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| Feature: Childrens Crusade |
Posted by
Shade on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 04:27 AM PST
OK, [insert generic 'I'm usually a lurker' statement here] I've been watching the whole religion topic come and go for a while, and every time I think it would be a good time to post this it suddenly looks like someone has thankfully managed to put the top back on the kettle. This time it looks like the whole thing has blown up and the worms are eating the cats who are buggering the monkeys...so here goes.
I was born in a psycho-Xian commune, and I use the term with all due rancor. They called themselves the Shiloh commune. Perhaps you've heard of them? No? Let me rattle off a few statistics and drop a few names that may bring this into perspective. The Shiloh commune was founded in the early sixties with the mission of bringing together free thinkers and religiously minded hippies who wished to come together and share their love of the lord. Even to my particularly slanted mind this original concept sounds like a noble endeavor. I myself have often voiced similar ideas with the exception of the love of any 'lord' portion. The leader of this original enclave was a particularly charismatic man as is the norm in these situations and before long there was, in a small area carved out of the Oregon wilderness, a very tightly knit group of utter and complete psychotics.
I'm going to jump ahead of the story somewhat for the sake of brevity. I grew up there, my closest friends were some of the other kids in the commune and one Mexican guy who did most of the maintenance work in the commune. He was not a part of the commune, more a 'little man from the village' who had ended up sucked into the ever growing madness. Shortly around my fourth birthday he died, he managed to eat a couple thousand volts while installing some insulation in someone's attic. I was allowed to go to the funeral, and I remember asking if I would get to see the man I considered my second (and preferred) daddy in heaven. I was told no, he was not the right sort of person... I think at that point I started looking at my surroundings with a slightly wary eye.
Skip ahead again. When I was six, my parents began to get the feeling that something was going horribly wrong with the commune. Even their horribly brainwashed radar was beginning to pick up the blips on the "Something is fucked up" screen. They took me and my two younger brothers and moved to California. There they wasted no time in finding a sub-urban version of another version of Xianity to join up with. They called themselves "Four Square Christians" I called them terror mongers. At that point I was reading voraciously and had learned the term in a cheesy vampire novel about a Jewish vampire who had survived the camps in Germany only to be turned when he finally escaped.
Let me take a brief break from the biographical information and return to Shiloh for a second. One of my other friends in Shiloh was more than likely River Phoenix, name sound familiar? Really cute 80's actor, Little Nikita, My Own Private Idaho, other great movies that we've all forgotten. Anyway, when he offed himself I had hopes for a media blitz, I wanted the information I had up till then only suspected to escape. I was 18 when it happened and had been rifling through my Dad's old correspondence with the so called 'Elders' of the old commune. Apparently they still existed. Still do today too. They own a chain of motels throughout the Pacific Northwest by the same name, and have a few retreats still in action. Anyway, the letters my dad had been receiving were a combination of discussing his activities as one of the ministers in the commune and asking about the health of his children. Apparently we, the children of Shiloh, were dropping like flies. we had a suicide rate that was nearly three times that of the national average. Back then I had tried to off myself three or four times. Today I have a lot more to live for and am enjoying myself to much to quit, but my youngest brother is a recovering heroin addict and my other brother is a vapid minded wiped Xian who thinks joining the armed forces will give his life direction. He did so much pot in his teens trying to escape the memories I doubt a crossing guard could give him direction today.
Whiplash back to California. My parents joined a new cult of Xians, they preached fire and brimstone and taught the Sunday school where I was sent for the first year that we would all die and burn in hell if we didn't spend every moment of every day praying or standing very very still. Shortly after I started asking questions that were too complex for the brainwashed mannequin who was indoctrinating us ("If I commit suicide by leaping out of an airplane but repent before I hit the ground will I go to heaven?") I was asked to go to adult church where people listened in rapt terror to a man who was too smart to take questions in front of the congregation. He went on and on in roughly the same line as our Sunday school leacher, except he slipped a running vein of hatred into his sermons. If the mysterious "They" were at all different from us, i.e. not in church with us at the moment, they should be summarily stoned to death in the most public place available. However, because we lived in a land ruled by the laws of the sinful and debauched, we should bide our time. He told us all about the end of the world and how then we would take our vengeance on those who would flaunt their satanic inclination (Again, anyone who wasn't in the church RIGHT THEN). He also voiced many opinions on how we could take out our frustrations on those heathens in the here and now in more subtle ways...namely "your children won't do anything truly bad, but make sure they know just how bad those non Xian children they go to school with are." and other children's crusade rhetoric.
Again, for the sake of brevity, let's just say I developed a brain of my own and began to do some research. I learned about the subtle bloodbath that Shiloh was becoming, i learned that no matter which church I went to they toed the same rough line, and I learned that they and only they were the true children of christ. I also learned what the crusades were, and the Salem Witch Trials, and the thousand and one other atrocities that had been committed in the name of "bringing the word of christ" to the heathens. Shortly after that I learned that for every atrocity that had been committed by the christians, at least one other had been committed by another group who followed another 'savior' some of whom preached "love" as the christians professed to, others of whom were all out hate mongers but just as convinced of their righteousness. I learned that there were religions out there such as Buddhism which both preached love and were less guilty of bloodshed in the name of their religion, but I'm afraid to dig too deep because I like Buddhism and would like to hold out hope that humans can follow at least one herd without attempting to slaughter all the other sheep in the pen.
To give a brief point to this ramble let me ask this, if ninety-nine percent of what Xians and other organized religions do is not about their faith, how am I supposed to recognize the remaining one percent that is supposed to shine through and prove to me that they are right? If any of these religions are correct and have any right, except that of free speech, to exist in the same breathing space as myself, why am I, the non religious person, the only one not killing everyone who is not wearing the same color boxers on their head as I am? Why is it that the majority of folks who have two brain cells to rub together, and have proven it by doing something redeeming, have opted out of the religion game? I include the vast majority of theologians in this question, all of those to whom I have spoken have stated that they are without a doubt through with identifying with any organized religious movement. That doesn't mean they don't still hold out hope, belief, and/or faith in some divine being or beings, but they truly believe, after years of searching and researching the religions of the world, that all these folks have their heads wedged firmly up their asses. Why does so much hate come from people who talk about love so much? Why does so much death come from people that spend so much time talking about everlasting life? Why?
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| Childrens Crusade | Login/Create an account | 31 Comments |
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Jehova Cookies...
by Dolorosa on Feb 25, 2002 - 04:52 AM
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I never did like the whole "sucker you in with paradise and life everlasting" shtick...This is certainly a very interesting situation...one that kinda' made me wonder what the hell I'm doing (I'm still doing it though). I guess...my only real advice or answer is...screw 'em.
We don't, wont and can't live forever...we can only have fun while we do.
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Ironboots on Feb 25, 2002 - 05:19 AM
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So Shiloh is like a village full of Ned Flanders, except more controlling?... Strange...
But you're making my little catholic-boys school look GOOD by comparison... That I don't like... But I'm glad you got out... Its an interesting tale...
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Gad gave us a brain for a reason
by gothvail (vail@gothicamateur.com)
on Feb 25, 2002 - 05:31 AM
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I may be a Christian, but I am not arrogant enough to believe that I have all the answers, nor am I naive enough to think that any two people believe exactly the same thing or that I am the only person in the history of the world to have "figured it out". I believe certain things, but I accept the possibility that I could be wrong. I am willing to listen to the ideas of others which are vastly different from my own, think for myself about them and draw my own conclusions. All I can say to the people out there is, PLEASE, remember to do your own thinking. Dont' just say "well, the guy with the loud voice said this is right and that is wrong, so that's how it is". Figure out WHY certain things are right or wrong; never accept anything at face value.
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by jadedraven (smithsm@alfredstate.edu)
on Feb 25, 2002 - 08:31 AM
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yeah, your making my psycho xtian upbringing look positively wonderful, well, better than some.
I know a lot of people hate organized religions, but when you discuss it w/them, the only organized religion they are against is christianity.
I am a solitary witch, and have been for years, I am not going to preach and say that it is the one true religion, but it is right for me, and I feel that I am a better person now than I was years ago when I was an athiest, or a christian. OK, that was the backround i wanted to share, here is my point.
I was taught from a young age that the only person who really loves you is god, and I can rememer being like five years old and being told that my parents aren't really my mother and father , they were just here to take care of me until I went home (to heaven) and I was horrified!!! (remember I was little at the time), and I remember asking my mom if I could have a funeral so I could go to heaven (in my mind, that was how you got there). As I grew up, I was appalled that it was not explained better to me, even as a child, the implications of what could have happened kind of scared me.
The point i am trying to make is that, at least in my church, love wasn't talked about except in connection with god, the people on this earth didn't matter. We didn't talk about love, we talked about sinners, and how they were bad people and going to hell, and murderers, drug dealers, rapists, and people who didn't believe in god were all lumped into the same catagory, so no wonder there is so much hate...
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Cashmere (-)
on Feb 25, 2002 - 01:08 PM
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I think, as far as the suicide aspect, that it stems from the fanatical belief that there must be something after a person dies. As the spawn of a eucharistic minister (who lied and stole to become "closer to God"- I find that very amusing) it was beaten into my head that there is something better, but only if we are "christian". But does something forced upon you make you happy? Most of these people have had this religion forced upon them from when they were small children, but they never think if this belief is right for them. They do not have the strength to question that beief, and the fear of their parents rejecting them (and I have seen it happen) keep these poor children down. In my experience as a peer counselor, death is the only surefire way out for them.
AS for everlasting life, how can a person be sure there even is one? When i was a christian I spent the majority of the time wishing for death, and hoping that there was nothing afterwards. However i have found that my views are not the views of the majority. it is a basic human quality to fear the unknown, which includes death and people who are different. This is where religion comes in to say that death is nothing and that it's okay to fear people who are different because they are "bad". Unfortunately this is where hate and discrimination appear.
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Rae (darkness_embraced1@yahoo.com)
on Feb 25, 2002 - 02:33 PM
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Each of us choose our own paths, what may be right for one will not be right for the other. But, I do not think that any set of beliefs should be forced upon anyone who does not wish to live by a certain decree of faith.
Many parents do this to their children, I had fallen victim to this same scenario, although not as tightly as you have mentioned. But none the less, it did make me feel imprisoned. Imprisoned because I was not aloud to demonstrate any freedom of expression of who I truly was because it was labelled "evil". Something simple as drawing a Unicorn constituted damnation of my soul. None of them seemed to grasp the concept that my soul was already damned. Damned because it was beaten down and chained to a world of despair and depression forcibly.
Some can't handle living like this and they choose drugs and alcohol to cope, others can't even find comfort in that and opt out with suicide. Me, I became robotic or I coped by leaving the physical world to another place much happier through the will of my mind. It was someplace that they could never invade or even closely touch.
I hold a grudge against organized religion, you will never see me sitting in a pew again, I would much rather die a thousand deaths. But I will never tell someone else that it is wrong for them if it is what fulfills them, and neither should they .
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Touched by an Angel?
by Anonymous-Coward on Feb 25, 2002 - 03:14 PM
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I always thought everything in life was more like "Touched by an Asshole"
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Schizo on Feb 25, 2002 - 08:04 PM
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Funny! I too grew up in a semi-cultish Christian sect that started at a place called - believe it or not - Shiloh!
Luckily for me, the people there prize the ability to think (just as long as your conclusions don't contradict the statements of the Baptist minister they call Elijah the Prophet!)
Unlike your decidedly scabrous sects, these people WERE taught to love - truly love - their fellowman. Maybe 50% actually got the message. These are among the most wonderful and trustworthy people I know, and I'd spend a hell of a lot more time with them if they didn't keep urging me to go back to church. I'm afraid that these worthy people have a bit of a blind spot. It's a real tragedy.
The other 50% are assholes, pure and simple.
I got out of the church, partly because of the assholes, partly because I was sick of following the extra, unnecessary rules that the Christian religion picked up along the way, and partly because I was ripe for a spot of rebellion. I'm staying out for those reasons, and also because I would always have to hide the fact that I am a witch, and also that I didn't kick my ex out because I repented of fornication, but because he was treating me badly. If he had been what he should have, I'd be with him still, wedding ring or no wedding ring. But I don't bother to tell my church friends that.
Why is it that most Christian churches are either wild-eyed, dangerous lunatics or wishy-washy wave-your-hands-in-the-air-to-nauseating-Christian-pop-music types? It DOES seem to be true that sane and strong Christianity belongs to those who have rejected organized religion, with a few exceptions of those whose hearts are right, but whose training is all wrong.
If God is real, then He (or She) can be found by anyone who is really looking, whether they've ever set foot in a church or not. If certain moral values are really the way we are supposed to live, then the person who really wants to live the right way can find that way without the help of a minister. It seems to me that the more frenzied a congregation is to enforce their form of religion, the more insecure they are about whether they've really found the truth at all.
Conversely, those who are truly secure and happy in what they believe are comfortable leaving other people's lives up to themselves.
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Meranda_Jade (scurtis510@home.com)
on Feb 25, 2002 - 09:11 PM
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Everybody, raise your hand if you were affected by some psycho-xtian cult or parents or whatever... maybe a new poll, Devin?
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Another piece of candy, anyone?
by Arthegarn on Feb 26, 2002 - 02:34 AM
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Don Arthegarno, Sole Defender of the Catholic Faith, closed the visor of his helmet, enlisted his lance, and sprinted with his charger into the fray... ;-)
This is the third post I read lately that comes from people I hold dear and in great respect (believe it or not) which says something like "It DOES seem to be true that sane and strong Christianity belongs to those who have rejected organized religion", "the majority of folks who have two brain cells to rub together, and have proven it by doing something redeeming, have opted out of the religion game", etc. I am not at all pissed off, let this be clear, everyone is entitled to an opinion and we will discuss it later, when you burn in hell (*grin*). It's just that churches have a reason to be, at least in my opinion, but forgive me if this post is in disarray, I have a lot to say and little space.
What's the origin of churches? Well, something like "we all believe the same and we get together to pray". That's true from my almighty Roman church to the Children of Anemone, may S/He be praised. And it works as long as there are only a very few people who think the same. But when a religion is "successful", it starts encompassing many kinds of people, but most important for this post are two:
A) Subtle Scholars who study and think so deep and hard that make their lives an eternal struggle to prove an extremely unimportant point of religion: Remember "Name of the Rose") That discussion about whether Jesus had a purse or he hadn’t? Well, it really happened and took 200 years of debate until the Pope decided himself that there was no proof that Jesus had a purse and there were several signs that he hadn't, but no proof about Jesus not having it either. When people devote so much time to proving an absurd nonsense they tend to lose perspective and make that matter a primordial aspect of faith, even to the point of no longer identifying themselves with a church that officially disagrees, and sometimes they lose perspective so much as to decide that, just because they think the robe of Jesus was not white, they will start the Only True Church, which is exactly the same as the one they left excepting it is dogma that Jesus’ robe was white (Actually they might not even "start" the religion, but see that the "official" church has "deviated" from the "true way" and that it is their "duty" to "preserve" the "real beliefs"). Most of these churches are extremely charismatic and die with their founder, or last a couple of generations at most, but that's not the point. The point is they lost perspective and went from being a believer to being a fanatic. The real answer to that question (and many others, and what Rome usually says) is "Who cares?"
B) Disinformed Doctors: these are people who have an logical idea based on faulty evidence. Just like when the Pope said that the Earth was stationary and the sun moved because the bible clearly stated that Joshua "stopped" the sun, and want to hear no more of it. These might also become fanatics of their theory and "leave the religion"
The point is that as the church grows, many people find they don't have exactly the same faith, sometimes disagreeing in really fundamental points (the Resurrection of Flesh, for instance) that makes divisions so big that the body of doctors of the church makes a code in which you can read what does that religion believe. That's what we caths call Dogma, and actually in our case it's extremely simplistic (and well thought). All that surrounds dogma is either tradition of truths "close to the faith". Truths close to the Faith are interesting mechanisms within the church that work like the following: if it was close to the Faith that Jesus’ robe was white, then you can be a Catholic even if you think otherwise, but if you dare to open your moth to say it the Congrega
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Re: Childrens Crusade
by Anonymous-Coward on Feb 27, 2002 - 09:53 PM
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i am very sorry about your experience...too many kids (and adults alike) get caught up in religious fanaticcism. All religions at one time or another have been used by political motives to hurt, scare and torture or kill any opposition. But "religion" is a man-made tool. It is used by those in power (or with a charismatic personality that draws insecure people) to subjugate those many whom they wish to control. In reality those "in control" are only given "control" by those who follow them. It is a deepening spiral. You are smart to have seen what was happening (at such a young age) and to get out of the loop. The fact of the matter is that religion is a front for (mostly) patriarchal control. Religion is NOT spirituality. I hear that it is spirituality that you seek. Sprituality comes from within. It is personal and subjective (which is why there are so many religions.) If you want answers: meditate and follow your heart. The only law i've ever found in studying theology and ancient religions is: 1) love others and 2) what you put out WILL come back upon you. So good luck in your search. May you find inner peace. BB
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