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| Articles: The curse of Backstabbers |
Posted by
tallidaho on Wednesday, October 17, 2001 - 04:02 AM PST
Why am I cursed? Maybe anyone out there with more experience with "other-worldly" or "paranormal" things, or just curses in general could help me out with this, but just read and comment if you want to, 'cause I'm steamed as hell about it. Every guy I have ever even attempted to flirt with that hasn't turned me down cold has done much worse- backstabbed me! GRRRR!
Alright, I'm gonna go down the list here, and then just rant a little more about all these icky people, and I'll admit, I'm whining, but everyone has to do that at some point.
My first kiss, S., when I was 14, thought we were "together" more than I did. Enough said. I don't like talking about it.
six months later, I went to debate camp (Why does this feel like an American Pie setup?) met whom I thought at the time was a very nice guy, B. we had fun for the two weeks were were "together" at camp... he lived 9 hours away though... and almost 2 years later, when we would have seen each other again, while he was on a roadtrip, he decided since I wouldn't sleep with him, I "wasn't worth it."
One year later (yes, I get action very little. It sucks. Horribly) I ended up spending a very... *coughs* fun-filled day with a guy... C. and he never spoke to me again, even though we had 2 classes together.
Six months after THAT (I also have a six-month curse. I have never gotten action any closer together than six months. And I've worked it down to the day) I went clubbing for the first time ever, made out with a guy, D. (who, by the way, kissed me first) whom I later spent pretty much the weekend with, just hanging out, talking, and a few kisses. On that Sunday night, his FIANCEE walked in with his KID. To say the least, I got out of there real quick. He's never called since.
After that, there was J. He spent 3 months flirting like crazy with me, asking me to watch movies at his house with him, telling me how wonderful and talented and all that stuff I was... so, understandably, I think, I fell for him. We were really hitting it off, when I called him to let him know I was in town (he lives about an hour away from me) when a girl answered the phone (no big problem to me- he's got sisters) and I asked for J., she whispered to someone next to her, him, I'm assuming, said, "It's Andrea" and his voice whispered back "Get rid of the B****." I hung up before she could get back on the phone. I called about a week later, and he's engaged. Just FYI, we never kissed or anything.
Alright, so I'm getting over this, when another guy, F. enters, whom I met over Gothic Personals. We live 27 hours apart, he's a little older than I'd usually go for, but after a couple weeks of talking 8 hours a day, or more, online and on the phone, I've totally fallen for him. He claims to love me, and I believe him. Why? Because not only have I totally fallen for him, I truely care about him. I still do. This was 4 months ago that we met, and last I talked to him was 3 weeks, one day ago. As far as I knew, we were on good terms. Shit, this guy was writing me songs, poems, talking to me like he really did love me. And then? Silence. Total and complete silence. He is a member of Shmeng, and according to the "Last seen" logs he's been coming online at least for the past week and a half. He's been logging out of any chat program he's on when I log in. He hasn't responded to ANY of the e-mails I send, and I've tried the 2 main ones that I know of and the personal message system on this site. I won't tell you for sure who it is, but it isn't Devin (who is incredibly sweet and nice and a great guy). If you want to know who it is, send me a message through whatever method you want and I'll tell you. I want to be fair and give him a chance to defend himself, but that's kinda hard when he won't even talk to me.
ANYWAY, so right now I'm just really mad at all backstabbing SOB's and wishing I knew what I did to curse myself. It wouldn't be so bad if they would just tell me straight out, but no, they have to make me fall for them and THEN stab me.
According to everyone I ask, I'm a nice person. I like to think I am. Hell, even my zodiac signs say I should have guys hanging all over me. I'm a Sag-Scorpio cusp, which, to quote a friend, means not only do I make people wanna f*** me, they wanna love me too. I'll admit, I'm not the best lookin' person around, but I don't think I'm butt ugly. I should have some pics up on this site soon. If you really want some, ask me, I've got an old, old one scanned.
But anyway, I'm just wondering what the hell I did to curse myself. Any suggestions, comfort, or whatever? Anyone?
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| The curse of Backstabbers | Login/Create an account | 4 Comments |
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Re: The curse of Backstabbers
by Silvernyte (silvernyte@hotmail.com)
on Oct 17, 2001 - 07:54 AM
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As the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Sounds similar to something that has happened to me quite recently. The only difference is that I don't know when to keep my mouth shut and have told him what is on my mind (you may have too I don't know). Marriage is NOT part of it and we agreed on that (for anyone else that may want to put THAT in the equation). The curse of being excessively open minded and honest. Unfortunately I care too much for him or am too stupid (when you really care for someone you can get that way) to consider him a backstabber. It's more like a stab in the heart. Before I was married to my ex, I had that same problem all the time. It seems that it hasn't changed much. I'm not saying that it is going to continue with you that way, hopefully you will find someone that doesn't do that to you, there are people out there that don't, there just hard as hell to find. I hear about them, but can't seem to find one. It's like I scare them off or something. As females of the darker we seem to always go for the guy that is going to hurt us and that is the one that we are going to fall for. My daughter has the same problem. I told her it isn't a comforting thought and probably isn't what she wants to hear, but she needs to get used to it. It could go on for a long time till she finds someone that won't do it to her.
And men wonder why we are such bitches towards them sometimes. HEY GUYS! Get a clue maybe it's because were tired of getting hurt and don't know who to trust and who not to after a while. You tell us one thing and do something else. They say we are the fickle ones.....hmmmmm I wonder. Avoiding the issues don't fix them, they only cause more pain.
Don't get me wrong I don't hate men, it's the pain that wears on you after a while and you get kind of ....... shall we say ...... get suspicous but you still get stupid and give them your heart anyway in the end.
So I guess you could call it a curse. In all honesty it's not just a goth curse, it covers all of the human race., male and female. I've known guys that it has happened to also. Some of us keep repeating it and never learn, hoping to find someone out there that won't do it to them. Some get hardened and ugly by it, taking it out on all males or females as a form of revenge. Others just give up. Those are the ones that I feel for. I know the pain of love, it can be very consuming and feels like it's going to tear you apart, it makes you wonder if it is all worth it. In the end I know out there somewhere, is someone, that will take the chance and think about what may have happend to them and be able to put it towards a relationship. I'm still hoping that he is the one, but I'm beginning to think that I am just suffering unto myself.
THANK YOU! Tallidaho for writing this and Devin for allowing it to be posted. I have been wondering again if this is something that just happens to me or if other people really do have the same problem. You get caught up in your own pain and forget that it does happen to other people. I probably didn't give you any comfort in this, but sometimes it can help to know that other people do have the same problem or experience the same things. Take comfort in the night, it will always hold you and care for you not matter what.
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I think I can tell what the problem is...
by Comedian (comedian@callatg.com)
on Oct 17, 2001 - 08:28 PM
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You seem to have a penchant for picking guys who live in the "hours away" department. Should you maybe be searching within driving distance and/or walking distance? Gotta keep those wandering bastards on a short leash, after all.
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