|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 26 guests online !
|
|
|
 |
 |
| Articles: Ass slappin' good times |
Posted by
bettie_x on Thursday, July 17, 2003 - 12:13 PM PST
Weehoo brand new shmeng, all slippery and shiny and new, and what better way to kick off the new shmeng than to release some steaming fresh piles of it right now, merely hours old....bettie style.
Let me begin by reminding those who know, and informing those that don't, that I'm a very private person. I have my personal space, and I enforce it. It's an invisible three-foot bubble around my feet that stretches over my head. I couldn't be a happier person if that bubble actually physically existed. I don't like it when people I don't know, don't know well, or don't like, invade my bubble. It's mine, hands off. You can tell if I like you if I let you within three feet of me without cringing. Hence, you can also deduce that I don't like people touching me (see above for descriptions of people that I don't want touching me, unless I tripped and knocked all my teeth out and you're helping me up). Today, at work, someone invaded my bubble in the worst way possible. They slapped my ass. Michael is the only one who is allowed to slap my ass. I think one time when I was drunk, Court slapped my ass, but that's a WHOLE 'nother story, and well, if the occasion calls, she is allowed to do that too. Other than that my ass is off limits to the world. My badonkadonk is belonging to me. Period. The last time someone other than the two people mentioned slapped my ass, they got knocked flat (it was high school…anger management problems, you see). So let's flash forward past the high school knockout, Michael’s ass slapping, and court's alleged ass slapping, to today, at about 6PM. I'm windexing the glass cases around my register, minding my own business, trying to remove face prints, nose prints, finger prints, and prints of things I don't want to know of what, when suddenly I feel a good hard *WHOMP* on my ass. Dead on, bull's eye, you get the stuffed pink donkey. My brain starts whirring trying to figure out who on god's green earth would be stupid enough to smack my butt, when I hear "I just wanted to let YOU know that YOU are doing a GREAT JOB". *???????* I turn, and there is this 6 ft douchebag in an orange Adidas t shirt grinning like...well, a douchebag. I was so taken back I didn't say anything for a minute, and then finally said "Oh no, you didn't just do that. No you didn't."
He started backing away from me saying "Oh man I'm sorry I thought it'd be funny..."
"Well it wasn't, was it? YOU DIDN"T just slap my ass. WTF." I started walking towards him pointing at the door, I'm sure I was a lovely shade of purple by then, and told him to get the fuck out. "I'm sorry man! Let me buy you something I’m sorry!" I again repeated to get the fuck out and he backed away with his hands up "Please don't hit me I'm sorry!!!" "YOU SHOULD BE GETTING OUT" and as he's leaving he said "I didn't think it'd make you MAD!!" "WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT FUCKING TWICE GENIOUS YOU"RE LUCKY I DON"T HAVE YOUR ASS ARRESTED YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. GET THE FUCK OUT." Thank you, Adidas asswipe, for ruining my so far fantastic day. Thank you very much you cocksucker. I still am at a total loss as to WHY this dumbfuck thought it'd be PERFECTLY KOSHER to whap a girl he doesn't even know on the butt. How, in ANY reality, would that be considered appropriate? This is NOT a club, I am NOT some fucking slutbag who'd giggle and think you're cute, or funny, or cool. I don't get paid to stand around and have my bubble invaded, NOR my ass slapped. I don't work at hooters, I don't work at Deja Vu, I'm not your friend, your buddy or your goddamned plaything. I'm not your eye candy, and I'm not there for your fucking amusement, dickhead. And I'm not paid NEARLY enough to be ANY OF THAT FOR YOU. FUCK YOU. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Fortunately for the world the food, nicotine, and beer are kicking in, and I'm a tad more mellow than when I got home. And yes, "Douchebag" is my word for today. Thank you, and peace out. ...fucking douchebag....
|
| |
| |
|
|
Average Rating : 4.3
Total ratings : 9
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Ass slappin' good times | Login/Create an account | 39 Comments |
|
| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Psychopixi (psyche.at.psychopixi.dot.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 02:08 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://psychopixi.com
|
|
Kind of a pity that it didn't happen in a club - at least then you could have decked the guy without fear of getting fired. That I would pay to see. And to add insult to injury - orange adidas!?!
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by RavensSoul (TheRavensMuse@aol.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 02:31 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://hometown.aol.com/theravensmuse/myhomepage1.html
|
I don't know whats worse. When it's some guy you know who violates your space or some guy you dont' know who violates your space. You'd think a guy you know would know better *because they know you're fully capable of slicing their cock off in a number of ways*, and you'd think the guy you don't know would know better *because they don't know if you're some psycho-bitch who would want to slice off their cock for touching you* They should all suffer for the acts of their twitchy little hands... *evil thoughts*
" NICE ASS" comments are also invasive when they're coming from the deadbeat punkass whatever-he's-claiming-to-be-at-the-moment who lives up the street... 'nuff said.
|
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 10:31 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Well see most people I KNOW have enough respect for me and KNOW that I don't like people all up in my stuff to not do things like that. My co-workers know that they're in the clear to be in my space, to the point that yes, I'll laugh if I'm bending down and my buttcrack is sticking out and they try to toss a pen down the back of my pants, and they expect me to do it back. But complete strangers don't get to do that, and for good reason.
I don't so much mind lewd comments, because people who fling them are usually just insecure little assholes that can be scared off easily, and tho she may admit it, every girl sort of likes to be told she's got a nice butt once in a while ;P |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Anya (Enternamehere@enterhosthere.net)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 03:05 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://kirashi.envy.nu/index2.html
|
I'd give people the credit of harmless flirtations (things like, "I like this or that [minus things like the tits and ass]", "You look nice today" ), but eh...people saying things like, "Let's go in the shack and shag" or "You pretty, me take you in cave," stuff makes me raise my eyebrow and wonder what the heck...and I'm sure those comments can tick some members of the female species off. :)
|
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfatvzavenuedotnet) on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:53 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | Can you do that to a random dickhead on the street?
Assualt perhaps, or if you get a good lawyer, maybe some kind of attempted rape or something. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 10:24 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | You'd be suprised what you can press charges for. Laying your hands on someone that doesn't wish to have your hands on them is assault. If that hand goes towards the "no no zone" ie: my ASS then it can be considered sexual assault. There is even 4th degree assault, which is threatening someone or getting in their face but not touching them.
I however settled for scaring the shit out of him and calling him a childish name and making him look like an asshole in front of his friends (one of which was a girl who didn't know he'd done it, and was smacking him on the way out). I doubt he'll be back, and I'm not worried about it. See, it's funny NOW. It wasn't then, but now it's just another one of the completely wack and absurd things that seem to happen to me now and then. I'm over it. If I SEE him again I'll probably punch him (if I'm not working) but the chances of that are slim. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 02:16 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | Well I'm no US law expert but if I remember (and translate) correctly there is sexual harrasment and sexual assault. Sexual harrasment happens when somebody tries to use hir superior position to force you to have sexual contact of any kind whereas sexual assault is when somebodt uses violence (understood in the broadest of terms) to have sexual contact with you. Both things can happen at the same time
Sexual harrasment has to do with power: the person harrassing you must have some kind of power above you (i.e. your boss) to force you, although this power doesn't have to be real, just percieved by the harrassed (this comes to avoid aninteresting and useful line of defense at the beginning of these crimes according to which, as legally your boss can't fire you because you're not having sex with him, he has no real power over you). Sexual assault, on the other hand, has only to do with some fuckwit with a dick sprouting out of his forehead and vision problens because his genitalia fall over his eyes. This is a case of sexual assault. Go get a lawyer and a shrink, have the shrink certificate that ass slapping caused you psychologycal damage for a thousand bucks and sue him for the thousand bucks and the lawyer's and shrink's fee.
Boy I really wish I was American. No I didn't say that. I mean I wished I could take care of all your cases, just for the sake of it and the pleasure of helping my friends. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 07:55 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://
|
|
Seriously, that is some messed up stuff. I hate guys who think It's abso-frigin-lutely cool to touch a girls butt (or worse depending on much of a dick they are). I grew up being taught that a woman doesn't deserve more respect than a man, just equal, and i never pull that shit on either sex. Of course in High School, groping is all the rage, and I got plastered as a fag because I never thought it was cool, but hey, I never got charged with sexual harassment either.
My friend just went to Orlando to see metalica, and his girlfriend got felt up but this old man in the crowd. Needless to say my friend stepped in. He ran his hand down her back to seperat them, and found that the man's hand was up her skirt. Well, to make a long story shirt, my friend split his face open and kicked him in the throat, leaving him in a weazing, crying ball on the ground, and it suits the shit bag right. Later on, she told my friend that the man was actually fondling her private part from under her skirt, and in the solid mass of a crowded concert, there was nowhere for her to run.
Seriously, I despise these people, and contrary to the belief that men don't give a shit, i feel rather offended when I'm touched sexually too. Granted it doesn't happen often, but still my space is just that, mine. And if a friend or lover wants in, have fun, but strangers beware: I'm armed to the teeth. Seriously.
BTW Bettie, i said douche bag so much in high school, that a friend of mine ended up buying me one as a present. It was, well darnit, it was touching. Either way, douche bag should be the word of the decade, nay, the century. And on that note, good day.
Douche bags......
|
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by callei on Jul 18, 2003 - 05:03 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http:// | why didnt she kick, hit, bite, break something, in short attack the jerk herself? i have always found it much easier to beat the hell out of some asshole myself, rather than wait for someone to get around to it for me.
What the hell was she doing at an Metalica show if she is the sort to "run away" from someone that needs a broken arm?
I am NOT saying it was her "fault" that some idiot tried to live out his wet dreams at her. Let me be clear. But really, punching him in the gut would have gotten her point across faster than trying to communicate the problem to someone else, waiting til they understood what was going on, waiting for the protect urge to overtake them, and then waiting for them to act. Much faster to jamb an elbow backwards, stomp your foot on thiers, backwards headbutt them. grab thier hand and pull it forward then turn with all your might, or just turn around and deck them.
A friend would jump in anyway. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 07:32 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http:// | | Yeah, she did sort of put herself in the situation. Skirts in a concert ar NOT a good idea, and she was elbowing him in the face. Unfortuantely she is not a very strong person, and she has a tendencay to sort of freak out and go all ditsy and numb. It sounds stupid, but hey, who am I to judge. The guy was aparently taking her hits pretty well, so I don't know what exactly she was doing wrong. Ce' le Vie...... |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by callei on Jul 18, 2003 - 07:37 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http:// | I said it wasnt her fault. skirt or no skirt, the jerk wanted to have a problem. And that is when your friends should jump in, when you cant take the person down yourself, i guess.
I just wanted to be clear about it, since what bettie did (head striaght for the bastard) and what you made it sound like she did (stand there helplessly for a while til someone noticed) are very very different things. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 02:20 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | | What's that douche bag thing? |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 20, 2003 - 10:18 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | *oh dear* ahem.
It's a part of a feminine hygene contraption for those "not so fresh" days, usually involving a mother and daughter in white linen capris strolling on a beach having one of those "chats".
They're sort of dated, I don't think anyone in their right mind uses them anymore. I would imagine that "douche nozle" would be more insulting, as the nozzle is the part that does the dirty work, but "douchebag" just rolls off the tounge better than "douchenozzle" |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfatvzavenuedotnet)
on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:55 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com
|
Wow, I thought I was the only one who kept a bunch of stuffed pink donkeys to give to people when they slap my ass.
Anyways, you were assualted, are you allowed to carry peperspray at work? They come in all kinds of fashionable sprayers these days. I think you would have been fully justified in spraying him. Stun guns work better, but they're usually frowned upon in malls...
|
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 10:38 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Pepper spray in an enclosed area with a ventilation system that spreads throughout the entire mall is NOT a good idea. now if they invented peperspray that had some sort of limited inteligence so you could whipser in it's ear who you wanted it so do it's nasty on, THEN I'd think about it, but other than that NOWAY.
The only protection I carry is my short temper and a fist full of car keys when I'm working late. During the Holiday season, when theft, carjacking, and crime in general skyrockets (and I don't work in the most desireable city anyway, I think a month ago they found a body in a car in the back parkinglot of the mall I work at) I pack a knife and make sure all the closing employees park in the same lot so we walk out together, and call my husband when I'm leaving so he knows how long to wait for me to get home before he gets nervous. I prefer to prevent something happening to me than constantly having to deal with bad stuff, but well, you never know. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Weapons
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 02:31 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | I don't know if that's such a smart move, Bettie. Well, knowing you and your temper perhaps it is but I am sure it wouldn't be for me
First rule about weapons is this: don't carry a weapon unless you intend to use it, much less a hand-to-hand weapon Your antagonist will use hirs for certain and will resort to hir most dangerous resorts to win a fight that suddendly just turned from annoying to lethal. Plus knives aren't really that easy to use, though Dolorosa is the expert here in the matter. I don't believe in the disuasory effect of weapons in the hands of little afraid citizens against criminals, I believe in their enraging effects, though. What I usually do in these cases is to pretend to be talking on my cell phone. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Weapons
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 20, 2003 - 10:30 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | It depends on how you intend to use a knife. For intimidation value, it's not very effective, but if they aren't aware you have it and come at you and get close range a quick stick will have them thinking twice. I work with a guy that has had to use his knife quite a bit. One time in NY when a guy tried to mug him, so he reached back like he was getting his wallet, grabbed his knife and *stick* right in the neck. One other occasion was an attempted mugging at a 7-11 store at night, the guy wouldn't get out of his way, asked for his money, so he said "hey, okay, I get it. So..." pulls it out "you can get out of my way and get the fuck out of here, or I can cut your fucking throat." The guy opted for leaving. He wasn't a very good mugger anyway...
It's not so much what weapon you carry that increase your chance of defense. Any terrified woman can carry a gun in her purse, but does she have the cajones to show it, mean it, and shoot it if it comes to that? Probably not. She'll get the gun taken right out of her hand. A lot of women also carry pepperspray, IN THEIR PURSE. Nobody is going to wait while you rifle through your purse so you can blind them. As with any sort of protection, you keep yourself OUT of the situation, and if you can't, then you have it at the ready with the intention to use it.
I've been lucky enough to have been born with a big mouth. There have been several occasions that I KNEW would turn ugly if I didn't act tougher than I am. Law of nature, when you feel threatened, puff up and hope the enemy thinks your bigger than itself. Since I was always a small kid, and a small adult, I tricked myself into thinking I"m 10ft not 5'2 for self preservation, with a mouth to match.
It's not the weapon or mode of self defense, it's your state of mind. Notice how some people when they are attacked make it and some dont? A child predator will continue to be a child predator until he meets that one child that simply won't stand for it, and out fights or out smarts their captor. That child posesses a state of mind that perhaps the others did not. As corny as it sounds, it's all about mindset, not how big and bad your gun is. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Wander and wonder
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 11:53 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | LOL! Sorry, I can't resist it. I really feel honored when I see some of you using a word in my mother tounge but this time... The image... ROFL! What I physically have but morally don't and you morally have but physically don't are cojones, not cajones. Cajones are cupboard drawers ;-)
|
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Wander and wonder
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 21, 2003 - 11:31 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH "YOU SIR LACK CUPBOARD DRAWERS!!!!" *ehehehehhehehhe*
We try, we really do, I tried to learn spanish off a tape my mom got me in 5th grade, but all I can remember from it is "I am fat". I've been meaning to learn that an maybe another language, but that was when I was working in primarily a tourist mall where you were as likely to hear spanish, russian, french or japanese as english, and well, I'm lazy :D |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 10:43 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | | and it's not very vegan *barf* besides, he was one of those kids that had that "raver" feel to him and we all know how much chemical shit those kids pump or have at one time pumped into themselves for the sake of the party. I doubt he'd taste good anyway. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 18, 2003 - 03:07 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | | I guess I COULD use some extra dog food. My dog's not vegan. She likes meat, even tho she doesn't get it often, mostly she eats vegetable kibble and underwear. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by feralucce on Jul 18, 2003 - 01:23 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.vibechild.com | | Fuck Store policy, when someone violates federal law, it's open season... besides, there is a statistically representable portion of the population that NEEDS to be divorced as customers... THIS, obviously, was one of them... |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by MystryssRavynDarque (A1MANDI04@AOL.COM)
on Jul 18, 2003 - 06:35 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
|
Yeah, I feel somewhat of the same way Bettie. I don't like people invading my bubble unless I allow them too. There has only been one person to ever actually slap me upon the ass, and he was a good friend. He and I would tease the shit out of each other with little sexual references and by doing things like that, though every time he hit my ass I kicked him in the shin with my boot. I just couldn't bring myself to kicking him in the crotch. There are only certain times when that should be done, and I don't think that was quite the right time. He did receive a good bitching at too. He knew that if he performed the act too frequently his ass was grass and soon he would need a lawn mower!
|
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by chameleon on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:02 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
|
I just hate idiot guys like that... Being a guy myself, I look down on people like that for lack of class, chivalry, and basically intelligence... In all honesty, and redundancy, I would press charges. You must tell us if you do, because I want to know just miserable he'll be. That, and if he ever comes in the store again.
|
FUBAR
by AloneSoul (Fakeemail@dontspamme.com)
on Jul 19, 2003 - 03:07 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
|
Ok, I don’t understand something. Where the hell do some guys get the idea that groping any stranger, anytime, anywhere is their right? I become extremely pissed when hearing stories like these. Shame you can’t knock that fucker’s teeth out for universal equilibrium.
|
Re: FUBAR
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Jul 19, 2003 - 09:07 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | Well I don't get it either and I am STILL confused as to why he thought it'd be funny. I didn't knock his ass out because I was on the clock and losing my job over a couple of teeth and some dignity wasn't worth it to me, so I made due the hands off method. I've knocked out three people in my life so far, and two of those involved an altercation starting with my ass (and I was fat the first two times, and now THIS so I'm thinking that the ghetto booty I've grown again has got to go. it's more trouble than it's worth *lol*). I guess my butt just screams "smack me squeeze me I dare you" or something, because I've also had it called "smackable" quite a few times. I guess this young man couldn't resist the siren call of the badonkadonk *sigh*
but yes, he's lucky I was working. it saved his skin. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: FUBAR
by AloneSoul (Fakeemail@dontspamme.com) on Jul 20, 2003 - 04:58 PM
(User info | Send a Message) | Maybe he though you were one of those airhead vally girls. I've seen the type around her, a guy gropes them and they laugh or think it's cute. *sighs*
Even if a ghetto booty is smackable that idiot should have been smarter...but then again, what can you expect from someone wearing a orange adidas shirt. Bah! |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Arthegarn invents a new word
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 03:03 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
I'm sorry, Bettie.
It's not the smacking thing. If I had my butt smacked and that was deprived of everything else and just meant the sexual thing, it would be different.
It's the insult derived from the fact that someone thinks so low and little of you that just invades your personal space with no consideration at all. It's that ... I can't find the term but I would say "thingification" (turning someone into a thing) that I find most annoying. What kind of thing subject to the right of property does that person think I am? And under which pretense does he think I belong to him?
I would not exact vengeance from him, but I pity those who are so delluded about their lives, their rights and their place in the Universe as to "thingify" people. They ought to be taught the truth for their own sake.
But damn!, nevertheles...
|
Re: Arthegarn invents a new word
by callei on Jul 20, 2003 - 05:26 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http:// | | "thingification": The American word is Objectification. You were REALLY close on that one. I think i like your word better. |
[ No anonymous comments ]
[ No anonymous comments ]
Re: Ass slappin' good times
by dead-cell (Tarant-9@stribmail.com)
on Jul 24, 2003 - 03:57 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
|
I know this is a little late but I think I found the perfect shrit for you. Basicly it gives direction on how to do the "back hand bitch slap."
|
|
|
