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| Shmeng of the Week: Life is meaningless? |
Posted by
AloneSoul on Tuesday, October 15, 2002 - 04:03 AM PST
There is a tendency to push your inner demons, haunted memories, and past failures so far away that they create a ferocious black hole, devouring every shred of light that it can grasp. - To contain such a beast is a struggle. This is an everlasting routine and for a moment, I let my inner guard down.
I went to the mall last night, searching for a few shirts, look at prices of games first hand and perhaps even see a movie. Just a casual activity, another insipid exercise that I haven’t performed in a while. Walking around I saw some old friends from high school. I had a few quick chats with them, a simile, chuckle, handshake and we parted. A bit of a refreshing surprise but short lived, nonetheless.
As I walked around the polished marble floors and entered store to store, I noticed other people walking in circles as well, from store to store. In one place where I was standing looking at shirts, I observed a small group of girls asking the cashier to take their photo. They did this in store after store after store. It almost seemed as if I were being followed or were accidentally eavesdropping on their little “adventure".
The trip to the movies was short lived. The agitated clerk wouldn’t honor my free ticket until the next day. After he expressed this to me in an extremely brazen tone of voice I left.
As I began to drive away, I acknowledged a repeating thought in my head engendered by the carefree arrogance of myself and the people around me at the mall. Each day is a trivial affair, a germinating tedium from the time you wake up until the time you are in your deathly trance appropriately named sleep.
We live our lives, a solitary unit in the ranks of billions. Our goals in life are simply short-lived acts of glory, public or not. Not every soul will be remembered unless, of course, you happen to create a great enough historical event by which people remember you. We move like drones in the beehive, marching to work, to school, and for some, to return to a coffin of a domicile. When our minds grow weary, we herd to the theater, club, concert, store, library, or amusement park in search of new stimuli. Many of our daily adventures are merely necessary endeavors, austerely riding to the market and back for a bag groceries and fresh milk.
So many of us were raised believing that our prince or princess is waiting for us, with the wings of a angel, enveloped in scarves of velvet, or in some sort of shining armor. We are supposed to attach to this person. This attachment, this adventure, has the elegant name of love masking the banal endeavor of reproduction. According to “society's standards”, all humans are supposed to mate, reproduce, lead rich, fruitful lives then grow old, withered, scraping by the last few “Golden Years” in some rank smelling old folk's home.
I wonder if is this all our “glorious” world has to offer. I wonder if anyone else thinks this way, speculating, “If this is what life has to offer, then the offer isn’t very much". I wonder if anyone else experiences these social pressures and the many other depressing cries and burdens of an infinitely lonely existence, and if so, does it create the feeling of a sinking hole inside your chest.
Our lives simply cannot consist of such basic routines. There must be something more to this world than this spiraling tedium. Perhaps I have had my eyes shut to tightly for to long. I may be blind to the beauty which others see, or that I refuse to see it. You can go ahead and say that I am insane, say that I should get out more or that I’m merely a nineteen year old drunk with some kind of youthful anguish, I don’t really care. I am simply a man who cannot sprout the wings of an angel and retire to the beauty between the endless arrangements of stars.
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| Life is meaningless? | Login/Create an account | 14 Comments |
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by doyouhearthevoicestoo? on Oct 15, 2002 - 04:48 AM
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I know exactly what you mean. Its an endless circle of delirium, the same tedius shit over and over again! I've been feeling like that a lot lately! Recently the thing that makes it all the more obvious to me is that when something actually lifechanging does happen we all immediatly strive to put things back to the way they were before the tedius link was broken, what is our obsession with staying the same when we dont even like who we are and whats going on? what are we afraid of?
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by KatB on Oct 15, 2002 - 04:53 AM
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I usually have no problems expressing myself, but this one is tricky...
Well, AloneSoul, I am sure, and I think you are too, there are many there with you.
This used to be a very difficult issue for me to adress, but I have made peace with what I have become. Not all the choices I have made have been made conciously, but they have all lead to this moment in time and space, and for the first time in many years, I can say I am fairly content.
Allthough I am some years older than you, I recognise what you are expressing.
Maybe the question is - would you have changed anything?
And if the answer is "yes", is it too late to do something about it?
I know it is easier said than done, but the only person who can change your life is You.
Physical conditions (migraines, right?) can make limits, but there will be ways.
It is not a crime to set out for the stars. You may not reach them all, but it really helps to take pleasure in the fact that they are out there.
Life would have been more empty without.
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- PS - by KatB on Oct 15, 2002 - 05:33 AM
Re: Life is meaningless?
by dead-cell (Tarant-zero@nandomail.com)
on Oct 15, 2002 - 10:21 AM
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So you finally get the cosmic joke. The only known life in the universe and we sit here in our routine. Lately I have pondered is there an person out there who lives a breathes our dreams; I wonder also of those people who spontaneously dissappear. Do they hear a voice that echoes in them, to go and grasp life? There has to be life somewhere right?
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The Baby in the Bathwater
by Monolycus on Oct 15, 2002 - 02:02 PM
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There is something uncomfortable that happens when we try to understand too clearly the world that we live in. We lose what we were looking for.
Take the case of the molecular biologist. Biology is the study of life, and to gain a better understanding of it the molecular biologist has transcended the cellular and brought himself down to the level of the molecule. His days are filled with observations and experiments with chemicals and reactions, particle physics, proteins and covalent bonds... and the life that he was trying to understand has slipped through his fingers. Molecules aren't alive.
I spent years depressing myself with the futility of it all when I would become needlessly existential in my quest to understand my own life. Routine seemed meaningless if there was no greater purpose. Daily survival seemed pointless when faced with the inevitable decline and eventual termination that we all must face. I had become the molecular biologist and let what I was searching for slip through my fingers. The answers are not where you are looking for them to be.
Human understanding is limited, and we should all take a moment to thank the powers-that-be for it. We are conditioned to codify information and to process it through inherently limited tools of cognition. Our understanding is in large part based upon the axiom. In the 1930's, a mathematician named Kurt Gödel was able to prove that no axiomatic system can be both complete and consistent simultaneously. (By way of a simple illustration, take the number 1/3. You can divide a pie into exactly three equal pieces, down to the last atom if you have to. Turn that number into a decimal. The resulting decimal goes on into infinity. You can not divide a pie into that number; you would be there for an eternity making ever-finer adjustments. Not the same number, is it? Yes, it is.)
The meaning of life is not to be found by quantifying your daily routine. It is not to be found at the end of your life when it flashes in its entirety before your eyes. It is not to be found in a book, nor in the words of sages, nor in the examples of others. Heroes and villians all moulder in the ground when they are through living in exactly the same ways. "Ob Arm, ob Reich, im Tode gleich"-- whether poor, whether rich, in death there is equality.
The meaning of life, therefore, is in the living. It is an indefinable, inexpressable, intangible truth. Like emotions, life is a fleeting and insubstantial thing that makes the rest of everything worth it. We are all too aware that it is temporary and irreplaceable. There is no punch line at the end that will make it all fall into place for you if you have not gathered everything that you can along the way. The purpose is to learn and grow and to appreciate. This can only be done through the journeying because the destination is death. If you have not appreciated the journey and learned from it, you will get nothing whatsoever from having been alive.
To the goal-oriented, the news that life is inexpressable and unquantifiable is the most profoundly depressing thing that could be told to him. He is the molecular biologist who has wasted what he already has by searching for it. To the spiritual, there can be no better news than to be told that life is as strange and wonderful as the concept of eternity itself; that there is nothing beyond the moment and that to be alive is to be part of the divine Truth. There is nothing else. That which is not Something is, by definition, Nothing.
Now...
There is a great big diem out there that is not going to carpe itself.
~Monolycus.
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Perhaps...
by AloneSoul (AloneSoul@hurting.com)
on Oct 15, 2002 - 11:29 PM
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To all who read and replied to this post, thank you.
I am sure someday we will all receive our liberation from the shackles which we are bounded to, one way or another...and find the everlasting peace, which we all have earned.
And Dead-Cell, heh, I've realized this along time ago. I just couldn't fit it properly into words, till now.
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by Icarus (someone@somewhere.something)
on Oct 16, 2002 - 02:12 AM
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"I hear their call, I cannot stay, the voice inviting me away"
*smiles and goes off to ponder*
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Oct 16, 2002 - 09:46 PM
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Tho rather depressing to think about, I can grasp what you mean, and I think EVERYONE at ONE MOMENT in their lives realises the humdrum and mundane and well...inane sense of the "lives" we lead. Even those that don't show that they know. We all know to some extent. Some fully realise it, some realise it and forget it and make the best of things.
My life is mundane, but I"m okay with that. Mundane is the ONLY way to avoid drama...hearing it, causing it, being involved in it. My mundane life is punctuated by things that make me happy, and tho at first I had to try really really hard, I eventually allowed myself to see the beauty in the beast of the world.
Being suprised with baby rats.
Seeing one of those big fat orange moons sitting like a big ridiculous cheese face on a foothill near my house.
The eclipse I saw 6 years ago where instead of blacking out, the moon turned red.
Driving into the woods at my mom's house and seeing forgetmenots where there were none the day before.
How my dog is so happy when I come home she about pisses herself.
Waking up next to my dreamboy every morning.
When my baby nephew screams and grins when I go to visit him.
Holding the door open for anyone, or having the door held open for me. I see so many people try, and the person they hold it for will walk straight through without looking at the person let alone thank them. The look on someone's face when I open a door for them and smile, or when I thank them cheerfully when they do so for me is beautiful. It's a moment of basic human interaction that is pleasant. Two strangers being kind to one another.
It's hard to have to learn to look for things that make your life seem "important" or "special", but once you learn you don't have to search as hard.
If you make a difference in the life of one person, you've made a mark. Remember that quote from schindler's list: "he who saves one life saves the world"
Even if you don't reach the stars, it's one hell of a ride, and worth the effort.
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by Starlight on Oct 17, 2002 - 06:34 AM
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I used to feel that I was living moment to moment, just waiting for the time that I either had enough courage to "off" myself or until I just died from all the pain and mental anguish outright. I finally became aware that I was going to have to find a way out and just leave the situation I was in. I was on several antidepressants and painkillers as the doctor said "for migranes" but I knew it was just what clouded my judgement enough for me to stay in that ridiculous situation. I quietly stopped taking the medications and realized what sort of world I was then living in. I was at that point simply biding my time until I could figure out where to go and what to do. I did meet my prince charming at that point. I don't know how but I did. So I had the place to go to, but it took my own willpower to get there. It's been several years now and my life is now in order. The oddest thing has happened regarding my migranes. I became aware that they were simply just not there anymore. I'd had them since I was twelve and then they just weren't there anymore. I hope for you that you will have a wonderful moment that will change your life. That you will be somewhere sometime and will realize that you have the power and the willpower to get out of a bad situation and start over. It's never an easy road to begin again in life, but it's sometimes a necessary thing to do. I now know that each of us possesses the power inside of us to change our own destiny. I hope you discover that power inside yourself soon and that people and things that try to beat you down just simply don't count in the scheme of things. They are merely obstacles you can simply move out of your path or step around and get on with your path. Good luck to you and I wish you only the best in life.
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Re: Life is meaningless?
by DarkMistress on Oct 17, 2002 - 01:52 PM
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This is a bit off the subject but i'm sure you can find a connection somewhere. Routines..I read somewhere of a scientist who visited a convent and observed all the old ladies. They learned something new and tried something new every day which kept their minds working. No one knew until the autopsy that they had alzheimers because they didn't show any signs..just something to think about I suppose.
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re: ?
by AloneSoul (AloneSoul@hurting.com)
on Oct 18, 2002 - 01:03 AM
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Thank you to those who read and responded to this article.
Migraines aren’t the cause of my troubles, I’m used to the pain now. I missed the call from the doc, returned a call and he is magically away, all the time. When the pain comes, I deal with it and don’t bother bitching about it. If it’s too great, take a few pills, I’ll live.
Guess after a while, the fatigue drags ya down. Fatigue from what you may ask? Life and living, the endless obstacles, whatever you wish to call it.
For some people, the tedium of life is broken by say interaction with others, animals, art and such. The beauty of love can saturate some people, bringing a sort of perfection to a imperfect world. I am greatly happy for those who are lucky enough to have found those gifts, I thought I have but time and time again has proven that failure seems to follow you, like your shadow, formed from beacons of betrayal.- However, that is not my problem. Heh, I have many problems which are greater than interaction or the other things which lurk in my head. - The limitations of our humanity, the limitations/(seemingly?) insignificance of our lives, our vast knowledge and the inability to use it, these things and many others at times give me the extra shove down further.
Ack, I’m ranting now and it’s almost 4am. And I have to get up by 5 am. Sorry about that.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply, take care, good morning and good night.
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Oh, the pathos!
by Monolycus on Oct 20, 2002 - 01:39 PM
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You know what? I give up. Go slip on a beret and a black turtleneck and mosey on down to the local outdoor bistro where you can sigh about the ennui and about how you "get it". If you're going to throw an ocupado sign over your mind, then life will never be more than a roll of the bones. I'm done here.
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