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| Articles: A tribute to the hatred of chain e-mail... |
Posted by
Vampcourt on Friday, February 15, 2002 - 04:05 AM PST
Chain Letters.. Oh how they Make me Angry. They are just as bad Junk mail.. well.. anyhoo.. A friend of mine recently sent me a Little invention of his to share with everyone.. so post it i must.. its rather silly...
KFC and others...the real story: By Justin xxxxx
In regards to the thoroughly untrue thing about genetically engineered entities....what about the KFC..."We do chicken right commercial" the fact that they DO mention chicken in the store...and the fact that 20/20 would have had a startling expose about it a LONG time before some fake email got passed around about it...and the stuff about fat? KFC HAS ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT!!!
Now that that's said...I'd like to wax for a moment.... and please forward this to everyone you know...
...and here are my top ten "FAVORITE" forwards:
1. Oh NO! If I get drunk at a bar someone will STEAL my kidneys to sell on the black market! BOTH of them...(never mind the fact that you can't live without both of them and the fact that I don't go to bars AND the fact that 99.9999999999% of all people in the world will never get into a situation where their kidneys will be stolen)
2. For every 5 people I send this message to...I'll get 5.00! Never mind the fact that no company would do that...and no company can legally track emails like that...and no company would waste their time doing that and no company would conduct such a test because they hire people for the specific reasons of testing their products...and the fact that it doesn't mention any technical data...and the fact that even if all these other things were true they would only give a tiny bit of money for each message because people would send it for any about of money....I'M GOING TO FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE I KNOW
3. If I (see above) for GAP...they'll send me gift certificates!! YAY! If I (see above above) for Abercrombie and Fitch...they'll send me gift certificates!! YAY! If I (see above above) for American Eagle...they'll send me gift certificates!! YAY! If I (see above above) for The Kraft Food Company...they'll send me gift certificates!! YAY! If I (see above above) for Some Guy On the Street Named Mel, Who Eats Out of A Garbage Can...he'll send me gift certificates!! YAY!
4. If I use a certain kind of shampoo containing a foaming agent called Laurel Sulfate I will get horrendous cancer in my head that will burrow its way down to my toes and cause me to become sexually impotent...never mind the fact that something that doesn't enter my body isn't likely to cause cancer...I BETTER STOP USING SHAMPOO ALTOGETHER!!!
5. Hotmail is planning on shutting down most accounts...and instead of sending an administrative message to EVERY account...or checking their records to see if people log in (which they DO...and even say they do on their page) they decide to have people forward an email to everyone so they can send it on so they're account won't be cancelled...WOW!! really...I better forward the message...
6. AOL or Yahoo IM! is planning on stopping service...and the only way that you can keep service is by forwarding an email with many horrible misspellings and a fake name!! Really?? I better forward it!
7. Little Johny has cancer...he's going to die...but the make a wish foundation will donate some money to keeping him alive and more cancer research...and if you don't forward this you have no heart and deserve to be condemned to the fiery pits of blackest hell for all eternity.
8. This is a chain letter...it's been going on since 1873...and if you don't send it to 400 people you'll NEVER have sex...everyone will hate you...and you'll die with in the next week by having your intestines removed with a spork...at which time rabid squirrels will eat you eyes and give you AIDS (just to rub it in)...OH NO!...a message since 1873...I better forward it even though the internet was only created 100 years after that...
9. "Friends are someone who stick by you for years...they'll do this do that...blah blah blah blah blah friends blah blah blah" (usually sent by someone you don't know all that well)...ohh isn't that sweet someone cares enough to press forward on an email botton...I feel so warm and cuddly inside...hmmm maybe a better way of showing affection would be to TALK TO THE PERSON OR HANG OUT WITH THEM OR ACTUALLY BE FRIENDS WITH THEM...BUT MAYBE THAT'S JUST ME!
and the number 10 email forward I LOVE soooooooo much is: "Little Janey's parents loved her...she had great friends..and a great boyfriend...she was about to go to her senior prom....and then she got drunk and crashed into a tree and was violently decapited and now shes DEAD...and she's never coming back and she's going to hell UNLESS you send this email to everyone you know to keep them safe...
Well!! I'm glad I got sent this foward because I was planning on drinking myself unconcious and then smoking cigarettes, weed, and crack this weekend...while injecting pure opium straight into my heart just after I drink some heroin...and then driving all night...but instead...now that I got this email...I'll just read a book...THANKS FORWARD!!! you just saved my life!
*********The preceeding was a work of fiction written and pulled out of Justin xxxxx's ass after seeing ONE to many proposterous forwards...and finally snapping...I'd say stop sending them...but well...then when would I be able to make any of you who believed them look this stupid???????***************
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| A tribute to the hatred of chain e-mail... | Login/Create an account | 2 Comments |
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Yeah!
by Dolorosa on Feb 15, 2002 - 08:27 AM
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Heh heh...wheee...thats some mad venting there.
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