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| Articles: Hospital of Shmeng |
Posted by
Dolorosa on Friday, March 01, 2002 - 12:02 PM PST
Something very creepy is happening right now at my Hospital...I shit you not. Screw my cult for now and all the assorted goodies therein. What is happening now is scaring the living shit out of me.
I'm a hospital corpsman, so my job revolves around healing and helping people...will, screw my JOB, my entire life.
Right now, something's fallen over my hospital. An old man, a frequent visitor to the hospital is making his last stay here. I've known him for a long time, just talking...he was in world war two for chrissakes, and he's been lucid up until tonight. Sudden senile outbreak...we call them Sundowners. During the day they're cool, then at night they become incoherent. I mean, this guy, with whom I'd talk for hours with...suddenly looks up at me, screams "David...help me david..." (Which happens to be my middle name...) and then starts mumbling about the Gestapo, and when his sweetheart of a Japanese wife comes in...he goes absoloutly nucking futz. He's dying, it's obvious. Me and the other corpsman are doing shifts so that he'll have someone with him there at the end.
Looking at him all withered, out of his mind and terrified...fuck...
I don't want to die like that.
An hour ago we got a report of a young man dying in one of the most routine surguries here, a simple s/p discectomy...standard op says he'll be on his feet by the morning and ready to go home.
During the procedure, they discovered they could not stop his bleeding...his clot factor dropped to lethal levels. And he bled out while his thirty eight year old wife watched. He didn't know, he didn't wake up...all he'll remember is the doctor reassuring him that it's a routine thing, they do it all the time, theres no danger. And seeing his wife.
We're keeping an eye on her now. (Theres three of us, one watches the old man...another watches her, the other gets a break (right now thats me)) Suicide watch, AND a death watch.
It's scary. I'm used to being around dead bodies, and seeing people in pain. But in these two cases there is nothing ANYONE can do...
It's fucking frightening. I can't help...I can only watch...like a fucking vulture. I want to go home.
We got a heads up about fifteen minutes ago...a young man and his wife have just hit a local pedestrian, they were both riding the same motorcycle. Both are in critical condition.
My mother has always told me, bad things come in threes...
People are dying at my hospital tonight...it isn't a war, they're just dying.
The cynics are gonna' say something like "Well people die at Hospitals" or something, I know. But this is unprecedented. When people die, there is usually something that can be done. Not in these cases.
Death is walking through my halls...
I've always been curious about death and all that, but right now it's beating me in the face.
Maybe I'm just venting, whatever...but it definately makes me feel better anyhow.
Regardless...I think I'm going to be taking a break from my little cult for awhile.
The old man is my friend, but he thinks I'm someone else...someone named David.
The woman wants to be with her husband, at all costs...
And I don't know what to expect from the motorcycle crash.
Fuck...all we need now is godzilla...
The single thing that pisses me off the most, and scares me worst...is that I can't do a damn thing!
Fuck that!
I'll post back and finish up afterwards if I'm up to it.
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| Hospital of Shmeng | Login/Create an account | 12 Comments |
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by callei (plyn@plynlymon.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 12:20 PM
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if you get this during your shift, take a deep breath, thinkof the feel of a girl shuddering in pleasure, remember how it feels, smells, tastes etc.
Fight the death with life
my thoughts are with you
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 01:02 PM
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Wow, all I can say id I hope all turnsout well, My support is with you. This will sound wierd, but perhaps ask Anemone to help you get through it? I'm a firm believer in the existance in whatever enough people believe in, even if it's only temporary...might help. I hope all goes well
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by Sardonic-Pain (Lilgothicchicka@yahoo.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 02:19 PM
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well damn I really don't know what to say...cept it can't rain all the time. This too shall pass. My mom told me some gruesome stories too, she worked in the morgue unit in germany for almost two years....and I've seen death too and I know how freaky it can be. I wish you the best and I think everything starts looking up for you..Just take a minute for yourself, take a breather, meditate..whatever....and just remember it can't rain all the time..I'll send some good vibes ur way.
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by gothvail (vail@gothicamateur.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 03:02 PM
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I don't have any experience with what you are going through, but I wanted to help anyway. Humanity is an amazing thing to watch, even during its darkest times. When one works in close connection with pain, suffering and death, one must learn to find peace in the small things. For every person in pain and dying at your hospital, how many are being healed? How many, because of the doctors and nurses, because of you, will go on to live long, healthy lives? You can't save the world, but you have the power to radiate peace and hope to people who have lost their own. It helps to believe that death is a door to a better world, but I know not everyone does these days. I am not sure if I have been of any help, but I have said my piece.
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by jadedraven (smithsm@alfredstate.edu)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 05:02 PM
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I know how scary mindfucks can be, and that sounds like at least part of your problem. When you are surrounded by random death like that, no matter how adjusted you are, it takes its toil. I will not suggest that you cheer up, but just that when things like this happen, it is always refreshing to take stock of your life, the good things you have done (the good karma points you have racked up) the people you love and those that love you. You need to reaffirm the good parts of life, so you are better able to deal with the less pleasant ones. My good wishes go out to you.
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by Phalkon13 (phalkon13@godisdead.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 05:29 PM
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wow.... all I can say.... is wow....
I've been surrounded by death before (both grandma's died a year apart, by eldest brother died a couple of months after my first grandma passed, and it seems like death is now happening yearly in my family/extended family), so I have a sense of what you're going through. I understand about not having any control about the outcome (which I'd rather not discuss exactly how I understand), and I've found that (like everyone else will say, and have said so far) fight death with life, and love. Make sure you don't let it get to you, because when you really look at it in the darker way, life is morbid. Death is such an unexpectedly common part of life, but you have to see past it, and help whomever you can see what life you and they have, and how beautiful it really is. My blessings, hopes, good vibes, and power thoughts go with you. Blessed be.
Phalkon13
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by FireGoddess (bethany_zanke@hotmail.com)
on Mar 01, 2002 - 07:40 PM
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It has to be hard staring death in the face like that. It's something most of us try to avoid...
Somethimes the things that happen around us just seem like wrong, like none of it should be happening. Try to see this as one of those things if you can. I hope things go as well for you as can possibly be expected.
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Epilogue.
by Dolorosa on Mar 02, 2002 - 03:36 AM
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It's finally freaking over...
The old man finally died...he was just asking me if he left his cigarettes back with the LT, still calling me David...then he told me he was going to be right back, he had to go get his cigarettes.
He just shut his eyes and died. I didn't even realize he was dead until I got the cold shiver.
Suicide watch worked out better...the woman didn't try anything to serious, she just cried...a lot. She's still here, walking around aimlessly like a lost child. I talk to her a little, but...she seems to just want to be alone right now.
The motorcycle couple acutally made it out alive. The husband is fine, just scratched up. The wife is paralyzed from the waist down.
Worse for them, they hit and killed a nintey year old japanese lady. Their military lives are probably over, and a new rash of protests from the okinawan people will be starting up again. You'll probably read about it in a paper somewhere.
I left that hospital last night feeling drained and utterly broken. I just went home and cried, then passed out...
When I came back, I was pretty much feeling the same way...ready to say "Fuck this" call it off and head the fuck home. But when I got up to my ward, a half hour early and decided to stop by the site, and saw...well, needless to say, I feel a hell of a lot better.
Thank you, very very much.
I can handle watching men get shot and broken, and now I can handle the unavoidable aspect of death...to a certain degree.
Still, last night was one of those nights that I don't think I can ever forget.
All in all...death struck three times, for some reason that in and of itself means something. Regardless, if I see his ass around my hospital again, I'm going to kick his ass...this is my hospital, people get better here.
Again I gotta' thank all you guys...you seriously made my day. ;)
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Re: Hospital of Shmeng
by Arthegarn on Mar 02, 2002 - 05:01 AM
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I often find that I am in such good terms with Death that I can offer no empathy in cases like this. Nevertheless and besides the pbvious "shit happens" aphorism, you have my deepest simpathies.
When Devin reopens the photo section perhaps I'll post a photo with some friends. One of them died a month ago, he was 25. He had a brain cancer, a very small node, which could be removed with a delicate but rutine operation. He waited two years with the cancer in his brain as it was a benign case and he only got ephilepsia, and that twice a year, maybe. Finally they opened his skull and removed the node. It had all gone well. Suddendly, in the recovery room, he started shivering: he had somehow got a brain infection during the operation. There is no solution to that: he got a massive, terminal meningitis, went in coma 24 hours later and died after 48 hours of coma, surrounded by his friends. He was quite known amongst Madrid goths (was a waiter in 666). His funeral was the darkest, gloomiest thing I ever saw. That weekend there was no music in 666...
You really have my sympathies
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