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Lemmings on Parade: I feel... like one of them |
Posted by
feralucce on Wednesday, August 22, 2001 - 09:57 AM PST
I want you all to know this... this is also sent to a young woman... someone I wronged... I hope she understands...
This is an interesting story... last week... wendesday... I ran into this very attractive professional type who was eying my ink... (for those of you who dunno - I have over $7,000 of tattoo work)... the expression on her face... was unreadable...
My response to being stared at.. by one of our own... is less than pleasant... I said something... pissy, snotty, degrading... and outright mean... and she just... looked shocked, ordered her food and walked away...
Now... fast forward... Tuesday night... last night... I went out to goth night... and saw my friends... wearing my favorite mesh shirt. (shows off my tattoos really well.) and there is a touch on my shoulder... as someone says, "that is some truly impressive ink work."
I turn... and you guessed it... there is this girl... standing there... the business suit is gone... her earrings were in, make up on... knock me down, step on my nuts and fuck me gently with a chain saw, hip high boots...
I had... been the biggest prick to her... when she was one of ours... and had not even noticed... and I find myself wondering... how many times have we done that... how many times have I done that...
I write this to urge us... to... look beyond... and give the "status quo" the benefit of the doubt... as we may be judging people before we see them... before we know who they are...
THe sad thing is... is... she just blew it off... she wants to be my friend...
I feel like such a jack ass.
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I feel... like one of them | Login/Create an account | 18 Comments |
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Re: I feel... like one of them
by Maranda (saboneta@aol.com)
on Aug 22, 2001 - 01:09 PM
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Well, you aren't really a jackass. A true jackass would never have apologized. That shows more class than most people have.
But you're right, many Goths look very "status quo". There's something kinda cool about walking through an office building and knowing that nobody you meet there has a clue about you, that they all think you're boring, prudish and uncreative.
Secret identities are Goth as Fuck.
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Re: I feel... like one of them by Xaoswolf (Xaoswolf@hotmail.com) on Aug 22, 2001 - 07:39 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://Xaoswolf.tripod.com | I have the same problem there, I'm 6' 6" I think, I can never get a good measure ment, and I'm too lazy to go the the doctors and have them do it. Plus I am partially color blind, so I stick with the safe color scheme, jeans and a black t-shirt, or black slacks and a charcole(sp?) polo or button down shirt at work, other wise I feel like a circus clown and never know if I accidently got clashing colors or something. |
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Re: I feel... like one of them
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Aug 23, 2001 - 12:25 AM
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http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/
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well, if that ain't karma, I don't know what is.
I can understand feeling sort of snatchy at being stared at, but did you ever stop to analyze the type of stare? I can tell when people are "gawking", and are usually just either turned away or pleasantly suprised when I meet their eyes and smile back (unless they say something....then I go off da hook, yo), and there are the looks interested children have, and the looks of people that are just interested or intrigued.
I stare at people all the time. I like to watch people, look at people, its what I do, and I rarely get the third degree, so why would I assume that they deserve that from me?
Tattoos are for yourself, not others. When you have 7k worth of work done, you knew damned well that people would see them with a tanktop on or whatever. Who's going to not be able to look at that much ink either approvingly or disapprovingly? You can't miss it! If you didn't want people stareing, you should have stuck with things concealable with moderate clothing. Touching or glaring or rude comments are unacceptable, but jeez, being snotty with a complete stranger for looking? And you only felt bad when you saw she was "one of us"? What's that mean, "one of us"? She, with OUT the hipwaders, is human, just like you, just like me, just like "us".
It's this "us against them" pseudominority mentality that's more ridiculous than the scenario itself, and the superficialism you displayed even in your remorse for being a jerk is kind of sad. Would you have felt the same if you saw her the next day in "normal" clothes and she just said she like your work? Just a normal working stiff who's eye was caught by a ton of ink in some guys skin who snapped at her silent, innocent admiring?You're just lucky she is a forgiving soul....like they say, hell hath no fury.
Sorry to say, you deserved it, but at least you learned a lesson....be it the hard way, which is never fun, but most offen the more eye opening way that rarely requires a refresher course. Now if you could just drop the "one of us" and superficialism bit, you'd be on your way.
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Re: I feel... like one of them by feralucce on Aug 23, 2001 - 04:50 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www16.brinkster.com/gothicart | I will point out... this is the only case of staring that I abhor... the kind that are very obiously staring, but not wanting to LOOK like they are...
As for the conservative clothing... If you can find some in my price range made to fit something my size... then tell me... but even in my nice shirts, a suit and tie... I get stared at... I am the biggest thing most of these people see...
but your last point... was the whole point of the article... I screwed up... I knew it... and I thought everyone could benefit from my experience since we become jaded...
Feral |
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Re: I feel... like one of them by feralucce on Aug 23, 2001 - 11:57 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://www16.brinkster.com/gothicart | Nitzsche states that our instincts serve us better than anything. I believe in following the instincts... as a human animal... I notice we are all parts of a tribe... us... is a tribe and a choice... it is not "superficial" as you stated... it goes deeper than that...
Intellect, attitude, belief... those are part of us... I know many goths that are not in that tribe... and I choose to follow my instincts... in the ways of troupe and tribe, alpha, beta and omega and pack...
Feral |
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Re: I feel... like one of them by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Aug 23, 2001 - 02:25 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/ | I actually work in retail, and I outfit big boys every day in nice and outstanding clothes that won't make them look like monkeys. I always try to help them, 'cause i hear all the time "you don't have clothes for someone my size"
I inform them we have pants usually up to size 42, sometimes up to size 3X, shirts up to 3X, shoes up to size 12, and big rings, bracelets and necklaces. I make big boys that don't think they can find clothes happy everyday.
I know there is this big stigma and retarded "anti hot topic" sentiment for whatever reason (after all we do all love to get our panties in a wad over ANYTHING, me included), but we now have a women's plus size store called Torrid carrying women's sizes 16 and up, and we've been testing the men's plus sizes in our regular stores which is doing really well. Stop in and ask sometime, and you'll be pleasantly suprised. Granted, everything may not be in your size, but hit the website for christ's sake and see what's available. I'm just stating a point....as a small person myself, it's not just the big kids that can't find clothes. Try being 5'2 and 110lbs and walking on your pant legs....boo hooo, poor undersized me :)
If you feel part of a "tribe" that's fine! I must be in the "don't give a shit" percentage, but it was the "us against them" ...oh..hell for lack of a better word ...vibe that I picked up on it.
Yes, it's very important to have an exterraneous family type structure in your life, to feel a part of something, but too many people take it way too far, and the group becomes their personality, the group becomes an entity, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
My real only problem with the whole deal was the "when I saw she was one of us" (not going to bother to go back and quote the whole goddamned thing, I'm lazy), it bugged me. It comes back to the hornet's nest....does clothing alone make someone part of the pack?
Yes, sometimes an identifying factor, but still.....if she thought the same, liked the same things etc. but was a jeans and t shirt or business suit kind of girl 24/7, how would you ever know, how would you ever think to give her a chance if the "one of us" tribe bit is relative only if you look like the rest of them? THAT'S where I picked up the superficiality. I have friends that don't look like I do...hell, I don't have ANY friends besides my husband that dress like I do, but we go deeper than that. My best friend since third grade works in an auto part yard reception office, listens to carly simon and the cars, and is a jeans and t shirt kind of girl....the exact opposite of me, but we're unseparable. We go deeper than that.
I'm sooo not trying to grill you, I'm just trying to understand the "tribe" bit you mentioned in a curious sort of way.....from someone who's never really fit into the tribe, nor wants to (don't take that the wrong way)
HUMANITY is a tribe, though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. The human is the only animal that completely and totally and GENETICALLY lacks instincts. Period. If all human women had the "mothering" instinct, little girls wouldn't be tossing their newborns in trash cans at prom. Just a case in point. We have reactions, everything does, but in the deffinition of "instinct", we are barren.
Like I said, maybe it's just me that I don't get the whole tribe herd group bit. I don't buy it, maybe because I've never been a part of it. Maybe because the only people I've run into in real life that are in the clique are complete fucking assholes....the ones that sulk into my store pretending they are ubergoth and anti hot topic, but spend about 300 clams on the store they can't stand, being helped by a "poser". I had to deal with some bitchwad that was like that yesterday, and all I could think of is "god, glad I never got wrapped up in all THAT bs."
Nitzche is fun to read, makes some good philosophical points, but you have to understand his last book was published under the psychotic influence of syphillys. I'd much rather
Read the rest of this comment... |
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Re: I feel... like one of them by feralucce on Aug 23, 2001 - 02:22 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://www16.brinkster.com/gothicart | you know... the more I think about it... the more I realize that this needed more attention than I gave it....
after much debate, I decided to explain the purpose of the post to you since it, evidently, was not readily obvious... i was issuing a warning... that we need to open our eyes... Plain and simple....
The sanctimonious tone - that was, to say the least, uncalled for... and at the most a direct insult... Frankly - (I originally typed the words "no offense" here, but frankly I don't give a flying rat fuck if this does offend) - your bitter loathing of most people's posts and words is obvious, and it is more than slightly annoying...
The tendency to snipe others when you have no intention of using the entire corpse is wasteful. And waste, as it attracts other predators, is not a survival trait. come to think of it, I'm done wasting time on this.
Feral |
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Re: I feel... like one of them by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com) on Aug 23, 2001 - 02:42 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://bettie_x.tripod.com/strangeasangels/ | OOops, someone is PISSY. Read the other post, jerk. You know why I'm "sanctimonious"? Because I've learned from experience to take crap as it comes, make no excuses, and when someone makes something PUBLIC, like THEY SCREWED UP, and want opinions, I give my opinion. If I was agreeing with you in the usual way I write, I would not be sanctimonious. Sniping is the truth when you don't like how it sounds. A lot of "truth" comes out as being a bitch when the person recieving it doesn't want it, just want's a pat on the back and a "there there, it's not your fault". If you'd bothered to WAIT and read my post instead of careening on your "I'm not wasting any more of MY precious time you YOU", you'd have seen that I'm NOT "sniping" or predating. If I was insulting you, I don't play that stupid girly passive agressive crap. I'd be direct, so quit analyzing the hell out of something that was written in a frank and honest tone. You felt like crap over it, you learned a lesson. You think that I (or anyone else) am above rotten, embarassing lessons in life that make you feel like a total and complete jackass? Wrong. I'm human, I admit it, and when I make an ass of myself by being unfair, when I share it with someone else, I don't expect to be taken lightly on. I expect the truth, as hard to hear as it may be.
Anyway, if you feel the need to post something other than another polar opposite moodswing (in the course of mere hours), I'll still be posting.
If you honest to hell have your feelings hurt, I apologize for the hurt feelings on your part, but I'm responsible for only sharing an opinion in what I feel to be a truthful way. I've been on the brunt end of the brutal truth, It's no fun, but I've had it coming.
I'm not just some bored bitch out to make people feel like shit. I'm not just some bored bitch talking out my ass. Everything I feel strongly about I've either done or had done to me. I speak from experience, not from some half assed vicarious life through postings on the endless soppy internet.
I hope you finally get it, and if you don't, well, I'll take your lead and let the corpse rot where it lies. Mind the "predators" if you must....there are far worse out there than a truthful one. |
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Re: I feel... like one of them by feralucce on Aug 23, 2001 - 03:14 PM (User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.vibechild.com | 1) read your words before you post them... I am not the only one who percieves them as an attack.
2) I am officially done with this thread. I won't even be reading further responses....
Feral |
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Re: you are by feralucce on Aug 24, 2001 - 07:34 AM (User info | Send a Message) http://feralucce.vibechild.com | It has come to my attention since I decided to drop this... that you have a problem with this very thing... OFTEN...
The name calling was severly sophomoric...
Get things right... I am cold, heartless, a bastard, an asshole... and borderline psychotic... But at least my eyes are open...
if you wish to hurl petty insults... I can oblige... What is it like to suffer from rectocranial inversion? Can you breathe like that?
I recommend that you choose your battles more wisely, child...
NOW... I'm through...
Feral
High Priest of the Cabal of the Golden assed monkey lord-fnord
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Re: I feel... like one of them
by Rogue (judenouveau@yahoo.com)
on Aug 23, 2001 - 02:17 PM
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Sounds like she displayed the tolerance that you apologised for lacking, so it worked out. She probably recognised that she looked like a commoner and attributed your reaction to that. So is she like single, or what? :-)
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Re: I feel... like one of them by Rogue (judenouveau@yahoo.com) on Aug 23, 2001 - 10:00 PM (User info | Send a Message) | So you wouldn't grind me bones to make your bread if i hit on her then? :-D |
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One of whom?
by Arthegarn on Aug 27, 2001 - 12:00 PM
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Well, Feralucce I agree with Maranda. You apologized, she accepted the apology, that ends it all. Well, it ends all but the scar on your ego, that is. Shove it off, there's no harm done but to you, and that harm has only contributed to make you a better, more open-minded person... so what?
Now, I really think the problem is with the title. One of whom? I thought we had all agreed here that what counts is the individual and no more. Why to put these barriers? "One of them" "One of us". There is no such thing as "them" or "us". Hell, we can't even agree to a definition of Gothism beyond that there is no definition. Why that attitude? And what annoys me the most is that it's so general among sinisters... Many of my friends base their relations on wether that guy/girl has ever heard Lacrimosa. Please!
During the day I am a lawyer and dress fucking conventional (guess that could happen to me, too). At night I dress as I see fit, but I have my head on. IT LOOKS WEIRD, so people look at me. So what? I don't care. I have spent most of my life without having even heard of Goth, and I guess I have looked at more that one's dress, or hair, or tatoos, or whatever. It's just curiosity or, for me, also a search for a different form of beauty. I did not try to patronize or sanction any one at that time, and I do not feel thus now.
I do not think there is a "us" and "them", unless "us" is the open minded and "them" is the close-minded fanatic. To that I agree, but I know more than one despicing Goth who hates "normal" people (Goth he calls himself. Hmph) just because they are different, and more than one priest who actually likes gothism (it's funny when he comes down to Madrid, to see him with the clergyman in 666).
No narrow minds nowhere
Arthegarn
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Re: I feel... like one of them
by Anonymous-Coward on Sep 05, 2001 - 06:33 AM
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Wow, feralucce .. you ARE such a jack ass! And not just with her but, with others as well *wink wink* *grins* .. do better by people in the future, dear 1!
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