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Re: Dolorosa's Guide to Self Defense
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Sep 24, 2006 - 04:51 AM
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I've got a few.
If you wish to maintain a friendly relationship with the ex, then engage her in witty but sincere banter and reminesce about past times in a bittersweet manner, hinting that a;though those times were grand, they are also over which in fact part of the beauty of them. And then make up some poetic jibber-jabbery about keeping them pure within the confines of ones mind and a desperate wish to have her own memories of you unsullied by the trials of life you know face without her that will make you decidedly different. In any case, girls think guys who talk a lot and in a flowery fashion are thus intelligent and sincere for some reaosn, so they pretty much fall for it.
If however the ex in question is a hostile. Lure her with the premise of a reunion/chance to get some blackmail info on you (Whichever is applicable) to a semi secluded location, preferrably a helicopter pad or underneath a space rocket launching platform.
If you bring her to a helicopter pad, spray her in the face with a shaken up soda while discreetly running around behind her and kicking a small trampoline at her ankles. She will fall back and DOWN given her center of gravity...collide with the trampoline and careen into the waiting blades of the deadly helicoptor. (Heh...trambompoline!)
The rocket shuttle attack requires you to distract her with the classic "Oh my god look over there!!" or the slightly less classic "Smack to the eyes with a paint brush." when her vision is occluded, quickly kneel down and tie her shoelaces together...if she's one of those freak hippy chicks, then tie her toes together or something. Then run and activate the rocket.
problem solved!
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