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Fiction: Toy Dolls 15 |
Posted by
Shade on Wednesday, August 20, 2003 - 04:55 AM PST
The door flew from the hinges, shouts could be heard from beyond the ruined portal, and as one entity, the group inside stood and backed up until we formed a human shield around Devon. It may not have been a cult, but we had our recognized leaders. I noticed Hades, Kali, and a few others were being quietly shifted through the ranks until they too stood beside Devon, and behind us. The figure that strode through the ruined portal was the same one who had taken Dream from me.
She was buxom, with her hair died an impossible shade of red, and at the moment that red matched her complexion which was flushed with rage. I felt Rose cringe and try to hide behind me. I reached out a hand and found hers. While the woman stood in the splinters and settling dust, I turned to Rose, it was impetuous I knew, but I felt, at the same time, that it was right; "Rose, be my slave, for the next year, pledge yourself to me." I reached across her and nudged Hades so we would have a witness. He turned and while I watched Rose's expression go from fear to joy, I repeated my request. "Pledge yourself to me, for a year." "Oh yes Master! Yes!" She glanced back at Hades. "I pledge to be your slave for the span of a year, to start immediately." Hades checked his watch and from nowhere he pulled a notepad and pen that he held poised as he looked at me. "I accept your service and your love Rose. For the period of a year, I will be your master." Hades nodded, scribbled something in his notebook and snapped it shut. I looked up behind him and saw Kali nodding to herself. There was a satisfied smile on her face. Then the intruder began to speak and we turned back to face her. "You make me sick, all your talk of equality and fair play and here you are, sequestered away calmly deciding who to keep and who to throw away as it suits you." Her face had gone from solid red to mottled gray. She was so far from beauty that she almost came out the other end, almost but not quite. Devon spoke from the back of the room, he spread his arms and a clear path opened between him and the woman. "You have it all wrong Ariana. The decision was made long ago, not by a secret cabal, as you seem to expect, but by yourselves. We speak of equality and you treat your slaves like chattel, we speak of fair play and you and you kind have conspired to control a free exchange of information and friendship. I know you will probably bring up tolerance next, you and your kind have shown no tolerance for the slightest infraction of a slave, nor have you shown patience for the beliefs that brought this club into existence. You have never shown respect to any single person, including your own self-righteous self. This intrusion on a private lunch between my friends and myself is intolerable, now get out. Get out of my club, get out of my house, get out and do not come back." His delivery was a calm as the eye of a storm.
Page: 1/6
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Average Rating : 4.8
Total ratings : 4
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Toy Dolls 15 | Login/Create an account | 10 Comments |
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Re: Toy Dolls 15
by Merry_Widow on Aug 20, 2003 - 02:38 PM
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Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war! Woo hoo! This story just gets more and more interesting, Shade. I can't wait to see where it's going next.
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Re: Toy Dolls 15
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com)
on Aug 20, 2003 - 10:10 PM
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I know we always shoot for originality here at Shmeng, and I hate cliches, but boy oh boy, the plot thickens. I can't wait to here what wonders are in store for us when they arive at the lake, and darn it to Hell, Xeno is justing turning out to be an intrepid and wonderful fellow. Such great character design, its just darling. Anyway, I'm sick of writing like an old woman talks, so keep up the smashing good work.
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Re: Toy Dolls 15
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Aug 21, 2003 - 06:24 AM
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Lol, thank you guys one and all. I am really enjoying writing Toy Dolls. And I'm honestly getting half my fun from getting to see what happens before everyone else! (Taunt taunt) I am very pleased that the characters are developing as well as I had hoped. It is sometimes really hard to tell from my point of view because I know so much more about the characters and events. I am always afraid of accidently assuming you all know something about Xeno or someone else. It sounds like I'm keeping that from happening though which is really gratifying! Thanks for all your praise and your critiques. They are both highly appreciated. -Shade
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Re: Toy Dolls 15
by Arthegarn on Aug 21, 2003 - 07:08 AM
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You know, I have lately been thinking that Xeno is toom young for some of the reflecions he makes, they seem bettter suited to an older man (ahem) But I can also understand he HAS to be that young. I mean... that guy is unexhaustable!
And I specially love the last part, too. We might get to see Devon get laid! Or will that make the character lose a part of his divinity? Paraphrasing Capt. Blyde it's difficult to be the leader of last's night mates of orgy...
Then again, maybe THAT is what makes him the leader.
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Re: Toy Dolls 15 by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com) on Aug 21, 2003 - 08:03 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com | Actually, I have been thinking about it. And I really agree. I have mentally adjusted Xeno's age up to about 23 so that he is out of the "What the fuck?" stage and into the "How the fuck?" stage. I think it's a much better age frame for him. When I started the story my intent was a two or three chapter pop fiction vampires and goths thing that would have been much more like Friends on acid. Granted I've only ever seen half an episode of friends, but think a small group of people who are no where near as complete as individuals having a bit of fun at a night club and making some very comical mistakes. Or something like that. But the story itself has grown so much larger and Xeno is so not a 17 year old.
When i actually go back and re-edit this thing I will change that little factoid, not just to avoid the kiddie porn issue, but because, as you say Arth. He has a lot more insight and mental acuity than anyone I knew, including myself at sseventeen. And Just make this clear to all the seventeen year olds out there who are saying "but I'm mature for my age!" So was I, but I was so not ready to face half the shit Xeno has seen and not fold. I would love to think I was, but I was faced with some of these things and I knew then that I couldn't deal until I was older. This is not a comment on maturity, but sheer accumulation of life experience. |
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Re: Toy Dolls 15 by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com) on Aug 21, 2003 - 11:06 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com | Yes they do, which means that girls mature so much faster and we boys get the benefits of that maturity. The things I am thinking ight now are so obscene I'm just going to leave it at that. |
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Re: Toy Dolls 15 by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com) on Aug 22, 2003 - 07:50 AM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | That makes sense. To many girls forget a time when they needed it just as bad as boys. Change and progression is important, but so is the past, and the formative times. But the immature times being important is a good argument, I always draw a blank when women throw the "we mature faster than you" line in my face. Now I no longer flounder! Moo hoo hahahahahahaha! Any who, I'm intrigued: Your going to go back and edit his age? So What about all that High School change he went through in order to become a SM craved goth? He kept on wearing leather pants and frilly shirts for 3 or 4 more years after high school. How is he supporting himself? I got to tell you, thats a lot of beef to pound my friend, a lot of beef. But considering how the work has been going, I'd definately say you can do it, and do it well. Good luck! |
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Re: Toy Dolls 15 by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com) on Aug 22, 2003 - 10:21 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com | Bloody hell. Good point Squire. Well. The short synopsis for all of you continuity fiends out there is that between high school and the events of the day, he went to college as a slacker. I have slightly established that his parents are well off. In the revision I will have moved him out of his parents house and into a small seedy flat in the back end of town. (which will jibe better with his ability to just up and dissapear. He will have been making his living as a freelance writer for a number of sci-fi and fantasy magazines, supllemented by a stipend from his parents which is intended to keep him in college.
There will of course be more detail, and I know some of the money stuff is cop-outty , but I think it flows well with his character as it has thus been defined. And If his parents are still that prevelent in his life in terms of keeping him financially afloat, that would explain why he is still somewhat sheltered even though he has an interest in the lifestyle. Also, his work as a writer will help explain why this story is in the first person.
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