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| How To: How to get laid by more than one person at a time |
Posted by
callei on Thursday, February 12, 2004 - 04:18 AM PST
Now that you have had good sex, sex that fulfilled something more than just a basic urge to cum, maybe you are happy with this. Most people are. If you find yourself wanting a bit more though, perhaps you are ready to start thinking about complicated sex. Sounds complicated? It is. More so than you think I bet. But also easier than you think. All you have to do is talk, care, listen, and keep trying. We are going to talk about how to meet two or more people at a time and go home with them!
Decide what you want, what you don’t want, and what is acceptable.
First decide if this is really what you want. Think about how it would actually happen, not what you’ve seen in porno’s. It’s nothing like how it looks in porn. Think about all the stuff that will be happening when you’re not naked and slippery. Think about all the talking you’ll have to do. Think about what issues can arise (especially if you’re involved with someone who may or may not be joining you).
If you’re going to be seducing people alone, do you want a couple? Do you want people that don’t know each other or you? Approximately how many do you want? What is too many? What is not enough? Leave some room for spontaneity, but be clear about it.
If you’re going to be seducing people with one or more other people, make sure you and your hunting partner(s) agree on what you’re looking for ahead of time. It’s really hard to have those conversations after the hunt has started. Come up with signals and quick ways of approving or rejecting each other’s choices.
Talk to lots of people
Not just people you're interested in. Talk to people who do this a lot. They're the ones who can tell you the details of how to make it work. When they tell you that you need to learn to communicate, they're telling you something that you don't know. Yes they are. Really.
There is a law of odds at work here. In sales it’s called the law of 10/100 (this is a paraphrasing of some of the biggest and best known sales gurus of all time). If you talk to ten people, chances are you will get a yes from one of them.. If you talk to 100 chances are you will hear "yes" from 10 of them. Do you want only one, or to have your pick of 10? If you only want one, then stop reading this article and go back to the forums.
Be forgiving
Not everyone will want to play and that doesn’t make them bad people. Not everyone will want to play with you and this also doesn’t make them bad people. Not everyone is ready to play just because they think they are. People are just people.
If someone gets mad because you don’t want to play their way, let it go. They have their reasons and if you respect their choices, maybe they will return the favor. But don’t try to include them in your reindeer games. This is just begging for trouble.
Some people think that they want to play this way, and they might, in their daydreams. But they aren’t ready for the realities and freak out in the moment. This is the most important to forgive. After all they were willing to dare which is more than most. And they are being honest that they can’t handle it.
Practice with what you have
Spend time with your lovers learning what makes it good for them. Learn new tricks and learn to be comfortable learning about new bodies and how each person is different. This is really, really important. Don’t just hope you get it right; learn to do it right.
At some point in all this you have thought back on some porno that you have seen and are thinking, “well they don’t have to practice and forgive, and all this stuff. They just have wild sex.” They are having wild sex because they have practiced A LOT, with A LOT of people. Wiser and more practiced people have coached them. They have negotiated what they will and wont do BEFORE they get naked. They know what the rules are and who is going home with whom. So yah they are having wild sex, with contracts and after some serious schooling.
Take every chance you get
If you have a chance to do something, just do it. If there's no reason not to, you might as well take the opportunity, since opportunities don't come around as often as we may hope. IF you run into two people that want to take you home and show you a good time, and you feel safe about the situation. Grab your jacket and go.
If you get the chance to kiss someone who is oh so kissable, then kiss them and count the cost later. Stretch your boundaries a little more everyday and practice walking hand in hand with two friends. This is more of a lifestyle thing than just for occasional practice when you are trying to get with one of these people. Be more affectionate with your friends, all the time. It deepens that friendship and makes your life more worth living. Sit between two yummy people and flirt with them both. When your friends get flirty around you go with it as far as it will go.
Sleep with the people that you can
Don’t refuse sex with a single person just because you want to expand you horizons. Enjoy smutty time with your friends. Just because you don't have a romantic interest in someone, if you're comfortable with them, do them anyway. As a sub note on that; call them back. If things are working out, if you get along, if you didn’t sneak out of their bed and move to another state, call them again. And again and again.
Develop the friendship and suddenly you have:
- a) New friends
- b) Hunting partners
- c) New lovers and
- d) A much better chance at group sex
And when you call them talk about the sex, what was good and not so good, talk about life and happiness. Talk to them like the new friends that they are. Thank them. Tell them what you liked and didn’t like and what you would like to try again. Be open and listen to what they say too.
Share the bed
There was an article about this not too long ago. If you didn’t read it then, read it now.
http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=636&mode=nested&order=1&thold=-1
Negotiate
Make sure everyone knows what's going on, what you expect, what all of the other parties involved expect, what's going to happen, and when and how it’s going to end. You can't treat these things as normal vanilla sex - they don't work that way. You have to talk about it until you think you know everything you need to know. Then talk about it for another half an hour and you should be almost there.
Go back and re-ask the same questions that you started with. You may understand the answer better once you have a context to put it in. make sure everyone talks about what they expect and want. This sounds like work, but it can be a really sexy thing to do and makes it so the sex ends up happening and no one gets their feelings hurt.
Respect their boundaries
If someone says they don't want to do something - NEVER try and convince them to do it. The only proper response to someone saying they don't want to do something is "what else can we do that's fun". Boundaries shift over time and by situation. Understand that, I mean get that, and sex becomes a lot more fun and understandable.
We went over this in “know you limits” and “know their limits” and it’s worth saying again and again. DON’T force anything, unless that force is pre-negotiated before the point of force. Always talk about it BEFORE you take your clothes off and while you aren’t actively smooching. We all get dumb when we think with our dicks and will agree to anything in the moment.
With more people, there are going to be more limits. You need to keep track of them all. Chances are good that you will find situations where you’re allowed to do something with one person, but rolling over and doing it to the other person would be bad.. They should have told you these things ahead of time, and you absolutely have to remember them – even if they seem silly to you with everything else that’s going on.
If you’re going to be going home with a couple, the rules are the same, but a little more complicated. This is the easiest way to have group sex, but most people do it completely wrong. Since they have an existing relationship, you not only need to know what each person’s limits for themselves are, but you have to know if each of those things are ok with their partner. If you want to have selfish sex, do it with people who are not an item. If you’re having sex with a couple, you are something that they are sharing between themselves. They are also sharing part of what they have with you. Treat it like a gift. Grabbing more than they give is rude and childish. While you will probably get the most attention, if you start expecting it – things are going to end badly.
Create group smut situations
Don't expect it to just happen. You have to create situations where it's ok for it to happen. That means if you invite a bunch of smutty people to a party - DON"T invite even one non smutty one. All it takes is one uncomfortable person to make group smut not happen. And remember that not everyone will want to be smutty with everyone else.
Hang out with people that are happy with their sexuality and not afraid to share it. There is nothing as sexy as someone that is confidant, happy, and ready to play. They may be your best introduction to group smut.. When you introduce single (for the purposes of this discussion, single means available to play with new people) friends to each other, don’t walk away and leave them alone. Stay and be part of the flirting. If they don’t flirt right away, flirt with both of them a little, or find another way to get them started. Sometimes people aren’t sure right away if it’s ok to flirt with someone when they first meet them. Encourage them.
Talk to your friends about sex, not just in general terms or bragging, but real heart to heart detailed talks. This is important because you will learn so much more about sex and your friends. And be clear with your friends that you are open to group smut. Even if that particular friend isn’t into it, chances are they have other friends that are. If you treat group sex as a dirty little secret or a naughty fantasy, you will NEVER have it.
Have extra snacks on hand, extra batteries, extra condoms/dental dams, and extra people
Make sure your sheets are clean, there is plenty to drink, good things to nibble, an extra toothbrush, extra towels, condoms in more than one style, and sex toys in more than one style (get some practice with them before you use them on a stranger!).
Batteries are a very important part of a quality fuck, they may never come into play, but it's better to have them and not need them than vice versa. Toys are fun things. They can be left laying around to make certain the conversation goes in the right direction. They can be ready to hand when one of you get that annoying cramp in the back of your left thigh that, no matter how horny you are, you can't quite get rid of while you are thrashing your hips around like a disco-fever dancer. And they can, in an emergency, help soothe a bruised ego when the excitement of the moment gets to be a bit too much for someone.
Prophylactics, condoms, dental dams, gloves, pregnancy and disease prevention tools galore, this should be a no-brainer, but the current spread of unwanted pregnancy and unwanted HIV infection says otherwise. Do it safe and you get to keep doing it folks...
Does this mean you have to stop having complicated sex? No, it means you get to move on to even more fulfilling and complicated sex. If you want. Lots of people stop here and don't go on. In the next article you'll see how you can keep all of this and have even more fun.
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| Note: Written by (in alphabetic order) callei, Devin, and Shade |
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Average Rating : 5.0
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| How to get laid by more than one person at a time | Login/Create an account | 11 Comments |
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Re: How to get laid by more than one person at a time
by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com)
on Feb 12, 2004 - 05:42 PM
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I'm very curious as to why nobody's commenting on these.
After reading them again, I was wondering if maybe people were reading them and thinking "That doesn't tell me how to do it". I imagine some were probably expecting tricks on how to make someone(s) want to sleep with you. I guess that would be the natural thing to think - the ironic part is that all of these things ARE tricks to make people want to sleep with you. Just not in the obvious way.
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