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Articles: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings |
Posted by
Schizo on Wednesday, March 13, 2002 - 04:05 AM PST
Well, for all of you who have been asking how I've been doing, here's a little overview of what's going on with me.
First of all, I have reached the milestone of 5 months of pregnancy. (Actually 23 weeks.) The baby, which the sonographer is pretty sure is a girl, is very active and kicking, especially when I'm trying to sleep! I'm doing really well, perfectly healthy and all that, with only the general odd aches and twinges that accompany swelling up like a slow-motion balloon.
I gained about 5 inches around my waist in 3 weeks, which was a rather interesting thing to happen. From the front, I look the same as always, but from the side I look like a thick, middle-aged woman. I have yet to achieve that graceful, pregnant curve, and just look bulky right now, but give me a couple months, and I'll see about posting some pics!
The baby's father is becoming somewhat more positively involved. We've established a fairly satisfying friendship, and he's doing what he can (little though it seems to be, he IS trying) to support me. We both realize that he is far too undependable, mainly through weakness rather than malice, for us to have any sort of "real" relationship.
I've been looking (somewhat half-heartedly) for a job. Not really feeling very motivated. Besides, there's not really very much out there.
The Psycho-Bitch has been leaving me alone recently, which is a huge blessing! With all the complications and confusions in my life, I really don't need to deal with a control freak with a very bewildering multiple personality disorder.
So I've been exploring the fascinating world of food banks, welfare offices, and pregnancy resource centers. I COULD let it get me down, but I have decided rather to look at it as an educational experience, as an opportunity to see how so many people live their lives. I will never again look at a welfare family in the same way. I can see how easy it would be to sink down and become what is commonly known as "white trash". It is possible to maintain your dignity and self-respect in situations like this, but it can be difficult.
But all-in-all I'm keeping my chin up. After all, spring is coming, even in snow-bound New Hampshire! Yesterday, I even had my windows open. I kept them open all night, and I could hear the stream that flows through the woods to the south of my house. We had a minor thunderstorm around midnight, and the rain washed away most of the snow, and I have 5 snowdrops out, and it's hard to be depressed when you have such riches as snowdrops and spring-swollen streams.
Thanks everyone for your concern and support for me! It means alot!
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Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings | Login/Create an account | 15 Comments |
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Re: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings
by Arthegarn on Mar 13, 2002 - 06:46 AM
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Oi! Oi! Update!
So you're be going to have a girl! I wonder if the world is ready for two Schizos. I am very glad that you are doing well, really, from my heart of hurts. That's terrific news for me...
Gosh I think if I keep having this empathy with Schizo I'm going to have simpathic pains before the parturition (And I can't even have the epidural)
As for the white trash, that's something that is in the eye of the beholder, Sweetest. I mean, I know citizens of the United States (I almost wrote "Americans", I must be sleepy) give a lot of value to success and that having to depend on others is like admitting defeat, which can lead to depression at not achieving one's objectives, but I guess I don't have to tell you how wonderful you are and how much more than a figure in a bank account you are. Don't let it get you down because there is just NO real reason for you to feel down. It's a fact, that's all it is, and if you didn't get down with all about her father and the psyco-bitch, which affected you as a person, this shouldn't be any worse than a cold. If you feel down up there you can always come to Europe, we really value single mothers (specially in catholic countries), social care is better and you could even make a good living just teaching English!
Anyway consider the fact that, taking into account USA's population and rates of birth and immigration your WASPs should be kissing your feet because you decided to have another "of their own", let alone support it economically. Otherwise we Spanish could be running the place in fifty years (hehehehe)
Well, best of lucks, mommy. It's always good to hear from you. Now I'll give my classes with a broad smile
Arthegarn
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Re: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Mar 13, 2002 - 03:22 PM
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http://www.hotelshade.com
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Yay! It's really nice to hear you are doing well. Hopefully it's a sign that the pregnancy is truly going to be a bed of roses. Definately keep us up to date, waiting for news of your status is getting us all into trouble, in case you hadn't noticed the past few rows the site has been in.
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Re: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings
by callei (plyn@plynlymon.com)
on Mar 13, 2002 - 03:53 PM
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woohoo! I bet you lok gorgeous, and the rounded belly often goes with the pernant waddle, so there are trade offs. hehe.
Have you started thinking of names yet?
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Re: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Mar 14, 2002 - 12:52 AM
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Just keep telling yourself hon, "the itsy bitsy spider", like you said to me a long time ago to describe your situation. The drain is scary, but when you get to the top of the pipe it'll be worth it (sorry, it's late for me!)
Welfare has gotten a HORRIBLE name...and believe me I know...it seems like everyone around me is on it. In america nowadays hard work is for chumps and it pays to be a fuckup. Welfare was originally instated to HELP people in your position...not be a free ride for free loaders and "white trash". I remember being in a grocery line and some retarded jackass was bitching at the checker girl over a .50 cent discount on a case of diet pepsi, and he fucking whipped out a Quest card (a dignified debit card for freeloaders) and continued to bitch. I dug in my pocket, tossed 50 cents on the counter, looked at him and said "Here! I'm fucking paying for it ANYWAY"
Or the 35 year old GRANDmother with twin 15 year old daughters and THEIR one child each ALL THREE paying for pop and candy with foodstamps while their children ate food they hadn't payed for yet AND stuff that was FREE on the WIC program we have in washington...and being a vegan I fucking hate WIC. There are far more nutritious and less animal suffering causing (? oh well, you get it) products they could offer free other than goddamned stringcheese.
You aren't white trash...you'll never BE white trash, even if you have to get some help from the government for a while. "white trash" is a breed unto it's own...I"m starting to think it's heriditary...and they are on welfare 'cause they're lazy sons of bitches living off my raped paychecks and thinking "land of the free" is "land of the free for all".
You do what you have to to get by. I know this suggestion will suck, but have you applied at a telemarketing facility? They almost always pay more than decent (starting at 8-9 bucks an hour) and hire daily. It's easy, you won't be on your feet, and they dont' blink at hiring pregnant girls.
The thing with telemarketing and welfare is to not get sucked in and stuck. Tell yourself "this is only temporary" and MEAN it...but as an upstanding specimen of humanity, you must do what you can to get by.
And watch that ultrasound CAREFULLY...my nephew Jackson was Olivia for the last 5 months of my sister's pregnancy, and lo and behold he popped out with extras. Guess he was shy..."HEY! Get that camera off me! PRIVACY, DUH!"
Best of luck sweetheart, and start thinking of names...TWO names, just in case :)
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Re: Schizo's Maternity and Other Generic Ramblings
by Schizo on Mar 14, 2002 - 05:39 AM
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Never, ever, ever say that things can't get any worse, because they always can.
Yesterday I was feeling so down that I only got out of bed to pee and eat. Well, guess who showed up? The landlord! The house was a mess, I was unwashed and in my PJ's, and my eyes were already red and swollen from crying about I'm not sure what.
Well, he informed me that, due to a water bill that I hadn't been able to pay for a while, he was evicting me. Hooray. Now I have to decide whether to throw myself on the mercy of my New Hampshire friends or my Pennsylvania friends.
So after he left, I took a shower, got dressed, and hopped in my car to head to my friends' house (here). About half way there, my car started to make sick sounds. Maybe a mile and a half from their house, it died completely. I managed to pull into a deserted parking lot. It was pitch black night out, but luckily pretty warm.
Well, I used to be a pretty good walker, and I knew it wasn't horribly far to their house. But now that I'm pregnant, if I walk too far, my tendons in my tummy all tense up and get mad. By the time I reached the house, they had just started to complain.
So here I am. I'm stuck at my friend's house while they're all at work or school. My house is an absolute disaster, and my parents are coming tomorrow.
And I'm left wondering, what next? What do I have left to lose? Four things. My possessions, my cat, my health and my baby. (I'm not worried about losing my friends. They're too trustworthy.) So what goes next?
I'm afraid that I'll be forced to move to Pennsylvania. I'll have a place to stay there, someone to baby-sit the baby when it comes, and a possible very good job. But for some reason I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO!!!! At least not until after the baby is born. But common sense keeps telling me that if I'm going to go, I better go now.
I don't want to move! Don't I have enough to deal with without trying to sort and pack all my belongings? Let alone trying to figure out if it's even worth while fixing my car? I'm completely overwhelmed, and I just want to go to bed and ignore everything. But I know I can't. I feel completely numb and stupid.
And why do I feel so resistant to going to Pennsylvania? I had a dream about it last night, and I was there and a skeleton in a beat-up car was chasing me down trying to hit me, and I knew the skeleton was Death, and I managed to climb up on a bank, but it wouldn't go away so I was stuck on the bank.
I wish I were Sleeping Beauty, and I could just sleep for a hundred years until some handsome prince came along to rescue me.
And I wish I could get my hands on whatever malevolent fairy decided to curse me at my christening!
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