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Articles: Ass slappin' good times
Posted by bettie_x on Thursday, July 17, 2003 - 12:13 PM PST

Icky People
Weehoo brand new shmeng, all slippery and shiny and new, and what better way to kick off the new shmeng than to release some steaming fresh piles of it right now, merely hours old....bettie style.

Let me begin by reminding those who know, and informing those that don't, that I'm a very private person. I have my personal space, and I enforce it. It's an invisible three-foot bubble around my feet that stretches over my head. I couldn't be a happier person if that bubble actually physically existed. I don't like it when people I don't know, don't know well, or don't like, invade my bubble. It's mine, hands off. You can tell if I like you if I let you within three feet of me without cringing. Hence, you can also deduce that I don't like people touching me (see above for descriptions of people that I don't want touching me, unless I tripped and knocked all my teeth out and you're helping me up).

Today, at work, someone invaded my bubble in the worst way possible. They slapped my ass.

Michael is the only one who is allowed to slap my ass. I think one time when I was drunk, Court slapped my ass, but that's a WHOLE 'nother story, and well, if the occasion calls, she is allowed to do that too. Other than that my ass is off limits to the world. My badonkadonk is belonging to me. Period. The last time someone other than the two people mentioned slapped my ass, they got knocked flat (it was high school…anger management problems, you see). So let's flash forward past the high school knockout, Michael’s ass slapping, and court's alleged ass slapping, to today, at about 6PM.

I'm windexing the glass cases around my register, minding my own business, trying to remove face prints, nose prints, finger prints, and prints of things I don't want to know of what, when suddenly I feel a good hard *WHOMP* on my ass. Dead on, bull's eye, you get the stuffed pink donkey. My brain starts whirring trying to figure out who on god's green earth would be stupid enough to smack my butt, when I hear "I just wanted to let YOU know that YOU are doing a GREAT JOB". *???????*

I turn, and there is this 6 ft douchebag in an orange Adidas t shirt grinning like...well, a douchebag. I was so taken back I didn't say anything for a minute, and then finally said "Oh no, you didn't just do that. No you didn't."


He started backing away from me saying "Oh man I'm sorry I thought it'd be funny..."

"Well it wasn't, was it? YOU DIDN"T just slap my ass. WTF."

I started walking towards him pointing at the door, I'm sure I was a lovely shade of purple by then, and told him to get the fuck out.

"I'm sorry man! Let me buy you something I’m sorry!"

I again repeated to get the fuck out and he backed away with his hands up

"Please don't hit me I'm sorry!!!"

"YOU SHOULD BE GETTING OUT"

and as he's leaving he said "I didn't think it'd make you MAD!!"

"WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT FUCKING TWICE GENIOUS YOU"RE LUCKY I DON"T HAVE YOUR ASS ARRESTED YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. GET THE FUCK OUT."

Thank you, Adidas asswipe, for ruining my so far fantastic day. Thank you very much you cocksucker.

I still am at a total loss as to WHY this dumbfuck thought it'd be PERFECTLY KOSHER to whap a girl he doesn't even know on the butt. How, in ANY reality, would that be considered appropriate? This is NOT a club, I am NOT some fucking slutbag who'd giggle and think you're cute, or funny, or cool. I don't get paid to stand around and have my bubble invaded, NOR my ass slapped. I don't work at hooters, I don't work at Deja Vu, I'm not your friend, your buddy or your goddamned plaything. I'm not your eye candy, and I'm not there for your fucking amusement, dickhead.

And I'm not paid NEARLY enough to be ANY OF THAT FOR YOU. FUCK YOU.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Fortunately for the world the food, nicotine, and beer are kicking in, and I'm a tad more mellow than when I got home.

And yes, "Douchebag" is my word for today.

Thank you, and peace out.

...fucking douchebag....

 

 

 




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Ass slappin' good times | Login/Create an account | 39 Comments
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Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Anya (Enternamehere@enterhosthere.net)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 12:20 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://kirashi.envy.nu/index2.html

Man that guy was way forward. @_@  I would be wondering, "wtf" too if someone out of the blue smacked my ass.



Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Psychopixi (psyche.at.psychopixi.dot.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 02:08 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://psychopixi.com
Kind of a pity that it didn't happen in a club - at least then you could have decked the guy without fear of getting fired. That I would pay to see. And to add insult to injury - orange adidas!?!


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by RavensSoul (TheRavensMuse@aol.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 02:31 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://hometown.aol.com/theravensmuse/myhomepage1.html
I don't know whats worse. When it's some guy you know who violates your space or some guy you dont' know who violates your space. You'd think a guy you know would know better *because they know you're fully capable of slicing their cock  off in a number of ways*, and you'd think the guy you don't know would know better *because they don't know if you're some psycho-bitch who would want to slice off their cock for touching you*   They should all suffer for the acts of their twitchy little hands... *evil thoughts* 
" NICE ASS" comments are also invasive when they're coming from the deadbeat punkass whatever-he's-claiming-to-be-at-the-moment  who lives up the street... 'nuff said.


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by feralucce on Jul 17, 2003 - 07:18 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.vibechild.com
I's have pressed charges for sexual harrassment


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com)
on Jul 17, 2003 - 07:55 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://

Seriously, that is some messed up stuff. I hate guys who think It's abso-frigin-lutely cool to touch a girls butt (or worse depending on much of a dick they are). I grew up being taught that a woman doesn't deserve more respect than a man, just equal, and i never pull that shit on either sex. Of course in High School, groping is all the rage, and I got plastered as a fag because I never thought it was cool, but hey, I never got charged with sexual harassment either.

My friend just went to Orlando to see metalica, and his girlfriend got felt up but this old man in the crowd. Needless to say my friend stepped in. He ran his hand down her back to seperat them, and found that the man's hand was up her skirt. Well, to make a long story shirt, my friend split his face open and kicked him in the throat, leaving him in a weazing, crying ball on the ground, and it suits the shit bag right. Later on, she told my friend that the man was actually fondling her private part from under her skirt, and in the solid mass of a crowded concert, there was nowhere for her to run.

Seriously, I despise these people, and contrary to the belief that men don't give a shit, i feel rather offended when I'm touched sexually too. Granted it doesn't happen often, but still my space is just that, mine. And if a friend or lover wants in, have fun, but strangers beware: I'm armed to the teeth. Seriously.

BTW Bettie, i said douche bag so much in high school, that a friend of mine ended up buying me one as a present. It was, well darnit, it was touching. Either way, douche bag should be the word of the decade, nay, the century. And on that note, good day.

Douche bags......



Re: Ass slappin' good times
by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfatvzavenuedotnet)
on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:55 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com
Wow, I thought I was the only one who kept a bunch of stuffed pink donkeys to give to people when they slap my ass.


Anyways, you were assualted, are you allowed to carry peperspray at work? They come in all kinds of fashionable sprayers these days. I think you would have been fully justified in spraying him. Stun guns work better, but they're usually frowned upon in malls...


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by feralucce on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:56 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.vibechild.com
ORRR... I'd have killed and eaten him!


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by MystryssRavynDarque (A1MANDI04@AOL.COM)
on Jul 18, 2003 - 06:35 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
Yeah, I feel somewhat of the same way Bettie.  I don't like people invading my bubble unless I allow them too.  There has only been one person to ever actually slap me upon the ass, and he was a good friend.  He and I would tease the shit out of each other with little sexual references and by doing things like that, though every time he hit my ass I kicked him in the shin with my boot.  I just couldn't bring myself to kicking him in the crotch.  There are only certain times when that should be done, and I don't think that was quite the right time. He did receive a good bitching at too.  He knew that if he performed the act too frequently his ass was grass and soon he would need a lawn mower!


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by chameleon on Jul 18, 2003 - 08:02 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
I just hate idiot guys like that... Being a guy myself, I look down on people like that for lack of class, chivalry, and basically intelligence... In all honesty, and redundancy, I would press charges. You must tell us if you do, because I want to know just miserable he'll be. That, and if he ever comes in the store again.


FUBAR
by AloneSoul (Fakeemail@dontspamme.com)
on Jul 19, 2003 - 03:07 PM
(User info | Send a Message)

Ok, I don’t understand something. Where the hell do some guys get the idea that groping any stranger, anytime, anywhere is their right? I become extremely pissed when hearing stories like these.

Shame you can’t knock that fucker’s teeth out for universal equilibrium.



  • Re: FUBAR by bettie_x on Jul 19, 2003 - 09:07 PM
    • Re: FUBAR by AloneSoul on Jul 20, 2003 - 04:58 PM
      • Re: FUBAR by bettie_x on Jul 21, 2003 - 11:33 AM
Arthegarn invents a new word
by Arthegarn on Jul 20, 2003 - 03:03 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
I'm sorry, Bettie.

It's not the smacking thing. If I had my butt smacked and that was deprived of everything else and just meant the sexual thing, it would be different.

It's the insult derived from the fact that someone thinks so low and little of you that just invades your personal space with no consideration at all. It's that ... I can't find the term but I would say "thingification" (turning someone into a thing) that I find most annoying. What kind of thing subject to the right of property does that person think I am? And under which pretense does he think I belong to him?

I would not exact vengeance from him, but I pity those who are so delluded about their lives, their rights and their place in the Universe as to "thingify" people. They ought to be taught the truth for their own sake.

But damn!, nevertheles...


Re: Ass slappin' good times
by dead-cell (Tarant-9@stribmail.com)
on Jul 24, 2003 - 03:57 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
I know this is a little late but I think I found the perfect shrit for you. Basicly it gives direction on how to do the "back hand bitch slap."


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