I still don't even know how they found out about it.....
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by callei on Feb 21, 2006 - 01:58 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | "your mother called" when heard at the office, the dorm room, or from any other third party, is an instant panic attack followed by the need to leave the contry after a quick name change.
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net) on Feb 21, 2006 - 11:17 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net | | heh, how did you know....and in case anyone thinks they might be listening...i'm in south...africa, yeah, that's it...not korea, no, never... |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by EyeCandyRayce on Feb 23, 2006 - 10:31 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.raycedesign.com/eyecandy/
|
I got one today to post here:
"Hello. This is the Child Protective Services and we have placed your daughter in a temporary foster home because you take naked pictures and own guns and swords.'
|
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by callei on Feb 24, 2006 - 06:39 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | | Oh wow. are you ok? our hearts are with you, but if there is anything else we can do, please let us know. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on Feb 24, 2006 - 07:05 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | Oh, that is so not right. What gives these people the right to judge what makes a good parent like that? I know from what I know of you on here that you love your daughter very much and are taking the best care of her. It seems more and more like they are looking for any excuse to snatch children these days. I know it scares me silly, the way things are going. There is no reason to remove a child from a home unles there is serious abuse or neglect. I really don't think either of those would apply to you.
When did they get her? Did they have a warrant?
Do you have a lawyer?
I have a friend who lost her children and she contacted an organization who goes after fraudulent children's services seizures. I'll get in touch with her and find out what that was.
I hope you get her back soon. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Starlight on Feb 24, 2006 - 12:02 PM
(User info | Send a Message) | | Holy hell, Rayce! Your pictures are only of consenting adults, and you have the right to own weapondry. It's wrong and I hope they see it's wrong and you get her back soon. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Schizo (Aranea@Spidersdance.com) on Feb 24, 2006 - 01:13 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http:// | | That is so beyond wrong. I don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you. I hope this all gets straightened out and you get your daughter back SOON! And I hope someday the people who did this to you get to experience the pain they put you through. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Merry_Widow on Feb 24, 2006 - 11:52 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | What?! That is all kinds of wrong. It sounds like someone called in on you just to be catty and bitchy and otherwise snarky. Definitely, definitely get legal help.
My heart and my thoughts are with you. I hope everything turns out in the best possible way. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net) on Feb 25, 2006 - 02:00 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net | What the fuck is going on in that country? Don't they have children that actually need protecting that they can go out and protect.....
And who the hell would want to put you through something like this?!
Do keep us posted, my thoughts and good vibes are so going your way...I'm lighting a candle as we speak!
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on Feb 25, 2006 - 09:05 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | Domkitten, CPS gets paid according to the number of children in their system. They will use ANY excuse to get as many children into that system as possible. Then, they save money by not checking up on the foster care they put them into as carefully as they should. There are many children snatched from loving homes and placed into abusive situations every day. The ones that need the help the most are usually ignored and left with their parents. I know i've seen situations where the kids in a household really needed to be gotten out of their situation, and were left alone, while other children who were being taken care of fairly well by parents who love them were taken away. It doesn't make any sense, but that's what's happening.
Rayce, I hope this link helps. It's not the one my friend used, I still haven't been able to contact her. She got her kids back, with the help of a good lawyer. http://www.cpswatch.com/ |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Bring Bring Bring
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Mar 09, 2006 - 10:40 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
heh, got this one a coupla weeks ago.
phone rings, I pick up.
Them: "Diver dan...diver dan, when up the flyers my second sock drawer."
Me: "Catchphrase the salmon humpers hot wristwatch sex"
Them: "Repeat backwards salma hayek"
Me: "Mickey lied"
Them: "The pattern is full"
Strange friends are the best friends.
|
|
|
