|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 40 guests online !
|
|
|
|
|
Articles: The Idiocy of Bible Schools |
Posted by
Alugarde on Sunday, January 27, 2002 - 01:21 AM PST
This guy who apparently used to work where I do now came back and visited today and was talking about the bible college he goes to. At the time I was half listening and half doing some other shit, so this is just the stuff that I've heard. There's probably ALOT more, his handbook is like 3 inches thick...heres what I know/remember of his "clean living policy"
1) You need permission to watch a PG13 movie and if you get caught with an R movie you get kicked out, and there are weekly dorm room searches to make sure you don't have any such movies
2) Males and females can't be in the same dorm room unless they're with a group (in other words you can't have sex but orgies are encouraged), there are only 2 "visitation days" per semester, and the girls can't sit down while they visit, they have to stay up the whole time
3) The girls can't wear skirts that are above about halfway between their ankles and their knees, nor can they wear anything see through even if theres something under it because of "what it might represent"
4) "Darn" gets you in trouble
5) This one is more because of the location than because of the college itself, but their video store there is just now getting Idle Hands, and they have regular nintendo games there. But this one guy donated a copy of Final Fantasy 7 saying he loved the game but felt "spiritually convicted" or some shit like that because it had magic in it
6) The tv shows there are screened to such an extent that one of the best shows there is the early Saved by the Bell, and the only cartoon they have (with a few occasional eceptions from what I heard) is pokemon, and they were considering getting rid of that too because they heard that the creator might have come up with the idea for it during a seance
On the other hand, imagine how much fun it would be to go there specifically to get kicked out
|
|
| |
|
|
This article has not been rated
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Idiocy of Bible Schools | Login/Create an account | 19 Comments |
| Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: The Idiocy of Bible Schools
by Anonymous-Coward on Jan 27, 2002 - 10:22 AM
|
It'd probably be a whole lot of fun to tape a few copies of "Tit Vixens in Amateurville" over their copies of "Home Alone 2" and leave them in places to watch what happens and if the tapes get turned in.
|
Re: The Idiocy of Bible Schools
by Ice_Age on Jan 27, 2002 - 11:57 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
Pretty much most schools are dumb. It's just they're dumb in different ways, you know? Like, take my school. The head has these weird black and white policies on exclusion expulsion and suspension. So once you've done something you're out, full stop. But he still insists on giving you best part of an hour of a bollocking before he just kicks you out. That said, we don't get kicked out for not being good little christians.
|
I just have to ask..
by Rae (darkness_embraced1@yahoo.com)
on Jan 27, 2002 - 05:38 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://darknessembraced.vibechild.com
|
Out of curiosity, do you know what denomination this Bible College happens to be? The "rules" you listed sure sound like the ones I was forced to abide by my parents and of the Pentecostal Apolstolic church. And my parents dare question "where did I go wrong with that girl?"
One thing I'll never forget is my mother raiding my room one day and taking my AC/DC, Led Zepplin, and Motley Crue collection and burning them at a church bonfire. They had decided that ALL Rock music was evil and will make you do bad things. They even said while they were burning "our" (the kids) stuff, that they seen demons in the smoke. LOL! what lulu's. I also remember getting the shit beat out of me because I snuck a pair of jeans and wore them to school. If you ask me, it's a cult all of it's own. As of late, I was called a athiest by my own mother because I bought "Harry Potter" books for my niece. Watch these people, they are quite frightening and damaging to your health.
|
Re: The Idiocy of Bible Schools
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jan 27, 2002 - 10:05 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/
|
I'm not here to demean faith, so I'll keep it to a minimum and not "name names" so to speak...
Most religions are strict...most TRUE blue followers are strict as hell. Call them a cult and they'll have an aneurism. "Cults" are only for EVIL things like for worshipping some OTHER heathen god, or things that brainwash your children, they'll say.
Well, there was a kid that worked at the same mall as I did, who was mormon, and he DIDN'T want to go on his mission...was adamant...joked about being satan all the time, generally well rounded young man. Even dressed up as satan for halloween, complete in pinstripe suit, padlocked breifcase for "soul collection" forms, and little horns glued on his forehead. As his 18th birthday drew near, he "went away" for a week. He came back, and I asked him how his birthday was. He said he was convinced to go on his mission. He seemed all gung-ho, but there was a fake unease to his seemingly enjoyable and impending mission.
I asked him why the change of heart. He said that before his birthday, he was sent to visit the pastor for a few days, to "talk" about why he didn't want to go on his mission. He wouldn't say what happened, just uncomfortably avoided it. All he said is "I'm going. It's for the best."
CREEPY. He went on his mission a few weeks later.
THEN there is my friend's little sister....who used to pick a different religion every week it seemed depending on what was cool and who she was hanging out with. One week she was a "pagan" and when her xian friend came for a visit she was all about god again, then she was athiest, then xian again, and now, recently she was actually baptised mormon.
I was told of how they came over to dinner (two of the pastors from church) and how they were not allowed to be in a room alone with her sister or her mother or her by themselves. I asked her what happened when her dad had to use the can or something, and she laughed and said that happened and they sat in the living room until he was done! Her sister's always been a pain in the ass, very selfish and immature, and she says talking to her now, it's the same only she is brainwashed and bent on converting the family, which is laughable, as when she showed her sister the pic of her baptism (she was smart enough not to invite her) she laughed and said she looked like a fat wet mechanic in her white jumpsuit in the pool.
(her whole family is genetically overwieght, know it, accept it, and laugh about it)
She's been a lifelong collector of betty boop, and now has gotten rid of all her stuff because betty boop is considered "unacceptable".
Her parents even said I better invite them to my wedding as they don't wanna miss the first official satanic wedding in buckley *snort*
Like C said...best way to guarantee turning kids into sex starved maniacs is to make everything about life into a battle of will.
On top of all this, I'm thinking of starting my OWN cult...church of self indulgence. We'll be serving vegan cinnamon rolls and lots of booze and talk about how positively hedonistic we are and throw darts at pictures of no-smoking ads...
|
Expulsion From Bible School
by Devin (devin-at-vibechild-dot-com)
on Jan 28, 2002 - 12:58 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://devin.vibechild.com/
|
Going there to get kicked out could be fun. It would be a lesson in keeping your mouth shut tho. It would be a waste to just go there, and get youself expelled. Why do that when there is another option... Here's the plan:
Prepare:
Watch Name of the Rose (pay attention to the stuff with the hunchback and the peasant girl), and collect all of the materials you'll need. Make sure the materials are well stashed.
Lurk:
Be "The Quiet Kid". Observe everyone - pick your targets, if they have a uniform with optional sock color - pick out the kids that wear the black socks. If someone "accidentially swears", make a note of it. These are the people you are here to save.
Begin:
After you've been there a few weeks, and know how stuff works and who your victims are, it's time to bust out your supplies. Go to each of your victim's rooms to visit and invite them to your bible study group your starting. Leave behind a few black feathers, and as many candles as you can stash under the bed, etc... Go to the study room. Stash the supersoaker under the table at your spot, put the candles out of sight for now. Put the rest of the feathers in a trash bag, not a pillowcase - trash bags are easier to rip open quickly. Locate a wall socket on the same circuit as the lights. Make sure the door locks securely. Make sure the remote control on your boom box works well and that the boom box is out of sight and has batteries.
Execute:
When your guests arrive, ask them to sit down. Light the candles, they'll look innocent enuf with the lights on. Deal with the small talk until everyone is seated and comfortable. Throw the switch connected to the wall socket on the lighting circuit. Turning off the lightswitch would have been useless since someone would just turn it on. Press play on the remote. Once it's dark and the music is really loud, pull out the supersoaker and spray anything that is even remotely moving. When the supersoaker all out of cow's blood (or while you're spraying if you've feeling dexterous) pull out the trash bag full of feathers and start throwing them everywhere - the feathers will stick to the blood on the other kids, who will by now be screaming and panicking. Any moment now the faculty who came running when they heard the awful noise will finally either get the door unlocked or break it down. If they take a while, take this opportunity to sprinkle chalk dust on the floor in the shape of a pentagram.
Smile:
When the faculty sees all the kids covered in feathers and blood, they will panic - there will be no time for proper expulsion procedures, and they will probably drag all of you to the school's gate by your ears and lock you out. If they actually believe any of your flock that it was all you, their rooms will be searched in a mad witch hunt, and satanic objects will be found in each case, and the kid will be locked out soon enuf. When your friends show up in the van, take the poor wet feathery kids to your friends house and let the poor kids get a shower. Explain to them that they are now "Saved"
Amen
|
Re: The Idiocy of Bible Schools
by Schizo on Feb 01, 2002 - 06:57 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
Oh. My. God.
That's scary. You know what's even scarier? That sounds uncannily like the Bible School I went to for 3 years.
1) Movies can only be watched if they are a. taken from the Bible School Library, or b. reviewed and chaperoned by a member of the staff. Music is reviewed by the staff. Tapes and CD's recieve stickers indicating their rating. Classical and Christian music recieves the general rating, allowing it to be listened to anywhere. Christian music with a light rock beat can be listened to on headphones. Heavy metal Christian, any modern secular music, or love songs are prohibited. Only classical or Christian radio stations allowed, or news or weather programs.
2) Males are not allowed in the female dorms, nor females in the male dorms. Males and females are allowed to talk in preordained co-ed socializing areas, and never for more than 45 minutes at a time. Doors are never to be closed on the rest of the school without staff supervision. Students are not allowed to have relationships while attending this school, nor are they even allowed to talk to their friends about someone they may be attracted to. If necessary, a student may talk to a staff member about a "preference". Males and females may not sit together at meals.
3) Females must wear loose fitting clothing, skirts below the knees, no pants, no sleeveless tops, no cleavage, shoes at all times. Excessive jewelry or make-up is forbidden.
4) Darn gets you in trouble. Shoot gets you in trouble. Any substitute expletives are highly discouraged.
5) Video store? What's that? I THINK video games are allowed, but only under very close supervision, with staff screening for scantily clad women, sexual undertones, magical content, or excessive violence.
6) TV shows? Are you kidding? Sports, on occasion, properly supervised, with volume turned off for commercials. Perhaps something like the state of the union address, or watching election counts come in. Or some show like "Touched by an Angel", although there are some concerns about the too vague definition of God projected by that show.
7) Plus all this, you can't leave the campus except on vacations, weekly staff chaperoned "town trips", or with very special permission.
Can you believe I endured 3 years of this? Is it surprizing what I ended up doing as soon as I got a chance?
|
|
|