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| Articles: I've learned so much |
Posted by
DarkMistress on Thursday, September 05, 2002 - 04:51 PM PST
Being new to Shmeng, young, and arrogant I took everything to heart. I took a lot of things the wrong way, I didn't want to listen to anyone else because I thought I was right. But now I realize that I was wrong and I have learned a lot from all of you.
Out of my own ignorance I've made an ass of myself. I know that probably all of you can agree. I know I'm probably still very ignorant toward things but I try to be open minded. Of the forum I made on the girls, Shade opened my mind. I was just thinking like the school thought, like my mom thought, as I was taught to think. Now I realize that independant thought is something I've been lacking but also something that I emulated through experience here. I've also realized that most of the things girls get in trouble for at school are petty.
For example, a girl was wearing one of those rugby shirts and she leaned across the lunch table because someone (jokingly) stole her fork. Her shirt went up as she leaned revealing a little of her back and one of the ladies who monitored the cafeteria yelled at her to either pull her shirt down or pull her pants up. I think they're getting a little too technical since nothing was revealed in that moment.
I've learned from the people here that things DO need to be looked at from all different perspectives. I've learned that it isn't smart to say things from one point of view when I haven't tried looking at it a different way. Ignorance is taught and it's hard to break past it.
I've learned that I can't be so judgmental towards people because I judge too quickly, therefore wrongly. I have been trying hard not to judge anybody I don't REALLY know and not to judge things that I haven't tried. That doesn't include drugs or the obvious.
Another example is this beautiful new girl. She moved here from California and has a great personality. I asked somebody if they knew her and all I got was, "she's a snobby slut." They said she's a slut because the clothes she wore to volleyball practice; shorts and a tank top. They said she's snobby because she's pretty and they reject anyone who has true beauty.
I realized that most of my ignorance wasn't taught by my parents but by my peers. Now I surround myself with people who judge wisely or don't judge at all. I don't like to be judged so what gives me the right to judge someone else. I just don't know why it took some words and a lot of thinking to figure all this out. Of course, my eyes were shut.
I am still judged. I tried changing myself last year so I could have more friends. I wore light colors instead of dark colors, pink instead of blood red. It didn't sit well with me emotionally because I never ever wore light colors. I didn't care, I had “friends”. I realized at the end of the summer that those friends weren't worth the change so I changed back and it's been hard. They make you and you loose yourself. I'm still regaining what I lost and it's a very hard time for me.
Whoever says clothes don't affect your personality is wrong. I was cruel to people. I was very cruel and it was because I walked and talked, dressed like these girls. I used the stupid phrases, looked down on people who were "scrubby" but I never felt good, thankfully it didn't make me feel good. I felt like a poseur and I was. I didn't fit in right away because they had to "test" me. I knew I was different but I didn't want to be. I always used to take pride in being different. But then I started thinking that their group was the only group to belong to.
I still sit at one end of their lunch table. What isn't realized is that their gossip can be heard at our end. We can hear what they say. When they talk straight to me they don't call me the names they call me when they think I'm not listening.
They smile at me and talk to me and they don't make a comment about my being different, not to my face. When my friends talk about those girls I don't talk with them. It doesn't make me feel good and it always gets back to the person.
Shmeng has been my wake up call. So I want to thank everybody for helping me to become a better person. The gratitude I feel cannot be expressed in words. I am more careful with what I say thanks to all of you, and I'm more careful about who I say it to. I don't care what other people think about me, a strong trait. Because once you start caring it's hard to stop. The hardest thing to do is to be yourself.
Believe it or not you all gave me courage to stand up for what I believe in, not give in to what other people say. Thanks to all of you I'm not such an elitist bitch anymore.
I know I still have much to learn but thank you, all of you, for everything, whether it was intended or not.
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| Note: The moral of the story kiddies: You're not goth if you hate preps - you're goth if you convert them. |
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| I've learned so much | Login/Create an account | 20 Comments |
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Re: I've learned so much
by ThatOneWastedChick on Sep 05, 2002 - 05:14 PM
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Good article Dark Mistress. I wish I had your self confidence.
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Re: I've learned so much
by Closetgothbabe on Sep 05, 2002 - 05:41 PM
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People learn and grow every day and its great that you have decided to be yourself no matter what.
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Re: I've learned so much
by Merry_Widow on Sep 05, 2002 - 06:13 PM
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Kudos for not only realizing that you have grown, but also having the guts to admit your former shortcomings in front of others. That takes a lot.
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Re: I've learned so much
by Alugarde (SoulCiphyr@aol.com)
on Sep 05, 2002 - 08:36 PM
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Nice article DarkMistress, glad to hear youre standing up for yourself.
I hate it when girls are called sluts. If a guy wants to go "get some" he can and no one will think twice about it, but a girl wants the same thing and she's labled a slut.
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Re: I've learned so much
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Sep 06, 2002 - 03:36 PM
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I'm so glad you found peace with yourself DM. If I could teach the world one bloody lesson it would be this "Be true to yourself" it's a simple sentance, but it means so much. Everyone I know who is honest with themselves..umm, lost the sentance there a bit, but the gist is: those are the people about whom I want to know more. Those are the people I enjoy spending time with. Major congratulations on finding out who you are!
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Re: I've learned so much
by Celria on Sep 06, 2002 - 09:35 PM
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ummm I have a few things to say. That kind of thing has happned to me. In fact it used to happen to me alot! I was like a mirror even my parents agreed I acted like whoever my friend of the time was. I tried to be like them to fit in and it never worked and they always walked away and left me, spread rumors and joked behind my back. I always liked goths and the way they looked. Not knowing much about goths I decided to become one and because of it I am no longer chasing m for new "friends" to accept me. people are coming up to <i>me</i>. I can even say I have "converted" several preps and they all say their life is better because of it and they couldn't stand the bitching (I have never been a prep, even in that time where all I wanted to do was become one I just never fit in I was always the loser) My friends tell me how hard it was being a prep and now I think I can say with all certainty that the only bad thing about being a goth was the STOOPID MORONIC JERKS who tried to beat us up last night... but their just morons and thats another story. I am so glad you are learning how to be you again. Im learning how to be me for the first time
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Shmeng hatchlings
by Arthegarn on Sep 07, 2002 - 04:10 AM
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Congratulations, DarkMistress. As Kenobi said "you have taken your first step into a larger world". Now the road you choose is a difficult one but it is inmensely rewarding.
I have always thought, i don't know if I have ever said anything abou it, that life is like a mark in the sand of the seashore. Some people, most people, just unadvertedly roll their finger in the sand and leave a print, be it short or long. But the first wave coming erases every trace that print ever existed. Then there are some people who struggle pushing a plough and, through sweat and pain, make a much deeper mark in the sand. The forst wave will not erase that mark nor will the second. It WILL be eventually and definitely erased and the beach will once again look as if it never existed, but still... still something within me tells me it is important and worthwile to push the plough, even though our little mark in the sand is nothing compared to the vast streches of cosmic time.
Beautiful post, anyway.
By the way, to the "adults"... anybody else is feeling very, very old?
Tempus omnia vincit
Arthegarn
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Male Sluts!!
by MorteAscendo (corpsmanwix@aol.com)
on Sep 12, 2002 - 08:20 PM
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What the fuck did i read about male sluts??!?!?!
OF COURSE SOME OF US ARE!! heh.. Name 10 guys that you know that would pass up a hot chick that wanted it. I sure as hell cant. Of course there are one or two...but i doubt anyone can name 10. And not Churchy people.
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