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Re: And another one bites the dust.(Score: 1) by Meranda_Jade(Meranda@mymind.com) on Mar 22, 2007 - 11:27 AM | Update... after the funeral.
I arrived at the Hospice where the memorial service was held, full of apprehension. Would I be welcomed? Would people think that I didn't belong? What would his wife think to have his ex-stepdaughter arrive?
I was warmly welcomed by the chaplain, a sweet, roly-poly lady with kind eyes and a nice smile. She asked if we'd met before, and I said, "I doubt it. I'm his estranged ex-stepdaughter." She laughed and said, "Well, you're not strange anymore!" and led me over to where a bunch of pictures were on a posterboard. As soon as I saw the pictures, I started shaking and tears spilled down my face. I was unable to compose myself for a few minutes... unsure why I was mourning, and whether I was mourning for him or for me. The chaplain said, "We're glad you came." and hugged me until I stopped shaking and could breathe again. I asked who else was coming. She said, "H" is brother's here, with his wife." I looked up just in time to see Rick and Sherri at the entrance. I walked over to them and waved hello. They looked confused. I said, "You have no idea who I am, do you?" Rick shook his head. "No." "I'm Tracy."
He looked a little surprised, then Sherri started talking to me, telling me that I looked so grown-up... we chatted a bit about how life for each of us has been, about the past... we exchanged contact information, and I told her to give it to Tony and Jimmy. She also said she'd give me copies of pictures she has of me and my sister when we were little, as well as maps of the desert, so I could find a favorite camping spot someday. We went back inside as the service was about to begin.
I have never seen a funeral anything like this... and it didn't surprise me in the least that this was the way it was. Right away, we were told that Dirk had wanted a party, not a funeral. He had picked two songs to be played and wanted people to just hang around and eat food and have a good time. I smiled when I heard the first song... it was so right, and so in tune with his personality. It was "Prop me up beside the jukebox when I die." Several people got up to read eulogies... they talked about how Dirk had been an exceptional person... he worked with continuous care... that's where you take care of people who are dying and make them comfortable. They all said he had a special gift for it, and that everyone he worked with loved him, as well as the families of his patients, who he worked with as well. His sense of humour was mentioned, his irreverence, and unconventionality. He always dressed like a biker, black t-shirts, wild, long hair... and people warmed up to him after they got over the shock of his appearance. They said he always knew what to say and that he was a great teacher, in the lessons of life. The way they talked about him reminded me of all the things I loved and admired about him. It was easy to forget the pain and hurt, listening to how other people saw him, how they talked of his kindness and compassion. I'm guessing he made a lot of changes after he left us... and that my mom probably wasn't very good for someone like him.
He died of Scleroderma... Scleroderma causes a hardening and tightening of the skin and of the internal organs. Scleroderma causes severe contracture, particularly of the face and hands. He was basically mummified over a period of time. At least that's what they told me. He had a sense of humor even with this terrible disease. He made a lot of joking comments the whole time. One day, when the first breath of spring was in the air, he had his nurse take him outside. As he sat there in his wheelchair, with the wind blowing through his hair and the sunshine on his face, a man on a Harley rode by. He looked at his nurse and said, "I hate 'im."
What was most surprising was Carol, his wife. She was very warm and welcoming and told me that Dirk had talked a lot about me, and that he had always loved me. She said that he regretted not being able to be a part of my life. She said she'd give me some of his artwork, once she's at a place where she can go through it.
Clinton... my stepbrother. I found out what had happened to him. He was a security guard in Las Vegas... and one night at a party, he was shot under mysterious cirumstances. It is said that he committed suicide. Kind of has Kurt Cobain overtones to the whole thing. I was partially right. When I heard that he had died, I figured he must have been either shot or stabbed.
Dirk requested that we all drink to him tonight... his favorite drink, Jim Beam or Jack Daniels in coke. The drink he taught me to mix for him when I ws eleven.
Rick and Sherri told me about another memorial service that will be held with family in Utah... and that I'm welcome to go to it if I want. They told me that I am always welcome in the family and always have been.
When I heard the second song that Dirk had requested played... I started hysterically laughing and sobbing at the same time. It was "Another One Bites The Dust".
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