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Illustrations: Hop on the magic bus of doom |
Posted by
Comedian on Friday, June 21, 2002 - 08:01 AM PST
The bus is always a fun ride.
A group of young men engage in a kind of rap debate in the back of the bus; leaning out into the aisle from the back seats that face each other and slapping hands and shaking and talking all at the same time. As the exchange hastens it's amazing to watch; they take turns each involing in two seperate conversations along different strains and joining in the middle somewhere, crossing, and slipping away again with different partners. The four of them trade hands and slaps and laughs to show agreement or belief; high-five to make different points that their peers or to show diusagreement with the other's opinion. What sullies the experience is that they are talking about how women are just out to get your money.
Three punkers get on the bus; a chubby girl and her boyfriend, a thin boy who looks like a record store junkie type with the various borrowed looks from mods, punks and grungers. She is ostentatious at the best; clashing colors collide and leave you senseless but with a vague feeling of having been involved in a hard night of liquor. And their third companion is a DDR type; If she had a glowstick in a hand I'd slap her, but the rainbow-brite backpack she sports interests me. Because there is a small black labrador in it. A baby; his muzzle sticks out from the mini backpack to nuzzle her hand as she caresses his head while listening to her companions talk. As they debark outside the tattoo parlor, I ask for the name of the puppy.
"Anubu."
A small group of international students traveling throughout new orleans for some sort of vascation board and continue conversations started with the locals that they had begun while waiting at the bus stops; a young russian jewish girl hits on another student; the german couple speak quiet words to eachother while cuddling in a corner, and a Swedish med student discusses philosophy with a stoner wearing far too many beads for the off-season Mardi Gras times. And they all debark to go to a catfish po-boy shop near the mid-city rented apartment they are staying at.
An older man accosts me in the back of the bus; his current job is a runner giving out pamphlets for the various businesses that hire plasterers like him to go around and mug people with advertisements. He starts talking quietly and shaking my hand repeatedly as if each period a new personality awakes and needs to greet me. He produces blue condoms from one pocket and starts talking about how blue is his favorite color; a moment later he produces a watchtower brochure and begins quoting the plight of christian Germans who protested the holocaust. And all this time the only thought that enters my mind and repeats itself, screaming louder and louder and louder, is: "You live in the murder capital of the U.S."
A detoxing addict falls asleep while eating his sub, his body limp and his veins standing out on end as his body limply shakes with the movements of the bus and his hands occasionally grab at the slipping sandwich which will probably be his only meal for quite a while. The bus intercom announces his stop, and a brief moment later, he stands panicked and flings half his sandwhich into the air, a bad slice of salomi landing on the high-heel shoes of a Marriot hotel worker, who curses him openly as he staggers out of the bus, falls back to the last step of the bus, screams as the doors automatically close on him, forces them open, runs out on to the street, collapses, stands, walks towards the raging electrical fire that was at that moment being actively fought by half the fire crews in the city, and sits, outside a small laundromat mid-city just outside the projects, crying loudly.
Everyone loves being in the big city.
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Average Rating : 5.0
Total ratings : 1
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Hop on the magic bus of doom | Login/Create an account | 13 Comments |
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Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom
by Dolorosa on Jun 21, 2002 - 08:40 AM
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People never fail to amaze me...I miss the big cities. I think People-watching should be an olympic sport...an awesomely put description Comedian. For a moment there I wasn't on this shit hole island.
Mad props.
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Re: Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom by IamSquid (AAA@sockmonkeys.net) on Jun 22, 2002 - 12:35 AM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | I should add that I once saw perhaps the scarriest thing I'll ever see on a bus in my life. I got on one morning and sat in the only available seat and before mee were a guy and a girl about my age. The man had his head on the girl's shoulder and she had a pair of tweezers which she was using to pick lice out of his hair and drop them into the aisle. I still think of that today whenever my subconscious needs an excuse to get mee to not ride the bus. |
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Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom
by Cashmere (-)
on Jun 21, 2002 - 11:33 AM
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I now know your pain. I had the guy sitting next to me try and pick me up the entire ride. He hadn't shaved in a week and the top left incisor was wiggling as he sighed at me. He informed me that it was his birthday, so I smiled, and that was a big mistake. He pulled out a lump of wrinked one dollar bills that were moist from the heat and riddled in grease spots and tol me "Dis wuz how much I made today- Dey give me dis." I smiled and thought to myself that if he touched me I would scream. Encouraged by the ambiguity of my expression, he further went on to ask me a question:
"Are you married?"
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Re: Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom by Rogue (Rogue@skew.org) on Jun 21, 2002 - 11:47 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Maybe he wanted somebody to spank him. Honestly, you have to wonder about what some people think. Did he think he was a sexy bitch, like he had swept you off your feet with his real American dollars and fancy hinged dental work and Don Johnson facial scruff? And like being married is the only thing that might ruin his chances? His reality check musta just bounced. |
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Re: Re: Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom by Cashmere (-) on Jun 21, 2002 - 12:23 PM (User info | Send a Message) | I contemplated saying yes, but I ended up saying "no" and not looking at him the rest of the ride. I was so alarmed by this person that I ended up missing my stop and riding with the busdriver until we reached it again almost an hour later. It may have something to do with a thought that "If a female is being polite then she actively is flirting with you and therefore wants your body." I guess a civil stranger is a rare thing. |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom by Rogue (Rogue@skew.org) on Jun 21, 2002 - 03:17 PM (User info | Send a Message) | See I have exactly the opposite problem, where I'll be talking to a girl I would like to try and pick up but I'll be sure that we're just talking, then she'll look at me and say something like "are you gay or something?" because I'm not being forward enough, or they'll just complain about me not responding to a mutual friend. No kidding, I once had a girl ask me what I wanted to do and I said I didn't know, so she said "we could go back to your friend's house (whose parents were out of town) and borrow a bed for a while" and I said "we could..." and nothing happened. That was years ago though, I'd like to think I'm a little more forward than that now. |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hop on the magic bus of doom by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com) on Jun 25, 2002 - 11:11 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www.hotelshade.com | I have always been the oblivious type myself as well, but I often got around it by making sure that I subtly came on to everyone. (Being bi made that easier) I still have trouble interacting with people on a non sexual basis at times because I spent most of my formative life doing it that way and still do when i'm not paying attention. I still think the best come on someone used on me was "Let's just assume the pick up line has happened and we've been talking for five minutes, so want to get out of here?" that was about as blatant a come on as she could get without saying "let's go have sex, we'll learn each other's names afterward." I occassionally went for the approach of "I think you cute, but I'm a little slow on the uptake thing, are you pcking up on me? If so count this as positive feedback" or something to that effect. If I was wrong I figured I could make excuses about an enormous ego and we could get on with whatever we were talking about, but stragely enough i never had the circumstance come up. |
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Ignorance is Bliss... I guess. by Monolycus on Jun 21, 2002 - 08:02 PM (User info | Send a Message) | Men seem to be as a general rule clueless. I left a club one night in not-so-bad drag... when a guy started yelling pick up lines lines at me from (I shit you not) the back of a garbage truck he was riding on. When I didn't respond to l'amour de refuse, I was told in no uncertain terms that I was a stuck up bitch. Now... if he had only had his own dumpster... |
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Re: Ignorance is Bliss... I guess. by Mara (maraisgod@yahoo.com) on Jun 22, 2002 - 11:56 AM (User info | Send a Message) http:// | I start walking home from school at the height of the afternoon rush hour ..... when all the lonely dirty men come out of the wood work and me walking alone doesn`t help ..I`ve had guys in the dump trucks whislte and blow kisses at me along with the guys working at the car wash, the field workers that are sitting on the daily clipping of yardwork or tightly pack in a rundown car(or school bus) homeless guys on the street coner and the "thugs" in their car or bike
and the sad part is i`m ususally covered from head to toe in chalk and paint |
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Re: Re: Ignorance is Bliss... I guess. by Rogue (Rogue@skew.org) on Jun 25, 2002 - 07:55 AM (User info | Send a Message) | The chalk and paint look is in this year, I just read that in a copy of Lonely Dirty Man magazine that was in the waiting room of the dump truck repair shop. |
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Re: Re: Re: Re: Ignorance is Bliss... I guess. by Rogue (Rogue@skew.org) on Jun 26, 2002 - 10:19 AM (User info | Send a Message) | Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I just say that because I don't like the way people look at me when they see me reading it. |
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