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Wanted: EMPSK's |
Posted by
Dolorosa on Wednesday, May 07, 2003 - 09:32 AM PST
Living with my folks for the past couple of month after my return from the military has spawned a few interesting events. So far, it's fairly easy...they respect my privacy, and I theirs. My mom has a hard time accepting the fact that I'm planning on leaving again soon, but she supports me well. In all honesty, no fights or anything like that...but recently something interesting and kind of funny popped up. While looking in my room for her boom box, my mom came across my EPSKs, and they confused the hell out of her. For those not in the know, EPSK stands for "Emergency Paranormal Situation Kit".
The first one is an old WWII German medical bag, sturdy canvas, and stuff. Inside it are three sharpened wooden stakes, a crucifix complete with a lil' Jesus on it. Two vials of old holy water, a squirt gun and a homemade napalm hand grenade strapped to a lighter I tinker with. I'm pretty sure you can guess what EPSK 1 is used for.
The second is in my old duffel bag laying on the floor, in it is a broken down aluminum spear thats about six feet long when fully put together. Next to it is a silver coated spike I made by melting some of my old jewelry down and coating a railroad spike. As if that wasn't enough, I have few bundles of wolfbane, and two silver bullets I bought at a second hand ghetto shop. EMPSK 2 is probably my favorite and definitely the most expensive all together.
EMPSK 3 is in a satchel I got at a shrine in Japan, neat little thing made out of heavy paper, decorated with all sorts of pretty Kanji words. It holds two small statues of Buddha, a compass, some rice and a few wish scrolls from the Kyoto shrine. A tiny pocket mirror, two steel arrowheads, and a sharp efficient knife. Various other odds and ends are in there, as well as a small but precious amount of sand from my favorite beach in Okinawa. Although probably the cheapest all around, EMSPK 3 carries a lot of nostalgia in it.
The fourth caused the most problems with her...since she actually looked in that one. Not too many kids carry around mummified human fingers. At least I think they're human, they could be monkey fingers. That one has bailing wire, a paintbrush, voodoo doll, a book on Spanish for Beginners and Conversational Creole. There are Lots of needles, some fabric, as well as a catholic votary candle that depicts one of my favorite saints, ST. Jude. It also has a loaded magazine with some 9.mm soft tip rounds in it in case negotiations go sour. EMPSK 4 is my Voodoo/Santeria kit.
Mom was worried about them and confronted me later. Now, don't get me wrong, my ma is pretty damn open-minded, and it's from her side of the family I get my metaphysical edges. But these bothered her so she asked me about 'em. She kinda stumbled around it for a bit then finally blurted out, "What the fuck are those things!? Do you believe in that stuff?" I looked her square in the eye with a grin on my face and said, "It pays to be prepared...I may or may not believe in 'em, but I sure as hell don't want to get caught with my pants down."
It ended up in a pretty amusing way, I explained what they were for...One for vampires, one for werewolves, one for ghosts and one for bad mojo and stuff. I admitted they weren't complete, but better that than nothing right? Well, her reaction surprised the hell out of me. She decided that the idea was pretty sound, suggested a few others and decided that they should be put in the hall closet for easier access.
So thats where they are now, middle of the hall closet...just in case.
It's weird really...maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am...or maybe it's just hereditary yeah?
In any case...anyone have any ideas for more of the things. I'm half thinking I could make some money off this idea.
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Average Rating : 3.5
Total ratings : 2
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EMPSK's | Login/Create an account | 38 Comments |
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Re: EMPSK's
by Psychopixi (psyche-at-psychopixi-dot-com)
on May 07, 2003 - 10:13 AM
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EMPSK's huh? Kinda reminds me of the trunk Buffy used to have in her room. (I'm a Buffy freak)
That's a kinda kooky idea, but I like it!
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Re: EMPSK's by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com) on May 14, 2003 - 03:06 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Dude! I do have a chainsaw!!...Which reminds me, I should practice with it...so's I can amass Evil Dead-like skill with that junk...but what about Zombie Squirrels? They're fast...maybe I'll attach a tennis racket tot he back of the chainsaw...that should do.
For Chthulu...sheesh...I just hope you have a pen. |
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Re: EMPSK's by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom) on May 14, 2003 - 11:46 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | Remember, you want a smaller chainsaw for fighting with. The bigger ones are two unbalanced, and you get a gyroscopic effect from the engins sometimes on the bigger ones, which means that they are harder to wield.
If you use a smaller one, you can swing it all you want, and since even a slight hit will tear a large chunk of meat out, you don't miss much on gore.
And for the Cthulhu, you need some blindfolds, some fake eldersign tatoos, and a bottle of 151.
At first sign of a Great Old One, slap on the blind fold, then apply the tatoos. Following which, you run until you can't run no more. Drink until you either don't remember the night, or don't care about your impending death. |
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Re: EMPSK's
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 11:51 AM
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That is too cool, your mom rocks Dolo. And the kits sound pretty complete except the notable lack of rum and tobacco for the bad mojo kit (Those 'types' like sugary alcohol, so the sweeter the run the better, and the tobacco smoke causes them to 'concetrate' which either allows them to hear you better, or get better aim depending on which stage of negotiations you happen to be engaged.)
Down here in New Orleans, humourously enough we don't feel the need for a kit, but back in Seattle, and especially in Monterey, ca. Callei and I used to have a couple of things just set around the house for just in cases. Like you said, we may or not believe in them, but what matters is whether or not they believe in us.
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Re: EMPSK's
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 04:15 PM
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a bit of white chalk, some Frankinscence inscence, and a copy of the Greater and Lesser Banishing Rituals of the Pentagram for the Demons.
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Re: EMPSK's by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on May 07, 2003 - 09:16 PM (User info | Send a Message) | Yeah, I realized I'd forgotten the salt after I'd posted that. Good catch, there... |
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Re: EMPSK's
by dead-cell (Tarant-zero@nandomail.com)
on May 07, 2003 - 06:08 PM
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I want an EMPK now! You got one for ancient gods? It a cool idea you got going there. Maybe you could market them one day to ammature paranormal hunters, or as novelty gifts.
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Re: EMPSK's
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on May 08, 2003 - 01:16 AM
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You know, that is a damned fine idea man *lol* call you Mr. Prepared-For-Anything *ha*
Salt is good to keep for ANY occasion...it's an almost universal good thing to have. And it stings like hell if you throw it in someone's eyes.
I always keep a bottle of patchoulli oil handy.
That enough of that shit repells ANYTHING. Except hippies.
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Collect Call of Chthulu
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on May 08, 2003 - 01:21 AM
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Salt!! I knew I needed something!! Heh...recently one of my friends and I actually thought up an elder lovecraftian god EPSK. All it is really is a handgun with one bullet in it and a blank Will and last Testament form
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Re: EMPSK's
by SeraphimSilence (webmistress@silent-oblivion.com)
on May 09, 2003 - 02:27 PM
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I know I haven't been around enough to always tell what's going on, but things like this always give me a helping hand (i.e. bitchslap me in the face and yell "pay attention!") in seeing that I'm not the only one with bad spirits on the mind *L* Neeee. Dolo-kun, any suggestions for a EMPSK for ghosts that pop out of mirrors? I have a hell of a time looking into a mirror at night for some damned reason. Even just walking past them if it's dark gives me the heebiejeebies.
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Re: EMPSK's by callei on May 09, 2003 - 02:46 PM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | if the ghosties are attached to you then that is one thing. but if they are living in the mirror, a candle or some flowers in front of the mirror or some kind of globe/circle with a palindrone works to baffle them sometimes. depending. |
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Re: EMPSK's by dead-cell (Tarant-9@stribmail.com) on May 09, 2003 - 02:55 PM (User info | Send a Message) | That or stand in front of the mirror in the dark and call out Bloody Mary. Let the two specters fight it out. |
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Re: EMPSK's by SeraphimSilence (webmistress@silent-oblivion.com) on May 09, 2003 - 02:59 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.silent-oblivion.com | Oh heeeeell no! X.x I was 6 when some kid did that to me in the girl's bathroom at school one year. She ran up behind me, threw water on the mirror, ran out screaming "Bloody Mary" repeatedly. Don't ask me why but I ducked under the sink instinctively and the crawled out of the bathroom without ever looking at the mirror, ever since then for some reason, mirrors at night scare the hell out of me.
Callei : I have absolutely no idea if they're attached to me or not. I know there are a few that are, but they don't scare me. The mirror ghosts however do a lot to unnerve my usually calm demeanor >.>; |
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Simple solution is... by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com) on May 11, 2003 - 04:29 AM (User info | Send a Message) | A fucking sledgehammer! I gaurantee a ghost will think twice about screwing with you if you temporarily fracture the crap out of his whole world.
When all else fails...get primevil on that ass sweetheart. |
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Re: Simple solution is... by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom) on May 14, 2003 - 11:54 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | Nonononono
Didn't you ever watch Army of Darkness?
You break the mirror, you wind up with dozens of little ghosts that will eventually lead an army of the dead after you. |
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Re: Simple solution is... by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com) on May 15, 2003 - 03:28 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Oh yeah...shit...well, fuck...a rocket lau..no...chainsaw...wait, nope...hell...
I got it!!
Break the mirror...then bust out the weedwhacker... |
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Re: Simple solution is... by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on May 16, 2003 - 02:12 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/ | he will need a boomstick, and a chainsaw, and plenty of gas.
All I wanna know is how much gas that damned thing CARRIED...I mean he made it all the way through the cabin with that thing slicing and dicing, and then through a whole new movie with no gassing up? Oh for a chainsaw like that.....
Oh, and for all fans of Evil Dead, the new PS2 game is coming out on may 27th "Evil Dead: A Fist Full of Boomstick". I saw the game trailer at a gamestore over a month ago and bought that bitch on RESERVE! Oh, and if they tell you it's still only 25 bucks, GET IT on reserve because it protects you from the price going up.
*so terribly excited*
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Re: Simple solution is... by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom) on May 16, 2003 - 10:11 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | Actually, a chainsaw could run for a while before needing to refuel, especially since when it wasn't idling, he wasn't cutting wood, just soft flesh.
Sure that would dull for shit, but I don't think that matters when fighting zombies.
And I will have to reserve my copy, thanks for the reminder. |
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Re: Simple solution is... by SeraphimSilence (webmistress@silent-oblivion.com) on May 19, 2003 - 09:19 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.silent-oblivion.com | I think i kinda figured out what part of my problem is. If any of you have seen the movie "the Ring", "Ringu" or you've played the game "Fatal Frame" you'll know what I'm talking about. The main boss/villain of the movies/game is a creature that can use Television screens and Mirrors to travel from place to place. The thing is, I've had this fear of mirrors since -before- I got to see either movie or even play the game. Something was a bit too terribly realistic between them both I think. For some reason I've found that facing a second reflective surface before another mirror seems to help ease my anxiety, maybe it's the fact that it looks like there are millions of other mirrors they have to go through to find me... not sure yet... still hunting for a solution.
BTW. ^_____^ glad to see you around again Dolo =P you still owe me an e-mail/IM |
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Re: EMPSK's by dead-cell (Tarant-9@stribmail.com) on May 11, 2003 - 06:10 PM (User info | Send a Message) | What do you got M.R.D.? Vampires, Werewolves, Ghost, Demons, Ancient Dark Gods? |
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Re: EMPSK's
by Anemone on May 12, 2003 - 05:21 AM
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... you have kits?
Kits?!
Man, I remember back when we were sitting around in your old Bonita house and we thought up a whole textbook full of anti-zombie tactics because you lived right across the street from the cemetary (Dolo is goth as fuck).
Remember how we mapped out the whole town so that in case a city-wide disaster occured (ala Resident Evil 2) we would actually know all the escape routes and ammo supplies in the city? Remember the zombie-repellant weapons you designed? The booby traps we set up around the perimeter? Our list of expendable body shields? And who could forget our anti-zombie tank that we developed simply by taking my beat up old 1980 Toyota Tercel (which we alternately referred to as Soul Reaver and the Short Bus) and outfitting it with a flame-thrower turret, an armored frame, a snowplow in the front and industrial strength windshield wipers?
Man, all those years we spent planning... and you just have kits?!
Everyone here may think you're cool and all, but I know what's really going on... you've gone soft.
Well, fine! Be that way! I'll just sit here in my fallout shelter beneath the local church. Alone! But, since you're my buddy, I'll keep my promise and cap you one right between the eyes when you become flesh-eating zombie scum.
Just do me a favor and carry around some cool items that I can snag off your bullet-riddled corpse once I'm done with you.
Kits, indeed. Feh!
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Re: EMPSK's by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com) on May 12, 2003 - 06:55 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Ass! I ain't soft! And if I do get turned into a zombie, I'll mak damn sure I'm one of those swift freaky red ones...or that dude with the trash can on his head from Silent Hill...and I'll bite ya' and infect ya...
At the very least I hope I get some of that F.aid spray...man, F.aid was the shit!!
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Re: EMPSK's by Merry_Widow on May 16, 2003 - 04:04 PM (User info | Send a Message) | I was wondering when those damn plans would get brought up. Don't worry, Anemone, I will shortly be joining you in the fallout shelter. With a shotgun. And a few first aid kits. Because if I have learned anything, it's that a first aid kit will make my health go way up. |
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Re: EMPSK's
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on May 16, 2003 - 11:25 PM
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Although the EMPKS you currently have definately cover a wide range of possible paranormal situations, I found that your supply was discouraginly lacking in one very important area.
As student of the paranormal you certianly have that covered, but you don't seem to have a pack created for what could be a possibly more realistic life threating situation. Namly, the mutuant create.
Now, you see, you really should have some kind of kit for battling giant, snakes, spiders, ants, and lizards, and I didn't see anything about creature preparadness.
Goodness knows you are ready to combat a werewolf, but what about a creature from the black lagon, a thing, or godzilla. If you have ever seen the classic study in mutation gone wrong THEM! you should know to be prepared for giant killer ants.
Of course, you might also want to be prepared for lesser mutants like Killer Bees, Piranha, Fire Ants, Wasps, Rats, Baboons, and the Birds (ala Hitchcock).
I feel that if you are truly going to be prepared for any contingency that you should have something on hand for these things as well.
I will also add that I noticed that your kits also lacked an Extra Terrestrial Abduction perpardness kit, which I would think should also be handy just in case of any unwanted probing.
Hope that helps.
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Re: EMPSK's by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com) on May 19, 2003 - 03:19 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Well, for giant squids I have a Harpoon that can attach to the front end of my car...
For mutants critters, I have reference...uh...training tapes, and a garage full of powertools, chems and odds n' ends. I have some satchel charges to deal with Graboids, cuz after I saw tremors I got kinda' freaked for a few days.
You have pointed out a hole in my nigh-paranoid-obsessive web of planning...but it's one that I can patch quickly given six minutes in my garage.
It's nice to live in the hills where no one notices weirdos doing these things out of sheer fricken' boredom.
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Re: EMPSK's by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com) on May 20, 2003 - 07:58 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.com | Now what I want to see is how one can make a Craken preparedness kit.
I can't imagine that it would be easy, or indeed possible, to keep a beautiful virigin in a bag for very long.
I still want to know how you are going to deal with swarms of bees or other crawling buggies? Gots to be more than hairspray and a lighter, no?
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Re: EMPSK's by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolfathotmaildotcom) on May 20, 2003 - 11:36 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | For the bees you need to have a recording of a queen bee in distress and a feuled air explosive.
If you cannot find a fueled air explosive, then a sprinkler with a gas resivour and an ignighter will work also.
Play the recording, when bees get close, either detonate the explosive, or hit the sprinkler. For best results, it should produce a fine mist in the air as opposed to just a fountian. |
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Re: EMPSK's
by Uranaishi (sweatshirt_senshi@yahoo.com)
on Aug 11, 2003 - 06:11 PM
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Kit for things Fae: Bit of iron(bent nail is good), steel or iron blade, salt, four leaf clover, self-bored stone. I've also heard that a branch of hawthorn can be useful in despelling things of magic, and a peeled rowan branch that's laid beneath the full moon is a good thing.
You forgot the bell, book, and candle for the ghosties.
Also a big bag of grain to scatter before the vamps.
I wonder how many of the things in your kits would actually be allowed by marketing people, and where exactly they'd be distributed. . .
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Re: EMPSK's
by W0rmW00d (allchaka@hotmail.com)
on Feb 10, 2005 - 09:47 PM
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Those kits rock. Lots. That is such a fantastic idea. I have always been prepared to beleive in the paranormal, should evidence allow, but I had never even considered being prepared to combat this evidence... I think you have mutants covered with the loaded mag. and the six foot pointy aluminium stick surely?
For a UFO preperation kit (by film which is the best indicator we have as yet of UFO abilities) you will want water, in case of Signs, the government in case of ET, Mulder and Scully (rogue from the govt.) in case of grey men, Will Smith in case of MIB, shampoo in case of Evolution, Predator in case of Alien and preperation H in case of probing.
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Re: EMPSK's
by Carmine (-)
on Jul 18, 2006 - 06:09 PM
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Does anyone else remember a Sotheby's auction, or something similar some years ago, in which a purported vampire killing kit was sold off for a mind-boggling amount? It was acknowledged as some kind of artistic Victorian hoax, although I never did discover who created it. It was quite elegant -- beautiful box like something that would carry fine dueling pistols, silver crucifix, crystal bottle of holy water, a businesslike little hammer and stake, that sort of thing. Recently, I saw something almost identical to it on the Ruby Lane online antiques store with an asking price of about $1,500, if I remember right. It sold quickly. So there is definitely a market for this sort of thing if you can present it cleverly and artistically enough. Good luck!
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