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Theories: Riddle me this |
Posted by
WorthlessLiar on Monday, August 19, 2002 - 04:04 AM PST
This question is directed to all other consumers who will soon be roaming the isles of your local drug store. Ten years from now, where do you all think that toothbrush technology will go?
Honestly, how many ways can toothbrush reach your back teeth? Go to Eckerd’s and take a look. I find this truly breathtaking. There are brushes out now where you press a button in order for it to bend. With the way these items are advertised, you’d think your back teeth are the final frontier. Soon NASA will be funding dives and excavations to the back teeth just to see how much plaque your toothbrush is missing.
I can imagine that soon they will have lights on them. Now sit back and watch as this prediction comes true. I have an insane amount of faith that by 2005, toothbrushes will have little tiny headlights so you can see down your throat. “Come on now children, I want you to scrub that uvula very hard”. They will have Industrial strength cobalt tipped bristles able to support of to 8000 pounds of pressure. They will have laser pointers, those little pen pocket clips, and maybe the handle will be made of that same type of memory foam that is in the commercials fro mattresses and pillows. As seen on TV! I've been using the simple bristle-sticks the dentist gives me since was a little boi (no, not the exact same brush silly, but the same design).
I'll never understand this.
It also seems to me that the sex industry and the electric toothbrush industry have some sort of secret contract so as to make products with interchangeable parts. Imagine walking into Walgreen’s to buy a toothbrush when, from the corner of your eye, you spot a box sporting the phrase "now, with indexable portions equal to that of a vibrator! Brush your teeth, then go for a hummer, all for a low $19.95". I don't often shop for vibrators so I'm going to assume that makes sense.
Another thing I’ve noticed- what's with this new type of breath mint? Those
little paper squares that disintegrate on your tongue... what, are all mint companies in some type of massive race to make the smallest/lightest/STRONGEST mints possible? Just to think- at some point an old man in a business suit sitting at the head of a cherry wood table in the offices of Certs, Inc. in Wherever, Kentucky actually had to say to his Junior Vice Presidents "Men, studies show that the American public is growing tired of the mints we sell them. Mints so small that half of them get lost in your seat cushions when you're frantically trying to pop one in as the officer who has pulled you over walks toward your car, are no longer good enough for our consumers.“ He bangs fist on desk. “We need to corner the market, we need anything before those damn Smint bastards beat us again!!!" Just then, the Man in charge of office supplies walks in and hands the angry C.E.O. a tape dispenser.
..............Five minutes later............."Eureka!!!!"
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Riddle me this | Login/Create an account | 9 Comments |
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Vibrating toothbrushes
by Monolycus on Aug 19, 2002 - 09:50 PM
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The entire basis of marketing is: How can we convince people that they need things that they have gotten this far in life without having? The great thing about it is that it takes no innovation at all, really. Pretend that things have always been this way and act like everyone else is falling behind if they think otherwise.
I remember a day when there were no automated bank tellers, cellular phones, or cars with coloured lights under them. We had Silly Putty, velcro and cans that opened by pulling jagged strips of metal from the tops of them... and we thought that was the height of technology. Everything that exists today was slipped under the radar by marketers somewhere... and nobody stopped to ask "Who the hell ordered THAT?"... they just bought everything up and tried to pretend that they had known about it all along. I am, I was, I will be,
as far as anyone can prove,
~Monolycus.
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Re: Riddle me this
by KatB (satanslittlehelper@hell.no)
on Aug 21, 2002 - 02:46 AM
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I don't know if this story is true, but it sounds probable:
Back when toothpaste was something new, the industry naturally had peaking sales-curves. If that's what it's called in english, but you know what I mean. When everybody used toothpaste, the curves flattened, and new brands didn't make people by more toothpaste, just a variety of flavours and what not.
To make the curves go up again, a marketing person came up with the idea to make the hole in the tubes larger. And up went the sales.
And no, I don't think "they" will ever make industrial strength bristles, that would prevent the brushes to wear down, so sales would go down.
On the same note, I am convinced that nylon stockings can be made to last forever (well, more than one night of partying, anyway...), but why would "they"...
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