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Disillusion: no safe place |
Posted by
FraggleGlob on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 12:24 AM PST
This is my first shmeng article. I write so much to myself, explaining life and my theories. But I feel so much younger than all on this sight, and the older you are, the more you belittle those younger than you.
If this article comes out well, I will try to write more articles here and finally express myself completely, and hopefully my articles will become more interesting. If this article does not come out well, I will crawl into a corner and eventually die in the fetal position. Wish me luck.
Sometimes I wonder: am I the only one? Am I the only person that feels so dead? So alone? I hallucinate sometimes. Probably not what you're thinking of. I sometimes feel presences where I am, attacking me, following me. Not any type of ghost. It's all in my head but it seems so real. I see walls moving in wavy patterns. Reals walls, not real movements.
I see things. I hear things. Half of it is probably not as bad as it seems. Last year, I started taking anti-depressants. That's nothing. Everyone and their mom is depressed. Only, last year, I thought my life was as bad as it could possibly become. I never imagined I might break down (shaking, crying, hallucinating: the whole shebang) only a year later.
The point is, I suppose, that the worst possible pain for each person is the worst pain they have felt. If someone has had a perfect life, but one day lost their puppy, they would feel like a mother who lost their daughter. They would feel the same amounts of pain because that would be the worst pain they had felt.
They would not know of a greater pain because that would be their greatest pain possible. Of course, this only lasts until something worse happens. Then, the pain seems worse but sometimes really isn't. Of course, I cannot speak for everybody. I am only me. I am not everyone else. And, this is a theory, not a fact.
I have no idea where I am going with this. I have no idea where I'm going with myself. I only know that if I continue to write right now I will ramble forever with several points that probably wouldn't connect. So, there it is: my first, pathetic try. I'm sorry.
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no safe place | Login/Create an account | 5 Comments |
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Re: no safe place
by Schizo (Aranea@Spidersdance.com)
on Jun 09, 2005 - 02:45 AM
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No need to apologize. You hit on a very valid point.
I see this all the time with my 2-year-old daughter. She has so little life experience, and nothing to compare her joys and sorrows to, to gain perspective. Eating a popsicle is joy unparalleled. Going for a ride in the car and forgetting her Elmo doll is a tragedy to end all tragedies.
As she gets older, she will start to realize that there are better things than popsicles, and worse things than forgetting a doll. She will learn to conserve her emotional energy, just as she will learn not to run around in circles until she drops from exhaustion.
This is a continual process for us all. Life keeps teaching us new joys and pains. What was the end of the world at one point in your life will probably seem like peanuts to you later on.
This is one of the difficulties that older people tend to have while dealing with younger people. For example, teenagers might get all worked up over an unsympathetic teacher, or a curfew, while an adult would find such problems trivial, dealing as they are with corruption in the workplace, financial difficulties, and trying to raise children in this sick world.
Experience brings perspective. As you get older, you will be surprised how much you can survive.
I wish I could help you with the problems you spoke of. It doesn't sound like fun at all, to put it mildly. But all I can say is, hang in there. Emotional problems often do smooth out as you get a little older. At the very least, in time you may be able to find a solution, or at least a good way to cope. You may have to just slog through a nasty time for a while - that happens, it sucks, but if you get through to the other side, you'll be surprised at how much you have grown if you don't give up.
Trust me - I've practiced what I preach.
So hang in there!
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Re: no safe place
by entity77 (entity77@webmail.co.za)
on Jun 10, 2005 - 02:38 PM
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You have written a truly heartfelt article that is always the best way to write. Please don’t stop as writing I find you intriguing.
It sounds like your life is one bad acid trip - don’t give up - never give up.
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Re: no safe place
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Jun 11, 2005 - 08:32 AM
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Fraggleglob, I feel what you are going through.
The teenage years are rough. It's a time of change and of discovering yourself and trying so hard to figure out just what you're supposed to be. It is painful and confusing and a lot of the time you feel that nobody will ever understand you or really know you. That makes you feel alone. These are the years where you are changing from a child to something more closely resembling a complete human being. You are starting to think of things outside of your child-world. Well, things outside the scope of childhood these days are pretty shocking and terrifying if you are taking a really good look at it. It's enough to really mess with any emerging psyche. I don't know what other factors you have going on in your life above and beyond the serious job of growing up, but I tell you that just by trying to think about it and understand it, you are already well on the way to learning to cope. Everyone goes through this kind of confusion and pain at this stage of growing up. It's one of the things that life throws at you to test your coping skills and prepare you for the larger picture. Just remember, you are not as alone as you think you are, and if you keep a clear head, you will be able to handle this.
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Re: no safe place
by ironflower (ironflower@gmail.com)
on Aug 14, 2005 - 12:31 AM
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I read this through first time, and was bracing myself for some kind of cynical follow-through from onlookers - as I have seen handed out to many-a-teen with a post such as this, on other communities.
However, I'm glad to see that the replies were supportive, which is just what I would be. Keep hanging in there, and don't ever apologise for your own emotions. I would agree with the previous post, that emotion smoothes itself out in the end, and you will find things get easier.
Take care.
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